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Old 08-04-2018, 07:50 PM
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Exclamation Advice for rude distant wives or gf's in jail or prison!!!!

Ok as bad or mean as it might sound because of their situation, REMEMBER! U DID NOT PUT THEM THERE!!! You are just trying to be there for them & you DO NOT DESERVE THAT BULLSHIT!!! Women specially ones that are locked up are full of all kinds of emotions and feelings and fears and our jobs are to be the MEN!!! The strong men in there life that they come to when they are afraid or said that will shut up & listen to everything they say but DO NOT GIVE ADVISE OR TRY FIXING ANYTHING! they only want your attention unless they ask for advice specifically! Thats what they need a strong dominant alpha male not a winey, needy, insecure submissive beta male!!!! When you act like an alpha male that lets them do 80% of the talking & gives them there undivided attention they will love you and want u more.
But when they call you to cry to and your asking all sorts of needy questions, freaking out and crying before they can even cry themselves they will distance themselves from you because not only do they have to deal with there own emotions now because her man is more of a woman than her she now has to be the man for him too and she DOES NOT wanna deal with that shit! She will become mean and rude as fuck, treat u like shit, and ignore you to make u cry more! Lol
If your already at that spot then To undo this get pissed off tell her your done and hang up. Dont answer for a day then when u do she will apologize and then set your ground rules like a man! Treat her then like a man do not show her weakness! After a while if she suddenly goes a day or two without calling dont freak out and send a letter or jpay imediately showing weakness just play it cool and when she calls seem normal dont attack her! That shows insecurity and weakness! Its healthy to take a couple days off to make her miss and want u and wonder about you! But thats it! Yall can thank me later! Oh and dont let her walk all over you or change the line you put down remain centered, strong, dominant, and be 100% alpha not her gay sensitive girlfriend lol
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:06 PM
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This is some of the most messed up BS I've had the displeasure to read lately on the forums.

I'd like to think you're kidding, drunk typing or hoping to be called out as a troll...but I'm just pessimistic enough to believe you're serious.

Good luck with that.
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:17 PM
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This is some of the most messed up BS I've had the displeasure to read lately on the forums.

I'd like to think you're kidding, drunk typing or hoping to be called out as a troll...but I'm just pessimistic enough to believe you're serious.

Good luck with that.
How if its true. How is any man gonna help support his girl if he cant be her rock? The man has to remain strong for her if not what help is he to her?
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Old 08-04-2018, 08:55 PM
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No female NEEDS an alpha male. Co-dependency is NOT a good thing and that is precisely what you are encouraging. It is also the nonsense such as you have spewed here that leads some to believe that they 'deserved' abuse from a male in their life when things get physical.
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Old 08-04-2018, 09:23 PM
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What the crap did I just read??

My man pulls that crap and he will be my ex.
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Old 08-05-2018, 03:29 AM
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Just.....speechless
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Old 08-05-2018, 04:23 AM
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Default Advice for rude distant wives or gf's in jail or prison!!!!

Really ... what an incarcerated woman or man needs is game playing and their partner acting like an a$$hole?
I don't think so, support can come in many forms, but what you are advocating is not support.What your describing is how to act like an idiot believing that will gain you respect in a relationship.
At best your generalizing and being judgemental at worst you are deluded.
Being an alpha male is not about abusive control.
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Last edited by maytayah; 08-05-2018 at 08:47 AM..
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Old 08-05-2018, 11:32 AM
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Dude, you are really all over that macho shit, eh? Wow! And your girlfriend takes this? Pity!

If I were hurled into the middle of the Amazon basin with no idea of how to survive, I bet you'd be just what I needed (NOT!). I'd need info, directions (civilly supplied), some modicum of whatever the locals exchange as we do money, I'd need to learn the rules of the environment and the natives. Bullying is not going to make me learn any of it faster or better. It will only fuzz my mind, lower my confidence and make me hate the bully.

That's what happens to people (men and women) in prison.

Firmness is one thing, ALL CAPS BERATING AND DEMEANING is quite another; if you haven't learned the difference before now, check with women you know - we're exposed to that crap on a regular basis and can tell you the difference.
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Old 08-07-2018, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gu903tx View Post
How if its true. How is any man gonna help support his girl if he cant be her rock? The man has to remain strong for her if not what help is he to her?

To put it simply.


While, yes, there are times when one needs to put their foot down (I did it when necessary) and draw some lines, it's not about being an "alpha."


