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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #26  
Old 08-29-2005, 08:34 PM
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You see Ronnie....

it works if you work it!

yeah, ok, now tell me that one! LOL...
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  #27  
Old 09-10-2005, 03:14 PM
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does any one know richard p dennis also known as Quite Bear. hes in Farmington correctianal center in farmington,mo if so please let me know thanks.hes my brother

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  #28  
Old 10-25-2005, 11:10 PM
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Yes, lots of interesting articles on the subject.

We have done 13 years now.

Time will tell, how he will adjust...everyone is different....we will ALL have to adjust.

All I know for certain is that we WILL adjust!

-Mrs. T
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  #29  
Old 11-02-2005, 08:13 PM
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wow this is great thanx
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  #30  
Old 11-27-2005, 11:25 AM
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My man has been in for 29 years, since he was 17. He comes up for parole in 3 years. I'd sure like advice on how to help him start preparing now from anyone who knows. I've read the articles that are on this thread and these are very helpful. Thanks for being there.

Last edited by NancyP; 11-27-2005 at 11:26 AM..
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  #31  
Old 11-27-2005, 11:42 AM
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I wonder about the same things too. I know all of the easy stuff to do like shopping and making my home, our home; but what about the emotional adjustments. Will he need help adjusting? Will I? Should we consider counseling? I have lots of unanswered questions...


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Originally Posted by NancyP
My man has been in for 29 years, since he was 17. He comes up for parole in 3 years. I'd sure like advice on how to help him start preparing now from anyone who knows. I've read the articles that are on this thread and these are very helpful. Thanks for being there.
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  #32  
Old 01-24-2006, 04:23 PM
Psalms31chick Psalms31chick is offline
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My husband had been gone since 96 and we dont know when he's coming home at this point.I am reading all of this and I fFEEL OVERWELMED.I dont know how he is going to adjust but I would like to know what I can do for him now while he is in the help his and mine adjustment period.
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  #33  
Old 01-24-2006, 09:35 PM
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Quote:
Will he need help adjusting? Will I? Should we consider counseling? I have lots of unanswered questions...
I think that they will surely need to talk to someone who understands them. I would love for us to get counseling. Adjusting, yes! I have a friend who's husband came home last April after 17 years years inside and it took them time to adjust, she told me the key is COMMUNICATION!!!
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  #34  
Old 01-25-2006, 06:52 PM
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After thirteen years...praise God!

Hints on how to handle things are needed for us all.

We look forward to that adjustment period....your posts are truly helpful and insightful.

-Mrs. T
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  #35  
Old 01-25-2006, 09:46 PM
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Mnd4evr,
That was wonderfull and very helpfull, as my son has been
locked up for 14yrs now and probley for one more year. And I'm scraced stupid as what to do or say? I just want him to feel at home and comfortable when he comes home as there is no hurry for anything. I pray about this all the time! There is alot of good reading in here with alot of good advise for all Thank you all so
very much. God Bless you all Cathy
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  #36  
Old 03-23-2006, 10:37 AM
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My man has been in for about 11 years. He will be coming home spring 2008. I ask myself will he be able to adjust in a new environment. I am scared, but I am hopeful. Good source of information.
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  #37  
Old 03-23-2006, 10:49 AM
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How can one surely know that when their man comes out that he will do right and adjust to the everyday norm. I love this man with all my heart, but I am scared of what the outcome might be. I have people in my ear saying that he won't change. That he won't make it out here. I shine them off, but than I second guess myself. What should I do?
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  #38  
Old 04-15-2006, 07:42 PM
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There are no guarentees, I am sure you can see changes in him now. I am sure he will be scared, but with support and a plan, he has a great start!
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  #39  
Old 05-21-2006, 09:21 AM
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JenG thanks for adding the links.

Holly
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  #40  
Old 06-04-2006, 06:06 PM
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I would love to share this on other sites for people, if you don't mind?
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  #41  
Old 06-26-2006, 09:49 AM
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I often worry about my husband as well. D has been in prison since 92. He doesn't cr until next year. It has been a difficult road for the both of since I met and married him in there. I will support and do whatever I can for him. They do have some programs here in nys. It depends on where you live though. Good luck to you ladies.
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  #42  
Old 07-02-2006, 10:46 AM
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My husband & I talk about this all the time! (We have open, honest communication about everything! I think this is crucial to the health & success of our marriage) He's been in 28 years, with two to go. We've been together 4 years.

