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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: if your spouse had a long tern sentence and you want a child by him would you wait?
yes 329 67.56%
no 74 15.20%
maybe 84 17.25%
Voters: 487. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 01-26-2007, 12:41 PM
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Default Waiting to have children--Is it practical?

I was just about to pose this question to the long haulers. I will be 25 in february. My man just turned 36. He has a 17 year old daughter and wants a son one day to carry on his lineage. I have no children, but somewhere in God's great plan for me, they might be included. I'm not tied to the idea, but i do think I'll have children. My man has been in for 15 or so years and has another 15 or so left. How practical is it for me to think that waiting til he gets out, we will someday have children. If we consider 15 being the number of years he has, he will be 51 and I will be 40. I always thought I would be married and have children by the time i turned 30 so that i could have a total hysterectomy and be done with certain pains in my life (very wishful, i know , but it's a hard thing to deal with for me) Meeting him, I realize plans change and i love him. I have already made changes in my life and am now abstinent until marriage. And I know that he's the person I want to marry. Is it practical, are there alternatives, should i just be content that we'll be childless? I know he will still be very prodiuctive at that time, and its possible that so will i, but i still worry about it.

please, share your honest opinions on something like this, i want to hear it all, good and bad.
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  #77  
Old 01-26-2007, 12:46 PM
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and of course, the one thing that is sure in all this is prayer, because that's what i do when i think about it. and know that all things are possible. he doesn't seem to be worried about it, i guess i'm just the worry wart here. and i guess that seeing some people have family visits and knowing that in the federal prison we can't have any conjugal visits or get married, i get impatient. but overall, i am waiting and i can't say i don't love it. maybe the first year is the hardest?
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  #78  
Old 02-02-2007, 12:05 PM
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The subject of having children always crosses my mind and scares me see my fiance is not getting out till 2017 i will be 35 when he gets out i do have a child but i want more children without a doubt and this is what kills me i want to have one with him he will be 41 when he gets out which is fine except for i have some health problems that could prevent me from having a baby later than sooner. my life will not be complete without more children so its a catch 22 i can wait and chance not being complete or hope he gets moved to a place where they will allow us to be together or fight the system i have heard of a man being able to send his sperm out i dont know if its true or fable it seems far fetched but i know it went to the courts....or i can spend the money to get inseminated and have him adopt the child or i can go out and do it myself i am completely torn i have told him and he said that we will discuss it but i want it to be his baby his blood his genes........but in 2017 my child will be grown never have the chance to grow up with siblings and i may not be able to concieve
what does everyone think about this what do you do wait and chance it or follow your heart i mean we have to be happy too
i have mad love for him and i WILL RIDE OR DIE but i need my baby


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  #79  
Old 02-02-2007, 08:21 PM
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dang malissa. that's exactly how i feel, but i'm not pushing it seeing as i'm not too keen on children anyway. all i want is to be happy with him, marriage is a big enough obstacle right now, but knowing he wants another child, a son, makes it important to me too. sending sperm...novel idea...i wonder. i think i would chance it. i mean, if he thinks you should hav a child now, that you could take with you on visits and raise as his, hopefully with his full support, then you two can discuss comfortable ways for that, but other than that, God may have intended for your life to have one special child, and also could intend for you to conceive later.
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  #80  
Old 02-03-2007, 09:57 AM
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Malissa, I feel the same was as you do as far as having children. The twist to my situation however is that my husband has life and won't even come up for parole till 2037. We already have one together nad he has two others. We both however want a girl, all others are boys. Our children will be grown by then and I will be 50. We have talked about this for awhile but we just put it one the back burner. So just pray about it and believe that it is in the plan for you and you other.
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  #81  
Old 05-09-2007, 12:00 PM
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Smile Baby Blues

I have been away for a while from this site and i miss it so much! so im glad to be back.....the baby situation is still on going and he has spoken on maybe artificial semination and we both pick the sperm donor together and then he will adopt the child but for some reson that does not sit right with me i mean yea it gives me the baby i want but it isnt his and never will really be . I am definatly confused about this but we are taking things as they come i am trying to see Gods Plan for me and it may be for just one child or maybe it means i will concieve later in life. But one thing i have tried to do now is leave everything to God and not stress this issue my son is great and healthy and i am blessed to have him so i am going to just focus on that and the man that i love and leave the rest up to the Man Upstairs! Thank you everyone for helping me
Melissa

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  #82  
Old 05-09-2007, 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malissa
I have been away for a while from this site and i miss it so much! so im glad to be back.....the baby situation is still on going and he has spoken on maybe artificial semination and we both pick the sperm donor together and then he will adopt the child but for some reson that does not sit right with me i mean yea it gives me the baby i want but it isnt his and never will really be . I am definatly confused about this but we are taking things as they come i am trying to see Gods Plan for me and it may be for just one child or maybe it means i will concieve later in life. But one thing i have tried to do now is leave everything to God and not stress this issue my son is great and healthy and i am blessed to have him so i am going to just focus on that and the man that i love and leave the rest up to the Man Upstairs! Thank you everyone for helping me
Melissa

