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  #26  
Old 01-09-2015, 10:08 PM
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tatonkawia tatonkawia is offline
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Bumblebee,

I have been reading the replies to these questions, and thinking about my own reply.

How has my son's incarceration changed me...

It has made me bitter in some ways. I'm not sure that this makes sense to anyone, but I feel let down by my fellow human beings...by the government, by my country. I feel like my son is marked and cannot ever go anywhere where he will be truly "FREE"...in his physical body. I don't look at life as a sweet adventure as I used to, but at the same time...I think that I take things less for granted than I did.

Am I more compassionate and understanding? Yes....of others, of myself, of my son, and of people in general. I have learned how to really pray, and also how to thank God for what I already have - amazing friends who have never let me down, and a son who still manages to make me smile despite where he is.

Yes, there are times when I want to scream "enough". I wouldn't walk away without permission from my son to do so. And I know he needs me, so he would not let me just walk away. I have always felt a strong bond with him, and I feel it more so now than ever before. BUT....my secret dream is to know that he is okay....and to travel to India and volunteer some of my time there, helping others. Sometimes, I just want to go to India.

Have I turned to God or do I drink to kill the emptiness? I have had a strong faith since I was young (family circumstances). I lost a lot of people starting at a young age, and believe it or not, have had experiences with guardian angels, and family members watching over me from beyond. Death and loss are recurring themes in my life, it seems.

I was never supposed to be able to conceive, so I think of my son as a miracle.
My faith has grown stronger over the years, and now especially I feel angels are with us, and I am thankful. I don't drink to kill the pain, but I turn to sugar...(which isn't good for me now).

I pray everyday. I do pray for the judge and the prosecutors to have their hearts changed by God. I pray to St. Michael to protect my son in jail. When I pray for the strength to get through this, I remind myself how much strength and blessings God has already given me.

Tatonkawia
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  #27  
Old 01-14-2015, 07:54 PM
Momma63 Momma63 is offline
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Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I was reflecting on what it's done to me so I just wanted to ask others...

Has it made you bitter? Somewhat I am. I am no longer an advocate of foster care/adoption of older children. The way they were raised when they were young can't be changed or helped. My son was accused of inappropriate behavior by the girl he tried to adopt and give a good family foundation. She wanted to do drugs and sleep around and his strict rules got in the way. So she decided to put HIM away with lies. I am bitter toward her, but he begs me to pray for her and forgive. I can't do that yet.

Are you more compassionate and understanding? I am toward people who are accused. I wonder now if every one of them was like my son, falsely accused. My son says that most of the people he has met in there are good people who made bad decisions. It makes me sad.

Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away? Never, I will never quit on my son.

Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness? There is no emptiness, as I am busier than ever. I write him almost everyday. I'm so blessed because he can call me. He's so happy to have a job in there and have met wonderful people. He gets to sing in the church choir and participate in Bible Studies. He is grateful for everything he gets... clothes, food, shelter. At first I was so angry at God, then I realized God is the only way and it's amazing how God has watched over him.

I just wonder, that's all this thread is about.
bb
Last week he was transferred on a bus and the man beside him (an older gentleman, atheist) had a heart attack. Of all the people to be sitting beside him, my son-- a devout Christian. He prayed over and over for this man, got the attention of the CO and they were able to save him. He prayed that his life be saved so he can believe in the Lord so his spirit will also be saved, along with his body. I drink about a glass of wine a night. I have for years. That hasn't changed. But my belief in God has strengthened... just like the others on this blog. He's the only way. Peace

