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  #1  
Old 08-15-2018, 09:02 AM
david92506 david92506 is offline
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Default Female Prisoners / Pen Pals Asking For Money

I've written to several female prisoners from writeaprisoner.com and each one always asks for money.

It's my belief that if a prisoner posts an ad and says she is NOT looking for financial or legal support, then she shouldn't be asking people for money. I always offer to send money for stamps but they want more than that.

Is this common for other people too?
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Old 08-15-2018, 09:05 AM
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It happens but usually not that fast. Canít blame them for trying but if you donít want that then tell them and maybe expect some rude words but move on.
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Old 08-15-2018, 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted by david92506 View Post
I've written to several female prisoners from writeaprisoner.com and each one always asks for money.

It's my belief that if a prisoner posts an ad and says she is NOT looking for financial or legal support, then she shouldn't be asking people for money. I always offer to send money for stamps but they want more than that.

Is this common for other people too?
Just a bit of a reality check - money and financial aid are probably the two most desired things a prisoner wants.

The sparkling conversation and wonderful friendship provided by total strangers, and a LOT of them, come in a distant 3rd and 4th.
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Old 08-15-2018, 10:27 AM
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Yep...and it's commonly how people get their feelings hurt. Make it known from the very start that you will not be sending money. That will weed them out. Scammers are everywhere.
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Old 08-15-2018, 10:38 AM
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I am sorry to hear you have had a bad experience. I always state in my first letter that I do not send money or run errands.That puts off most scammers but not all. Some try their their luck and think they can cleverly manipulate.
Penpals are big business behind bars, but you can find good penpals it just takes a while to find them.
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Old 08-15-2018, 11:12 AM
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Just a bit of a reality check - money and financial aid are probably the two most desired things a prisoner wants.

The sparkling conversation and wonderful friendship provided by total strangers, and a LOT of them, come in a distant 3rd and 4th.
If a female's profile state that they are NOT looking for financial or legal help, I would assume that they are looking for "sparkling conversation and a wonderful relationship."

I'm a social person and belong to a lot of social groups. I also have tried online dating sites. It seems to me that most everyone (not all) are so self-absorbed and self-centered that they can't see beyond their own nose unless they want something from you. I just thought female prisoners would be different, especially if they write they are NOT looking for money. They would be more honest.
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Old 08-15-2018, 11:20 AM
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If a female's profile state that they are NOT looking for financial or legal help, I would assume that they are looking for "sparkling conversation and a wonderful relationship."

I'm a social person and belong to a lot of social groups. I also have tried online dating sites. It seems to me that most everyone (not all) are so self-absorbed and self-centered that they can't see beyond their own nose unless they want something from you. I just thought female prisoners would be different, especially if they write they are NOT looking for money. They would be more honest.
A complete stranger expecting convicted felons that you reach out to at random to "be more honest" might be where you started going astray.

While belonging to a lot of local social groups discussing coffee and rainfall might be the norm outside prison, there are precious few concerns of those inside prison. Getting money and legal help top the list, and they need someone on the outside to assist with it.

Enter the pen-pal.

Actually, where female prisoners are concerned, enter the truckload of pen-pals. Every one of them has what the inmate needs - money and access to lawyers.

For the ones wanting that conversation, believe me, they have all they can stand of it. One pen-pal after another.

I'll let your experience speak for itself.
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Old 08-15-2018, 11:35 AM
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A complete stranger expecting convicted felons that you reach out to at random to "be more honest" might be where you started going astray.

While belonging to a lot of local social groups discussing coffee and rainfall might be the norm outside prison, there are precious few concerns of those inside prison. Getting money and legal help top the list, and they need someone on the outside to assist with it.

Enter the pen-pal.

Actually, where female prisoners are concerned, enter the truckload of pen-pals. Every one of them has what the inmate needs - money and access to lawyers.

For the ones wanting that conversation, believe me, they have all they can stand of it. One pen-pal after another.

I'll let your experience speak for itself.
Thank you for writing back. I didn't know those female inmates get a lot of emails and many of those men are willing to financially help out.

I was hoping you would be so kind as to answer this question:
If a female prisoner is receiving a lot of emails from men who are offering financial assistance, then why are female prisoners putting in their profile that they are NOT looking for financial help? Wouldn't it be better to say they are looking for financial assistance? That way they wouldn't have to weed out the men who are only willing to provide stamps or money for stamps?
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Old 08-15-2018, 01:14 PM
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Because a lot of people, men and women, will end up sending money or providing other support even when they started off not wanting to.

Some do it with eyes wide open, and some end up in the "When the relationship is over" forum.

Many prisoners are accomplished con artists. They have to be in that setting. They're in prison for something. Running a con is the least of their offenses, and every person who contacts them is a potential payday.

