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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Whats your BIGGEST fear that you have?
That he will cheat (either on the inside or after) 153 15.79%
That he will re-offend 245 25.28%
That he will get hurt in prison 280 28.90%
Other 291 30.03%
Voters: 969. You may not vote on this poll

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  #301  
Old 03-21-2015, 03:53 AM
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My current fear: He's tired of prison life. I don't know if the more we talk, write, and soon visit is his emotional walls come down to where he secludes himself. He wants to be with me, but I don't want him to have a nervous break down because of it. I'm supporting him as much as I can in good faith effort to keep him calm. Anyone else had this problem?
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  #302  
Old 03-24-2015, 06:34 AM
Hisswahn Hisswahn is offline
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Since my man has done almost a decade locked up, my biggest fear is that he will come and settle into life and realize he no longer wants me in it or that I don't fit into his life anymore. I truly hope that I can satisfy him in the way he needs.
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  #303  
Old 03-27-2015, 10:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J&D7 View Post
I know theres been a lot that I worry about. But for me, the thing I'm most scared of is not even whether my bf will do something stupid again coz I dont worry about that.. but its the thought of losing him when this is all over. I still have that little insecure thought at the back of my mind even though he's never done anything to warrant it.

Oh and I voted for "other" ..
I think my biggest fear is that he gets out and hasn't changed and just goes back to the old him. I don't think I cou stay if that were to happen but who knows I say that now but put up with it for 7 1/2 years already!!!
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  #304  
Old 03-30-2015, 12:49 PM
idrislove idrislove is offline
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Well my biggest fear has been recognized, My loved one who I was down with for the past 3 years,he was released on 03/29/2015 and I haven't heard from him. I was able to find out he bought a bus ticked with cash, but only to L.A., he was suppose to be coming to Texas. Am I worried for nothing, is the process that he is to go to L.A. before coming to another State, can someone tell me something.
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  #305  
Old 04-07-2015, 05:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idrislove View Post
Well my biggest fear has been recognized, My loved one who I was down with for the past 3 years,he was released on 03/29/2015 and I haven't heard from him. I was able to find out he bought a bus ticked with cash, but only to L.A., he was suppose to be coming to Texas. Am I worried for nothing, is the process that he is to go to L.A. before coming to another State, can someone tell me something.
In the state of CA, once you parole you have to check in within 24 hours of your release. Did he have legal arrangements to leave to Texas? Doesn't seem like he would be able to just up and leave. Hope things are better for you, and he's made communication.
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  #306  
Old 04-15-2015, 05:52 PM
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My biggest fear, he loses that person he was finally becoming again after only being out 4 years since his 14 year federal bid...He finally got to where he didn't intimidate my friends or could hold a conversation that didn't involve his prison life... I am afraid our grand babies won't remember him. I am afraid that he will lose the last part of him that was not an inmate. Getting back to real life is hard. I will visit often and keep that home spark lit in his eyes so he doesn't forget how to exist out here again.
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  #307  
Old 12-13-2017, 02:20 AM
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Cheating, because I pretty much know he will.
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  #308  
Old 12-16-2017, 11:23 AM
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Iím so in love with him that my biggest fear is that I lose him! I know I wonít but it still worries me!!
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  #309  
Old 12-19-2017, 12:01 PM
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I fear that he will get caught up with the wrong friends again, end up back in prison, that this all really ended up being jail talk, that he ends up spending all of his mother's will on junk and not managing it the right way. I fear that he will still be stuck at 21 years old being that's when he first went in. I understand it will take him some time to adapt to the real world, I'm fine with that just as long as he doesn't mess his life up again.
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  #310  
Old 12-19-2017, 09:23 PM
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Default What I am Scared for

I believe my biggest fear having a spouse locked up is when he is released looking at me and saying he doesn't know who i am. What i mean is basically using me while he is incarcerated as somebody who can talk to constantly, have somebody on the outside show him attention. Of course my other fear is him being abusive like physically as well. We talk regularly on the phone, and also email during the times we don't talk. Our conversations are never boring. He makes me feel loved and wanted. Our conversations can be sexual, but its mostly about what going on during the day.
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  #311  
Old 12-19-2017, 09:24 PM
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That is scary. You would have to remind them that they would have to be smart with the will. If they truly want is best for you both, then he will make it happen.




