Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > When the Relationship is Over...
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #76  
Old 09-16-2019, 02:30 PM
408MoonGem's Avatar
408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
Lifer Found Suitable
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: California
Posts: 2,347
Thanks: 400
Thanked 144 Times in 89 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
I really appreciate all the comments on this!

Sometimes things don't make sense until you look back on them. There was part of me that knew something wasn't quite right, but he could be so charming and when I wrote about the 'amazing' parts of the relationship it was true, the problem was I let the good excuse all the bad. I was embarrassed to share the bad. I didn't want to lose him. Also I was doubting myself a lot. I guess there was a lot of manipulation because even right now I'm reading over the bad I wrote about him and questioning whether I'm being too dramatic and I'm imagining it all. I still feel very confused about all this.
Your insight and ability to write about it is amazing! I feel my brain expand when I read your words. Keep writing about this, create yourself a blog or perhaps a website - your journey is worth the read - not limited to those of us who love someone behind bars - our minds are our worst prisons and so many will be able to relate.

Indeed, somethings just can't be seen when standing over it / in it all... clarity comes from taking time outs, meditating, having time to self - taking brakes, etc.

You write so well!

Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 408MoonGem For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (09-25-2019), lolo21216 (09-16-2019), maytayah (09-16-2019)
Sponsored Links
  #77  
Old 09-17-2019, 05:35 AM
lolo21216's Avatar
lolo21216 lolo21216 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,236
Thanks: 930
Thanked 867 Times in 424 Posts
Default

You've all really helped me to feel better about this and I'm seeing clearly that he was a narcissist and that there was a lot of gaslighting going on. It's been almost 2 months since I have seen him, the first month was rough, I spiraled into such a dark place of hopelessness, but in the last few days I feel like I'm finally turning a corner! All the letters, photos, everything are now in a dump somewhere. I'm surprised, but very relieved, that I feel zero desire to contact him and I'm just ready to heal and move on.
__________________
Be careful who you spend your time on because you can never get that time back
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to lolo21216 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (09-25-2019), Cutepixie (09-17-2019), maytayah (09-18-2019), miamac (09-17-2019), sidewalker (09-18-2019), Visitor611 (09-18-2019)
  #78  
Old 09-17-2019, 05:54 AM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,831
Thanks: 456
Thanked 3,673 Times in 1,713 Posts
Default

Keep a journal for yourself. You'll see your emotions shift over time, but it is a great way to vent.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to onedayatatime13 For This Useful Post:
Cutepixie (09-17-2019), lolo21216 (09-17-2019), sidewalker (09-17-2019)
  #79  
Old 09-18-2019, 02:37 AM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is offline
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 8,707
Thanks: 8,611
Thanked 11,320 Times in 4,698 Posts
Default

It’s good to hear you are feeling a little better. Take it Day by day and you will feel better Day by day. Maybe set yourself some goals learn a new skill take up yoga or Pilates to relax go and travel. The world is there for you and now you have space to focus on you. Build up your emotional strength and esteem so that you enter your next relationship in a healthy place. See this as an opportunity and it will be.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
lolo21216 (09-18-2019), sidewalker (09-18-2019)
  #80  
Old 09-20-2019, 10:54 AM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
You've all really helped me to feel better about this and I'm seeing clearly that he was a narcissist and that there was a lot of gaslighting going on. It's been almost 2 months since I have seen him, the first month was rough, I spiraled into such a dark place of hopelessness, but in the last few days I feel like I'm finally turning a corner! All the letters, photos, everything are now in a dump somewhere. I'm surprised, but very relieved, that I feel zero desire to contact him and I'm just ready to heal and move on.
Be easy on yourself and forgive yourself for back slides.
I would sometimes go a couple weeks or a month feeling fine and not miss him and think “ oh wow, that was easier than I thought!”
Then the next month I’d be bawling my eyes out, then fine again for a bit, then randomly get FURIOUS for days, then just sad, then fine.
Took almost a year for me to be totally indifferent to him.
It definitely gets easier with time, but if you have dark moments again, just realize it’s part of the process.
Xo
Reply With Quote
  #81  
Old 09-21-2019, 01:38 PM
lolo21216's Avatar
lolo21216 lolo21216 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,236
Thanks: 930
Thanked 867 Times in 424 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
Be easy on yourself and forgive yourself for back slides.
I would sometimes go a couple weeks or a month feeling fine and not miss him and think “ oh wow, that was easier than I thought!”
Then the next month I’d be bawling my eyes out, then fine again for a bit, then randomly get FURIOUS for days, then just sad, then fine.
Took almost a year for me to be totally indifferent to him.
It definitely gets easier with time, but if you have dark moments again, just realize it’s part of the process.
Xo
I'm really glad you brought this up because you are totally right! Today I actually thought about calling him to apologize, not that I have anything to say sorry about. Luckily I did not call him and I do not plan on ever calling him.

