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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: Waiting
How many of you will wait the sentence full term? 215 88.84%
Have you cheated? 9 3.72%
Are you thinking of about to cheat? 10 4.13%
Do you already have someone? 8 3.31%
Voters: 242. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 11-28-2011, 02:36 AM
joshiesgirl2011 joshiesgirl2011 is offline
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I wait cuz I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I was only with him a month before he went in but I fell in love wit him. And being wit another guy wouldn't be the same and just plain awkward.
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Old 11-28-2011, 09:58 AM
OhMyLuv OhMyLuv is offline
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Id rather wait now than to try other relationships out here because I truly know he is what/who I want in my life forever!!! I would be more miserable out here without him in my life than I am in this situation with him in my life. Couldnt be any happier!!! Good luck to all of you who are in these same situations!! They get tough sometimes but so worth the wait!! I cant wait til my love comes home to me!!
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  #28  
Old 11-28-2011, 02:32 PM
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I wait for my husband because he is my husband.....we took a vow to each other in front of God and the thought of being with another man disgusts me. Id rather wait the 15 yrs to make love to him then lay down for a few minutes of pleasure with someone that means nothing. I can do bad all by myself and dont need another man to satisfy me. Ofcourse I want him and miss him but for now phone sex and letters and good ole silver bullet do the trick lol....he has been gone over 3 yrs and is up for parole again in 6 months so I pray that its his time to come home if not I will keep waiting =)
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  #29  
Old 11-28-2011, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by ira120472
I dont wait for my man I still live my life. I go out I celebrate with family and friends. I am saving myself for my man though. Just my feelings is if you give yourself to someone and commit yourself to him. As a respect for myself and my man I will only give myself to him. When we met I was in deep depression and he helped me out of that. He taught me what real courage, compassion, loyalty and he trust me. I give him my love and support. He is the man that I have been looking for all of my life. I have had terrible boyfriends I was not looking for a relationship but my love gave me more than that. He has touched my heart with his words on paper I only belong in his arms. I can not judge anyone else what they do but I stand by my mans side proudly. I tell everyone about my man and where he is. My man has so much courage, he is so smart he has my heart and my soul. I just love a man who happens to be in prison.
I honestly cannot agree more, this is exactly like my situation. Stay strong
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  #30  
Old 11-28-2011, 09:10 PM
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My husband has been in for 5 years and I still have a nother 7 to go. I married him last year in prison. I'm not scared to tell people were my husband is just what he is in for! I wait because I know in my heart I love him for all that he is. I won't find anybody else who looks at me with so much love in his eyes. When I see him on visit it's like going on our first date. I get butterfly my heart start beating really fast and my palms get all sweaty. I love my man with all of my heart. I can't wait until the day he comes home.
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  #31  
Old 11-29-2011, 10:15 AM
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I wait for my husband because he is my husband.....we took a vow to each other in front of God and the thought of being with another man disgusts me. Id rather wait the 15 yrs to make love to him then lay down for a few minutes of pleasure with someone that means nothing. I can do bad all by myself and dont need another man to satisfy me. Ofcourse I want him and miss him but for now phone sex and letters and good ole silver bullet do the trick lol....he has been gone over 3 yrs and is up for parole again in 6 months so I pray that its his time to come home if not I will keep waiting =)
****WELL SAID****
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  #32  
Old 11-29-2011, 11:50 AM
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I had every intention to wait, but in my case i was too young to wait and living life with him the way i chose to live my life could not work - there was too much love between us. SOooo, then why NOT wait? He was given 20+ years, at 19 there was sooo much I needed and wanted, there was NO WAY I was going to deprive myself of living to the fullest because of a mistake someone I loved made - I LOVED HIM and HE LOVED ME ENOUGH TO LET ME GO and TAKE ME BACK 12.5 years later after his release. There are very little resentments, I mean tiny... we could blow them up into mountains if we want, but that would do us and our future NO GOOD. He made bad choices, I left him and our love NEVER died, so we're together, why worry about what could have been... it's useless thinking.

