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  #26  
Old 06-04-2012, 01:31 PM
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Well I am a mother and my daugher who is 26 will be coming home next week. I don't know what to expect and am scared. Please help me. This is the first time in prison (not jail though) and she got six months. She calls and is crying, her baby was 3 months old (first and only child) so she has missed her "baby life" mostly. What can a mother do? I am so worried about her. God please helps us.
Pray a lot.
Offer support but expect that she follow guidelines such as obeying her parole guidelines and just allow her time to de-compress from the stress without expecting too much.
It will all be O.K.,just take it a day at a time.
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  #27  
Old 06-07-2012, 02:31 AM
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I went on amazon and read several reviews on PTSD because there is obviously nothing on PICS alot of them that are focused on military personal after war but it says it is very helpful for anyone in a similar situation with regards to confinement, abuse, traumatic events alot of them have coping strategys so the person dealing with this can read the signs and come up with solutions to minimize the effects. They seem very helpful.
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  #28  
Old 06-09-2012, 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted by J&Loct15 View Post
I went on amazon and read several reviews on PTSD because there is obviously nothing on PICS alot of them that are focused on military personal after war but it says it is very helpful for anyone in a similar situation with regards to confinement, abuse, traumatic events alot of them have coping strategys so the person dealing with this can read the signs and come up with solutions to minimize the effects. They seem very helpful.
I wish there was more out there on PICS. It has definitely gotten better with my boyfriend, but there are still some things he has a hard time with. Too many choices so I have to order food for him...he gets tense in crowded places, etc. And I would say that there are a lot of similarities in how someone in the military with PTSD might be and someone with PICS is. Obviously being in a combat zone is more dangerous, but both have the constant on-edge feeling, the need to look over your shoulder, etc. And time does not stop when you are deployed, just like when you're locked up. Also even just being told what to do and when you can do it, and having no control over your schedule...very similar.
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Old 06-15-2012, 05:15 AM
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This is the first time I have ever been involved with anyone who ran afoul of the law and I need information on what to expect from him once he's released in August. He's been inside for 10 years now, he told me before we hooked up 6 years ago that he was always in the hole for one thing or another. However he's only been in the hole once (while they investigated his black eye he received during a baseball game) since I have been with him. I told him at the beginning that I don't know how to interact with people who breaks the law and refuse to start and if he wanted to be with me he had to walk a tight line and stay out of trouble. So far so good.

But what should I expect from him, or help him with, once they kick him loose?

This article has given me a little insight into what a mess they are giving me. I just hope that we can weather the storms together. I'll keep researching, but if you got any tips or information that will help me out, it will be greatly appreciated.

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Old 06-16-2012, 01:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Morganna McGee View Post
This is the first time I have ever been involved with anyone who ran afoul of the law and I need information on what to expect from him once he's released in August. He's been inside for 10 years now, he told me before we hooked up 6 years ago that he was always in the hole for one thing or another. However he's only been in the hole once (while they investigated his black eye he received during a baseball game) since I have been with him. I told him at the beginning that I don't know how to interact with people who breaks the law and refuse to start and if he wanted to be with me he had to walk a tight line and stay out of trouble. So far so good.

But what should I expect from him, or help him with, once they kick him loose?
Morganna-
I can relate. I had never dated or even been close to someone who had been incarcerated or anything. I am as straight-laced as they come. My boyfriend was only in for half as long as your man, and everybody is different...but I have noticed mine is sometimes uncomfortable in public places/big groups, doesn't like to be in vulnerable positions, and hates food courts because they remind him of the chow hall (or whatever they call it in prison, I know that's what they call it in the military). It takes some time to adapt, but I didn't even know my boyfriend had been incarcerated when I first met him and he had only been out for about a month. Something else I may have mentioned in my previous post is that it was hard for him to choose from a lot of options...he was very used to being told what to do and when to do it. He also told me that in the first couple of weeks after he got out, he got up early every single day and would just go walk for hours. And that the first meal he ate on the outside made him sick because he was so used to eating crap. lol. I hope this helps. I think the best thing somebody could ask for when they get out is a supportive person or supportive people, and it is clear he has that with you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
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  #31  
Old 06-23-2012, 04:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Morganna McGee View Post
This is the first time I have ever been involved with anyone who ran afoul of the law and I need information on what to expect from him once he's released in August. He's been inside for 10 years now, he told me before we hooked up 6 years ago that he was always in the hole for one thing or another. However he's only been in the hole once (while they investigated his black eye he received during a baseball game) since I have been with him. I told him at the beginning that I don't know how to interact with people who breaks the law and refuse to start and if he wanted to be with me he had to walk a tight line and stay out of trouble. So far so good.

