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Old 12-21-2017, 01:52 AM
anonymooose anonymooose is offline
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Default Struggle town

Today has been a struggle. Yesterday I motivated myself enough to write a letter to my dad, do a money order and send it through to him.. this itself was a big enough hurdle... Today I received two letters from my dad. One from when he first got to prison and one from a few days ago.. both of them said that we needed to put his ID on the letter and on his money order.. we sent the letter yesterday so I rang the prison to ask if they'd still accept the money order without his ID on the money check but his name and then he said they'd accept it if our names were on the back of the money order. I then went to explain that it wasn't but I was coming in on Saturday to visit him (for the first time) and asked if I could fix it then... He said no. His only solution was to wait for administration to give Dad a number for us to ring.. Problem is he doesn't have any credit and Christmas will delay his letter.. I'm beyond annoyed with all of this. Not only do they only allow us to send $200 and charge us $10 Everytime we do a money order... everything has to be done through the post. Not only that, I realised that my sister didn't book in to see my dad for Christmas so he's going to be spending Christmas alone.. Reading his letters also made me feel really upset. I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing him on Saturday without crying. I really don't know how you all have stayed so strong throughout all of this.. I feel like I'm always on edge and on the verge of crying. I miss him and I'm so sick of all of this. I just want him back

Sorry for my rant. I just had to get it off my chest before I lose it even more than I already have.
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  #2  
Old 12-21-2017, 03:10 AM
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Awl I'm sorry sweetheart. Maybe you can use JPay to send him money that's what I use and it tends to be faster than sending a money order or western union. You can download the app on your phone. I understand it's super tough thinking about them being in there and missing them my fiancé and dad are both incarcerated and honestly it's hard times two but this too shall pass continue to write him letters and support him the best way you can! Stay strong and if you ever need to talk I'm here oh and about not putting his inmate ID number on the money order that's annoying that they won't let it slide once but hopefully they can tell you how to fix the issue and it won't be long and drawn out
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Old 12-21-2017, 06:37 AM
anonymooose anonymooose is offline
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Originally Posted by HisPeaches View Post
Awl I'm sorry sweetheart. Maybe you can use JPay to send him money that's what I use and it tends to be faster than sending a money order or western union. You can download the app on your phone. I understand it's super tough thinking about them being in there and missing them my fiancé and dad are both incarcerated and honestly it's hard times two but this too shall pass continue to write him letters and support him the best way you can! Stay strong and if you ever need to talk I'm here oh and about not putting his inmate ID number on the money order that's annoying that they won't let it slide once but hopefully they can tell you how to fix the issue and it won't be long and drawn out
The only way we can send him money is through mail :/ I'm sorry about your fiance and dad by the way.. I am trying to but honestly everytime I get a letter from him I just start crying. Same when I write him one.. so I don't know how I'm going to handle going to visit him. Thank you, if you ever need to talk I'm always free . I'll try and figure it out I'm going to call back tomorrow and see what's going onn
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Old 12-21-2017, 07:15 AM
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Quote:
I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing him on Saturday without crying. I really don't know how you all have stayed so strong throughout all of this.. I feel like I'm always on edge and on the verge of crying. I miss him and I'm so sick of all of this. I just want him back
We didn't stay strong through it. We fell to pieces, then gathered up what wits we could find and plodded on. We felt like we were always on the verge of crying. We missed our loved ones and we wanted them back.

Fair warning: the visit will be emotionally difficult, but at the end of the visit, when you have to leave? That will be the hardest part. I couldn't even drive for the first half hour after visitation closed. Sat in a parking lot crying.

The thing is, life isn't going to end right now. So we didn't have a choice in getting through it or not. Neither do you. You will get through it because you don't have any other option.

Yes, the system can be really frustrating to navigate the first time. That's why so many of us are here, trying to help out the new people. We remember. We remember being distraught and feeling insane and having no clue how the system works, and getting blindsided by things.

Your Dad will survive for the same reason you will: he doesn't have a choice. He'll make it through Christmas this year, and by next Christmas, you'll understand the system and it won't be as bad. It will be depressing every year. The holidays are a horrible time to enter the system.

All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that we weren't any stronger than you are. We were just too stubborn to take the easy way out and walk away. That, in itself, is strength. Many can't find that strength and choose instead to walk away from their family members. A lot of inmates have not one single person on the outside to help them.

I know you're feeling like you're at the end of your rope. You'll find that you have more rope left in you, even though you don't feel like it. Strength is not sailing merrily through life's extreme challenges. Strength lies in not giving up when you feel you have no more rope left. You have the strength to get through this. If you didn't, you wouldn't be on this forum and you wouldn't be upset. You'd have thrown your hands up in the air and walked away.

It seems overwhelming in the moment. It IS overwhelming. One thing at a time. If you can't face the day, tell yourself to get through the next 5 minutes. There were days when I took the day in 2-minute increments, because thinking beyond the next 2 minutes was too much for me to cope with.

You're doing great, under the circumstances. You've had your life and your family turn upside down, shaken about and kicked in the ribs. Of course you're going to be feeling angry and hurt and confused and ... and so much else. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time if need be. You'll make it through this.
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Old 12-21-2017, 09:41 AM
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Ginger has covered all the bases beautifully...there's no more to add. Except to validate what she's said - you will get through this, you will grow beyond it, and your dad will too. It's a remarkable process, quite opaque, but there is a light at the end and you will see it. And that may be the second-worst time, when the end of this is in sight and you just can't manage the feeling of waiting for that end. It will be awful for him, too, to face coming home as a felon, to have to go through the reacclimation, but he will get through, too.

Be brave, be completely lost, beat up your pillow, spend an entire day in bed in your jimmies, and then get up and face the next day.

(((hugs)))
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Old 12-22-2017, 05:15 AM
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Didn't cry? Who are you talking about? I cried every day I went to see my husband. I kept it together during all the court stuff, but behind the gates, I cried every single visit for 12 years. Granted it wasn't the big ugly cry- sniveling and snotting everywhere, but tears did roll down my face every visit at least once the whole prison term.
Was my husband worth every tear? You bet!
Ginger is right though. You just keep going.
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