Right now I still feel like I'm picking up the pieces from the break-up. I really was ready to spend my life with him regardless of all the bad...but I know ending it was for the best...but still now I'm kinda like well now what?

There are days I do not think about him at all and then there are other times where I think about him and wonder how is he doing and start to overthink everything, and then other times I just feel mad, hurt, wishing I could go back in time and never write to him, feeling silly for the 'rose-colored' glasses I wore those 3 1/2 years, and then feeling down that maybe I really never meant anything to him and all those times he was sweet and charming was just fake so he could get what he wanted. I guess at this point it doesn't matter, I just have to move forward..I just don't have a clue where I'm headed...
__________________
Be careful who you spend your time on because you can never get that time back
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lolo21216 For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-23-2019), miamac (09-21-2019), nawlinsrainy (09-21-2019)
  #82  
Old 09-21-2019, 02:25 PM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is offline
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 8,707
Thanks: 8,611
Thanked 11,320 Times in 4,698 Posts
Default

Please don't ever call him to apologise. You have nothing to apologise for, you will only regret it and it will only lead to more heartache. If you have things to say to him write them down.Get it all out on paper and then keep the letter dont send it.

Your life can go in any direction you wish now. Is there something you would like to do or learn as this is your opportunity.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
lolo21216 (09-21-2019), nawlinsrainy (09-21-2019)
  #83  
Old 09-21-2019, 03:13 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
I'm really glad you brought this up because you are totally right! Today I actually thought about calling him to apologize, not that I have anything to say sorry about. Luckily I did not call him and I do not plan on ever calling him.

Right now I still feel like I'm picking up the pieces from the break-up. I really was ready to spend my life with him regardless of all the bad...but I know ending it was for the best...but still now I'm kinda like well now what?

There are days I do not think about him at all and then there are other times where I think about him and wonder how is he doing and start to overthink everything, and then other times I just feel mad, hurt, wishing I could go back in time and never write to him, feeling silly for the 'rose-colored' glasses I wore those 3 1/2 years, and then feeling down that maybe I really never meant anything to him and all those times he was sweet and charming was just fake so he could get what he wanted. I guess at this point it doesn't matter, I just have to move forward..I just don't have a clue where I'm headed...
Yes I could’ve written this myself word for word, I also truly thought I would spend my life with mine and I loved him deeply.
I also had a “ now what do I do with my life”- it took me a while to figure it out and I’ve stayed single and just figured out who I am again.
I’ve been traveling, opened a second business and have done all the things I want to do- read books, cook, paint, etc— it’s been amazing, though the break up was initially one of the hardest things I ever had to go through- soooo rough.
Tomorrow night is my very first date since last December- and it’s with someone I really like who is 10 x more of a man than my mwi was— not sure what or if it’ll go anywhere, but I’m finally over my idiot ex, I’m not even mad anymore which is a miracle.

And DO NOT apologize— I have less self control than you and I did that a couple times, then I’d get mad at myself for apologizing later ( because admit it, apologizing is just an excuse to contact him to see where he’s at with everything- like testing waters)
Then after Id get mad at myself for apologizing, or his response wasn’t what I wanted—- I’d send another text to him a couple days later telling him what a pos he was for everything he did after I held him down for 2 years lol
I’m sure he enjoyed the attention.
Don’t do it- you’ll only feed his already inflated ego.
Learn from my mistakes
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 09-21-2019, 09:57 PM
e-Tex's Avatar
e-Tex e-Tex is online now
The perfect bad example
 

Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 437
Thanks: 136
Thanked 291 Times in 195 Posts
Default

When you feel the desire to write, just post your thoughts here. You will find the support to get you through this. Be strong.
__________________


Does anyone spiral into control?
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to e-Tex For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-23-2019), jessesgirl1111 (09-22-2019), lolo21216 (09-22-2019)
  #85  
Old 09-23-2019, 12:31 PM
lolo21216's Avatar
lolo21216 lolo21216 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,236
Thanks: 930
Thanked 867 Times in 424 Posts
Default

I had a moment of weakness last night and a lapse in my judgement.

