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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: My relationship situation is......
We both have been directly & completely clear- NO CHEATING 222 80.14%
We haven't said it directly to each other, but we both expect it 34 12.27%
He's been clear with me about it but I haven't said much about it 7 2.53%
I've been clear with him about it but he hasn't said much about it 14 5.05%
Voters: 277. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 03-25-2007, 01:52 PM
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Default Have both of you been crystal clear that if one cheats the relationship is over?

[This question isn't for anybody who would tolerate their man 'getting busy' with someone else, like because he's locked up for so long you wouldn't deny him physical pleasure with someone else. It's only meant for those who already say "Hell NO, NEVER". ]


Have you come out and directly said that to each other, no if, ands, or buts? How did each of you say it to the other?

Or, do you operate with the assumption that each of you should know better anyway?

Just curious about how clear about this everyone has been with their significant other....on both sides, and specifically how people have approached and presented the subject to each other.

I think I might say something like: "If you cheat and I find out about it (like you get caught with female staff and put in the hole, or you are lax enough to send me a love letter meant for someone else, or I see you openly flirting with someone else disrespectfully in front of me) I'm completely done with you, so if you choose to do it anyway, and you get caught, you would be doing it with the knowledge ahead of time that you would lose me forever."

Putting it that way, for me, would let me know just how important I was to him if he DID do it, so getting caught would be the end of the relationship for me. No second chances. If I could be free and completely faithful and devoted to him, he needs to be able to love me enough to do the same for me locked up, otherwise I don't want him, as much as I might already love him.
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  #2  
Old 03-25-2007, 01:59 PM
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Both of us were unfaithful in past relationships and from the GET GO we both said and agreed, NOT IN THIS ONE!
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2007, 02:07 PM
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Both of us have had unfaithful partners in past relationships and we both agree not to do that to each other. That being said, if one of us cheats, we will be over - no ifs, ands or buts about it.
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  #4  
Old 03-25-2007, 03:10 PM
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It had been said again and again--it's been made crystal clear. For both of us, that's the deal breaker. He and I have both said to each other I'll never leave you no matter what, unless you cheat. We've both cheated and been cheated on in our past relationships, we want everything about our relationship to be different. We are both committed to doing any and everything we have to in order to solve any problem that might possibly come up in our relationship.
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  #5  
Old 03-25-2007, 03:33 PM
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Yes we have went over it and over it and we are both CLEAR, Crystal Clear, that Cheating is a deal breaker! No ifs, ands or buts.
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Old 03-25-2007, 05:10 PM
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We have both been completely clear about, if you cheat I leave.
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Old 03-25-2007, 05:20 PM
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"I REFUSE TO BE FREE AND FAITHFUL TO SOMEONE WHO IS LOCKED UP AND DISHONEST."

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  #8  
Old 03-25-2007, 05:32 PM
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I wouldnt break up my marriage because some he made a mistake. I wouldnt want to lose him or the family members I have met and become attached to- so I never said this to him. But we both agreed we are in a monogamus relationship.
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  #9  
Old 03-25-2007, 05:42 PM
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There are pretty much two things that are deal breakers. Cheating and drugs. I think everything else can be worked through. He also knows that if he goes back for something "new" then I'm out. If more of his past comes back to haunt him (which a traffic ticket or something could) then I would stick around and we'd deal with it. No more waiting on prison for me, not know way not know how. He always tells me if I ever cheated on him, he would leave, he would always love me but he would hate what I did and wouldn't be able to be with me.
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  #10  
Old 03-25-2007, 05:44 PM
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It has been made beyond crystal clear that if either cheats it is over. There is no ifs ands or buts about it. That will not be tolerated. We are engaged about to be married and we both take that very seriously. That is that.
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Old 03-25-2007, 06:09 PM
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i will not tolerate it for one second the minute i find out is the minute your bags will be thrown out the door and yes i have made that VERY clear
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Old 03-25-2007, 06:42 PM
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I have told him flat out no cheating including writing/phone calls/visits with other women. He knows if he cheats he pretty much just threw the relationship away. There is no second chances with that.