If he made a bad choice NOW to cause a long term sentence, then he'd be the one leaving me with that bad choice... I would not wait. I'd visit, and write, but im not going to send $ and or place my life on hold, why would I do that? Love has nothing to do with it. If he was falsely accused, then I'd wait.
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  #33  
Old 11-29-2011, 12:02 PM
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I admire the women who'd wait 15+ years, those who stand for vows... My husband and I made those very same vows, but he broke his vow the second he chose to make a BAD CHOICE, the marriage was damaged, that was not my fault, never will be - he did what he wanted, I followed his example, he doesn't blame me. I'm not defending my situation, just explaining it.
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  #34  
Old 11-29-2011, 06:32 PM
BROOKLYNSWIFE21 BROOKLYNSWIFE21 is offline
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Wives & Longtime Girlfriends: I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

For the WIVES (because I am a wife): Do you really wait and not have any sex or compassionate relations with the opposite sex (another man)? So when our husbands have 15 years or more how do you cope? Do you make him seem as though he is the only one but tend to cheat knowing that there is no definite date on when he is coming home?

I ask because my husband is doing 15 years and he comes up for parole in 7 (2018). However we were married before he went in and I love him and I am in love with him. But sometimes I am unsure if I will wait that time period because 7 years is a long time. And he looks at it as though its not forever and this is very "first" offense for agg robb w/dead weapon, but 7 years to me is forever. So am I wrong for being REALISTIC because he puts emotions in it and I DON'T I'm always realistic about the situation. I have not put myself in situations to cheat because I went before GOD, However, I don't think I will make this 7 year stretch in which I told him that already. I don't know whether to get myself out of this marriage or just wait!!! I'm 38 (45 when he comes home) & he is 26 (33 when he comes home). But he wants his marriage and he crys and just carries on because he was in love with me before he even went in. I just want to understand why do we do this what does this say about us as women or as a person. I guess I'm just having a moment and want to get some response on women who relate...Thanks so much...


My husband and I were married 12/21/10 and he went in 10/3/11. We were together 5.5 years before we were married so I wait because that is my husband and I do not ever want to be with anyone other than him, so I would wait an eternity for him. Would it be different if we werent married? Honestly, maybe. I am okay not having sex and am not above "handling my business" while I write him a sexy letter, he loves that. Marriage vows are forever, and I do not believe in divorce....
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  #35  
Old 11-29-2011, 07:32 PM
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I made a promise to GOD that I would love this man, cherish him,I would stand by him in sickness and health, good or bad, ups and downs and turn arounds. This man is the ruler of my heart,my best friend, my lover, my everything. As for sex, he's it for me, also part of my marriage vows to give myself only to him. There's gonna come a time when the sex ain't what it use to be but a simple snuggle or hug will take its place and hopefully we will about 70 or more years old but to wait for him is not a problem or an option, it's my vow to GOD, my Husband and myself that I will honor as long as it takes, becuz that man,My Man is worth the wait.
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  #36  
Old 11-29-2011, 07:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
Wives & Longtime Girlfriends: I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

For the WIVES (because I am a wife): Do you really wait and not have any sex or compassionate relations with the opposite sex (another man)? So when our husbands have 15 years or more how do you cope? Do you make him seem as though he is the only one but tend to cheat knowing that there is no definite date on when he is coming home?