I know I made a mistake sugarcoating the relationship with him, focusing on the good while ignoring the bad and keeping the bad a secret, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the moving on phase when it's over cause it's hard! I had a moment where I thought oh this will be cake, boy byyee, lol, but that was short-lived, I'm struggling more than ever.

I texted him. I don't know why I wanted to talk to him. I started telling him that I wasn't doing well and expressed how upset I was and he responded very coldly, even saying "Stop being so self-centered". That was like a knife to the heart, I've never cried so hard. I said to him I thought it was mean to say that to someone who did all they could for you for 3 1/2 years...and he said "you didn't do all you could" claiming I was just concerned about myself....I know this is not true. He also shamed me for still struggling with my eating disorder and depression. He told me to stop thinking my life is so bad and to stop being a martyr. It hit such a sore spot, because I already feel bad to be struggling when I know others have it worse. I stopped responding to him, and then he later sent a text saying that I am a wonderful person. I have not responded to that either.
__________________
Be careful who you spend your time on because you can never get that time back
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 09-23-2019, 12:36 PM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 4,171
Thanks: 4,004
Thanked 4,667 Times in 1,945 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
I had a moment of weakness last night and a lapse in my judgement.

I know I made a mistake sugarcoating the relationship with him, focusing on the good while ignoring the bad and keeping the bad a secret, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the moving on phase when it's over cause it's hard! I had a moment where I thought oh this will be cake, boy byyee, lol, but that was short-lived, I'm struggling more than ever.

I texted him. I don't know why I wanted to talk to him. I started telling him that I wasn't doing well and expressed how upset I was and he responded very coldly, even saying "Stop being so self-centered". That was like a knife to the heart, I've never cried so hard. I said to him I thought it was mean to say that to someone who did all they could for you for 3 1/2 years...and he said "you didn't do all you could" claiming I was just concerned about myself....I know this is not true. He also shamed me for still struggling with my eating disorder and depression. He told me to stop thinking my life is so bad and to stop being a martyr. It hit such a sore spot, because I already feel bad to be struggling when I know others have it worse. I stopped responding to him, and then he later sent a text saying that I am a wonderful person. I have not responded to that either.
We all have weak moments and lapses of judgement so you are not the first one and don't feel bad about it... but those replies should have given you the final blow or better his texts should've killed the last shred of feelings you might have for him.
What a supreme ass.
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
lolo21216 (09-23-2019), sidewalker (09-28-2019)
  #87  
Old 09-23-2019, 01:43 PM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is offline
Lil British Site Moderator

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 8,707
Thanks: 8,611
Thanked 11,320 Times in 4,698 Posts
Default

Hopefully you see him for what he is now. He has shown you no loyalty love or compassion.

I hope you start to feel better and stronger soon.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to maytayah For This Useful Post:
lolo21216 (09-23-2019)
  #88  
Old 09-23-2019, 02:19 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
I had a moment of weakness last night and a lapse in my judgement.

I know I made a mistake sugarcoating the relationship with him, focusing on the good while ignoring the bad and keeping the bad a secret, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the moving on phase when it's over cause it's hard! I had a moment where I thought oh this will be cake, boy byyee, lol, but that was short-lived, I'm struggling more than ever.

I texted him. I don't know why I wanted to talk to him. I started telling him that I wasn't doing well and expressed how upset I was and he responded very coldly, even saying "Stop being so self-centered". That was like a knife to the heart, I've never cried so hard. I said to him I thought it was mean to say that to someone who did all they could for you for 3 1/2 years...and he said "you didn't do all you could" claiming I was just concerned about myself....I know this is not true. He also shamed me for still struggling with my eating disorder and depression. He told me to stop thinking my life is so bad and to stop being a martyr. It hit such a sore spot, because I already feel bad to be struggling when I know others have it worse. I stopped responding to him, and then he later sent a text saying that I am a wonderful person. I have not responded to that either.
This is exactly what I was talking about lol

And no I’m not judging, I only knew what was going to happen because I made the same mistakes as you.