Being a rock doesn't mean "putting up with her shit."


It doesn't mean "being an alpha."


It means being a base of her support system, a place of stability.


I don't know exactly how your relationship works, but if I'd been this way toward Dee while she was locked up, things would've been over REAL fast.


Remaining strong requires a degree of being sensitive to the situation. No, you can't be a pushover. But you can't knock her over, either.


Over the course of 5 years, we had our share of hang-ups. 90/10 it was her doing it, but I had to a couple of times because what she would be asking was absolutely ridiculous. But on the rare occasions it happened, we always came back and had a discussion about what we were angry about and resolved it. Sometimes it involved me drawing a line. And now and then it actually involved her drawing a line.


There's a difference between being a strong man and being a bully. Don't confuse the two.
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Old 08-07-2018, 08:27 PM
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This is absurd. I am def with an alpha male. He in no way plays games or treats me the way you describe. He is an alpha male to the world but sweet as a lamb to me. You got this all wrong and twisted into some kind of fantasy in your head.
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Old 08-08-2018, 02:24 AM
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I've decided I want to go back and address some of the points made by OP directly. I feel like there's a teachable moment here. Maybe. I hope.

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Originally Posted by gu903tx View Post
REMEMBER! U DID NOT PUT THEM THERE!!! You are just trying to be there for them & you DO NOT DESERVE THAT BULLSHIT!!!
You're right. Our loved ones put themselves in the situation. No, we don't deserve "that bullshit." But the reality is, once they find themselves incarcerated, that's the new reality. At that point, we have two choices: stand by them or walk away. Sadly, most men in our position choose to walk away.

Where I commend you: you've chosen, at least so far, to stand by her. You've done so despite your own struggles with incarceration and addiction, and you've done so despite the fact that she comes with a multitude of issues (mental illness and drug addiction being the primary drivers there and, at least from where I sit, leading directly to her criminality.)


Where you lose me: while I agree that we, as human beings, deserve better than to be in a position to have to make this choice, as soon as we do, we're putting up with the "bullshit" that comes with it. That's part of the deal. You stand by your woman, the "bullshit" becomes half yours. It doesn't matter if you're married or not. You're her partner.

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Originally Posted by gu903tx View Post
Women especially ones that are locked up are full of all kinds of emotions and feelings and fears and our jobs are to be the MEN!!! The strong men in there life that they come to when they are afraid or said that will shut up & listen to everything they say but DO NOT GIVE ADVISE OR TRY FIXING ANYTHING! they only want your attention unless they ask for advice specifically!
If I break this down, separate it out.....it's kind of an oversimplification, but yes, sometimes women want to just be able to tell you what's on their mind and be REASSURED. Not advised. Not "fixed." (Or not to have their problems fixed for them.)

To your greater point...the reason they don't necessarily want the feedback or the fixing is because they want a feeling of independence to sort through what they're feeling and fix it themselves. If they need help, they will ask. A "strong man" recognizes when this help is being asked for and delivers. He also understands that instead of fixing things, sometimes the best thing to do is just be a support and take her burden off her by not being a burden himself in those moments. Sex/gender aside, we're still two separate entites….me and Dee.....you and your girlfriend.....and as much as they may be a part of us, they are still them and need to have at least some feeling of independence. With your girlfriend this is a bit hard to negotiate right now because, based on my understanding, she needs a lot of guidance. So yes, a "strong man" could be of benefit to her. But that strength has to come in support. She has to, ultimately, figure out her own path and her own value, as well as the value of that man in her life.

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Thats what they need a strong dominant alpha male not a winey, needy, insecure submissive beta male!!!! When you act like an alpha male that lets them do 80% of the talking & gives them there undivided attention they will love you and want u more.
Okay. Now I feel like I'm reading one of those "secrets to getting any woman to be attracted to you" newsletters. Moving on....

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Originally Posted by gu903tx View Post
But when they call you to cry to and your asking all sorts of needy questions, freaking out and crying before they can even cry themselves they will distance themselves from you because not only do they have to deal with there own emotions now because her man is more of a woman than her she now has to be the man for him too and she DOES NOT wanna deal with that shit! She will become mean and rude as fuck, treat u like shit, and ignore you to make u cry more! Lol
Let me stop you right here.

I'm trying to understand exactly where this is coming from.