Last edited by Momma63; 01-14-2015 at 07:56 PM.. Reason: formatting
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  #28  
Old 01-14-2015, 10:30 PM
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I miss my son too. Thomas is my baby and he is 21. My other two boys are 25 and 24 and although they have had bouts with legal issues they have never been to prison. I'm also really scared about when he comes out, he's been locked up for almost 3 years. He owns nothing he has nothing. Everything he had he lost while he's been incarcerated. I know that he will be completely starting over and quite frankly I'm scared to death as to what will happen when he comes out. I'm hoping he will go to school, stay clean and obey the 3 years of parole he has. And he has myself, his brothers and my fiancée who spent 10 years inside locked up in Federal Prison so I hope that it's all enough for him to make it on the outside. Aren't any of you scared about what's next?
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  #29  
Old 01-15-2015, 07:53 PM
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Default I'm not afraid

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Originally Posted by floridagal View Post
I miss my son too. Thomas is my baby and he is 21. My other two boys are 25 and 24 and although they have had bouts with legal issues they have never been to prison. I'm also really scared about when he comes out, he's been locked up for almost 3 years. He owns nothing he has nothing. Everything he had he lost while he's been incarcerated. I know that he will be completely starting over and quite frankly I'm scared to death as to what will happen when he comes out. I'm hoping he will go to school, stay clean and obey the 3 years of parole he has. And he has myself, his brothers and my fiancée who spent 10 years inside locked up in Federal Prison so I hope that it's all enough for him to make it on the outside. Aren't any of you scared about what's next?
I feel for you. :-( I can understand why you are afraid. If you believe in God, my advice: pray and believe. Even if you don't believe in God, take a chance... pray to him for help and to be with your son when he gets out. God had a son too, a precious son. And He gave His only son to die for us. I know when I am so scared, I just feel like I have to pray to God and throw my hands up in the air and let him take it from there. Please, pray to God and trust that He will take care of things for the good. If you have faith, the worrying will subside. Hugs
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  #30  
Old 01-16-2015, 02:45 PM
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Has it made me bitter?
Toward the failed judicial system, yes.
Toward the public defender that didn't provide adequate representation, yes.
Toward the codefendant that lied and said my son committed the crime he in fact did to get a deal, yes.
Toward the codefendant that got off because he had an excellent attorney that I couldn't afford, yes.
Toward my son NEVER.

Am I more compassionate and understanding?
More than I ever thought I could be capable of.

Do I ever want to scream enough and walk away?
I tried to kill myself------qualifies as a yes I guess.

Did I turn to GOD or drink more to kill the emptiness?
THIS is where it gets interesting. When my son first was arrested, a little over a year ago, I had NO idea what was going on or why. I stayed strong for my four other children at home.
I found out later his charges were TERRIBLE and still thought things were going to be o.k. due to the fact he didn't actually commit the crime.......
HOWEVER, his codefendant lied to get a deal and was the one who actually did the crime-----funny how the state just wants any ole' conviction. My son, being the youngest, got it the worst out of the 4 people involved.....sooooooo
yes, it made me drink. AND I MEAN DRINK. I was drinking every night after the kids went to bed to drown my sorrow, my PAIN. My son had just turned 18 in JAIL.
A few days later, the only codefendant that got off scot free was found not guilty I saw it on social media and something SNAPPED.
I drank that night, cried, and drank, cried and drank, cried and drank and took my anxiety/panic attack medication......a benzodiazepine. I also struggle with depression (which I take medication for! THANK GOD) Then I took another and another, and another.....trying to make the pain I felt stop.
My son hadn't even had his trial yet I felt hopeless.
Apparently, because I don't remember, I took about 20 pills. I remember telling my husband and my 16 year old daughter to call 911 something was wrong.....woke up in the hospital and don't remember anything else except that I almost died had the ambulance not got there when they did. I was committed for a week. Told my son I had the flu. He has no idea. I told you all this so you can understand why I got to where I did.