They never respond like normal decent human beings, because they’re not.
When they don’t need you anymore, that’s when the true person comes out.
They’re wonderful, charming, sensitive, intuitive, kind when they’re in prison because they’re alone, humbled, scared- so they act wonderful and say the most wonderful things, they even DO the most wonderful things— my mwi would have flowers delivered to my house in a different country for me.

Even if you’re not sending money or anything, they still need us because we provide emotional support, friendship and a safe place to land while they’re in a terrible terrible environment - we become ‘home’ to them and we put beauty in their lives in a world of hate and ugliness.

Theeeeeeen they get out, they don’t need us anymore, new people, new things, and they often go back to the selfish, narcissistic, losers they were before they went in to prison.

Did they mean everything they said and felt while they are in prison? Probably, why wouldn’t they? We’re bringing sunshine into a dark place, giving them a lifeline in a place of hopelessness.
But then they get out, the we see who they really are.
There’s a quote that goes something like this “ give a man power and you’ll see who he really is”
In our case it’s “give a man his freedom and you’ll see who he really is”
And it’s not an age thing, mine is 47 and I’m 36.

Don’t contact him if you can, he’s not who you think he is, that man existed in prison, but he’s gone now and he’s not coming back.

Keep your head up, I promise it’ll get better.

Last edited by nawlinsrainy; 09-23-2019 at 02:52 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 09-23-2019, 02:22 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

I would do what you did, contact him for the first little whole after break up with some random thing I made up in my head; to see if he was back to the prison version of him, if he missed me if he regretted etc
That was a hard no lol
Still the same prick.

If a man wants you, he will walk across glass to be with you.
Trust me if he had a change of heart, you would’ve heard from him by now.
Don’t fed his ego, everytime you contact him, you’re feeding that monster and taking away your own self worth and giving it to someone who deserves it less than anyone on earth in your life.

After mine got out a few months and I got to see the free version of him I remember thinking to myself
“ oooh so this why no one came to visit you, no one sent you money, no birthday cards, Xmas cards, and you were essentially abandoned here, you’re an absolutely awful person, that’s why, everyone else but me knew it”

Last edited by nawlinsrainy; 09-23-2019 at 02:53 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 09-23-2019, 03:06 PM
lolo21216's Avatar
lolo21216 lolo21216 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,236
Thanks: 930
Thanked 867 Times in 424 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
I would do what you did, contact him for the first little whole after break up with some random thing I made up in my head; to see if he was back to the prison version of him, if he missed me if he regretted etc
That was a hard no lol
Still the same prick.

If a man wants you, he will walk across glass to be with you.
Trust me if he had a change of heart, you would’ve heard from him by now.
Don’t fed his ego, everytime you contact him, you’re feeding that monster and taking away your own self worth and giving it to someone who deserves it less than anyone on earth in your life.

After mine got out a few months and I got to see the free version of him I remember thinking to myself
“ oooh so this why no one came to visit you, no one sent you money, no birthday cards, Xmas cards, and you were essentially abandoned here, you’re an absolutely awful person, that’s why, everyone else but me knew it”
Everything you are saying is so spot on! You're making me realize I'm not going crazy and this isn't all in my head. This morning I almost texted him to say I'm sorry I got upset with you last night......no no no no I can't contact him anymore. I see the manipulation crystal clear now!!!
__________________
Be careful who you spend your time on because you can never get that time back
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lolo21216 For This Useful Post:
nawlinsrainy (09-23-2019), sidewalker (09-28-2019)
  #91  
Old 09-23-2019, 03:10 PM
Peacefinder Peacefinder is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 150
Thanks: 65
Thanked 92 Times in 60 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
I had a moment of weakness last night and a lapse in my judgement.

I know I made a mistake sugarcoating the relationship with him, focusing on the good while ignoring the bad and keeping the bad a secret, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the moving on phase when it's over cause it's hard! I had a moment where I thought oh this will be cake, boy byyee, lol, but that was short-lived, I'm struggling more than ever.