But what should I expect from him, or help him with, once they kick him loose?

This article has given me a little insight into what a mess they are giving me. I just hope that we can weather the storms together. I'll keep researching, but if you got any tips or information that will help me out, it will be greatly appreciated.

Morganna
Accept him as he is, let him find his own balance and keep your expectations low. And give it time - he needs to find a way to take care of himself without you "teaching" him or "guiding" him too much (unless I asks). In other words try not to be over controlling or keep him on a short leash, he needs to feel like he's not a child after being told when to piss, sleep and eat for all these years. It will be hard for him (and you, if you're going to live with him) for at least a year. If you get through that first year you have gotten through the worst.

Being controlling and constant reminders (both subtle and not so subtle) of how much you did and are doing for him are deadly to post-prison relationships.

Decide what you can and can not deal with before he's released and stick to that. For example, I knew I could NOT deal with a drug addict or an alcoholic (active OR inactive) or an abuser. Be flexible about everything else.

Breaking the law again wasn't an issue since I probably wouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place had that been the case - he's a smart man and knows that if he wants to stay out of prison he can't break the law. He never needed me to tell him something so obvious.

So in short; toss out the short leash and being controlling. Adopt flexibility and patience. It's quite something to see someone grow and mature on their own merits without feeling like they owe someone else.
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  #32  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:15 AM
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Red face PICS post incarceration syndrome

Hi, I am a psych nurse who is always studying. I became interested in PICS a few years ago when I was working in an inpatient psych unit and met a client who was diagnosed. He had been incarcerated for over 20 years for rape but had been let out. Time served. He was one of the most talented artists I have ever encountered but he couldn't make decisions, he was suicidally depressed, he was homeless and couldn't find a job.

Now, several years later I find myself in a relationship with someone who has only been out of prison for a few months after about a seven year lock up. Prior to his incarceration he was self medicating bipolar disorder with drugs and alcohol. He and I are currently working on having an honest, real, intimate friendship. I want emotionally healthy. It is why I took a step back and really looked at him. I believe he is worth the investment. The more I get to know the nitty gritty of him the more I know he is suffering from PICS. I have yet to find a support group or find where I can suggest he get "plugged in" to get the help he needs adjusting to being out in the real world with all the changes and challenges that face him. Any suggestions? Any where I can find community resources?

Here is what I can describe about what he struggles with: he can't stand loud noise or "chaos", too many choices, like what order off a drive thru menu, can overwhelm him, he exhibits anger in spontaneous outbursts, he frustrates easily, he has already been self medicating with drugs and alcohol after over seven years clean and sober, he has been physically aggressive and bordering abusive (pulled hair, shoved, thrown things) with me, had sexual dysfunction initially, he didn't know how to operate things like a cell phone, computer, coffee maker, he seems lot stay overwhelmed with the technology we all take for granted. He is working, he maintains his own apartment and car but he describes his feelings most of the time as "I just feel so lost out here." he isolates, he exhibits generalized paranoia, he is depressed, he is fairly non trusting.

I hope sharing this helps and if there is any advise or resources out there that someone else knows about ......please share!

Thanx!
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  #33  
Old 01-11-2013, 09:29 AM
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Sorry I can't help with any resources but I'm wondering if you look at the "before incarceration" if it is much different from the "after". I know I've had to be very careful not to let knowledge of disorders interfere with just plain old human caring.

I understand 100% where you are coming from and good for you for taking a step to take care of yourself. I believe most people are worth our love and compassion also, I just think you need to really decide if you are at a point in life where you can make that type of committment to that type of relationship. It is a long haul. When everything has been taken from them, sometimes they aren't afraid to lose everything if that makes sense. And always remember, do no harm. So if you can't be in it for the long run, you need to take care of yourself and respect him by getting out soon. One book I have found for we "savers" of the world that at least will make you feel like what you are talking about is doable is "Back from the looking glass" by Kim Cooper. Good luck and stay safe. website www.narcissismdailymirror.com/.../resources-suggestions-a...
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  #34  
Old 01-12-2013, 12:04 PM
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If he is already using drugs and alcohol, pulling YOUR hair, shoving and throwing things at YOU, I think he is doing very poorly and I think you are tolerating abuse--NOT borderline abuse. I would be concerned about entering a relationship with someone who already exhibits these behaviors and who is paranoid and depressed. He is in need of psychological services ASAP, even if you can't find anyone who specializes in PICS. Someone who works with PTSD in adults could probably be helpful, and I would suggest it be a male.

I'm sorry he is going through this, and I would be very concerned that he gets help before he becomes completely self-destructive and before he injures you. I hope you will also realize that you are already tolerating abuse and this is not emotionally healthy for either of you.
I hope you will look into therapy for yourself as well. Good luck.


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Originally Posted by Tryin2bok View Post
Hi, I am a psych nurse who is always studying. I became interested in PICS a few years ago when I was working in an inpatient psych unit and met a client who was diagnosed. He had been incarcerated for over 20 years for rape but had been let out. Time served. He was one of the most talented artists I have ever encountered but he couldn't make decisions, he was suicidally depressed, he was homeless and couldn't find a job.

Now, several years later I find myself in a relationship with someone who has only been out of prison for a few months after about a seven year lock up. Prior to his incarceration he was self medicating bipolar disorder with drugs and alcohol. He and I are currently working on having an honest, real, intimate friendship. I want emotionally healthy. It is why I took a step back and really looked at him. I believe he is worth the investment. The more I get to know the nitty gritty of him the more I know he is suffering from PICS. I have yet to find a support group or find where I can suggest he get "plugged in" to get the help he needs adjusting to being out in the real world with all the changes and challenges that face him. Any suggestions? Any where I can find community resources?

Here is what I can describe about what he struggles with: he can't stand loud noise or "chaos", too many choices, like what order off a drive thru menu, can overwhelm him, he exhibits anger in spontaneous outbursts, he frustrates easily, he has already been self medicating with drugs and alcohol after over seven years clean and sober, he has been physically aggressive and bordering abusive (pulled hair, shoved, thrown things) with me, had sexual dysfunction initially, he didn't know how to operate things like a cell phone, computer, coffee maker, he seems lot stay overwhelmed with the technology we all take for granted. He is working, he maintains his own apartment and car but he describes his feelings most of the time as "I just feel so lost out here." he isolates, he exhibits generalized paranoia, he is depressed, he is fairly non trusting.

I hope sharing this helps and if there is any advise or resources out there that someone else knows about ......please share!

Thanx!

