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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: if your spouse had a long tern sentence and you want a child by him would you wait?
yes 331 67.69%
no 74 15.13%
maybe 84 17.18%
Voters: 489. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 09-03-2005, 10:38 PM
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My man went in when he was 17, when he gets out he will have done 15 years. I know that we don't have that long to wait nor will we be that old, I'll be 28 when he gets out. But I am definately waiting for him. I wanted to have a kid by the time I was 26, but that's not going to happen and I'm ok with that.
He's worth the wait, I want a family with him and only him.
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  #27  
Old 09-04-2005, 06:04 PM
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This is something we have been discussing a lot lately. When I was 21 I was pregnant by him and miscarried. Then, during the 4 years when we had broken up, he had a child by another woman. I have been in a lot of pain over that, it killed me. He has assured me that he definitely wants to have a baby with me, and since the mother of his child took off and left the baby with her mom, he wants me to help him raise her, too. I will be 36 when he gets out so its certainly a possibility. I have always wanted to have his baby! He told me at our last visit that as soon as he gets out he will be on a mission to get me pregnant so if I want to wait I'd better get on the pill beforehand!
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  #28  
Old 09-16-2005, 07:14 PM
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I said "yes" to this question, simply because if I were to have children it would be with him he is the one man in my life that has always wanted children and has loved both them and myself unconditionally. He has been locked up for seven years and has another ten to go so by the time he gets home he and I both will be thirty five. That to me is too old to be starting a family but he has already lost so much behind those walls I don't think I could take that from him also. He says tells me it is solely my discison but as of right now I would. Now in another ten years I don't know.
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  #29  
Old 09-26-2005, 09:47 PM
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My baby and I talked about this yesterday during our visit. When he gets out he will be 42 and I will be 41 so we both thought that when he is down to five years we could try for a baby and that way I won't be to old to give birth and the baby won't be to old to not grow up without knowing his father.
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  #30  
Old 09-27-2005, 04:06 PM
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That is my problem...I'm 25 now and he will be 28...he is in for at least another 20 years.I do live he but i'm not sure if i can wait for him..i will be almost 45 when he gets out.Neither of us have any kids.
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  #31  
Old 09-28-2005, 08:57 PM
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Sweetam , you are still young so don't count yourself out for kids yet . For right now just concentrate on being happy with your boo. When things are meant to be they always have a way of working out.
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  #32  
Old 10-19-2005, 09:13 PM
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By the time he gets a chance at parole which is in 2020 cuz he was sentenced to 21 years ill be about 34 and hell be bout 39. at times i worry about it being too late hen im not to sure if it is i do not want to have babies at that age if i will sacrifce the babies health. anyone gave birth around 35-40??? please post itll be really nice to hear stories that went well. he wants kidsasap but its hard raising kids on my own. Im thinking like PBE maybe when he has bout 3-5 yrs left on his sentence we can make a baby on an frp cuz i am in ny and thank god it is a state where we can have family visits... but at times i do feel discouraged we're in this together ladies....
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  #33  
Old 10-20-2005, 02:48 AM
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J.R. and i have discussed kids for when he gets out ...he wants 3 we will be in our 30's so i dont know if we can get down that route but i gues it dont really hurt to try haha...we will see
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  #34  
Old 11-17-2005, 01:01 AM
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i have no kids and i would really like to have one before i get too old my husband has a life sentence i wish they would hive back family visits to lifers! but i guesse thats just a wish.
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  #35  
Old 11-23-2005, 12:34 PM
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Default This is the case for us..

My man and I have 2 daughters (1 of them is biologically his). However, we both want to try one more time for a son. And since this is the man that I've loved for 5 years now, regardless that his sentence is for 11 years, I can't fathom seeing myself conceive with anyone else other than him.
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  #36  
Old 11-23-2005, 12:45 PM
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I don't have any kids. He has a 10 yr old daughter. My husband has been in for 11 years...up for parole in 20 months, CR date in 2 years. I am not sure how "sure" CR dates are, and if I can even rely on that. He is eligible for a transfer to another facility in May. So hopefully we may have our chance at FRP's. We were just discussing kids this past weekend on a visit, and we both have baby fever BAD. I told him if and when we ever do get FRP's, I dont want to try to get pregnant then. I would rather wait for him to get home so he can go through the whole pregnancy ordeal with me, and delivery etc. He missed out on all that with is daughter because his ex was pregnant when he got locked up.
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  #37  
Old 01-03-2006, 09:41 AM
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You can have children at 40 yrs old and still be fine. My moms friend had her son at 43 and he is now 17 yrs old. I will be 47 when he comes home but i wont have kids at that age and now at 38 I dont know what to do. I would love a child with my husband but i dont know when he comes home he would want to jump in as a father. Him and I will be making for all this time lost together. So for me I dont know at this moment
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  #38  
Old 01-11-2006, 08:08 PM
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It seems more and more common that women are having children later in life. So I am still looking for to that even if I am 40.
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  #39  
Old 01-17-2006, 09:01 PM
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well my hubby just got resentence to 10yrs and we to have had this same coversation, see I have 2 a young lady 24 and a young man 18andyes the nest is all most empty and My Hubby has 4 ages 27 &24 &15 & 14 and he really want us to have kids see I'm 40 now and he is 50 right now I just don't see it, see my baby has been locked up sense 2002 and is prd is 2011 that's why I dont see unless GOd cause a mircile to happen.
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  #40  
Old 01-17-2006, 10:41 PM
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My man has been in there 3 years and hes doing a bid of "18 to life". I have 3 children from previous marriage and I support them now. He loves muh kids etc and we have talked about having one of our own but I think we know in reality that it might just NOT happen. As much as if my body was able and I prolly would...that because he don't get a chance of parole until 2022 and that is NOT guranteed...we know deep down that it Might not happen. I wish things were diff as anyone else does Im sure!! Hes willing to accept my kids as he already has but in letters he talks about me "carrying his seed" *cries*