I ask because my husband is doing 15 years and he comes up for parole in 7 (2018). However we were married before he went in and I love him and I am in love with him. But sometimes I am unsure if I will wait that time period because 7 years is a long time. And he looks at it as though its not forever and this is very "first" offense for agg robb w/dead weapon, but 7 years to me is forever. So am I wrong for being REALISTIC because he puts emotions in it and I DON'T I'm always realistic about the situation. I have not put myself in situations to cheat because I went before GOD, However, I don't think I will make this 7 year stretch in which I told him that already. I don't know whether to get myself out of this marriage or just wait!!! I'm 38 (45 when he comes home) & he is 26 (33 when he comes home). But he wants his marriage and he crys and just carries on because he was in love with me before he even went in. I just want to understand why do we do this what does this say about us as women or as a person. I guess I'm just having a moment and want to get some response on women who relate...Thanks so much...
First off, I have to say this is a great Thread. My Love has been in for 15plus and has 15plus left. He's been my best friend for the past 9 years, 2 of those years we've been involved as more than just friends. It's been a "crazy" ride. In the beginning it was harder ironically, that's when I had those "doubts", I didn't want to be waiting for ANYONE. But as I fought that reality I let go and lived the Truth and have felt 1,000 times better about it. My Truth is I am waiting for him. How long can I wait? I truly don't know. I've stopped asking myself that, because its like worrying about what I don't know. I Love him so much its sometimes overwhelming. I live my life, actively. He supports that, I do it all, as much as I can As far as the physical part. I am loyal. I feel like a virgin all over again, so much I think it would be harder for me to be with another man.

One thing that really helps is how much he supports me and my happiness. I don't feel tied down or obligated. I feel "FREE", free to be me....and that means being with him. Do I feel insanely HOT and CRAZED sometimes??? DEFINITELY...but life isn't just about that. He fills me so much and then there's phone sex....and fantasies...and alone time with him...and visits. I never knew how creative we could be during visits.
Just be honest with yourself and him..and PRAY...prayer helps. I pray that I have the patience and faith needed to be there in the "end" of this bid, because he is so perrrfect for me and it would be a shame to lose that over some night of passion.

Also, he is my daughter's daddy and that adds to the commitment we have for eachother. He is one person that will forever be in my life that I can count on. Thanks again for posting all this, because I think I needed to be reminded that I am not alone with these type of questions and doubts.

OH, as far as relationships with other men. Let me just say this, it really falls back on you, on what you can handle or are willing to do. I tried to just be friends with guys, even being honest about where my man was.... all that taught me was that men sometimes get even more fresh knowing your man is locked up and think they can do what they want. It made me miss my man more, want him more...love him more. Coz all that proved was there was no one like him, or could replace him....or substitute for him. But that's me. I can't just make believe. Trust me I tried and guilt and love won't let me do anything but HELLO, if that. lol.
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It's quite simple really...deeply simple-- simply deep how much Love and intimacy can be reached when God puts you through the test of distance and restrictions.
When you live honestly without apology.
In Love and due to distance.


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  #37  
Old 11-30-2011, 02:30 PM
MsPrettiJackson MsPrettiJackson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juni's Jeva

First off, I have to say this is a great Thread. My Love has been in for 15plus and has 15plus left. He's been my best friend for the past 9 years, 2 of those years we've been involved as more than just friends. It's been a "crazy" ride. In the beginning it was harder ironically, that's when I had those "doubts", I didn't want to be waiting for ANYONE. But as I fought that reality I let go and lived the Truth and have felt 1,000 times better about it. My Truth is I am waiting for him. How long can I wait? I truly don't know. I've stopped asking myself that, because its like worrying about what I don't know. I Love him so much its sometimes overwhelming. I live my life, actively. He supports that, I do it all, as much as I can As far as the physical part. I am loyal. I feel like a virgin all over again, so much I think it would be harder for me to be with another man.

One thing that really helps is how much he supports me and my happiness. I don't feel tied down or obligated. I feel "FREE", free to be me....and that means being with him. Do I feel insanely HOT and CRAZED sometimes??? DEFINITELY...but life isn't just about that. He fills me so much and then there's phone sex....and fantasies...and alone time with him...and visits. I never knew how creative we could be during visits.
Just be honest with yourself and him..and PRAY...prayer helps. I pray that I have the patience and faith needed to be there in the "end" of this bid, because he is so perrrfect for me and it would be a shame to lose that over some night of passion.

Also, he is my daughter's daddy and that adds to the commitment we have for eachother. He is one person that will forever be in my life that I can count on. Thanks again for posting all this, because I think I needed to be reminded that I am not alone with these type of questions and doubts.