I say all that to say THIS: GOD spared my life that night. You don't have to believe it I do. He spared me and allowed me to go through that experience to make me stronger for the sentence my son was getting ready to receive. Life plus 20. He just got that 3 weeks ago. I DO NOT DRINK ANYMORE< NO MORE BENZOS FROM THE DOC, or ATTEMPT IN ANY WAY TO HARM MYSELF! I am my son's strength and my other children's strength.------ I couldn't even spend a week in the hospital without phone calls everyday from my daughter and my husband asking me what to do about EVERYTHING.------
I am STRONGER. I hardly ever cry (although today was rough), I am attentive. I am helping my son learn all the aspects of his case and making it my mission to get him home. I am a better mother and woman now. My son is saved and is reading his bible, praying everyday, and is not bitter himself! I wasn't spared for no reason. GOD IS MY LIFE.

Last edited by mindye3; 01-16-2015 at 02:53 PM.. Reason: added a sentence
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  #31  
Old 01-16-2015, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Momma63 View Post
I feel for you. :-( I can understand why you are afraid. If you believe in God, my advice: pray and believe. Even if you don't believe in God, take a chance... pray to him for help and to be with your son when he gets out. God had a son too, a precious son. And He gave His only son to die for us. I know when I am so scared, I just feel like I have to pray to God and throw my hands up in the air and let him take it from there. Please, pray to God and trust that He will take care of things for the good. If you have faith, the worrying will subside. Hugs
I never thought of it like that and I am a christian. GOD made the ultimate sacrifice for us....thank you.
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  #32  
Old 01-19-2015, 07:34 AM
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Originally Posted by floridagal View Post
I miss my son too. Thomas is my baby and he is 21. My other two boys are 25 and 24 and although they have had bouts with legal issues they have never been to prison. I'm also really scared about when he comes out, he's been locked up for almost 3 years. He owns nothing he has nothing. Everything he had he lost while he's been incarcerated. I know that he will be completely starting over and quite frankly I'm scared to death as to what will happen when he comes out. I'm hoping he will go to school, stay clean and obey the 3 years of parole he has. And he has myself, his brothers and my fiancée who spent 10 years inside locked up in Federal Prison so I hope that it's all enough for him to make it on the outside. Aren't any of you scared about what's next?
I am definitely scared about what will happen when he gets out. But that is 4+ years from now, so we discuss the institunalized mentality that can result. He knows I will be here for him. How he will restart his life, that fear will settle in more for me when it is closer I think.

In the meantime I have to also worry about the fact he was on probation from WI and how to get them to decide that his 8 year sentence serving 6 years 9 months here in AZ is sufficient. Timing matters so I need to file on that after summer of 2016. And figure out how to pay for the lawyer that can get that accomplished. If he hadn't screwed up that felony would have been exonerated so the DA that was talked into that deal is not going to be happy with my son.

One hurdle at a time.
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  #33  
Old 01-19-2015, 07:58 AM
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I came back to read thru this thread - you ladies are all so strong. Though we as Moms deal with this situation differently, we all deeply love our sons and will do what is necessary to get them (and us) through this.
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  #34  
Old 01-26-2015, 07:02 PM
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Default My son's incarceration