I texted him. I don't know why I wanted to talk to him. I started telling him that I wasn't doing well and expressed how upset I was and he responded very coldly, even saying "Stop being so self-centered". That was like a knife to the heart, I've never cried so hard. I said to him I thought it was mean to say that to someone who did all they could for you for 3 1/2 years...and he said "you didn't do all you could" claiming I was just concerned about myself....I know this is not true. He also shamed me for still struggling with my eating disorder and depression. He told me to stop thinking my life is so bad and to stop being a martyr. It hit such a sore spot, because I already feel bad to be struggling when I know others have it worse. I stopped responding to him, and then he later sent a text saying that I am a wonderful person. I have not responded to that either.
I'm sorry you are still struggling. I'm also sorry you got the response you got from him. You deserve so much better.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Peacefinder For This Useful Post:
nawlinsrainy (09-23-2019)
  #92  
Old 09-23-2019, 04:42 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
Everything you are saying is so spot on! You're making me realize I'm not going crazy and this isn't all in my head. This morning I almost texted him to say I'm sorry I got upset with you last night......no no no no I can't contact him anymore. I see the manipulation crystal clear now!!!
To be honest, and I don’t want to encourage this type of thinking because I think you should move on, but that being said— if he’s anything like mine, and like a lot of people in general, if you move on, do not contact him and don’t give him ANYTHING- no emotions, no energy, no time, no information- nothing.
He’ll get curious and come sniffing around again to see why you’re not still obsessed with him and crying over him, then you’ll have the upper hand and you can tell him to get lost, getting your power back in this dynamic.

As of right now, he knows he’s still got you in his pocket, crying, depressed, missing him, needing him blah blah ( trust me I was the same) he doesn’t care because you’re hard work now because your sad, and your not exciting because he knows you’re still hung up on him—- in his lizard brain that’s too much downer energy and he thinks while you’re down why not take advantage of that and see if he can get anything more out of you ( telling you that you didn’t do enough etc).

You gotta get back up on your own and take your power back.
Mine didn’t come crawling back until I went full no contact and got on with my life.
As soon as I was doing well, sure enough that user came slithering back wanting a piece of the good times.

Do you boo, he’ll come back as soon as he senses you’re GONE, like for real gone, and if he doesn’t, well one day you’ll notice you haven’t even thought of him in days, then it’ll be weeks, then months etc
I still think of mine sometimes, but mostly it’s become funny now—- what a ridiculous story I had lol, and it was an adventure.
You will too xo.
Reply With Quote
  #93  
Old 09-23-2019, 06:27 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
Until the end
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 103
Thanks: 91
Thanked 132 Times in 55 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
This is exactly what I was talking about lol

And no I’m not judging, I only knew what was going to happen because I made the same mistakes as you.

They never respond like normal decent human beings, because they’re not.
When they don’t need you anymore, that’s when the true person comes out.
They’re wonderful, charming, sensitive, intuitive, kind when they’re in prison because they’re alone, humbled, scared- so they act wonderful and say the most wonderful things, they even DO the most wonderful things— my mwi would have flowers delivered to my house in a different country for me.

Even if you’re not sending money or anything, they still need us because we provide emotional support, friendship and a safe place to land while they’re in a terrible terrible environment - we become ‘home’ to them and we put beauty in their lives in a world of hate and ugliness.

Theeeeeeen they get out, they don’t need us anymore, new people, new things, and they often go back to the selfish, narcissistic, losers they were before they went in to prison.

Did they mean everything they said and felt while they are in prison? Probably, why wouldn’t they? We’re bringing sunshine into a dark place, giving them a lifeline in a place of hopelessness.
But then they get out, the we see who they really are.
There’s a quote that goes something like this “ give a man power and you’ll see who he really is”
In our case it’s “give a man his freedom and you’ll see who he really is”
And it’s not an age thing, mine is 47 and I’m 36.

Don’t contact him if you can, he’s not who you think he is, that man existed in prison, but he’s gone now and he’s not coming back.

Keep your head up, I promise it’ll get better.
You keep referring to they, as if that includes everybody. That, is a shit picture to paint because no, not everyone is like that. Being in this world for as long as I have, I have MORE stories of people making it work through incarceration, then those that have crashed and burned. This whole site just FEEDS off negativity, and using one relationship to categorize everyone else's is just wrong. Just because this guy is a prick, despite numerous red flags that were listed before in this post, doesn't mean you should fear monger others. This entire lifestyle f'ing sucks. This blanket statement of how "they" are is ridiculous. And to be quite honest..? It sure seems like you're still bitter about it.
Reply With Quote
  #94  
Old 09-23-2019, 06:36 PM
lolo21216's Avatar
lolo21216 lolo21216 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,236
Thanks: 930
Thanked 867 Times in 424 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
You keep referring to they, as if that includes everybody. That, is a shit picture to paint because no, not everyone is like that. Being in this world for as long as I have, I have MORE stories of people making it work through incarceration, then those that have crashed and burned. This whole site just FEEDS off negativity, and using one relationship to categorize everyone else's is just wrong. Just because this guy is a prick, despite numerous red flags that were listed before in this post, doesn't mean you should fear monger others. This entire lifestyle f'ing sucks. This blanket statement of how "they" are is ridiculous. And to be quite honest..? It sure seems like you're still bitter about it.
I think by "they" she meant my ex and her ex, comparing those 2, not all guys in general, because yes I agree not all people are the same!