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Welcome back malissa, i understand what you are saying , cause it fills one void but leaves another one empty. you want a baby but you want to carry his child not some other man's! You have to do what is best for you, weigh out the pros and cons about the whole thing and see the outcome. I am sure its going to come with you not doing it cause you main reason for any kind of pregnancy is to have a child with your love.
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  #83  
Old 05-11-2007, 02:18 PM
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My husband and I have talked about this some, though not to any solution. We had a daughter who died as an infant, and we both really wanted more children. But he just went in for 14 years, and I'm already 36. Pregnancy at 40 is doable, but 50 is a real stretch. And I don't see NC bring back conjugal visits any time soon. :-(
Adoption might be an option, though would be hard to get approved with him being in jail. And while I could use a "sperm donor" (either AI or the old fashioned way <G>), I really want HIS baby.
In my situation, I'm not as worried about the issues of raising a child alone as I am him missing out on so much of the child's growing up. But is it worse for him to miss a few years or never have any? Neither of us have any other children.
I would love to hear more about having his sperm collected and doing it that way.
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  #84  
Old 05-11-2007, 11:49 PM
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I put yes....I'll be pushin close to 40 when Kevin comes home...he'll be close to 50 by then...but hopefully the state will pass the 65% bill and he can convince the judge to let him do a drug program or something...the way we figure...if it all works out in his favor, I'll be in my mid 30's...which really..I wanted to have kids BEFORE 30..but if it was meant to be that way, it would have happened...but hey...more and more these days you hear of older women havin babies....so why not?!
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  #85  
Old 05-15-2007, 07:50 PM
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Well it's good to know that I'm definitely not the only person out there thinking about this! My honey is in for 9 more years...I will be 34 when he gets out. I said "maybe" to the poll because I believe that God will show us what will be the right thing to do in that timeframe. 34 is not too old to get pregnant. However, I was born with a "syndrome" of sorts and basically, the longer I wait to try and get pregnant, the harder my chances will be of getting pregnant. So I feel for the women who feel torn in this decision. Just take your time and pray hard about it. What's meant to be will be.
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  #86  
Old 05-16-2007, 12:27 AM
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Me and Tommy just had this discussion on our previous visit. Tommy loves kids and we will sit there and laugh and talk about the kids around us. You can tell the man wants one of his own sooo bad its killing him. I made a comment to him that I wanted another child(i have 3 of my own) before I turn 35. It caught his attention rather quickly and he kinda stumbled on this one for a minute. Lord knows he don't go up to the board until 2022 and that is NOT anytime soon. Im 26 and eventually I would like to have one more tho and if I can't have his....of course I wouldn't at all. I think he really struggles with this cause he tells me all the time he wants me to be the mother of his child. Now that bothers me cause I KNOW in reality unless OHIO law changes and a a miracle happens.....we are NOT gonna have a child. He's 28 and he'd be a wonderful father...locked up or NOT! Why does he insist on bringing it up to me tho when he knows how I feel about it...it hurts cause I know its not gonna happen like I want it to. Is that their way of wishin and hopin? I don't get it?!

Bella

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  #87  
Old 05-17-2007, 02:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hvensnt2u
I put yes....I'll be pushin close to 40 when Kevin comes home...he'll be close to 50 by then...but hopefully the state will pass the 65% bill and he can convince the judge to let him do a drug program or something...the way we figure...if it all works out in his favor, I'll be in my mid 30's...which really..I wanted to have kids BEFORE 30..but if it was meant to be that way, it would have happened...but hey...more and more these days you hear of older women havin babies....so why not?!

you are so right there are women in their late 50 early 60's having children. Some who are having twins. I hope that the state will pass the 65% bill for you and your loved one this way he can come home sooner. Keep us updated on how that goes. My fingers are crossed for you .
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Old 05-17-2007, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith&Love
My husband and I have talked about this some, though not to any solution. We had a daughter who died as an infant, and we both really wanted more children. But he just went in for 14 years, and I'm already 36. Pregnancy at 40 is doable, but 50 is a real stretch. And I don't see NC bring back conjugal visits any time soon. :-(
Adoption might be an option, though would be hard to get approved with him being in jail. And while I could use a "sperm donor" (either AI or the old fashioned way <G>), I really want HIS baby.
In my situation, I'm not as worried about the issues of raising a child alone as I am him missing out on so much of the child's growing up. But is it worse for him to miss a few years or never have any? Neither of us have any other children.
I would love to hear more about having his sperm collected and doing it that way.

As far as having his sperm collected, you can check and see if anyone has been able to get this done in your state. Maybe someone filed a petition to get the courts to grant her the right to get preg. You never know , but the best way is the legal way, cause the wrong way just adds more time .. and leaves you both even more lonely for lot longer time
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Old 05-18-2007, 09:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e_wife03
As far as having his sperm collected, you can check and see if anyone has been able to get this done in your state. Maybe someone filed a petition to get the courts to grant her the right to get preg. You never know , but the best way is the legal way, cause the wrong way just adds more time .. and leaves you both even more lonely for lot longer time
Absolutely. I was looking to see if anyone other than Zelda had any success in going about it legally. And more from Zelda about not only how she went about it, and how things panned out - she commented about working hard to give the child a healthy outlook on the father's situation.

