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Straight Talk The general Ex-Offender discussion forum. If you have done time, this forum is for you.

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  #1  
Old 09-17-2019, 09:20 PM
haskinsj99 haskinsj99 is offline
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Default Feel like a freak, wonder if I can overcome this?

Look up Jordan Haskins, MLive, from 2018, you will see my case and it mentions other cases I had from 2010-2011. Basically, in those years, I took a mosquito truck and cop car, smashed them to pieces and did some stuff all over them and made a mess in the truck and the car. It was my way of saying, "FUCK YOU," to society or so I thought. I was in a manic depressive state when I did this, so I wasn't rational. I'm in therapy, on meds, about to graduate college.

I will let you read the article to make your judgments. I had a couple of cases from 2010-2011. The other things I did were just destruction of property, and joyriding. Never had any convictions related to what the article says from 2020-2011 related to the weird stuff, newspaper looked up police reports.

I've had churches basically say they want nothing to do with me. I feel like I've got nothing left. Wonder if college is a waste of time, if I'm stuck as a slave for the rest of my life, if there's nothing to push for, why keep pressing?
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Old 09-17-2019, 10:00 PM
Hurley123 Hurley123 is offline
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Education is never a waste of time. It sounds like you just need direction.
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Old 09-17-2019, 10:56 PM
studebaker71 studebaker71 is offline
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You think not going to college makes you a slave?
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Old 09-18-2019, 01:33 AM
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It sounds like you feel the outcome of college is...identity? A job? A means to an end? Eh, not so much. Might be for some but I think the greater majority view their higher ed as part of a building process. Not the entire project.

Not sure what the focus of your therapy is or what technique your therapist is using, but if you feel like you're stuck or enslaved, as you put it, it might be worth mentioning that and ask for tools to help get unstuck or feel like you have control over your story.

To some degree we're all cogs in a giant wheel we didn't ask to be a part of. I'm a daughter to people I didn't ask to be related to. We use a cash system in this country so you kinda have to play into that unless you go commune with a small society of people who don't. That usually means having a source of income. You get what I'm saying? So those things are not really where we have the most control. But I can choose the type of relationship I have with my parents. I can choose where my cash goes or to some degree where it comes from or if I would prefer to barter for some things. Those things give me autonomy and a sense of self.

Head stuff, man. Sometimes we overthink and that's the biggest Master you'll ever regret having. Old advice, but shift your focus to what you can control.
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Old 09-18-2019, 09:12 AM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haskinsj99 View Post
I'm in therapy, on meds, about to graduate college.

I've had churches basically say they want nothing to do with me. I feel like I've got nothing left. Wonder if college is a waste of time, if I'm stuck as a slave for the rest of my life, if there's nothing to push for, why keep pressing?
In therapy and on meds.. looks like your working on making your self better.
Churches turning you down? Seems like your in a small town where everyone knows you.. Maybe once you start getting on track try to leave that town and start 'new'. Don't let your past keep haunting you.

Why do you feel college is a waste? There had to be motivation in wanting something from it or why else would you start and be close to graduating?
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Old 09-18-2019, 10:09 AM
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If you give up, what is it you give up to? Poverty....addiction....alcoholism....more criminal behavior......more time in prison or jail.....more problems? No.....there's no turning back for you. Go forward with your life and don't worry about what you can't change. If this is going to work for us out here, WE HAVE TO BE FEARLESS ABOUT DOING WHAT IS RIGHT INSPITE OF THE OBSTACLES TO BE ENCOUNTERED. If others don't like you then, move on. Look to God to do for you what you can't do for yourself , but do your part. Get involved in AA or NA and give your all. Keep your chin up and don't look for approval from others as the truth in things. Be true to yourself.
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Old 09-18-2019, 02:06 PM
GaReform GaReform is offline
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Ok, you went wild & did some incredibly dumb things that has changed your life forever. Do you let that define you or do you work to make it a chapter in the book of your life & go on to write new chapters that show the person you want to be & what you're doing to make that happen?
Being in therapy & on meds can help you work through the doubt & fear that keeps you from moving toward that goal. You are doing positive by getting help for those issues & being in school. Will the college make everything better? No, but it is a positive way to improve your life & fill the time until you have the direction you need. It can help you become more employable & helps to give the world a different side of you.


Things may look confusing & hopeless at times but there is a way to use your experiences to be stronger. My son was affected by incarceration & it has shifted his life & changed his priorities. He once thought he could do it all & was inward focused. Now he has learned that others can share your load when it gets too heavy to carry but you can't quit.



You might find this article about Mario Bueno will give you some things to think about. Please read it & then reach out to his group. https://mariobuenoreformexpert.com/contact-mario-bueno
They're in Detroit so they'll be familiar with your area more than people somewhere else.

https://www.detroitnews.com/story/ne...ves/110613790/


Stay strong & focus on 1 day at a time. Every day is another chance to prove people wrong about who they think you are based on what you did.
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Old 09-25-2019, 12:34 PM
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we can be all weird, in our ways - some weirder than others, just get to the root of why you enjoy this fetish and you'll open the door to putting it to rest.
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Old 09-26-2019, 04:08 PM
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4Bobby 4Bobby is offline
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I don't know that I have any practical advice for you right now but I did want to say that posting your name and giving people the opportunity to google you was incredibly brave. I have the quote "Courage, dear heart" tattooed on my wrist for a reason. I am not brave and it is a reminder to me. You don't seem to need the reminder.

Take that bravery and keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are all broken and bent in our own unique ways.

I wish you luck.
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Old 09-26-2019, 04:39 PM
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Your criminal history and bi-polar condition are both things for you to overcome, but you absolutely can do it as long as you don't quit trying. Keep your eyes on the prize, and work harder than the next guy. There are plenty of success stories posted here, and I bet not one of them would claim that it was easy
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