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Pets & Animal Discussions Man of us have furry (or other) loved ones at home with us. Please use this forum to talk about anything and everything relating to them, hobbies relating to them, etc.

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Old 01-01-2019, 01:02 PM
desertflower desertflower is offline
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Default Grieving a loss

I'm in such deep sorrow right now. On December 23rd,2018 we lost our precious dog furbabies to coyotes. We went to one of the Christmas Eve Services at church and came home to find this tragedy. My father liked to knock on the windows to hear them bark and when he heard nothing we went searching. He found Princess first. She was the little white bichon. He found Trouble the little shih Tzu next and he was half ate. My father and stepmother internalize their grief so you won't see an outward expression of it. My stepmother is already getting angry at me for moping and wallowing. She was the one who said I needed to walk thru it and not avoid it and that life goes on. Yes I get that life goes on but it's hard to keep moving forward even though I am trying super hard. I even went to work the next day and had to explain what happened so that way it didn't look like I was crazy for balling my eyes out. Those dogs loved everyone. They didn't judge me despite me being an RSO and when I went thru my divorce. They were my comfort. Trouble loved crab legs and Pringles. Princess always wanted your love. She loved to sleep and boy could she snore.This was a senseless tragedy. I feel like I just want to blame everyone. Everything I've read says everyone's grief journey is different. I know one day I will be fine and the next day I will cry or be mopey. For those of you who have lost a pet how did you deal with it? How did you deal with the people who internalize their grief? Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:37 PM
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maytayah maytayah is offline
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So sorry to hear you have lost your beloved pets. So very sad.
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:52 PM
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I am soooo sorry, my heartfelt condolences on the loss of not one, but 2 beloved pets

Everyone goes through the stages of grief differently - different order, different lengths for each stage, and different total time before coming to acceptance. Some may go through 1 or more of the stages more than once before coming to acceptance. Here are the Kübler-Ross Stages of Grief:

It isn't healthy to hold in emotions, nor is it constructive to let your emotions interfere with daily living & responsibilities...somewhere between the 2 is a balance that is right for you. Only you can say what that balance is.....

I'm a big proponent of crying being good for the soul, cathartic, a vital part of healing after a loss.

I've never held back my emotions, for anyone, and I won't start now. If I'm mad, you'll know it. If I'm sad, you'll know it. I've lost a few pets through the years. Yes, I cried. I miss them, each one of them still today. But now the sadness has been replaced with fond memories...and a few funny stories

To help you process their death, perhaps, when you're ready, you could go to the local Humane Society and donate a few items or volunteer (if only for a day or two). Journal / Write a few stories about them: things they did that they should not have and things they didn't do that they should have Plant a tree, flower, bush in their honor. Its your grief, you're entitled to work through it in ways that are beneficial for you. And they can handle their grief in whatever way works for them

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Old 01-02-2019, 12:13 AM
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I also had a snoring Princess. Maybe there's just something about the name.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and that it was such a traumatic manner.
I lost my dog of 12 years two years ago. I didn't know until that moment that heartbreak actually hurts. Like a physical feeling in my chest and I wailed over her. I'm not shy about my emotions but it surprised even me that it was such a strong response. She was my extra ears, my hiking buddy, my sit-n-cry companion, she liked my green smoothies when everyone else said they were gross. For weeks after she was gone I stepped over "her" on the floor when I got out of bed, I grabbed my keys in a certain way so "she" wouldn't hear them and get excited. All the little habits that were so ingrained. Those would bring unexpected bouts of the weepies.

It's taken me a long while to be able to look through the photos and videos I have of her and feel a sense of happiness instead of loss. But it did happen and I think everyone gets there in their own way and on their own time. Be gentle with yourself and don't stress how your parents are processing this.
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Old 01-02-2019, 07:05 AM
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I too want to offer my condolences.
And to lose both of them in such a horrific way....oh holy cow!

I'd be a basket case as well.
Its going to take a while to get over. For sure.
And while I dont suggest you do it right away, do get another pup. They really helped me.
Im sure your Dad and Stepmom are hurting as well. They just show it different.

I know several of my former coworkers have lost pets. Its never easy because you dont know what to say. I usually just tried to listen, offer hugs.

For whatever reason I do like the Rainbow bridge. It makes me feel better thinking they are happy, healthy and running free.
I also like the idea of donating any items that are still serviceable to a shelter if they will take them.
Donating time to maybe dog walk or cat cuddle at the shelter might be helpful for you as well. Just give yourself some time to process it. Try not to dwell but allow yourself to grieve.

Again I offer my sincere and deep condolences to you and your family.
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Old 01-02-2019, 10:35 AM
xolady xolady is offline
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Pets are your family, I'm so sorry for your tragic loss. I've lost people and pets, and I still miss and grieve. You aren't going to just get over it life is not that easy. You might want to volunteer at a pet shelter to get thru this.
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