OH, as far as relationships with other men. Let me just say this, it really falls back on you, on what you can handle or are willing to do. I tried to just be friends with guys, even being honest about where my man was.... all that taught me was that men sometimes get even more fresh knowing your man is locked up and think they can do what they want. It made me miss my man more, want him more...love him more. Coz all that proved was there was no one like him, or could replace him....or substitute for him. But that's me. I can't just make believe. Trust me I tried and guilt and love won't let me do anything but HELLO, if that. lol.
And this thread I started had been therapy for me as well. I now know that I'm not alone and it's other wives that can really relate what I'm going through. And that it does not change our character because we love who we love. My husband @ I fell in love way before he went to jail and now prison. Sometimes we will have ups & downs but more downs cause we want them home with us but HE IS WELL WORTH THE WAIT and he loves me more than I've ever been loved, he gives me that husband type of love and he loves me more but I fall in love with him everyday. So THANK YOU for helping me and reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing by my husband. I can't imagine wasting my new found Virginity other than my husband, so I too will continue to buy and use my toys. But I'm in it to stay and I'm happy with my choice and I love that man!!!!
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  #38  
Old 11-30-2011, 03:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
Wives & Longtime Girlfriends: I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

For the WIVES (because I am a wife): Do you really wait and not have any sex or compassionate relations with the opposite sex (another man)? So when our husbands have 15 years or more how do you cope? Do you make him seem as though he is the only one but tend to cheat knowing that there is no definite date on when he is coming home?

I ask because my husband is doing 15 years and he comes up for parole in 7 (2018). However we were married before he went in and I love him and I am in love with him. But sometimes I am unsure if I will wait that time period because 7 years is a long time. And he looks at it as though its not forever and this is very "first" offense for agg robb w/dead weapon, but 7 years to me is forever. So am I wrong for being REALISTIC because he puts emotions in it and I DON'T I'm always realistic about the situation. I have not put myself in situations to cheat because I went before GOD, However, I don't think I will make this 7 year stretch in which I told him that already. I don't know whether to get myself out of this marriage or just wait!!! I'm 38 (45 when he comes home) & he is 26 (33 when he comes home). But he wants his marriage and he crys and just carries on because he was in love with me before he even went in. I just want to understand why do we do this what does this say about us as women or as a person. I guess I'm just having a moment and want to get some response on women who relate...Thanks so much...

Well I can only speak for myself, I met a REAL man who happened to be in jail at the time of our meeting - we were FRIENDS FIRST as we built a relationship and learned each other we found that our chemistry worked - The bible says that LOVE is long suffering (that's true love) if this is true there are some things that we MUST suffer though - Some people need certain things to keep them going, food, sex, what ever it maybe - but learning to love another human being who is suffering more that YOU will ever know, is more than a notion. I have been in this wonderful relationship for over 20yrs., we have had our ups and downs who has not, I love the boy I was in my 30's when I met him and now WE are in our 50's WE LOVE each other I support him mentally, spiritaully WE are a team - I pray that if the shoe was on the other foot that I would find a man willing to be a man and care for me.
You can not look at the years that are in front of you, stop counting and take it day by day - this man is dealing with some crazy S&*^ behind those walls,day in and day out the least that you could do since you took this vow - Become the women that you truly are and love not just him but yourself too.

Inclosing, i would like to add a side note, this man is now a pretty well off (he had no idea that his mother was sitting on a goldmine before she died) We never know what life has in store for us.. May the Creator of the Universe guide you in the direction that you should travel. Peace
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  #39  
Old 11-30-2011, 03:53 PM
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I think as being a married women myself, its shows my loyalty and dedication to him as a whole. Its not about sex for me and if it ever came down to me just having to have it, I think it would change how I viewed myself as a person. I am 22 years old and we have a 1year old child together and she is what makes this time go by so fast.....7 years is a great deal of time but my bestfriends husban has 10 years, he's already done 8 and she hasnt cheated either, she has 2 young children....some women can't do it and if you cant then dont force it and talk it out with him, you only have one life to live, so do whats best for you....hope i helped....xo
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Old 11-30-2011, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTisMe

Well I can only speak for myself, I met a REAL man who happened to be in jail at the time of our meeting - we were FRIENDS FIRST as we built a relationship and learned each other we found that our chemistry worked - The bible says that LOVE is long suffering (that's true love) if this is true there are some things that we MUST suffer though - Some people need certain things to keep them going, food, sex, what ever it maybe - but learning to love another human being who is suffering more that YOU will ever know, is more than a notion. I have been in this wonderful relationship for over 20yrs., we have had our ups and downs who has not, I love the boy I was in my 30's when I met him and now WE are in our 50's WE LOVE each other I support him mentally, spiritaully WE are a team - I pray that if the shoe was on the other foot that I would find a man willing to be a man and care for me.
You can not look at the years that are in front of you, stop counting and take it day by day - this man is dealing with some crazy S&*^ behind those walls,day in and day out the least that you could do since you took this vow - Become the women that you truly are and love not just him but yourself too.

Inclosing, i would like to add a side note, this man is now a pretty well off (he had no idea that his mother was sitting on a goldmine before she died) We never know what life has in store for us.. May the Creator of the Universe guide you in the direction that you should travel. Peace
Thank you so much. WELL SAID!!! I am going to take it day for day and not look at it as years aspect. Yes I'm going to stay because I truly love him and I keep falling more and more in love with him each day...and he was so in love with me when he ask me to marry him and I'm thankful... I am proud if my new found virginity and he is well worth the wait and he wait to grow old together but thank you for the reassurance...
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Old 11-30-2011, 05:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 143wt637
I think as being a married women myself, its shows my loyalty and dedication to him as a whole. Its not about sex for me and if it ever came down to me just having to have it, I think it would change how I viewed myself as a person. I am 22 years old and we have a 1year old child together and she is what makes this time go by so fast.....7 years is a great deal of time but my bestfriends husban has 10 years, he's already done 8 and she hasnt cheated either, she has 2 young children....some women can't do it and if you cant then dont force it and talk it out with him, you only have one life to live, so do whats best for you....hope i helped....xo
Yes you did help. I think as women we all needed this thread. I am so reassured that I an making the right decision by choosing to wait for my husband. We were such the couple when he was home and this is his first time in prison and our first time being married and my first time having a prison life so it's been like an emotional roller coaster. But 7 years ain't long and I do love him. And I will no longer look at it in years I will look at it in day's. I am so deep in love with my husband and I can't imagine being with anyone else...he is well worth waiting for.
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Old 11-30-2011, 11:45 PM
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...waiting for my man as well..... he is who i have spent the last 18 years of my life with and can't see myself with anybody else.... He's been in about 1-1/2 yrs and has about 1-1/2 yrs left.... i guess we are half ways there!!! wow!!!
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Old 12-01-2011, 12:59 PM
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I dont mean to wait.

Im not one of the noble, strong women on here.

I dont wait. This IS our relationship. It just is how it is.

We dont ask Army wives why they wait.

I dont wait. (im one of the minority who admit it) but no one compairs to him. No one else is him.
First trip I had a boyfriend. It was crule to him because he never fully had my heart. It was locked in a cell no matter how I tried to live in denial.
Ive had a "friend" but the "friend" got attached to me & when Cotton came home my "friend" tried to beat up Cotton because he didnt want me to leave him for our family. I hurt my friend....
Now I Go for coffee, dinner what ever but I go home alone. I talk on the phone to Cotton 3 times a day & see him 3 times a week (15 min at a time)
(im crying now)
I am not waiting for a relationship.
I am not waiting for my man.
I HAVE a man
I HAVE a relationship.
My life IS NOT on hold.
IT JUST IS
If you had the love I have with Cotton you would understand.
Each relationship is different. I cant speak for the strong women who wait.
I can only tell you he is part of the fabric of my soul.
Well put.
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Old 12-01-2011, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by MsPrettiJackson View Post
Wives & Longtime Girlfriends: I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

For the WIVES (because I am a wife): Do you really wait and not have any sex or compassionate relations with the opposite sex (another man)? So when our husbands have 15 years or more how do you cope? Do you make him seem as though he is the only one but tend to cheat knowing that there is no definite date on when he is coming home?