My MWI experience is only mine and I'm not trying to say all of them will end this way, and I sure hope they don't! I don't have a lot of support in my real life about this, and it helps to vent and actually have someone who has been through a similar situation and gets it.
__________________
Be careful who you spend your time on because you can never get that time back
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lolo21216 For This Useful Post:
408MoonGem (09-23-2019), sidewalker (09-28-2019)
  #95  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:37 PM
408MoonGem's Avatar
408MoonGem 408MoonGem is offline
Lifer Found Suitable
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: California
Posts: 2,347
Thanks: 400
Thanked 144 Times in 89 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolo21216 View Post
I had a moment of weakness last night and a lapse in my judgement.

I know I made a mistake sugarcoating the relationship with him, focusing on the good while ignoring the bad and keeping the bad a secret, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the moving on phase when it's over cause it's hard! I had a moment where I thought oh this will be cake, boy byyee, lol, but that was short-lived, I'm struggling more than ever.

I texted him. I don't know why I wanted to talk to him. I started telling him that I wasn't doing well and expressed how upset I was and he responded very coldly, even saying "Stop being so self-centered". That was like a knife to the heart, I've never cried so hard. I said to him I thought it was mean to say that to someone who did all they could for you for 3 1/2 years...and he said "you didn't do all you could" claiming I was just concerned about myself....I know this is not true. He also shamed me for still struggling with my eating disorder and depression. He told me to stop thinking my life is so bad and to stop being a martyr. It hit such a sore spot, because I already feel bad to be struggling when I know others have it worse. I stopped responding to him, and then he later sent a text saying that I am a wonderful person. I have not responded to that either.
Fucking sociopaths and their breadcrumbs! Don't eat any of the words he feeds you, none! Those damn breadcrumbs are so tasty, but straight fu*king poison! They make us vulnerable
You don't need validation or comfort from him, not right now... after you've licked your wounds and they're completely healed will you see things clearly with regard to all of this / him, and you will have much better judgment in your actions / reactions towards anything he says.

Set yourself a NO CONTACT goal for 90 days and then re-evaluate things after that. I can almost bet money that at the end of those 90 days you'll feel indifferent, have forgiven him (without needing to speak with him about it) and rather not spend precious time / energy towards the thought of him any longer.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to 408MoonGem For This Useful Post:
lolo21216 (09-24-2019)
  #96  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:44 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
You keep referring to they, as if that includes everybody. That, is a shit picture to paint because no, not everyone is like that. Being in this world for as long as I have, I have MORE stories of people making it work through incarceration, then those that have crashed and burned. This whole site just FEEDS off negativity, and using one relationship to categorize everyone else's is just wrong. Just because this guy is a prick, despite numerous red flags that were listed before in this post, doesn't mean you should fear monger others. This entire lifestyle f'ing sucks. This blanket statement of how "they" are is ridiculous. And to be quite honest..? It sure seems like you're still bitter about it.
Lol chill, I was talking about OP and my guy because her story essentially mirrors mine- even down to the 5 month timeline....
it sounds like I hit a bit of nerve with you.
Relax, if yours is meant to work out it will, and if not, well I suppose I’ll see you here too..
Reply With Quote
  #97  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:56 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: May 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 195
Thanks: 222
Thanked 413 Times in 135 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Visitor611 View Post
You keep referring to they, as if that includes everybody. That, is a shit picture to paint because no, not everyone is like that. Being in this world for as long as I have, I have MORE stories of people making it work through incarceration, then those that have crashed and burned. This whole site just FEEDS off negativity, and using one relationship to categorize everyone else's is just wrong. Just because this guy is a prick, despite numerous red flags that were listed before in this post, doesn't mean you should fear monger others. This entire lifestyle f'ing sucks. This blanket statement of how "they" are is ridiculous. And to be quite honest..? It sure seems like you're still bitter about it.
Just a quick note, you’re saying we’re all so negative and this site is negative, but out of curiosity what did you expect in the “when the relationship is over” section?
This entire section is built around failed MWI relationships and how the dream crashed, burned and it all went to hell— you know that, so why come to this section if you don’t want to hear about failed MWI relationships?
We are people that are supporting each other after our dreams and hopes were ripped away, and sharing our often very negative experiences; do you think it’s going to be all sunshine and roses here?
Perhaps the other more upbeat threads are more suitable for positive stories?
It’s like going to the domestic violence thread and getting mad that people are upset and sharing stories of abuse, then tellings us “ NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT “
Yes we know they aren’t.... but some are.
Reply With Quote
  #98  
Old 09-23-2019, 09:57 PM
e-Tex's Avatar
e-Tex e-Tex is online now
The perfect bad example
 

Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 437
Thanks: 136
Thanked 291 Times in 195 Posts
Default

I think the best course of action would be to cut off all contact. Give yourself time to sort out your plethora of feelings and emotions, and work towards finding someone who will be a great companion and friend. Life is way too short to put up with a Richard Cranium.
__________________


Does anyone spiral into control?
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to e-Tex For This Useful Post:
lolo21216 (09-24-2019)
  #99  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:20 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
Until the end
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 103
Thanks: 91
Thanked 132 Times in 55 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
Just a quick note, you’re saying we’re all so negative and this site is negative, but out of curiosity what did you expect in the “when the relationship is over” section?
This entire section is built around failed MWI relationships and how the dream crashed, burned and it all went to hell— you know that, so why come to this section if you don’t want to hear about failed MWI relationships?
We are people that are supporting each other after our dreams and hopes were ripped away, and sharing our often very negative experiences; do you think it’s going to be all sunshine and roses here?
Perhaps the other more upbeat threads are more suitable for positive stories?
It’s like going to the domestic violence thread and getting mad that people are upset and sharing stories of abuse, then tellings us “ NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT “
Yes we know they aren’t.... but some are.
Tell me when there's something happy about anything having your partner or family member in a prison. I'll wait...

The amount of man bashing that goes on here, is through the roof. That's a big reason, none of us are here. It is littered throughout many different forums. Maybe the blame, should be shared between both sides.. instead of immediately going to.. it's all his fault. This is a prime example, that only one side of the story is shared, when in reality it was significantly different then the actual truth. But, where's the fun in that? Why post ANYTHING in a forum that's positive or try to help and offer a different point of view that isn't yours or because it's in a "When the relationship is over..." Who might be on the brink of throwing something away that's actually going to work? I've worked my ass off keeping my marriage together, when 99.9% people quit and get divorced. I guess I'm the moron. So yes, I'm going to defend those the have hearts and are genuine that aren't here to defend themselves, and I don't care what forum its in. "They" actually exist. Why go to therapy? Do you get mad if the person is talking about good things? There's a difference between offering support, and by fueling a fire that rages inside every single person whose LO rots in a prison cell or dorm because of your shit experience. I thought it was funny now?

Last edited by Visitor611; 09-23-2019 at 10:35 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #100  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:38 PM
Visitor611 Visitor611 is offline
Until the end
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Oregon
Posts: 103
Thanks: 91
Thanked 132 Times in 55 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nawlinsrainy View Post
Lol chill, I was talking about OP and my guy because her story essentially mirrors mine- even down to the 5 month timeline....
it sounds like I hit a bit of nerve with you.
Relax, if yours is meant to work out it will, and if not, well I suppose I’ll see you here too..
Just a quick note...

Don't worry. It's going to work out. I actually know my wife. It didn't appear you knew your man very well, did you.

Last edited by Visitor611; 09-23-2019 at 10:47 PM..
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Comes home in 39 days ended up in solitary confinement meggannz17 South Carolina Parole, Probation & Release 32 08-28-2016 01:05 PM
Taking Plea-9 months prison & 9 months home detention confusedprison Headed to Prison 7 01-08-2014 09:56 PM
He ended it....now he's home and calling?? codeyswifey When the Relationship is Over... 11 08-31-2012 12:21 AM
Home at last/31 yrs ended! Update mylove1980 Now That Your Loved One Is Home... 39 12-02-2011 11:38 PM
He Came Home & Ended It va_baby_blues Now That Your Loved One Is Home... 16 10-21-2006 12:10 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:54 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics