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  #1  
Old 04-27-2019, 03:54 PM
david92506 david92506 is offline
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Default Does Your PenPal Always Thank You For Things You Give Him/Her?

I belong to a huge church and it has an outreach program for people in need. A long time ago people used to thank the person who is helping them. But nowadays people don't necessarily thank you - they just take. So I'm used to giving and not being thanked for it.

I've been writing to a Penpal for about 3-years. I send her $20 for stamps and holidays and BD. I guess it averages $20 a month. The first year she used to thank me each time I sent her money but not anymore. Sometimes I will write to her and ask her if she got the $20 (through WesternUnion) and she says yes and thanks. But if I don't ask she doesn't thank me.

I was wondering if it's the same for others. Does your penpal always thank you if you send him/her money?
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Old 04-27-2019, 11:58 PM
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I feel that - yes, I like to hear thank you - that you either give it freely without expectations or you don't. I don't give to hear a thank you, I give because it makes me feel good to give.
But I was taught to say thank you when someone is nice to you and gives you stuff but maybe your pen-pal feels overwhelmed? (wild guess)

P.S. if you feel not appreciated then stop... very easy to do.
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Old 04-28-2019, 04:11 AM
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I agree it’s good to get a thank you. However if I ever give anything I don’t expect one. Not everyone is raised that way.
If I send something I ask if they can let me know when it arrives. That way I know it’s not lost.

If you don’t feel appreciated don’t do it. People always realise what they had when it’s gone.
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Old 04-28-2019, 06:05 AM
Mallsan Mallsan is offline
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Yes, always. It means a lot to him and he wants me to know how much he appreciates it.
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Old 04-28-2019, 01:20 PM
Ppy098 Ppy098 is offline
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I’ll be honest with you by saying that it would irk me that she used to say “thanks”, but hasn’t bothered to do so for a while. You are not ‘giving in order to receive’ by expecting a few words of gratitude that would take a matter of seconds for her to write, but would mean a lot to you. Call me old fashioned, but that is (or at least should be) common decency. The fact that she did so in the past shows that she knows that this is the correct mechanism for making the giver feel appreciated. Why she no longer feels the need to bother is irrelevant; she should spend just a few seconds and a tiny little sentence to demonstrate that your gift means something to her. You spent your time and money showing her that you care, yet such a simple gesture goes unnoticed without a prompt from you? Whether she is ungrateful or overwhelmed (as suggested by a previous responder), stopping the flow of cash you give her will make the reasons clearer to you. If she is truly overwhelmed, I doubt you will receive negative feedback. If she sounds desperate or angry, then I would advise you to consider her motives. Someone that doesn’t take you and your gifts for granted will not be angry with you for no longer sending those gifts; they will be happy for your continued correspondence and friendship. Someone who becomes negative when those gifts are suddenly withdrawn, yet they failed to say a simple “thank you” as they once did, should raise further questions for you. Just because you are religious does not mean that you are to be a cash cow for an ungrateful person. Sorry if this rubs anyone up the wrong way, but to me, this is the basis of common decency that is now lacking in today’s society.
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:02 AM
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All the time. The only thing I give him is my time and attention (well and I send pics he doesn't ask for, and dirty letters occasionally lol). He's expressed his gratitude by drawing and painting me things, as well as writing me little thank you letters all the time. We're both very appreciative of each other and we're always telling each other that.
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Old 05-02-2019, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ppy098 View Post
I’ll be honest with you by saying that it would irk me that she used to say “thanks”, but hasn’t bothered to do so for a while. You are not ‘giving in order to receive’ by expecting a few words of gratitude that would take a matter of seconds for her to write, but would mean a lot to you. Call me old fashioned, but that is (or at least should be) common decency. The fact that she did so in the past shows that she knows that this is the correct mechanism for making the giver feel appreciated. Why she no longer feels the need to bother is irrelevant; she should spend just a few seconds and a tiny little sentence to demonstrate that your gift means something to her. You spent your time and money showing her that you care, yet such a simple gesture goes unnoticed without a prompt from you? Whether she is ungrateful or overwhelmed (as suggested by a previous responder), stopping the flow of cash you give her will make the reasons clearer to you. If she is truly overwhelmed, I doubt you will receive negative feedback. If she sounds desperate or angry, then I would advise you to consider her motives. Someone that doesn’t take you and your gifts for granted will not be angry with you for no longer sending those gifts; they will be happy for your continued correspondence and friendship. Someone who becomes negative when those gifts are suddenly withdrawn, yet they failed to say a simple “thank you” as they once did, should raise further questions for you. Just because you are religious does not mean that you are to be a cash cow for an ungrateful person. Sorry if this rubs anyone up the wrong way, but to me, this is the basis of common decency that is now lacking in today’s society.
If I point out to her that she doesn't give thanks anymore for money/gifts received she may then say, "Oops my bad. I'll make sure I'll send a thank you card from now on." However, it seems to me the attitude is, "I have to give thanks in order to receive more." She would feel obligated to give thanks. And I don't want that.
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Old 05-03-2019, 02:33 AM
Ppy098 Ppy098 is offline
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Originally Posted by david92506 View Post
If I point out to her that she doesn't give thanks anymore for money/gifts received she may then say, "Oops my bad. I'll make sure I'll send a thank you card from now on." However, it seems to me the attitude is, "I have to give thanks in order to receive more." She would feel obligated to give thanks. And I don't want that.
It baffles me as to why you even have to point it out to her - you didn’t used to in the early days, she would just do it because she knows that’s what people should do when given a gift. This is just manners, and even children know that! Maybe she doesn’t appreciate your gift as much these days, or can’t be bothered to show appreciation now she has come to expect your gifts as being a routine thing. Either reason is not acceptable in my world. A person SHOULD feel an obligation to say ‘thanks’ when someone does something for them, especially if that thing/gift is truly appreciated. Next time she fails to thank you, don’t prompt her or send her anything else and see what happens - by not gifting her, you are therefore not going to be in this position of wondering about her giving you a ‘thanks’, she will not feel obligated to show any gratitude, and you will stop feeling guilt for something that isn’t your fault. Stop shouldering guilt for the actions of others.

Last edited by Ppy098; 05-03-2019 at 02:34 AM.. Reason: Autocorrect failure!
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Old 05-03-2019, 05:58 AM
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My PP says thank you all the time, he usually opens his letter just thanking and blessing God for our friendship and when I'm able to send him something he expresses his gratitude and maybe sends me a drawing or a handmade card to thank.
It is true we don't give to hear a thank you, but I think it's vaguely irritating not to get one.
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Old 05-03-2019, 06:50 AM
mauri23 mauri23 is offline
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Some yes, some no. I think if you are in contact for a long time, then you do not have to thank every "little thing" for a new one. I think that one's own feeling makes one already feel if the person is grateful. Otherwise, just ask and lead an open communication, if you feel offended.

Last edited by mauri23; 05-03-2019 at 06:54 AM..
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