I ask because my husband is doing 15 years and he comes up for parole in 7 (2018). However we were married before he went in and I love him and I am in love with him. But sometimes I am unsure if I will wait that time period because 7 years is a long time. And he looks at it as though its not forever and this is very "first" offense for agg robb w/dead weapon, but 7 years to me is forever. So am I wrong for being REALISTIC because he puts emotions in it and I DON'T I'm always realistic about the situation. I have not put myself in situations to cheat because I went before GOD, However, I don't think I will make this 7 year stretch in which I told him that already. I don't know whether to get myself out of this marriage or just wait!!! I'm 38 (45 when he comes home) & he is 26 (33 when he comes home). But he wants his marriage and he crys and just carries on because he was in love with me before he even went in. I just want to understand why do we do this what does this say about us as women or as a person. I guess I'm just having a moment and want to get some response on women who relate...Thanks so much...
My fella and I are entering our third year together and he is 6 yrs into a life sentence. We also have 5000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean between us. We have a long way to go before parole becomes even a remote possibility....but, we have hope, love, respect and a commitment between us. That is what keeps us together, keeps us believing in each other and ourselves. Cheating is not a consideration for either of us. We are devoted to each other.

There is no doubt that this is a difficult road to travel. I respect your honesty for expressing your doubts about your commitment. No one can tell you what is right for you, you must decide what you need, what you want and what you are prepared to give and give up if you pursue this life.
I can only suggest that you keep the lines of communication open with partner and share your feelings, fears, hopes and anxieties. Sometimes just expressing them to each other makes a world of difference.

I wish you both all the best regardless of what you decide.
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Old 12-01-2011, 04:07 PM
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No offense taking... Mine and Billy situtation is very different then most on this site... Im not saying my kids see me in a intimate encounter with anyone..and they havent other than with there father. I have known Billy since we were 14 he was and is my first love... and we hope when he is free we can make this work... He went away when we were 18 for 28 years... So I didnt stay like some have.. I got married had kids loved and lived my life... I dont want my daughter to think that a Inmate relationship is healthy in most ways its not... I just dont close any doors... As for Billy and I's relationship my children know he is a close friend and I write him cause he needs a friend.. They color him stuff and make pictures for him... To Billy Im not obligated... But he has my heart and he knows that... Other than two other people Billy has no family or friends... Everyone walked away from him... I choose to give him as much of myself as I can.

I think I am a younger version of what you went through. My heart is also in jail.. he's in for 30 years.. it's been 5 and he has 10 more for parole. It's driving me insane. Although.. I did move on with my life because we had broken up when we were younger but when he got locked up.. of course I was going to be there for him. But I got pregnant at a young age and took responsibility for it. I have a beautiful 3 year old little girl. The man I am with right now.. I did love him but he has temper issues. I'm trying for our daughter but.. it's heading down hill. My heart has always been with the one who is locked behind bars =(.
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Old 12-23-2011, 12:40 PM
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Because he is worth it.
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Old 12-23-2011, 02:13 PM
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I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

My husband is a lifer (been away almost 15 years) I don't 'wait' I do everything I can to get him home, I do my best to be a great Mom, wife, sister, aunt, friend, daughter. To make myself a better person/improve things I feel could be better about myself. I live my life, it's not on hold. Being with my husband says that I am loyal, patient, understanding, a true friend. I never once told him I would only be around for the good times and run when things get bad. That's not me and never will be. We all have limits as to what we can/will deal with and as hard as this life is, it's not my limit. My limit will come when I take my last breath. I don't hide where he is, if someone has a problem with it, I could care less. Their opinion and $2 will leave me with $2. I have bigger concerns than to care about what others think about him when they don't even know him. My husband is Muslim and I am Christian. We are married under his faith and will be getting married under mine. As far as we are concerned, we have been married since we wrote/exchanged vows at 13. I loved the boy he was then, I love the man he is today, and I love the man he is yet to become. Most see the inmate but I see, love, cherish, adore the MAN. For me, trying to explain why I wait, is like trying to explain why I breathe.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:38 PM
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I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

