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Adult Children and Siblings of Inmates For Adult Children, brothers and sisters of prisoners

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Old 06-06-2017, 09:03 AM
AR1234 AR1234 is offline
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Originally Posted by jessicahope17 View Post
Hi!! I'm new to this site as well, today is my first day. First off, I'm sorry about what you and your father and entire family are going through. I know it's hard, but as long as you let him know that you're there for him-that will mean more than anything in the world to him. My dad went to prison for life when I was 10, he's been gone for 18 years and is never coming home. I'm the only person in my family, the only person in the outside world actually, that communicates with him. His mother has passed, his brother has passed, my mother doesn't want to communicate with him and neither does my brother. Anyway, I think what makes me feel better is knowing i'm not alone. The worst part I've dealt with since I was a child is the shame or idea that my dad is in prison somehow makes me less than. It makes me not a normal kid, a kid with a disadvantage in life, it was and still is humiliating for me to talk about my dad being in prison bc I feel like it's a reflection of me or who I am. I know logically it's not true, but that's how I feel. I'm glad you posted and hope you have a good day girl!

Thank you for reaching out! That means a lot. I'm newer to the system but I know how you feel. My mom doesn't want anything to do with my dad, my sister wants nothing to do with him, neither does his dad. It's only my grandmother and I who communicate with him, and she is old.
Things have gotten much better after the sentencing and once he settled down and such. But it's always still awkward explaining to people. I've been dating someone for 3 months and I think he knows something's going on but has no idea my dads in prison still. It's always an awkward topic, and like you said, can make you and your family feel lesser than even though that's silly in reality.
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Old 06-07-2017, 06:12 AM
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GingerM GingerM is offline
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Originally Posted by prison_daughter View Post
This whole thing came as a shock to me. I feel an immense amount of pain and then a numbness at other times. I am starting to feel withdrawn to everyone in my life because I find it hard to relate to them or their problems. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to face. My father is 68 years old and the idea of him in prison breaks my heart. I worry so much about him and wonder what types of things he will miss out on, like my wedding, first child, etc.
This (if you're lucky) is the worst thing you'll ever have to endure in your life. My father died of cancer while in prison - his DEATH was not as intensely emotionally disruptive as the initial arrest/trial/sentencing/first few months in prison.

Of course you feel pain. You have "lost" a loved one, yet they are still alive. Psychologically, it's not much different from the people who have loved ones disappear, never to be found again, with the worry and the wondering and the waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

And yes, you'll withdraw from people - of course you will. How many people in your life outside of the internet have experience with the prison system enough to be able to support you? How many can even relate? How many recoil in horror? Why subject yourself to that? You're already grieving (really, that is what you're going through - stages of grief), why subject yourself to people who, even if they want to, cannot possibly begin to relate?

And being overwhelmed with grief, how can you look at "normal" problems that others have and feel much sympathy for them? I remember wanting to scream "You're upset because your son didn't get a patch in boyscouts??!! My father's in eff'ing PRISON!" It changes your entire outlook on everything in life.

Originally Posted by prison_daughter View Post
Glad to find a support group that helps me feel like I'm not alone in this nightmare.
Us? We do understand. We've been through it. We know that you're at the tail end of the worst of it all. Not that it will be sunshine and rainbows from here on out, but the worst of the emotional hell is nearing its end.

You found a soft place to land.
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AR1234 (06-07-2017), fbopnomore (06-07-2017), onparoleinTO (06-07-2017)


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