All that is not just related to a bunch of people in prison - go start up a conversation with a bunch of people hanging around in front of a liquor store, tell them you want to be their friend, and see what happens.

Just an unsolicited piece of advice - if inmates not being completely honest and up front with you is something that never occurred to you, you might want to write to older folks in homes, deployed servicemen, etc. No group is 100% without con artists, but you picked the most skilled group of people to lead you around that you could have picked. You're just what they're looking for.

Last edited by Straight; 08-15-2018 at 01:26 PM..
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Old 08-15-2018, 11:16 PM
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I have known a fair number of female prisoners who I feel are honest with me. Some have been very candid that they're just looking for someone to send them money; some have said they're just looking for someone to feel connected to; some have said they're looking for a post-prison relationship. I'm only including in this list people who already know exactly what they will and won't get from me, and therefore have no reason to lie to me.

But still remember that all these women have one thing in common - they are convicted felons. They have shown they will engage in antisocial behavior, including fraud, theft, and violence. Every one will tell you "I'm not the same person I was, I've learned my lesson" but what do you expect them to say. I know at least one who basically confessed to me that she'll just be smarter next time and not get caught.

I send money to people in prison (mostly but not exclusively female). But I can afford it, and I do it in the full knowledge that any or all of them could fall off the face of the earth at any moment, whether before or after release.
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Old 08-16-2018, 01:39 AM
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Still... I find this despicable... doesn't matter if men or women do it - I mean the deliberate and scheming kind.
But it really always takes 2 to tango... one who does it and one who allows it...
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Old 08-16-2018, 04:28 AM
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"I know at least one who basically confessed to me that she'll just be smarter next time and not get caught."

When I was in federal prisons I heard this exact same comment time after time. No remorse over the crime itself just remorse that they got caught.
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Old 08-16-2018, 08:28 PM
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Most of those sites likely refuse to post an ad unless they claimed they were not seeking financial assistance.

The unfortunate reality is that MANY (not all) of the females put the con in convict...they know that males do not typically think with the head on top of the shoulders. They have the misguided belief that they will find love on the head of a pen and a stamp. As such, the female offender knows how to play that game and get what they need. I even had one client that conned her pen-pal into paying my fee...and then getting upset when the materials pointed out her still-existing marriage (to another pen pal).

Those that actually want 'friendship' and 'conversation' will continue to write once you make it clear you won't be opening up the bank book...but even amongst that group, you would do well to avoid the pool as a viable dating option. It often fails for the same reason as any other online avenue tends to fail...you NEVER see the REAL person. Spend some time reading stories here and you will see many who told their PP/MWI everything they wanted to hear...right up to the day of the release. Then it was Jeckyll and Hyde.
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Old 08-16-2018, 09:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by safran View Post
"I know at least one who basically confessed to me that she'll just be smarter next time and not get caught."

When I was in federal prisons I heard this exact same comment time after time. No remorse over the crime itself just remorse that they got caught.
And it is no different with men's prisons in state. So many prisoners straight up bragging about their crimes, looking forward to the day they get out so they can once again get high / get wasted, or pull off the next perfect heist, or whatever other criminal scheme they think they can get away with next time.

And I hate to say it, but in many ways men are more gullible than women are when it comes to penpal scams. That's why so many male prisoners pretend to be gay so as to fleece unsuspecting men who will send them lots of money. Because it works in so many cases.

Same tune, different channel.
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Old 08-17-2018, 10:02 AM
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Most of those sites likely refuse to post an ad unless they claimed they were not seeking financial assistance.

The unfortunate reality is that MANY (not all) of the females put the con in convict...they know that males do not typically think with the head on top of the shoulders. They have the misguided belief that they will find love on the head of a pen and a stamp.
Reading through the "When the relationship is over" forum, I don't think it's just men that have alternate means of thinking.

In fact... it isn't. And it would seem that male inmates are keenly aware of that as well.
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Old 08-18-2018, 06:08 AM
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Having for years heard all the stories and scams I'm never going to send a dime even for stamps. After my husband died I thought I'd try pen-paling, big mistake I had nothing in common except I had money thats what pen pal was looking for not in terms of oh yeah I need $200. for new whatever but it was building to that point. Instead I send money to St. Judes for childrens cancer!!!
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Old 08-18-2018, 05:14 PM
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They don’t check the financial assistance box because you wouldn’t have written to them if they had. Scams are a numbers game and especially now with email options, it costs them very little to keep the machine running. Seriously... how many are checking the box to add a prepaid response to your jpays? Or sending money for stamps? It costs them nothing but time, and they’ve got time.

If you think the women in your social groups are difficult... I’m sorry, but the women in prisons are the same women you meet in the streets. Just add in a handful of addiction, mental illness, and criminal knowledge on top.
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