Quote:
Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I was reflecting on what it's done to me so I just wanted to ask others...
Has it made you bitter?
Are you more compassionate and understanding?
Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away?
Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness?
I just wonder, that's all this thread is about.
bb
I am new to the site. My son has been incarcerated for a year now. Beginning of January he went to prison. I have enjoyed all the posts. It is really great knowing I am not alone.
Bitter? I guess I have always been but this has made me more bitter. Especially at the justice system. I shake my head a lot and can't believe it sometimes. I have forgiven my son for his poor judgement. I could never "leave" him. I am here for him through every step. The prison won't break him and surely won't break me. He has gone from Elmira to Wyoming. I don't think there is any farther away from me they can send him, but I will continue to visit and keep up hope. Thank you all. I enjoy reading your stories.
Lillymae
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  #35  
Old 02-08-2015, 09:38 PM
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Surely every single one of us must have reflected on the question posed a hundred times. My son started gang banging by age 16 and has been in the legal system since age 18, now being 40. In his case, I think genetics and birth trauma played a big factor, along with environment and family dynamics of course, set him on a negative path by an early age. So rather than thinking about this only upon my son's first arrest and incarceration, I guess I tend to go way back wondering what I could have done differently in the face of other family resources working against me. I guess you might say, now older & wiser, I am somewhat tempered to this situation but it always grieves a mother greatly even when she knows it is coming. I am not bitter because I have been aware of my son's criminal activities for 25 years. There has never been any question in my mind of his participation and guilt. In fact, he is very lucky, that he has not been found out in more serious crimes. Perhaps my education and background have enabled me to see things more objectively. I make no excuses for my son, although I will do ANYTHING to help him when I can. I was born a compassionate empathetic person, perhaps the reason I have a master's degree in psychiatric social work as well as nursing. I was born into a law enforcement family with all kinds of lawyers, decorated police officers, etc. It is difficult sometimes to counsel others who come to you with the same problems you have, while most of the time trying not to inject your own story into theirs and maintain objectivity. It is something you share ONLY if it assists the person seeking help, at some point in their journey. I do not drink so that question is moot and I am not much of a believer so have never turned to any type of higher power. Being Greek, I do talk to the ancestors who have gone before me and I do a whole lot of screaming and hollering but that is pretty typical in a whole lotta situations with me. What I do feel is a whole lotta sadness throughout each day. It is not really a depression but more of a grief that can come over me in the blink of an eye, often without warning. I DO worry about my son everyday. To make myself, him and his wife feel better, I do a great deal of work toward ensuring his future will pan out better than his past. I have Durable Power of Attorney which allows me to do a great deal to have things in place for the day he leaves the half-way house. Removing school deferrals, procuring school transcripts, applying for student loans, taking care of vehicle incidents, enrolling him in LCDC classes. There is so much that can be done that many are unaware of if the inmate so desires. Being unable to sit still, and having always had a gift of negotiating what is needed, it helps me get through this very difficult journey. My daughter-in-law, a teacher, depends on me heavily, and I am so thrilled that we can have that kind of a relationship as it greatly benefits my 13 years old grandson who has been through Hell for such a young kid. Luckily, does not have his father's personality. Yes, it has changed me, but my son's most recent bout with the law actually reunited us, as well as my father's traumatic death, after a lengthy estrangement. A mother always knows and this is the first time in my son's life that he has accepted responsibility and has made and continues to make major life changes. Like he said "I'm too old for this anymore, Mom!"
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  #36  
Old 02-08-2015, 09:56 PM
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I miss my son too. Thomas is my baby and he is 21. My other two boys are 25 and 24 and although they have had bouts with legal issues they have never been to prison. I'm also really scared about when he comes out, he's been locked up for almost 3 years. He owns nothing he has nothing. Everything he had he lost while he's been incarcerated. I know that he will be completely starting over and quite frankly I'm scared to death as to what will happen when he comes out. I'm hoping he will go to school, stay clean and obey the 3 years of parole he has. And he has myself, his brothers and my fiancée who spent 10 years inside locked up in Federal Prison so I hope that it's all enough for him to make it on the outside. Aren't any of you scared about what's next?

For me, prayer is not enough. It is comforting for believers but it will not help pave the way for a young son who has been incarcerated for 3 years. It is not easy to just slide into school after incarceration. If he has been to any type of higher education and has loans in default he will not be able to attend school unless they are out of default. There are also certain crimes that the Federal Guaranteed Student Loan will not grant loans to, particularly sentences to do with drugs. Then there is the difficulty of finding any type of decent employment once you are labeled a felon so it is important to try and get some type of educational or vocational classes under your belt. If his driver's license has expired, he will have to repass that test before he can drive. There are just so many variables that a new parolee/family might not think about other than being free and checking in with the probation officer. The trouble with that is that the released inmate does not know much else but the life that led him to crime and once out with no job, low self esteem, and nowhere to turn, they find themselves back in the cycle. That is what needs to be avoided. Many states offer nearly nothing for scholarship therapy other than AA or NA and that is not always enough. I do not know his exact circumstance but you do mention a great deal of past trouble with the criminal system within your family. Your son is going to need more than just a mother's love to help him break the cycle. Maybe you could talk to him and see if there is anything you could do to help pave the way for him prior to his release. Just food for thought.
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  #37  
Old 02-13-2015, 06:49 PM
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Default Son in Prison

