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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 01-12-2021, 05:41 AM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
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Default Two months home. Sad ending and long post....

Well, unfortunately, he is not home home. The first week was wonderful. Us, kids, dogs all fell right into place. Natural state of love. First night together alone he drank too much, started a fight & uberd to old stomping grounds. Stayed in a hotel for 2 days. I allowed him back home to figure this out. Took me a good ten days to forgive. Things were going awesome. Started hone remodel project, bought a truck for his business. I guess I overlooked the fact there was daily drinking going on becuz it wasnt a problem. Until it was.... repeat previous event again except this tone with a bonus. Picked up a dui and woke up in the hospital. Came back home for thanksgiving eve after staying in a hotel a couple of nights. Drinking continued. Began hiding it. My resentment didnt help. Did I mention we spent $4500 and nine months on an out of state attorney to rectify his driver license eligibility? Thanksgiving eve everyone had wine with dinner. We made pies all day, I cooked & it was going okay. He looked like shit of course. Long story short, somehow three bottles of wine were gone. Beer from the garage too & Ive since learned he was taking shots too. 3am same story again. It got loud and I said he needed to leave. Took a garbage bag full of his stuff and left. Ended up starting the drive to Texas. Called at noon on thanksgiving said hes not coming back wants to be with his family. Took him five days, 3 grand, half his belongings lost, a tire and a rim to get there. Thought ok maybe after family hell get it together he carries so much guilt over them. Stayed a week, took him over 2 days to get home. Was passed out in St. Louis MIA for a half a day. I mustered through the next few days home cuz the kids didnt know too much at this point except that he really missed his family but then decided it wasnt home and wanted to come back. Tried finishing the shower remodel, messed a lot of it up cuz the drinking. Fight #4 and he left to the old stomping grounds again. Stayed w friend, cousin, HIS EX, and is now renting a room from a friend in his duplex. He hasnt been home in over a month. We were at WAR for a few weeks. Christmas was tough on me, its been very very tough on me. My heart has been in pieces. Chasing, begging, sabotaging. Lowering myself really from my higher good to retaliate against him and hurt back however I could. Crazy. On NYE I made my resolutions and was ready. Looked into a spiritual retreat in Sedona. OF COURSE he reaches out and wants to fix everything hes tired of running and fighting. I cave, unblock him & talk for an hour thinking maybe hell come by. This mf disappears at 830pm & texts at 3am. Thank you God for the sign. I have stuck to my guns, and found my acceptance. Ive surrendered to this needing to end and have done well since nye. Havent drank at all, booked the retreat and have attempted to have peaceful convos with him from a distance regarding the matters we need to take. It has set in on him how bad he messed up (hes still drinking though & has picked up weed too now to self soothe). Has court this week, lied about paying the lawyer. Basically has lied about EVERYTHING. He has the truck and ended up blowing about 8 grand in just the month of November. God only knows on what. I feel for him, I do LOVE this man so much, I always will. Weve been THRU IT together. But I do not feel that in love feeling anymore. I feel sadness at this tragic end. I feel bad for him, but he has to find his way without me. There are tears falling down my face as I type this, its such a heartbreaking end to our love story. But so many people have been affected now, theres really no going back. I gave it my all, I forgave more than I would had it been a man who hadnt been incarcerated. All the tools and growth made during the last two years just went out the window like a flash before my eyes. Hes trying to get thru. Working. Has that room. Hanging out with old acquaintances that are not good influences. Drug dealing. He fell right back into it. But he chose it-he ran there every time. Instead of facing the music here & taking on these demons he ran. His po doesnt care AT ALL what he does either its mindblowing. But Im thankful for that, he needs mental help not prison.
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Old 01-12-2021, 06:27 AM
Ms Sunny Ms Sunny is offline
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I am so sorry to hear this. You have gone above and beyond.
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Old 01-12-2021, 07:11 AM
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I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. Sadly you cannot help someone who doesnt want help. You have tried and yet he chose not to be the man you thought he was. I would say focus on you and your peace and stability. It sounds like he is not in a good place and getting worse. Sending hugs.
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Old 01-12-2021, 07:35 AM
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Thank you for sharing such a heartbreaking story. I’ve had countless similar experiences with both friends and family members. It was always with the best of intentions that We slide down the slippery slope of accepting unacceptable behavior. If you’re looking for a supportive place and “free therapy,” try an Al-Anon meting.
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Old 01-12-2021, 08:18 AM
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sounds like my relationship with my ex. Only I didnt have any money to buy him anything. I had a 2 month old to raise. Had to let him go, decided on NYE if he didnt show up, then it was over.

It ended and his drug bs lasted for years and years. I think he's finally sober now, after messing himself up health wise.
We now get along well.
really sad part? His son (our son) is doing the exact same thing with his son. (my grandson) At least my grandson's mom is smarter than me. Wont let son see his son until he's sober. I should have done that too.
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Old 01-12-2021, 09:23 AM
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I'm really really sad for you and I'm sorry you and your kids had to go through this. I hope things will look up for you real soon and you'll be happy again!