My husband is a lifer (been away almost 15 years) I don't 'wait' I do everything I can to get him home, I do my best to be a great Mom, wife, sister, aunt, friend, daughter. To make myself a better person/improve things I feel could be better about myself. I live my life, it's not on hold. Being with my husband says that I am loyal, patient, understanding, a true friend. I never once told him I would only be around for the good times and run when things get bad. That's not me and never will be. We all have limits as to what we can/will deal with and as hard as this life is, it's not my limit. My limit will come when I take my last breath. I don't hide where he is, if someone has a problem with it, I could care less. Their opinion and $2 will leave me with $2. I have bigger concerns than to care about what others think about him when they don't even know him. My husband is Muslim and I am Christian. We are married under his faith and will be getting married under mine. As far as we are concerned, we have been married since we wrote/exchanged vows at 13. I loved the boy he was then, I love the man he is today, and I love the man he is yet to become. Most see the inmate but I see, love, cherish, adore the MAN. For me, trying to explain why I wait, is like trying to explain why I breathe.

For me, trying to explain why I wait, is like trying to explain why I breathe. (((that was well said, and you are right no one else matters))). I just sit and wonder am I doing the right thing and that I miss him so much physically and I crave him so much and sometimes it gets unbearable and I want to kick, scream and just throw a tantrum. So what do you do about sex? Seeing that you mentioned that he is a "lifer" are you going to remain celibate? I am only asking because I am trying ti get other women point of view to help them help me and vice versa. I don't have a lifer but it feels like it. This is his first time being incarcerated and my first time with a prisoner so I'm just trying to get a lot of women point of views on how they cope with life, sex, the ups & downs and just everything with our loved one being locked up.
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Old 12-23-2011, 04:48 PM
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For me, trying to explain why I wait, is like trying to explain why I breathe. (((that was well said, and you are right no one else matters))). I just sit and wonder am I doing the right thing and that I miss him so much physically and I crave him so much and sometimes it gets unbearable and I want to kick, scream and just throw a tantrum. So what do you do about sex? Seeing that you mentioned that he is a "lifer" are you going to remain celibate? I am only asking because I am trying ti get other women point of view to help them help me and vice versa. I don't have a lifer but it feels like it. This is his first time being incarcerated and my first time with a prisoner so I'm just trying to get a lot of women point of views on how they cope with life, sex, the ups & downs and just everything with our loved one being locked up.

I miss him so much physically and I crave him so much and sometimes it gets unbearable and I want to kick, scream and just throw a tantrum.
Then throw that tantrum!! I have done it and have no shame in saying so! I'm sure a lot of us have in some way. There are times when I do miss him sooo much that I don't sleep for days, weeks and it has even lasted for months, to the point that my dr just puts me in the hospital and sedates me so I can sleep.

So what do you do about sex? Seeing that you mentioned that he is a "lifer" are you going to remain celibate?
Yes, I will be remaining celibate. For me, it's not that hard, there are times when yes I see him at visits and want to rip his clothes off lol, or think back to us being together or something will trigger a longing, like at our visit last Friday he felt the need to kiss my neck on the spot that he claims as his, knowing what reaction he would get so of course I then drove home frustrated for 2 hrs, well actually straight to work where the callers took my mind off sex. See, we met at 12, he proposed to me at 13 for us to marry after high school. He wanted us to wait for sex until our honeymoon out of respect for my Dad and to let me know he thought of me as more than the fast girls in our neighborhood. I didn't want to wait and trust me I tried lol but he stood his ground. Until about 2 months before our 21st birthdays. So we were in love/together for 9 years before sex came into the picture and then he went away a couple of years later. Then he went through the 'you need a free man' phase. Once he got over that, we were back together and at that point I knew I wanted more children and since he can't have family visits, we made the choice for me to have 2 more (the 2 boys in the picture) my youngest is 9. He just told me he wants to try phone sex, which we have never done. Honestly I'm not sure I can get into it because I used to be a phone sex operator and would be quietly laughing at the callers lol, but he says that's because it was work and not pleasure so I am willing to give it a shot. When the feeling hits now, I write him erotic letters, take sexy pictures, send him an enticing email or something along those lines.