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Originally Posted by Lillymae90 View Post
I am new to the site. My son has been incarcerated for a year now. Beginning of January he went to prison. I have enjoyed all the posts. It is really great knowing I am not alone.
Bitter? I guess I have always been but this has made me more bitter. Especially at the justice system. I shake my head a lot and can't believe it sometimes. I have forgiven my son for his poor judgement. I could never "leave" him. I am here for him through every step. The prison won't break him and surely won't break me. He has gone from Elmira to Wyoming. I don't think there is any farther away from me they can send him, but I will continue to visit and keep up hope. Thank you all. I enjoy reading your stories.
Lillymae

My son is over 600 miles away and my husband & I are his only visitors (once a year). He has 20+ years remaining. We are getting on up there in age. Not sure we will be here when he gets out. I have called everyone, done everything, begged, prayed, etc. but no one cares. Our justice system is totally screwed up. My son has never had any trouble with the law before now. That was not taken into consideration. Because of this he has lost his nice home, wife, kids, job, everything except Mom, Dad, and God. He is in Arkansas now. The guards treat them very poorly there. Lots of gang activity is allowed. I just pray that he will get out of there alive, and if the Lord is willing, we will still be alive and here for him. I think Feds need to reinstate parole.

I hope your son does well there and time will pass quickly for both of you.
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  #38  
Old 02-14-2015, 12:59 PM
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Default Still raw from my sons incarceration..... He's been in reception for 1 week

Quote:
Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I was reflecting on what it's done to me so I just wanted to ask others...
Has it made you bitter?
Are you more compassionate and understanding?
Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away?
Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness?
I just wonder, that's all this thread is about.
bb
Has it made you bitter?: Bitter? bitter can't begin to describe what I feel. This has become an obsession with me, searching for ways to advocate the lack of justice in this system, I am reviewing the Judge's past sentencing record to file a complaint with the state Judicial Tenure Commission. Angry, you bet!
Are you more compassionate and understanding? This has been a real eye opener; I use to think that we had a functional judicial system; I now know that our judicial system is full of political corruption and power hunger greed. The Judge nor PA care about true justice; the only think they care about is advancing their career at the suffering of their victims.
Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away? I am not angry with my son, I am livid with the Judge. The PA requested a harsh sentence but not as harsh as what the judge actually sentenced my son.
Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness?
I am in a very dark place at the moment, drinking naw... not in my personality. Believe me I've tried but I am to much of a control freak. God, I can't tell you how many hours per day for months that I prayed (prior to sentencing) and well..... I am struggling with this one. My sister in-law said that God has a plan for my son; God is looking at the bigger picture than what I am looking at. Those words really helped me in continuing to have hope... I do see hope for my son and I see the light at the end of our 10 month tunnel. I hope that this time will pass quickly. We are at the beginning of this tunnel, he is in reception and it is killing me wondering if he is OK or is he hurt, hungry, scared.... there is no communication, I am still waiting for him to contact me. I often refer to we, as I know he is suffering way more than I but I feel like I am in prison with him; as I am in my own "hell/prison"
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"Dios sabe porque hace las cosas"
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  #39  
Old 06-18-2015, 08:39 AM
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Has it made you bitter? – At first I was very bitter that the system could let my child down so badly. Although these feelings still remain, I am now more frustrated and angry at the unfairness of our prison system.

Are you more compassionate and understanding? 100%! Seeing other families going through so much worse than what we have experienced and remaining supportive of each other is one of this positives I will take from this experience.

Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away? I’ve had to scream into a pillow on a number of occasions out of extreme frustration (something I’ve never done before in the past). But I would never walk away from my daughter and give up on her.

Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness? This has brought me closer to God, and my faith has helped me at times. I’ve never been a big drinker, but I have found myself having a glass of wine at night since she went in to help me relax. Another thing that has come from this is that it has made me appreciate how wonderful and supportive my best friends are. They have been a shoulder to try on and have been there for me at my worst. They even started sending little cards and letters to my daughter trying to make her laugh when I told them how much she enjoyed getting mail and how it cheered her up. I am truly blessed to have them.
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  #40  
Old 07-03-2015, 09:17 AM
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Default Just Don't Know

For the first time in my life, I just don't know what to do. I can't think straight. I am and always been a very intelligent person. Now though, lost for any knowing what, where, why. I can't think. Find my self rambling to myself. Crying. Regretting not being more for my son.Talk about Stress. He will be sent in on Monday here in Oregon, from Eugene. My Wife and I are just Lost.
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Old 07-13-2015, 05:08 PM
georgiamoore georgiamoore is offline
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Default My son is incarcerated in the Arkansas Prison System too!

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Originally Posted by JBT53 View Post
My son is over 600 miles away and my husband & I are his only visitors (once a year). He has 20+ years remaining. We are getting on up there in age. Not sure we will be here when he gets out. I have called everyone, done everything, begged, prayed, etc. but no one cares. Our justice system is totally screwed up. My son has never had any trouble with the law before now. That was not taken into consideration. Because of this he has lost his nice home, wife, kids, job, everything except Mom, Dad, and God. He is in Arkansas now. The guards treat them very poorly there. Lots of gang activity is allowed. I just pray that he will get out of there alive, and if the Lord is willing, we will still be alive and here for him. I think Feds need to reinstate parole.

I hope your son does well there and time will pass quickly for both of you.
I am a mother who's son has been in the Arkansas prison system for 10 years . I though it would kill me when he first went in .But with God's help and my son's help I've done ok, We get to see him about every 4 months. I was going more but I had to move in with my daughter because of my health and now we live about 900 miles away, my children have been my life. Arkansas prisons can be bad,but my son has turned his life around and follows the Lords word we get him baskets every 4 months things that he can't get in prison and send him books and magazines, and talk to him often. He has not been in any trouble since he has been in prison. They love books and magazines, letters, I don't know if you believe in God, but he has blessed my son so much and in blessing him, he has blessed me also. He just had his first parole hearing, and didn't get it. But he is alive and doing well and I couldn't ask for more. The biggest problem is getting his medical care. I do plenty of calling, I pray every thing goes well for you and your family and God bless your son.
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  #42  
Old 07-31-2015, 10:54 AM
prisoner mother prisoner mother is offline
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Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I was reflecting on what it's done to me so I just wanted to ask others...
Has it made you bitter?
Are you more compassionate and understanding?
Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away?
Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness?
I just wonder, that's all this thread is about.
bb
Yes I am bitter and disillusioned. I used to have so much faith in the justice system well in the system in place in this country period. I was one of those die hard if they were found guilty then they are. Right (wrong). I watched a farce called our judicial system in action from the bottom to the top. Witnessed so many lies and untruths from our so called men in blue. That it still sickens me two years later. Was plainly told by our local sheriff that my son was fixing to pay the price because our DA did not like it when people hired lawyers from out of his county. That we needed to fire this attorney or my son was going to pay the price and he is. Scream I scream internally daily and am filled with so much anger. Never will I walk away from my son because I know that he is innocent and I understand his frustration. I have turned to God to try and deal with this nightmare. My health has deteriorated drastically. I have a voice recording of the sheriff telling me the above statements and want so badly to do something with it. But am afraid to do so. If they can play a game with our judicial system and incarcerate someone they know is innocent just because they want to, imagine what they would do if I tried to go against them. It is all about money and sickens me. I hate the trips to the prison and the searches and everything. I just live a life of bitterness and distress and have watched what this has done to my grandchildren.
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  #43  
Old 07-31-2015, 10:59 AM
prisoner mother prisoner mother is offline
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Bumblebee,

I have been reading the replies to these questions, and thinking about my own reply.