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  #35  
Old 01-13-2013, 10:46 PM
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Morganna-
I can relate. I had never dated or even been close to someone who had been incarcerated or anything. I am as straight-laced as they come. My boyfriend was only in for half as long as your man, and everybody is different...but I have noticed mine is sometimes uncomfortable in public places/big groups, doesn't like to be in vulnerable positions, and hates food courts because they remind him of the chow hall (or whatever they call it in prison, I know that's what they call it in the military). It takes some time to adapt, but I didn't even know my boyfriend had been incarcerated when I first met him and he had only been out for about a month. Something else I may have mentioned in my previous post is that it was hard for him to choose from a lot of options...he was very used to being told what to do and when to do it. He also told me that in the first couple of weeks after he got out, he got up early every single day and would just go walk for hours. And that the first meal he ate on the outside made him sick because he was so used to eating crap. lol. I hope this helps. I think the best thing somebody could ask for when they get out is a supportive person or supportive people, and it is clear he has that with you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
This is all interesting to me. My man will be home in 5-7 months. We haven't lived together in a very long time. I worry about how I can best help him. He told me he hates loud noise. I have 5 kids... See the dilemma? I worry that the kids noise will irritate him. I hope he'll be able to go to our room to a break.
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  #36  
Old 01-14-2013, 05:48 AM
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This is all interesting to me. My man will be home in 5-7 months. We haven't lived together in a very long time. I worry about how I can best help him. He told me he hates loud noise. I have 5 kids... See the dilemma? I worry that the kids noise will irritate him. I hope he'll be able to go to our room to a break.
Mine hates loud noises when he is out.Never come up behind him while his attention is on something else
Don't ask him to make too many choices either.
He doesn't feel threatened by kids and so he is very patient with them.He has zero issues with the noise and chaos of children though he needs to have other things "in order: from his cups to his clothing.
Having a quite place for him to go when things get to be too much is a good idea.
I'm sure we will be dealing with sensory overload after years in shu
The frustrating thing is that they want it all,everything they have missed and yet can't tolerate too much at once.
They have a hard time making good decisions and I truly think after years of being told what to do without thinking,they are vulnerable in a way.
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  #37  
Old 01-16-2013, 05:21 AM
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Hiya I hope that 6 months not too much has changed for your daughter and she will easily get back into the swing if life...I served 6 years I was 19 when I went in I got out at 25 my children were aged 4 months and 2yrs when I went in and 6yrs and 8yrs when I got out...at first I was just crazy...I took my kids back the first day and we had so much to deal with because they didn't understand and were so angry and scared I would leave them again their behaviour was so challenging it was a nightmare and was no ond to support or help me...I was also playing 'catch up' as me and my MWI describe it (he also did a long time got out and is back for something he doesn't deserve to be back for I will add) but he is the only person I've met who understands me and how I feel/felt..I was surrounding myself with people cos I was scared to be alone in the house after all the noise n drama of prison I was smoking n drinking and life was messy I had another baby I had the friends family and girlfriends of the babys father in and out my house 24/7 then we fell
Out and things got awful n I had a breakdown I guess no one said it was so maybe was post parting depression but I have never felt so and hope not to again well after that I ended up moving away I now am semi recluse I go out when I have to I have to psyche myself up to I'm studying a degree at a good uni now cos I wanna give the kids more options than I ever had so my head is screwed on right but everyday is a struggle to go out to get motivated I can't interact well to make friends..like one poster stated her partner said he felt 'lost' I too feel just lost and nothing is like i hoped for or wanted whilst inwas inside sometime i miss with all my heart the jail friends i used to roll with sometime i feel to do daft things like fly out to west indies where they all are cos im
So lonely even tho i know realistically i cant lol but i feel so....i dunno...unable to fully get into a 'normal' life im just going thru the motions cooking cleaning studying and for ages i used to call people miss and sir like we had to call the officers in jail and sometime bad things I remember in my life come into my mind and make me feel so sad ...I wish I had friends but I don't know how to make them n after experiences with ex Boyfs and fake friends I don't trust and my dearest friend I met inside was like a sister we were inseparable she had kids too who my kids loved she stood by me through my pregnancy and helped me give birth her man got deported and she went with him that was something that devastated me and her life with him is hell to know that too but I can't imagine being with a friend like I was with her again it took me almost 2 yrs to trust her...I tried last year a relationship with a guy I met it was awful and he made me want to hide away even more..my MWI is great he is down on a level (also where I live now I ran in my sorrow to get as far away is a whole next world to what I've ever known I'm From ghetto n here is just another world and the ethnic background and culture it's not what I know at all it's hard to feel easie here but I'm trying to move nearer uni it's more cosmopolitan there anyway I never heard of PICS what is it? I duno but hopefully your daughter will be fine 6 months is not too long and she obv has you...I hope it all works out...pls excuse mistakes I'm using a phone