I have promised him that i'm faithful and will never cheat on him. He has said "Well i don't want you to cheat but if you do i can't be mad at ya because i'm here." And i told him "Well you should be mad because that is sh*tty and i will not cheat on you no matter what situation your in!"

So basically there is no room for that nonsense in our relationship. 100% faithful both ways!
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Old 03-25-2007, 06:51 PM
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Yes we have both made it very clear that cheating will not be tolerated. We have both been cheated on in the past and we have promised not to dot hat to each other. Neither one of us has ever cheated on someone we have been with so I dont think either one of us has anything to worry about. If it were to happen though our marriage would be over.
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Old 03-25-2007, 08:23 PM
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hmm though now I think of it happened a second time I would end it. As for him well I think he would go nutso if I had an affair!
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Old 03-25-2007, 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marri
I wouldnt break up my marriage because some he made a mistake. I wouldnt want to lose him or the family members I have met and become attached to- so I never said this to him. But we both agreed we are in a monogamus relationship.
I understand what you're saying, Marri, and can respect that choice. For me, I think I would be so very hurt and devastated by it, I wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces of my heart , forgive and forget and it would ruin our relationship anyway because of me thinking about it all the time and weeping inside, so to me, what's the point in dragging it out just to be miserable longer and reach the same outcome.

It would break my heart and it would be EXTREMELY difficult for me, if not impossible, to not be able to trust him whenever he was away from me and constantly be wondering who he might be with at any given moment. I don't want to live like that, and that is how I WOULD live if he cheated and I found out about it.
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Old 03-25-2007, 09:13 PM
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My husband and I just talked about this today. Our relationship has been rocky lately but we are putting things back together and we both specifically said "No cheating" and we both agreed if we did want to go somewhere else we would be man/woman enough to tell the other person before doing anything.

I know my husband-if i cheated he would be hurt, but do i think he would leave me? Probably not. If he cheated- I would leave. No questions. I know people make mistakes and some people can deal and get past it but i've just never been one of those people. I would always wonder- what if?
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Old 03-25-2007, 09:44 PM
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Yep - we are both very clear on what happens if the other cheats. If he cheats on me, he'll be a funny smell in the attic. If I cheat on him, he will stay with me and spend every day of the rest of his life making my life as unpleasant as possible.

But seriously, we have a deep understanding of what cheating would do to this relationship because we've talked about it at length.
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Old 03-25-2007, 09:50 PM
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No cheating. This is unacceptable behavior for people who claim that they love someone!
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Old 03-25-2007, 09:50 PM
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my husband says there is no getting a divorce for us - so we decided we will try our best to work out whatever problems we have i know many people say that they wouldn't tolerate cheating but he (we)said we will do whatever it takes to keep our family together and no i'm not weak minded
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Old 03-25-2007, 10:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetkisses_fnd
my husband says there is no getting a divorce for us - so we decided we will try our best to work out whatever problems we have i know many people say that they wouldn't tolerate cheating but he (we)said we will do whatever it takes to keep our family together and no i'm not weak minded

Now that's what I'm talking about! I love to hear folks say they will work through the drama and the problems and make it right again! You go girl!
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  #21  
Old 03-25-2007, 11:50 PM
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Default have both of you been crystal clear that if one cheats the relationship is over

Yep,...CRYSTAL!!! No lies,and no cheating,...those are our two deal breakers!!!
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Old 03-26-2007, 11:56 AM
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We have a no cheating agreement which is our way of avoiding that particular type of drama. We are committed to working through our differences, but cheating is a topic on which we are in total agreement.
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Old 03-26-2007, 03:57 PM
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I agree with Big Mama, I don't deal with cheating and lying. I have told my man this since day one. I am not entirely sure that I would be strong enough to leave if he did though.
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Old 03-26-2007, 09:08 PM
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faithful to the bone! both of us...we proved it and we are loving it that way.
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Old 03-27-2007, 12:50 AM
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In most prisons in Norway, men and woman are together. So I have alot of worried girlfriends
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