How has my son's incarceration changed me...

It has made me bitter in some ways. I'm not sure that this makes sense to anyone, but I feel let down by my fellow human beings...by the government, by my country. I feel like my son is marked and cannot ever go anywhere where he will be truly "FREE"...in his physical body. I don't look at life as a sweet adventure as I used to, but at the same time...I think that I take things less for granted than I did.

Am I more compassionate and understanding? Yes....of others, of myself, of my son, and of people in general. I have learned how to really pray, and also how to thank God for what I already have - amazing friends who have never let me down, and a son who still manages to make me smile despite where he is.

Yes, there are times when I want to scream "enough". I wouldn't walk away without permission from my son to do so. And I know he needs me, so he would not let me just walk away. I have always felt a strong bond with him, and I feel it more so now than ever before. BUT....my secret dream is to know that he is okay....and to travel to India and volunteer some of my time there, helping others. Sometimes, I just want to go to India.

Have I turned to God or do I drink to kill the emptiness? I have had a strong faith since I was young (family circumstances). I lost a lot of people starting at a young age, and believe it or not, have had experiences with guardian angels, and family members watching over me from beyond. Death and loss are recurring themes in my life, it seems.

I was never supposed to be able to conceive, so I think of my son as a miracle.
My faith has grown stronger over the years, and now especially I feel angels are with us, and I am thankful. I don't drink to kill the pain, but I turn to sugar...(which isn't good for me now).

I pray everyday. I do pray for the judge and the prosecutors to have their hearts changed by God. I pray to St. Michael to protect my son in jail. When I pray for the strength to get through this, I remind myself how much strength and blessings God has already given me.

Tatonkawia
Your faith amazes me, I also pray for all those involved in my sons incarceration. May the Lord forgive them all.
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  #44  
Old 08-01-2015, 11:26 PM
Grestmit Grestmit is offline
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Originally Posted by georgiamoore View Post
I am a mother who's son has been in the Arkansas prison system for 10 years . I though it would kill me when he first went in .But with God's help and my son's help I've done ok, We get to see him about every 4 months. I was going more but I had to move in with my daughter because of my health and now we live about 900 miles away, my children have been my life. Arkansas prisons can be bad,but my son has turned his life around and follows the Lords word we get him baskets every 4 months things that he can't get in prison and send him books and magazines, and talk to him often. He has not been in any trouble since he has been in prison. They love books and magazines, letters, I don't know if you believe in God, but he has blessed my son so much and in blessing him, he has blessed me also. He just had his first parole hearing, and didn't get it. But he is alive and doing well and I couldn't ask for more. The biggest problem is getting his medical care. I do plenty of calling, I pray every thing goes well for you and your family and God bless your son.
Thank you for the response. Yes, we do believe in God. And we did raise our sons with the bible teachings. But somewhere around the time Ben was about 20 that all changed for him. He got real cold about any religion. Then came the wrong choices in his friends and other things. Now him being 38 and now in prison. I, we, are hoping he finally gets what needs to be done for his sake. Being on drugs and not being responsible has taken its toll on him. It has messed up his son and daughter to the point they do not want to be around him. Ever. We are stressed about what to do. We have been doing an awful lot of praying, just for our own sanity. And, I guess, for his safety while he is in there. He seems to be a bit better now that he has been in for about 4weeks now. I am guessing because the drugs have worn off and he can think a bit better now. I think he is starting to get he screwed up. He has a 18 month sentence which is not that long. But it sure does take the wind out of you knowing you worked your butt off raising them to do right only to go through this crap. We feel like we failed. So depressing. We have a lot to learn, to deal with, to work through to get from day to day. For now it is just ????????? I wish I had some one in person to talk to that knows what we are going through. This forum does help. But I would Much prefer an eye to eye with some one. None of our friends can help. They have never, just like we never. So for now we just have each other and prayer to God to get us through. And we ask god to get our son to open his eyes and ask for his help as well. For now it is just a struggle. Thanks again.
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Old 08-02-2015, 07:31 AM
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Hi Grestmit. I know the feeling is overwhelming at first. We too had never been in this situation. Our son tells us over and over how he screwed up and that we and have been good parents. Like you, we question ourselves. And yes, our friends don't ask about our son. We've been at this almost two years now with over five more years to go.