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  #38  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:29 AM
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Hi Fayza:
I think my love would say he feels out of place in the free world.As much as he hates prison,he knows what to expect,how to act and his thought patters and responses best fit that environment.He has people in there that he trusts with is life.Out here he feels so much stress and it takes a toll on him.
The first post has information on what post incarceration syndrome is.
I would guess your friend still cares a great deal about you.It's kind of like a family member having to move away,the love doesn't die.
I'm sorry you find it so hard to trust.
Someone once told me the key to loving is to love with an open hand and an open heart.
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  #39  
Old 01-17-2013, 03:50 AM
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I am so thankful for each one of these posts. I have wondered how being on the inside for a long time would affect my husband. And I see so many similar responses. I will look farther into this as he gets closer to his jump date. Thank you all very much.
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Old 01-17-2013, 04:48 AM
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I am so thankful for each one of these posts. I have wondered how being on the inside for a long time would affect my husband. And I see so many similar responses. I will look farther into this as he gets closer to his jump date. Thank you all very much.
Your very welcome
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Old 04-13-2013, 04:29 PM
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Very good article. Sending to my old cellmate, who sadly is back in his 2nd time since I got out. Worried he is doing a life sentence on the installment plan. His anxiety is terrible both in and out of prison, and I am sure his heroin problem doesn't help either..
Hi,
I am sorry to hear hat your old cellmate is not doing well. I am sociology researcher and I am interested in learning more about the loss experienced by incarceration. I am writing a paper that talks about how incarceration effects inmates as a loss of many things, such as identity, place in society, control over one's self, etc. Would you mind telling me a little bit more about how incarceration is a loss. How does being incarcerated affect you as a person within society? Do you feel completely cut off from society?
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Old 04-13-2013, 04:53 PM
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:48 PM
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Finally found this thread after looking forever. I am being treated for P.I.C.S. and can tell you it's real. I have been out of prison for 10 years now after doing 15 years in Texas. My symptoms didn't start until my 6th year out. Although each and every individual is different, P.I.C.S. is a problem that occurs with time spent behind bars. I will say that there is a solution, and warn those that are getting therapy to have your care provider to address the problem correctly. P.I.C.S. even though is not so new anymore, still is misunderstood as P.T.S.D. Post Incarceration Syndrome of course being a SYNDROME and P.T.S.D. Being a DISORDER. Thank you for the original post because regardless is you are the inmate or the inmate's loved ones, it effects you too
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Old 03-05-2017, 06:22 PM
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Finally found this thread after looking forever. I am being treated for P.I.C.S. and can tell you it's real. I have been out of prison for 10 years now after doing 15 years in Texas. My symptoms didn't start until my 6th year out. Although each and every individual is different, P.I.C.S. is a problem that occurs with time spent behind bars. I will say that there is a solution, and warn those that are getting therapy to have your care provider to address the problem correctly. P.I.C.S. even though is not so new anymore, still is misunderstood as P.T.S.D. Post Incarceration Syndrome of course being a SYNDROME and P.T.S.D. Being a DISORDER. Thank you for the original post because regardless is you are the inmate or the inmate's loved ones, it effects you too
Hi there, I just read that you've actually been treated or still receiving treatment for P.I.C.S and am just wondering if you're willing to provide an update with how you're coping now, considering your post is about 3 years old now please? I hope you've learned ways to cope with being outside the contraints of the prison environment, and I look forward to reading more on your experience.

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Naomi
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  #45  
Old 09-27-2017, 12:26 PM
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Soo, after 3 years out, here I am looking to find some answers. All in all, he has been doing well. We got so so much accomplished in the past 3 years including, starting his own business and doing well, remodeling and selling a house and buying a new one. We have been doing good until recently. It seems like all of a sudden, he *wants* things to go bad so he can say, see I knew it wouldn't work out. Old habits creeping back in like drinking, road rage and lashing out. I am not sure who he is turning into right now, but I am trying to stop it from happening. I know that no one can spend the time in prison he did and come out unscathed. I really do understand that but this all has really just come out of nowhere for me. I guess I got comfortable and thought that anything that would cause issues would have shown up long ago but no. It is just now showing up 3 years later. I am thinking that I don't have the skills to deal with it by myself and maybe I should be finding a local support group to help him as well but not sure exactly what to look for in a class. Anyone have suggestions?
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Old 09-27-2017, 03:43 PM
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There are low cost programs available for alcohol abuse.

Is he willing to talk about his sudden changes in behavior? For anything to be helpful, leading to positive change, he will have to fully participate in whatever program he signs up for.

Often prescription medications from a doctor can be helpful in dealing with depression, rage, etc., but he will have to be the one who is willing to change.
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Old 09-29-2017, 12:04 PM
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Yes, he was willing to hash it out. We had a long talk about these things last night and he is in agreement as to the behaviors that have emerged recently. It actually turned out really well and him being aware that old habits were creeping back in helped him see what has been happening and he wants a chance to end those behaviors on his own. He has done so well up to this point that I think he deserves a chance to get back on track so we will see how it goes. He is aware that he has PIS and that I really do understand how this can happen and I am wiling to work with him but he has to continue to put in the effort to keep focused. Hopefully this is a minor slip and we can move past it. I will update in a bit and let you know how it is going.
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Old 11-07-2017, 02:48 PM
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Here's something that's been haunting me. It's a quote from a book called "Freeing Tammy".

Quote:
"In prison the effects of being stripped of your dignity and your self-esteem have a long lasting effect. It has an effect that is so damaging that I don't even think that therapy can take it away."
Some institutions seem to be much worse for this than others.
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