As far as life in general, he is still the man of the house. He has a say so in everything-what classes the kids take, the budget, where I live, cars I purchase, shoes I buy ( I will take pictures of shoes and send them to get his favorites lol the people at the stores are used to it now lol) I always have paper/pen/camera with me and include him in as much as possible. My eyes glaze over when it comes to reading contracts, insurance papers etc. so I send him a copy and he will call/email/mail what needs to be done back to me. He's a genius when it comes to those things and I would rather watch turtles race so by all means he handles anything along those lines. He's involved in everything, I wouldn't feel right if he wasn't.
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Old 12-23-2011, 05:09 PM
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Wives & Longtime Girlfriends: I would like to know some feedback on "WHY" do we wait for these men? What does this say about us as women and as our character? Why do we often hide that are husband or long time boyfriend is in prison? What makes us wait?

For the WIVES (because I am a wife): Do you really wait and not have any sex or compassionate relations with the opposite sex (another man)? So when our husbands have 15 years or more how do you cope? Do you make him seem as though he is the only one but tend to cheat knowing that there is no definite date on when he is coming home?

I ask because my husband is doing 15 years and he comes up for parole in 7 (2018). However we were married before he went in and I love him and I am in love with him. But sometimes I am unsure if I will wait that time period because 7 years is a long time. And he looks at it as though its not forever and this is very "first" offense for agg robb w/dead weapon, but 7 years to me is forever. So am I wrong for being REALISTIC because he puts emotions in it and I DON'T I'm always realistic about the situation. I have not put myself in situations to cheat because I went before GOD, However, I don't think I will make this 7 year stretch in which I told him that already. I don't know whether to get myself out of this marriage or just wait!!! I'm 38 (45 when he comes home) & he is 26 (33 when he comes home). But he wants his marriage and he crys and just carries on because he was in love with me before he even went in. I just want to understand why do we do this what does this say about us as women or as a person. I guess I'm just having a moment and want to get some response on women who relate...Thanks so much...
I am not a wife,or girlfriend to an offender inside, i am an outsider, only you have the answers within to this question, it is by choice that you will do what you will do in a situation such as the one you are asking about.
It is your life and your choices belong to you, many women wait for their husbands,or boyfriends,becuase the love they have for their men is very strong and they choose to wait, others will not it is a choice only that person in that situation can make, there are no wrong or right choices at the time you make a decision it is all for your learning and growth of yourself and your soul.
It makes no statement of the kind of person you are or arent, it is simply the choices you choose to make for whatever reason you make at the time.
No one should judge or has the right to judge another as individuals with any choice we make , we do what we do through our free will and choice that we were born with to use for ourselves as individuals, we all have our own lessons to learn and in the way we were meant to learn them and in the time we choose to learn our lessons ,(if we choose to learn it is always our choice),
Everything we do here on this earth plane is physical and emotional that is why it is so hard to make an emotional decision at times for ourselves,( our soul truth which is our higher self will aways come through and allow you to feel what you need to do for yourself at any time, trust what you feel over what you think, we cant think should i do this or that we need to feel that emotion and your gut feelings are your true feelings and if you learn to trust those feelings you will find you can sort out what is right and what is wrong for you and be able to make the right decision for yourself and your higher self.
I dont know if this has helped i can only speak from the choices and decisions i have had to make for myself at times that have been hard and emotional but necessary regardless of what others have thought of me.
Take care
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