Quote:
Originally Posted by SusuLaila89 View Post
I fear that he will get caught up with the wrong friends again, end up back in prison, that this all really ended up being jail talk, that he ends up spending all of his mother's will on junk and not managing it the right way. I fear that he will still be stuck at 21 years old being that's when he first went in. I understand it will take him some time to adapt to the real world, I'm fine with that just as long as he doesn't mess his life up again.
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  #312  
Old 12-19-2017, 09:26 PM
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I feel you there. Before i got into a relationship with my spouse, i did a lot of online research about relationships with inmates. The stats are very slim with relationships, but they do happen. I don't want this to scare you away because i don't know your guys relationship, but just stay open minded and hopeful because it can happen for you guys to be perfectly fine.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Neesey72 View Post
Iím so in love with him that my biggest fear is that I lose him! I know I wonít but it still worries me!!
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  #313  
Old 12-19-2017, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirin View Post
Cheating, because I pretty much know he will.
My question is, if you know he will cheat then why be with him? You deserve somebody who will not do that and treat you like how you meant to be treated.
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  #314  
Old 01-14-2018, 05:20 PM
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I'm not sure what I fear the most, and that in itself is scary. Lol. Like I wonder things all the time, but I am confident in my relationship. We both are. I sometimes wonder are we too confident? I mean I know things won't be perfect. There will be hard times, bad times, sad times, and all that. Do we really have the strength to get through it all together? The happy days are the easiest part, but what about the difficult days? I don't worry about if he will cheat, or leave me for anyone, or re-offend. I am worried about if we are as compatible as we think? Am I able to handle the incarcerated version of him? Do I have the strength to be there for him when he has bad days? I would love to think so, but let's be realistic and say I am not Superwoman, but I will do my best to be there for him in every way that I can.
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  #315  
Old 04-25-2018, 07:30 PM
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That he won't make it home.
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  #316  
Old 05-01-2018, 09:15 PM
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That he’s mad or upset at me when I miss his calls(I’ve apologized to him and told him I feel terrible when I miss his calls and he always assures me it’s ok)
I’m only here for his time in prison and he will drop me when he gets out
He gets hurt, I told him I will always worry about him when he’s in there and he always tells me not to and he will be ok
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  #317  
Old 05-02-2018, 03:34 AM
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One of my biggest fears is my man will die in there. See he has as a bad heart and they have already be slake on his care in there.He is to see a Cardiologist ever 6 months, but has only seen one, once in 2 years. So my fear is he will not make it home to me.
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  #318  
Old 05-02-2018, 04:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J&D7 View Post
I know theres been a lot that I worry about. But for me, the thing I'm most scared of is not even whether my bf will do something stupid again coz I dont worry about that.. but its the thought of losing him when this is all over. I still have that little insecure thought at the back of my mind even though he's never done anything to warrant it.

Oh and I voted for "other" ..
i have the same though, i mean i'm always thinking that once he get his freedom back he is gonna throw all that shitty prison life and memoirs including me away, or even before like what if a pretty girl start penpaling with him and he like her and chose her over me also the idea of maybe he get hurt really bad that he may die also terrifying me
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  #319  
Old 05-02-2018, 09:05 PM
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Wow! After reading this thread, you ladies left me thinking! Up front I know my fear is of him getting hurt in there! But now I hear about cheating!!! I didnít even know they could cheat in there! I accepted to be in a relationship with my BF when he was already in the transitional home with his release date this past Saturday! But two day before he got sent back with the story that he is no due till 2020! Yes Iím lost and donít understand many thing! But I do have to thank this site and everyone in here because it has help me a great deal to understand something I had no clue on before! So now Iím facing being in a relationship with a man that can still be incarcerated for two more years! I can honestly say that I feel much more for this man than what I have felt for others in past relationships. There is no doubt in my heart that if indeed he needs to stay two more years that Iím gonna Stick with him all They way! Iím not going no where! We both doing the time! But after reading your posts, it made me think of all the possibilities! But this here is the BIG test! Here is were our Love that we both claim we have for each other will be tested! But I am confident that the Big man up stairs will bless us both! Besides..... if I let those negative thoughts get the best of me... Iím gonna go crazy!! We cant live like that! So ladies, I know itís gonna be hard, but letís leave it all in GODs hands!
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  #320  
Old 05-02-2018, 11:01 PM
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My biggest fear was this. He was a Trail case. Not a Plea. I just donít understand their logic. He still was given an illegal sentence when they gave him 25 to Life with the possibility of parole when they knew parole would never be an option for him. Whatís the point in mitigating circumstances if they donít make a difference? Iím angry and upset.


