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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

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Old 02-14-2016, 02:08 AM
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DangerzGirl DangerzGirl is offline
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Red face 60 days & a wake up left

My husband is coming home in 2 months. After 15 years. All this time it seemed like the day would never come. I've been mad at him, happy with him, proud of him, disgusted by him... you name it, at some point or another. I've always loved him & waited for this day. The closer it gets the more stressed out and anxious I feel. Scared I guess too. I'm not sure of what exactly. I want to protect him from all the negative influences that will surely be around. I want to prevent him from feeling self doubt and other hurtful emotions I don't think I can do these things though. Can I? How? I've watched other family members get out after 10+ years and it's so easy for them to go back to what they know because it's all they knew before & it's so hard to learn new ways. It takes time to work these new ways and they are so impatient & want it all now. It's hard to make them realize you want everything right now that most of us out here have worked our whole adult lives to get. It's not that easy. My husband has said "I'm gonna get 2 jobs so you can take it easy finally." A sweet thought I think to myself, but realistically I know that it will be a struggle to find even 1 job. And while getting a job and getting paid a real wage (not $0.38 an hour) sounds great right now, it doesn't take long for work to become just that, work. Not all that fun or exciting when you have to do it everyday. I don't know what will happen when his rose colored glasses become just regular clear glass & he sees that most is not as expected, won't happen as fast etc... He says we're gonna save & take trips. 😏 It's a paycheck to paycheck world right here, maybe a little better but not much. His contributions will not put us on easy street, not by a long shot. I don't want the disappointment to hurt him. Cause him to give up or give in. I love him. I've waited because I only want to be with him but (and this will sound selfish? I think) what if he f$&@s up? I don't want to have waited in vain. All these years gone. I don't know what to feel right now. Everyone says "you must be so happy so excited!" Yes. I must be. Right? I don't remember "happy and excited" feeling quite so much like fear though... Sigh... I never thought this day would come. Now it's almost here. Why do I feel so
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anxious, husband, parole, release, scared

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