While I won't rule out less than completely aboveboard methods to get pregnant (we both REALLY want children), anything other than totally legal would be as a very last resort.
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Old 05-28-2007, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Faith&Love
Absolutely. I was looking to see if anyone other than Zelda had any success in going about it legally. And more from Zelda about not only how she went about it, and how things panned out - she commented about working hard to give the child a healthy outlook on the father's situation.

While I won't rule out less than completely aboveboard methods to get pregnant (we both REALLY want children), anything other than totally legal would be as a very last resort.
If you do find out anything about being able to do this , please let us know. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your search for answers. Sometimes it takes alot of searching before you can find the true answer you are looking for. Cause while the DOC may say no , someone may have had a case against them and won the right to get their husband's sperm, but cause its not a national case the general public may not know about it .. So keep your head up and i hope your dream come true .
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Old 07-28-2007, 06:27 PM
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We plan on starting a family as soon as he comes home. He has a minimum of 9 more years. We will both be 40. We talk about children all time. He already has a son, but he has never seen him. He was born after he went to prison and his ex will not bring him to visit. He will be 4 soon. Ben would keep me "barefoot and pregnant", but I'm trying to convince him that at that age 1 will be enough. We'll just have to wait and see where life takes us....
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  #92  
Old 07-30-2007, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by randys_girl4eva
i was just wondering if your spouse had a long term sentence 10 years or more and if the both of you discuss about having a child together would you wait or have second thoughts thinking that you're not getting any younger and i know any woman don't want to wait until they get too old to try to have a child
Quick question sweety, Where is Randy @? I have a friend that his name is Randy also and i was wondering if its the same person. About waiting 10 or more yrs for a man to get out of prison I would definately think about it. If you really want children and are willing to wait 10 or more yrs go for it. If I was you I wouldn't be able to wait that long. Having children is a womans dream come true. Hope all goes well and God Bless!
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  #93  
Old 08-06-2007, 08:14 PM
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I am hoping my husband will get out on appeal, i hired him a really expensive lawyer but if not the whole having a kid situation really gets me down. I hate that there is not conjugal visits in arizona, and I don't think you can have sperm mailed to have it artificially inseminated. I know there was a big case about it a couple of years ago where the court ruled that the right to procreate does not survive incarceration. This is not fair to the wives of prisoners, our right to procreate has not been taken away by the prison system and neither has our marital rights. I hope this law changes soon because if this appeal doesnt work then there is no hope.
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  #94  
Old 08-13-2007, 08:42 PM
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Default I don't think I'd wait...

I aid no that I wouldn't wait only because I'm hoping to have our first child while he is still incarcerated. If I wait, I'll be 37 when he gets home and he'll be 42. I already have 3 children that will be 18,15, and 12. I am in school now and i am hoping if I wait until after I get my degree and get settled in my business, I will be able to have a baby right before he comes home. Lord willing the baby will be about 3 or so and then he'll be home to help... Do I sound crazy???
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Old 09-06-2007, 04:48 PM
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This may sound crazy but, sinnababi I had a dream about that same thing when he first got sentenced. He thought I was crazy when I told him about it. So right now I am hoping that his parole will be granted next year or anytime before 2010.
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  #96  
Old 10-17-2007, 11:14 PM
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Wow, just when you thought you were the only woman with such issues, lol! My husband is doing 15- life and I am 26, and I regret not having kids before he went down, but at the time I didnt know that it would be 15 + years before I would get another chance. For now I involve myself with getting involoved with Family Comes First whom are inthe works of getting the reinstatement of "Family Visits" back on the 08 ballot. Though I wont children more than anything, I dont know if I could do it alone... Those as many of you other ladies have stated... I will be 35 at his earliest parole hearing, so waiting may not be the best option either. I am glad to see that other woman too struggle with these decisions.
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Old 10-17-2007, 11:17 PM
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Oh, and just incase any of you wanted to get involved as well go to the FCF website it's Family Visiting dot com
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  #98  
Old 11-10-2007, 06:36 PM
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My man has 5 years and some months left and I don't have any kids. He has a 6 yr. old son who I treat like he was my own. But im 25 now and i'll be 30 by the time he gets out, and I think the older you get the more you think about wanting kids.
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Old 11-20-2007, 05:45 PM
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When i seen this thread it brought such a smile to my face..i had been married for 19 years and NEVER EVER wanted kids but once tim and i got engaged its something we both want and will try to get pregnant as soon as he comes home another 1-5 years i hope its closer to 1 year i'm not getting younger lol
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Old 11-29-2007, 07:59 PM
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We have talked a lot about kids. We both want them and God willing.. we will be blessed upon his release to be parents.
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