For some reason this post also reminded me of how bad the US prison system is. It's to house criminals without much rehabilitation and preparing those criminals for their homecoming. The need for a fundamental change in the prison system comes very obvious through your post and how badly prepared most inmates are once they come home.

Again, I'm really really sorry for what you have to go through. I hope you took him off your bank accounts... that's a ton of money...
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Old 01-12-2021, 10:31 AM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
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I completely agree with you about the prison system. I advocated hard for prisoners rights the entire time he was in. I am DONE w the system forever. And as far as the money goes, we were in a near fatal accident when he picked up the agg fleeing charge that sent him back in. I sued the police and highway department and we won. After he came home I slowly integrated money into his accounts for this very reason. Every worst fear I had came to fruition and then some. He wasted so much of his own money, but hasn’t dared to ask for any more of it. That’s how little he values himself and probably thinks oh she can keep it like some kind of pay off. We also spent $35k of it rectifying old child support debt and partial custody for visitation. He hasn’t even contacted her or the kid and since he’s been out. He’s sunken into a dark place and unfortunately without sobriety and self will he won’t climb out. A woman is not your savior. I am not the one. I was here when he came home and he obliterated everything within 30 days it’s so so sad. But I’m okay. I take care of myself and I truly have accepted this loss.

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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
I'm really really sad for you and I'm sorry you and your kids had to go through this. I hope things will look up for you real soon and you'll be happy again!

For some reason this post also reminded me of how bad the US prison system is. It's to house criminals without much rehabilitation and preparing those criminals for their homecoming. The need for a fundamental change in the prison system comes very obvious through your post and how badly prepared most inmates are once they come home.

Again, I'm really really sorry for what you have to go through. I hope you took him off your bank accounts... that's a ton of money...
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Old 01-12-2021, 10:34 AM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
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Its his money too. He didnt take mine. Hes self medicating and doesnt know how to stop. I hate seeing those repeat patterns within family. I came from major dysfunction and addiction and halted it all with my kids. Best of luck to your family xo



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sounds like my relationship with my ex. Only I didnt have any money to buy him anything. I had a 2 month old to raise. Had to let him go, decided on NYE if he didnt show up, then it was over.

It ended and his drug bs lasted for years and years. I think he's finally sober now, after messing himself up health wise.
We now get along well.
really sad part? His son (our son) is doing the exact same thing with his son. (my grandson) At least my grandson's mom is smarter than me. Wont let son see his son until he's sober. I should have done that too.
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Id like to think that women are Gods, because we resurrect men. We lift them up so high they almost start to believe they can live without us.



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  #9  
Old 01-12-2021, 10:35 AM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
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Thank you. Ive been in counseling for 2 years since our car accident, I meditate daily and do the best I can at nighttime. Since NYE I have been committed 109% to my mental health without any more alcohol for now.

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Originally Posted by Free At Last 5 View Post
Thank you for sharing such a heartbreaking story. Ive had countless similar experiences with both friends and family members. It was always with the best of intentions that We slide down the slippery slope of accepting unacceptable behavior. If youre looking for a supportive place and free therapy, try an Al-Anon meting.
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Id like to think that women are Gods, because we resurrect men. We lift them up so high they almost start to believe they can live without us.



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Old 01-12-2021, 10:38 AM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
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THANK YOU XO. Doing the best we can to pick up the pieces. Everything has been severed as of last week, and I literally just threw away all the framed pics right into the trash. Its as if he never existed here... hes like a ghost now. Its crazy, it feels like death sometimes. I wish hed get it together he has so much going for him and he looks like such a fool.

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Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. Sadly you cannot help someone who doesnt want help. You have tried and yet he chose not to be the man you thought he was. I would say focus on you and your peace and stability. It sounds like he is not in a good place and getting worse. Sending hugs.
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Id like to think that women are Gods, because we resurrect men. We lift them up so high they almost start to believe they can live without us.



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Old 01-12-2021, 12:24 PM
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I'm sorry this has happened to the two of you. One thing I've learned in the life is that I can only take care of myself. If somebody doesn't want to do right, you can't make them. I second what somebody else says, get thee to an Al-Anon meeting. Even though you aren't with him anymore, you will learn a lot of things there that will help you with every day life. Take care of YOU!
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Old 01-13-2021, 10:44 AM
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It breaks my heart to hear this. All you can do is what you did. Now it's up to you to put your life first & look ahead. You have given him the tools to move forward & it seems like he isn't at that place yet where he can use them. Sometimes we just can't fix things no matter how hard we try. Make peace with that & leave the communication open.

J.K Rowling had a quote that I sent my son when he was trying to get back on his feet. It's true & her life proves it.https://quotefancy.com/media/wallpap...n-on-which.jpg

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