It never gets easy. I'm sorry.
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Old 01-26-2016, 05:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I was reflecting on what it's done to me so I just wanted to ask others...
Has it made you bitter?
Are you more compassionate and understanding?
Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away?
Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness?
I just wonder, that's all this thread is about.
bb
This journey has changed me more than I expected. I am not bitter, yet. I am much more compassionate and understanding with those who are in the criminal justice system, especially those of us in the USA, it is so broken and is NOT working.
I have not turned to God, nor do I drink much at all.

I see this as a way to educate myself and try my best to make a difference, however, there may come a day when I am done and have to love my LO from afar. I sure hope not, but I refuse to enable him to live that life.
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Old 07-15-2016, 04:41 AM
courtneysmom courtneysmom is offline
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i have to say im not bitter just empty ... like a huge part of me os caving in on itself and it continues to suck out the joy from my life... i have always been compassionate and yes i have screamed enough a time or two just for me to hear though, i always try and be positive in my letters and calls. the thing that i really miss is our talks and our laughs . the hallow sound in her voice just goes all through me like a knife every time i hear that it snuffs out a tiny piece of my heart...never giving up though i do drink a little my faith is a thread of what it used to be.I'm angry with my god right now we have some issues. i just miss her as all of you miss yours and a great big THANK YOU ALL for being there through this trying time
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Old 07-15-2016, 06:20 AM
jadah jadah is offline
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Am I bitter -not anymore
Relieved my husband isn't suffering anymore-yes
Do I want real justice?---I haven't decided what that means...I just know God doesn't sleep and I don't understand.
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Old 07-15-2016, 07:40 PM
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mandymoo mandymoo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I was reflecting on what it's done to me so I just wanted to ask others...
Has it made you bitter?
Are you more compassionate and understanding?
Sometimes do you just want to scream 'enough!' and walk away?
Have you turned to God or do you drink more to kill the emptiness?
I just wonder, that's all this thread is about.
bb
Bitter? At the system, sure! The courts, the county, the state the DOC all did their best to bleed us dry. And it's STILL going on. A few years back our son became eligible to have his rights restored and guilty judgements set aside (no expungment in our state, just a "setting aside" of the guilty judgements and you still have to answer yes to the questions asked by employers and landlords about felony arrests). I did all his paperwork because he works long hours and I don't and I am more cost effective than a lawyer but it was a bear of a legal mess to get done. We sent them off a couple of months ago expecting to hear by July 4th that he was approved. He got a letter back a week before that date asking him to resubmit the applications AFTER paying $1000 in probation fees. He called the clerk of court office and told them he had paid his probation fees in the amount they quoted to him as being due YEARS ago-that's HOW he got OFF of probation, and where was this new $1000 coming from??!! They couldn't answer that, but said they had the paper right there that said he owed it Well, at this time he cannot pay the fees and he remains a felon w/o rights.

More compassion and understanding? Yes, definitely.
Don't recall wanting to scream and walk away and my relationship with God was before, during and after as it is now.

Didn't drink but had a devil of a time with anxiety and did take prescribed meds as I have done ever since. Have stopped them cold a few times through the years and didn't have ill effects so I guess I'm not addicted.Save</span>Save</span>Save</span>
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