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  #41  
Old 01-21-2006, 10:20 PM
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My husband and I were 28 years old when he went into prison and that was 23 years ago. We knew I would be too old to have children by the time he's released, so I became very persistent and found a doctor who would go into the prison and freeze my husband's sperm in order to have a child by artificial insemination. I got the permission of the warden and the governor because it wasn't a security risk at all since the doc was going inside. It cost quite a bit of money for the doctor - he took five trips in - and then I had trouble getting pregnant so had to go to a fertility specialist. Five years from when we started on this project, I gave birth to our son. He's now 16 and a great kid. So, no, I couldn't have waited but I didn't take no for an answer. Looking back on it, I have to say that being in a good financial place to raise a child with one income is important. Extended family or good friends to help with the "single parenting" issue is another. And be prepared to really work at giving your child a healthy outlook regarding his/her father's situation. I know just how very lucky we were to have a warden who was willing to allow this!! I send him a thank you note every year, even after he changed jobs to another state. Zelda
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  #42  
Old 01-30-2006, 12:06 PM
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Well, if Chris get out erd, I'll be 28. If he maxes (highly unlikely, but still possible), I will be 32. My doctor's theory is that under normal circumstances, age is not as important a factor as the woman's health. Therefore, I take vitamins, eat right, don't smoke...etc.

That said, my friend met her husband when she was 28. She had her first beautiful princess at age 32, her second beautiful princess at age 34, and her handsome prince at age 35. All are healthy, and she had normal, uncomplicated pregnancies/deliveries. She just made sure to keep her body in shape until they were ready for kids.
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  #43  
Old 01-30-2006, 04:05 PM
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My man and I have talked about having children, but we are still not ready to take on such a big step. We're still learning about each other and stuff. He told me he doesn't want to bring a child into the world when he knows, himself, that he's just not ready because of having been in prison since he was a teenager. He missed out on a lot of things that most people get to do. He wants to live a little... and then once he gets used to the outs then that's maybe when he'll want to. I want children though... one of these days. I want to be a mama and a wife!
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  #44  
Old 02-06-2006, 09:50 PM
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My husband has been in for 18 years out of a 15 to life, they denied his 1st parole board...(NY state) and with Pataki's regeme, they are repeatedly denying parole to ALL A-1 felons, letting only a handful out each year. The inmate gets to go every 2 years. I am turning 32 this year, and was already diagnosed with fertility issues, at this rate I will be childless!
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  #45  
Old 02-13-2006, 09:09 AM
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Im going throw this decision right now,my honey is not sentenced but the Da is looking to give him 12-15 and his defender doesnt sound very hopeful to get it lowered, my man is 23 and im 29 ihave two kids from previous relationship and so does he, but i so want a baby with him and he does also, but the sad truth is that if he sentence to 12-15 i will be over 40 and he will be close to 40 which is not a big deal for him but for me, i dont know i will be able to have any kids by then, my mom went through early menopause at 35 and the doctor told me it can happen to me also. so now iam wondering what to do, my and my man on top of that never got to be intimate and all my friends are telling me am i crazy to even think about wasting my whole young adult life on a man for that many years and alone. im so confused and scared, i cant see myself with another man but what the heck should i do now?
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  #46  
Old 02-13-2006, 09:46 AM
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Only you can make that decision, all be it a difficult one to make. I suggest taking it one day at a time, see how this incarceration fits into your life, explore your emotions and feelings during this experience, and you will be able to determine for yourself wether or not you will want to wait. Question also why your man was locked up, and could he have made better choices. Consider how he treated you, good / bad? How long you have been together. This is kinda like making a "laundry list" recognizing all the pro's and con's in your past, present, and future relationship. I am living life (18years so far) without my husband, and it is a hard life. With that being said, I truly love him and I believe in what we have, so here I am. Just remember the answer is inside of you.
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  #47  
Old 02-13-2006, 08:52 PM
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Me and my boyfriend discussed having a baby when he comes home because he wants a son but I will be 38. Do you guys think that is too old to have a child?
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  #48  
Old 02-14-2006, 10:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kthornton
Me and my boyfriend discussed having a baby when he comes home because he wants a son but I will be 38. Do you guys think that is too old to have a child?
NO, in my opinion it's not "too old".

We're also planning to have a child whenever we get the chance . . . . and that could still be awhile. I'm 33 now. Good Luck!!!
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  #49  
Old 02-15-2006, 09:35 PM
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Too bad the Fed's don't have conjigal's, I could try and get a head start. LOL
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  #50  
Old 02-23-2006, 10:17 AM
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James and I have talked about it. And in the begining I was upset all the time cause I thought we might not be-able to have kids. But I've had time to think about it and since he's gonna be gone for another 8 years...there is alot we're missing out on. So we've come to the conclusion that if we have a child that will be great and if we don't that means it will be more time for us to just be-able to go and do the things we want to do. He's more concerned about my health at having a baby at the age of 45 or more...I'll be 45 once he comes home.
But I voted "YES" I would wait cause I'm not gonna go have a child with anyone else and I'm not gonna leave the man I'm ment to be with because I may or may not be-able to have a child one day. We have plenty of neices and nephews and cousins and such not too mention friends and other family members so we will in no way feel as if we are missing out on anything if we don't or are not able to have a child.

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