But this week something happened that smacked me in the face. He asked for a newspapaper subscription. I'd written him that I was currently without my ATM/debit card since I'd lost it & was waiting for a new one. I explained how inconvenient this was for me (since I make ALL my purchases with it and never carry cash) to have to go inside the bank to get cash now. He responded that he understood & the newspaper was no big deal. But then he said he was confused about what the bank card had to do with not being able to use the ATM?!

And it dawned on me, once again, just how different our worlds are. All the technological advances in the past 30 yrs are a mystery to him. The things we take for granted and do without even thinking are things he has yet to even experience! In some ways, I know he's going to be like a kid when he comes home, with so many "first things" to discover.

Thanks for letting me share....

Have a great day ladies!
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  #43  
Old 07-27-2006, 04:10 AM
luv4mr.iggs luv4mr.iggs is offline
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MY MAN HAS BEEN IN FOR 5 YEARS ANS HAS 12 TO GO, IT WORRIES ME HOW HES GOING TO BE ABLE TO KEEP SANE WHILE DOING HIS TIME AND I PRAY HE DOESNT GET SO USED TO LIVING THAT WAY AND BECOME WHAT THEY CALL "PROGRAMED". I'M 31 AND HE'S 36 , THE FUTURE OF THE UNKNOWN SCARES THE CRAP OUT ME. ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO BETTER COPE WITH THESE ISSUES. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE THERE FOR THE LONG HAUL, I JUST PRAY I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO ENDURE THE HEARTACHE AND PAIN THE YEARS WILL CAUSE TO BOTH OF US.
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  #44  
Old 08-13-2006, 08:06 PM
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This is all very scary and very intimidating. How will I ever make it, and most importantly how will he? 12 years keep away is going to take a toll on him emotionally and personally.
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  #45  
Old 09-24-2006, 06:36 PM
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My ex did 6 years the first time and then 10 this last time...when he came home I didnt know him anymore...he is neat freak and a religous fanatic...I was litterally shocked because ive known this man 20 years only to find out he's changed so much in actually didnt know him nor did i want to get to know him. It hurt but I had to move on.
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  #46  
Old 09-28-2006, 02:54 AM
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MS.JenG, Thanks for the sites. I read all the way through , Recidivism.
It was a trip and very cultural enlightening. Well it really taught me a lesson. Talking about dating and living a life with these guys is not something just cute. Its a greater motivation than simple spoken words.
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  #47  
Old 11-15-2006, 11:48 PM
Kay's man 4ever Kay's man 4ever is offline
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Default Fantastic reply MND- Exactly what I needed..

My Gosh: I have been craving this kind of wisdom and help forever!!!!!!!

Thank you !!!!!!!!

1). Would there be any "special adjustments" (from your explanation) for my jailed wife(as opposed to an incarcerated man???)

2). What about the husband and wife intimacy? Obviously, I want to please her when she gets out, but I do not want her to have an unpleasant "CO flashback" of a man touching her.

Any ideas!!

Please be specific. Your explanations are fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!1

Kay's man 4ever
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  #48  
Old 11-16-2006, 07:42 AM
J.R.'s Annie J.R.'s Annie is offline
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My husband's son went in at age 25, is now 41, and maximum release date he will be 75 years old. His conversations are mostly about what was going on 16 years ago and wanting to do the things he was doing at the time he committed that horrible crime. He wants to play the drums that he left at a friend's house in 1990 (he believes they are still there), he wants to "jam" to "Rush", and doesn't appear to be interested in what is going on out here at this time. Guess he has just given up and finds comfort in his past when life was good for him.

Any suggestions on how to motivate him? He refuses magazines/newspapers that would help with this. He gave away every issue of Reader's Digest that his grandmother sent him. He's never seen an ATM card, used a cell phone, used a computer, never had a decent job, never had a real girlfriend, etc. Every visit is so sad to me to watch this man so disconnected from free world and it appears it just gets worse with time.
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  #49  
Old 03-02-2007, 06:16 AM
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My guy has 3 years left. I found this information to be very insightful and I thank you for posting it...
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  #50  
Old 03-02-2007, 10:21 PM
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good articles......I think I believe in the statistics, my kid's dad was in for 10 months and he hasn't changed a bit, I think he'll go back. He said he had changed of course while he was in, then about a week after getting out it was back to the norm.

The guy I write to I used to date years ago.....he's been in several years and he has at least 6 more to go, possibly 15, I can see alot of difference in him and I don't think he'll be a repeat offender, but I do worry about how he'll do when he gets out. Finding a job, all of it. Of course he's taking classes, so that should hopefully help.
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