The men who come here....come looking for support. Not to sound like we're a bunch of "special snowflakes" (seems to be a popular term these days for anyone who shows any sort of weakness, particularly but not exclusively if they have, shall we say, particular political leanings,) but this forum is meant to be a "safe space" where we can express our worries and fears. Because while you may have been to prison and understand some of its inner workings and how institutions are structured and the importance of not showing weakness there.....most of us have not. And I respect your experience in that regard.....but the reality is, sometimes this is very hard. Most of the men here have cried...maybe not to their loved ones on the phone, maybe in private moments. I have. It doesn't make you "weak." It makes you human. And in the realm of human experience.....this is certainly not "normal." Or wanted. So we're going to have our concerns. And in our relationships, we're going to express some of those to our partners. And if our relationships are at least somewhat healthy, they're going to listen to us too.

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Originally Posted by gu903tx View Post
If your already at that spot then To undo this get pissed off tell her your done and hang up. Dont answer for a day then when u do she will apologize and then set your ground rules like a man!
Sometimes you have to be firm with your partner when setting boundaries. But this approach? This is just bullying and manipulation. Why would you take someone at their most vulnerable and deliberately make them feel worse? Is there a point to prove? I don't see it. Enlighten me.

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Treat her then like a man do not show her weakness! After a while if she suddenly goes a day or two without calling dont freak out and send a letter or jpay imediately showing weakness just play it cool and when she calls seem normal dont attack her! That shows insecurity and weakness! Its healthy to take a couple days off to make her miss and want u and wonder about you! But thats it! Yall can thank me later! Oh and dont let her walk all over you or change the line you put down remain centered, strong, dominant, and be 100% alpha not her gay sensitive girlfriend lol
I think it's healthy to give yourself time to breathe and reflect and do a self-inventory from time to time. But let's be real here. Their ability to contact us is limited. The time they spend trying to get to the phone is valuable not just in terms of the cost of the phone call but in terms of the inconvenience often involved in getting a slot to make a call. Aside from that, there may be an emergency or they may be having a crappy day, and where are you, the "strong man," to provide the necessary support she needs when she needs it most if you're focused on trying to get her to miss you or want you or wonder about you?

What I learned in 5 years of Dee being in is that the "alpha" is the "alpha" because he is strong enough to be her rock even through the "bullshit" and the lonely nights and the hardest of times. It isn't about ignoring her phone calls. Or whether or not he gets emotional or asks questions or whatnot. It's because he's strong enough to be on the other side of the gate when she walks out.


Let me tell you something, my friend. I respect what you're going through because I was there, and I understand why you're trying to come up with solutions to her behavior and attitude because I dealt with it, too, but let me be clear about something. I got where I am because I was strong enough to be on the other side of that gate when she got out. I am where I am because even now when times are tough I have what it takes to be there for her and be her rock. She isn't loyal to me because I made her that way. She is loyal to me because I showed her my worth and then told her "you're strong enough to make your own way" and let her decide that this is where she wants to be. She never had to apologize. She never had to power struggle. I did her time with her day for day. We got to the gate. And I still do her time with her. Day for day. Because when you love someone, you're bound to them in the free world too, but it's always a choice. Every day it's a choice.

Remember. It's supposed to be a partnership. Not a dictatorship.

-E
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Old 08-08-2018, 11:22 AM
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Quote:
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Ok as bad or mean as it might sound because of their situation, REMEMBER! U DID NOT PUT THEM THERE!!! You are just trying to be there for them & you DO NOT DESERVE THAT BULLSHIT!!! ... Oh and dont let her walk all over you or change the line you put down remain centered, strong, dominant, and be 100% alpha not her gay sensitive girlfriend lol

I think you're hurting a lot. I don't blame you for venting but... Everyone here's in the same boat.
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Old 08-09-2018, 05:15 PM
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How if its true. How is any man gonna help support his girl if he cant be her rock? The man has to remain strong for her if not what help is he to her?

You sound so much like my ex. Emphasis on EX. If you think only women want their significant others to listen without trying to FIX the "problem," you're so wrong. Do you have any idea how selfish you sound?
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Old 08-10-2018, 10:36 PM
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Huh? Is this a real post?
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Old 08-14-2018, 05:22 PM
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OP has not returned in about 10 days since posting this thread. I think we've probably discussed the specifics of this thread topic about as much as can be done, and I'm not certain what further benefit additional commentary would have here at this point.



Aaaaaaaand......on that note, I'm going to go ahead and close this thread.


This thread is now closed.
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