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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 09-19-2020, 06:41 PM
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Default MWI 3 month update

It's now been 3 months that my husband has been home. I posted an update at one month because my husband was experiencing post-prison depression. Things are going really well between us, and I know we are going to last. I was so scared because I read so many horror stories on here. It seemed like everyone either broke up at the 3-week mark once the guy started ghosting them, or by the 3 month mark. I'm happy to say things are getting better every day. My husband got on a med for anxiety and depression and that has helped sooooooooo much. I didn't realize that a lot of his unhappiness was stemming from feeling completely overwhelmed at literally everything. It was hard to tell because he wasn't saying things like "I'm so overwhelmed!" or "This is too much!" or "I can't do this!" it was more so coming out as "I hate my life" and "Nothing makes me happy." I think also, now that he's been out for a few months he's starting to think more long term. I think there was always this overwhelming undercurrent of feeling that said "You are going to go back to prison at any time and you aren't living life to the fullest and doing amazing things." And now that he realizes that he's actually going to make it in the free world I think he's slowly realizing that he has the ability to set long term goals and start hobbies and just sort of slow down a little. He tried to get me to finance a 30-40k car for him, assuring me that he would make the monthly payments so it's not even a problem for me. And when I refused he was so upset because he wanted to be able to feel like a success and drive a fancy car "at least once before I die" and I'm like, yeah you have like 50 more years to do that, but it was like he felt so panicked like time is running out he is going to go back to prison at any moment. And now he's definitely chilled out and apologized for putting me in that position and he purchased a sensible car and it's his goal to possibly buy a nicer one next year. Anyways I'm just rambling. Another thing that we really struggled with was him talking to other women -as friends- but it still really upset me. He never said anything inappropriate, but just the fact that he was getting to know other women on Facebook, I put a stop to that really fast. He also gave his number to this girl who he hit it off with and they talked and texted for like 2 days and when I found out I was extremely upset. It pisses me off that I have to teach "the rules" to a grown man because he's never really been in a relationship before. At first he was really upset about it because he didn't want to feel controlled and since he wasn't saying anything inappropriate he felt like he has the right to speak to anyone or befriend anyone he wants. And no offense to anyone out there who lets their husband befriend other women, but that's just not the type of wife I am. I have really strong boundaries with other men, and I expect the same from my husband. He's been respecting this pretty well. I think when men get out of prison they go through a phase where they want to know if "they still got it" and I'm hoping it will eventually go away. It seems to have gone away. I should mention he never lied to me or said anything inappropriate to my knowledge. Um what else. Yeah I dunno, things are just good. He hasn't had any desire to drink or use drugs which is awesome. We get along pretty good and love eachother a lot. We met and married within a few months of first writing eachother and I waited for him for 5 years. I do feel like I do a lotttttt for him, but he is able to do more and more for himself every day which is awesome. I'll come back in a few months for another update but so far so good.
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Old 09-19-2020, 09:19 PM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Transition from prison to a society that is unlike anything you have ever experienced before is hard. I'm glad he has figured it out, and that you guys are doing so well.
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Old 09-20-2020, 05:15 AM
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I'm glad that things are working out for you. I don't know how much time your husband did, but transitioning from prison to society is extremely tough. Mine did over 20 years, and it was like he wanted to do everything all at once. He wanted to be a "success" like right now. We had many a talk about that and what "success" really is. So, I do understand what you're talking about.


One day a time and lots of communication, and you two will be fine.
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Old 09-20-2020, 10:37 PM
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It’s great to hear things are going well. I’m happy for you both.
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Old 09-21-2020, 06:26 PM
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Default MWI 3 month update

Thanks for the update! So happy for you!

And yes, I remember feeling like I was doing sooooooo much for him. I slowly but surely put more and more on his plate, but it took time. When you’re gone, you don’t really have any independence or many choices, so it can be a lot when they come home.

And we also went through the Facebook phase and it was a “hell no” from me as well. It was like he wanted to come out and reconnect with every single person he’d ever know and that included exes and god knows who else. And it took him a little while to calm down and understand the way social media plays into relationships. And also to realize that I wasn’t the women he’d been with in the past.

But time heals most things.

Enjoy your time together!!! Very happy for ya
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