As most of you know, Parole was abolished as of 1/1/94 in Arizona, but prosecutors kept including the word "parole" eligibility in plea bargains in first degree murder cases, and judges kept mentioning it when imposing sentences. Defense attorneys weren't well informed enough to know that their client had been sentenced incorrectly, nor to ask questions about the wording of an incorrect plea agreement. It was a shameful display of judicial and lawyerly incompetence in Arizona. It went on for years. Hence, even though the law only allowed for "release eligibility" for lifers after 1/1/94, many defendants thought they were parole eligible. Parole only requires 3 members of the 5-member Board of Executive Clemency to vote in an affirmative manner. No one really knew for sure what "release eligibility" meant, but some thought it meant that the defendant had to obtain a commutation of sentence. Despite how difficult it is to obtain parole for someone convicted of first degree murder, it is even more difficulty to obtain a commutation of sentence.

Finally, since the first people sentenced in 1994 to Life sentences will become eligibile in 2019 for some type of release, the Legislature has passed a bill and the governor signed it into law, but it ONLY HELPS THOSE WHO HAD A PLEA AGREEMENT AND WERE INCORRECTLY SENTENCED. IT DOES NOTHING TO ADDRESS THE SAME PROBLEM WHICH EXISTS FOR SOME DEFENDANTS WHO WERE CONVICTED AT TRIAL AND WHOSE SENTENCING JUDGE TOLD THEM THEY WERE "PAROLE" ELIGIBLE. How will they obtain relief? They will have to litigate! Please do not ask us to explain why this cohort was eliminated from the bill's language -- it makes no sense to us, either!

Please understand the LIMITED scope of this legislation. It ONLY applies to persons sentenced to either Life with the possibility of release eligibility after 25 flat calendar years, or for those sentenced with the same language, but required to serve a flat 35 years prior to "release eligibility" and whose crime was committed on or AFTER January 1, 1994. It does NOT affect anyone sentenced to NATURAL Life, or to Death during the same time frames.

Many family members who contact us with respect to sentencing questions for someone serving a Life sentence do not appear to know (or even be aware of) the difference between a NATURAL life sentence and one that allows for release eligibility after a flat period of time (either 25 or 35 years). This is important to know because a Natural life sentence means that the prisoner is never, ever eligible to be released on any basis for any reason. If you are contacting us now or in the future about anyone serving a "Life" sentence, you must know whether it is "natural" life or life with the possibility of release. Don't rely upon the DOC website to tell you the prisoner's release eligibility because ALL lifers are listed as eligible for release in the year 9999. Instead, you have to examine the prisoner's actual sentencing minute entry or transcript, or plea agreement. Please know this information before you contact us, as it makes a critical difference if you are asking questions about eligibility for commutation, parole, etc.

Here's a little more confusion, effective 2014, the legislature modified the first degree murder statute (ARS 13-751, 752), which affects all first degree murder crimes committed on or after the effective date, and that change means that anyone in Arizona convicted of first degree murder (unless under the age of 18 at time of offense, or mentally disabled) can only be punished with NATURAL LIFE or DEATH. In othe words, after 2014, all sentences for first degree murder eliminated any type of release altogether, ever. Commutation is not available to these defendants either.

Obviously, this information does not affect anyone already sentenced for first degree murder whose crime was committed PRIOR to 1/1/94.


Donna Leone Hamm, Judge (Ret.)
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Last edited by LeaLea; 05-02-2018 at 11:05 PM..
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  #321  
Old 05-02-2018, 11:06 PM
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Not fearful of cheating or suicide I worry about him not making it out alive. Anything could happen. Its prison.
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  #322  
Old 05-04-2018, 12:39 AM
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He's technically a lifer. He's had two shots at community corrections and has been removed both times because he's ADD and forgets assignments. I'm afraid that he'll never get a legitimate chance out.
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  #323  
Old 05-04-2018, 12:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linh5555 View Post
One of my biggest fears is my man will die in there. See he has as a bad heart and they have already be slake on his care in there.He is to see a Cardiologist ever 6 months, but has only seen one, once in 2 years. So my fear is he will not make it home to me.
Mine has atrial fibrillation, undiagnosed. I know that he has it however since his mother was diagnosed with it and a sister was diagnosed with it and it can be genetic, and he's mentioned the same symptoms as them.

It doesn't help that he's 5'10" 125 pounds soaking wet and every time he gets sick he drops 15 pounds to 110 and they STILL do nothing for him.

That and he's technically a lifer so I'm very afraid that he'll never be able to come home to me.
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  #324  
Old 05-04-2018, 06:09 AM
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My biggest fear was that he would die behind bars. He did, and the sun still comes up every day. I am not dead yet.
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  #325  
Old 05-04-2018, 06:44 AM
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I'm not really fearful, I get anxious and impatient but I'm learning that anything and everything with prison takes such a damn long time. I'm faithful that things will move along and he and I will have time on the outside together - no matter how that will be and look like - but I'm keeping my faith and try to live in the now and take little steps.
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