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Loving a Violent Offender Discuss the issues of having a violent offender as part of your life. Please keep in mind that some of us are married to violent offenders. Please remember that these offenders are human, and as such, can change... just like anyone else.

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  #1  
Old 02-27-2013, 09:12 AM
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Default Did circumstances play a part in your LO's crime?

i know it's not an excuse, but do you think they played a part in your LO's crime?
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Old 02-27-2013, 09:15 AM
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Yes I know it played a part in my love one's crime but I also know if he was never living that life those circumstances would have never been present.
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Old 03-10-2013, 11:53 AM
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Yes and no, yes bc of the circumstance my husband did something he knew he would get caught for bc he could not control himself any longer
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Old 03-10-2013, 05:42 PM
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Yes. I know that things would def be different if the circumstances were different.
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Old 03-14-2013, 12:23 PM
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I'm not sure I quite understand what you're trying to ask. Don't all circumstances have a part in everything we do? So why would these particular circumstances matter. It's the actions and the way that situations were dealt with that matter.
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Old 03-20-2013, 03:09 AM
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yes yes yes!!!! things would have been totally different if certain circumstances played a part that lead to my love's crime.
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Old 03-20-2013, 05:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IfIAintGotU View Post
I'm not sure I quite understand what you're trying to ask. Don't all circumstances have a part in everything we do? So why would these particular circumstances matter. It's the actions and the way that situations were dealt with that matter.
Also, what is individual's part of creating those circumstances is something that should be considered... It's possible, that all the sudden, out of nowhere came those awful circumstances, that lead to crime, but that is hardly ever the case in the real life. It's usually because of the lifestyle they chose to have.
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:52 AM
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Also, what is individual's part of creating those circumstances is something that should be considered... It's possible, that all the sudden, out of nowhere came those awful circumstances, that lead to crime, but that is hardly ever the case in the real life. It's usually because of the lifestyle they chose to have.
See with my man's crime it wasn't because the lifestyle he chosed to have ..

if certain circumstances didn't lead up to him committing his crime he wouldn't be in prison but basically he was at the wrong place at the wrong time and a situation happened.
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a&jalways

See with my man's crime it wasn't because the lifestyle he chosed to have ..

if certain circumstances didn't lead up to him committing his crime he wouldn't be in prison but basically he was at the wrong place at the wrong time and a situation happened.
My man to didn't lead that type of lifestyle and it to was a wrong place, wrong time situation. But I still feel he had choices and in the heat of the moment he picked the wrong one.
I feel the circumstances can be fully against you but you still have control over your choices.
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:12 AM
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My man to didn't lead that type of lifestyle and it to was a wrong place, wrong time situation. But I still feel he had choices and in the heat of the moment he picked the wrong one.
I feel the circumstances can be fully against you but you still have control over your choices.
True I see where your coming from and feel the same.
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:51 PM
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Yes, she was in an abusive relationship and felt like she had no choice but to do whatever he told her to. If she hadn't, he might have killed her, too.
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Old 05-09-2013, 06:52 PM
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Default Specific to the question asked

Yes - if my husband hadn't been where he was, when he was, his crime couldn't have occurred; however, imo, the fact that my husband chose to (illegally) obtain & carry a loaded semiautomatic weapon was the catalyst for every additional felony conviction he subsequently received (including his multiple violent offenses) but most could have resulted from any number of different circumstances.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:27 AM
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Circumstances are a result of choices. It is rarely just a single choice or "wrong place" thing. You had to do something to know the people that you were at the wrong place with. It's a set of decisions that puts us where we are.

I'll bet that if every one of the men mentioned had made a habit of going to work during the day and staying home at night, and working in the yard on weekends, none of this thread would be here.

If I made all together different choices, starting many years ago, I might be Indy Car champion of all time, or the ruler of western Europe, or a shoe salesman.

Don't look at circimstances. Look at choices. Look at decisions. We make our own circumstances.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straight View Post
Circumstances are a result of choices. It is rarely just a single choice or "wrong place" thing. You had to do something to know the people that you were at the wrong place with. It's a set of decisions that puts us where we are.

I'll bet that if every one of the men mentioned had made a habit of going to work during the day and staying home at night, and working in the yard on weekends, none of this thread would be here.

If I made all together different choices, starting many years ago, I might be Indy Car champion of all time, or the ruler of western Europe, or a shoe salesman.

Don't look at circimstances. Look at choices. Look at decisions. We make our own circumstances.
Amen and Amen!

No matter the circumstances, his poor choices are what lead to that moment and further lead him where he is now.
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Old 01-31-2014, 04:26 PM
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My situation is a little different than yours. My loved one is my 20 year old daughter. This is a very wise perspective and I appreciate all of you sharing your perspective. I know my child better than anyone on this earth and I can't make sense of my child having anything to do with a violent crime. She had no criminal record. She is overly trusting and a people pleaser, easily influenced by others. She's also mentally ill and is not getting the treatment she needs in prison. She's just trying to keep her nose clean and do her time in the best way possible. I don't disagree with her being punished but 20 years in federal prison is so long while other people involved with the case, with criminal backgrounds, have their freedom and struck some sweet plea bargains with the Feds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Straight View Post
Circumstances are a result of choices. It is rarely just a single choice or "wrong place" thing. You had to do something to know the people that you were at the wrong place with. It's a set of decisions that puts us where we are.

I'll bet that if every one of the men mentioned had made a habit of going to work during the day and staying home at night, and working in the yard on weekends, none of this thread would be here.

If I made all together different choices, starting many years ago, I might be Indy Car champion of all time, or the ruler of western Europe, or a shoe salesman.

Don't look at circimstances. Look at choices. Look at decisions. We make our own circumstances.
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Old 05-24-2014, 09:25 PM
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Yep…alcohol and a gay guy trying to rape him while begging for my friend to shoot him. Not your typical story.
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Old 05-25-2014, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straight View Post
Circumstances are a result of choices. It is rarely just a single choice or "wrong place" thing. You had to do something to know the people that you were at the wrong place with. It's a set of decisions that puts us where we are.

I'll bet that if every one of the men mentioned had made a habit of going to work during the day and staying home at night, and working in the yard on weekends, none of this thread would be here.

If I made all together different choices, starting many years ago, I might be Indy Car champion of all time, or the ruler of western Europe, or a shoe salesman.

Don't look at circimstances. Look at choices. Look at decisions. We make our own circumstances.
This is so true of my son. If he would have stayed at home that day and did work around his home he wouldn't be in this mess. If he wouldn't have offered a homeless girl a place to stay 7 months prior to that he wouldn't be in this mess.as soon as she came in the picture I knew it was bad. But his choices not mine. Now he tells me "mama I should have listened"
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Old 06-22-2016, 05:35 PM
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Yes! A resounding yes, external circumstances played a huge part. If I were in the same situation, (and I was, to a lesser degree) I probably would have done what he did for his kids when he was pushed beyond his limits.
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Old 07-16-2016, 10:44 AM
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I think the circumstances were a major factor in how everything went down. Anytime someone is on drugs it changes how they process information and make decisions.
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Old 07-29-2016, 06:07 PM
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My lady was a 17 year old girl when she chose to rebel against her parents. She had an older brother who was allowed freedoms that she believed she should be allowed to have as well. That generated a lot of anger and resentment in her. Her boyfriend moved to another state and she found herself angry and alone. Then a boy that she had known years before, resurfaced in high school.

He had just been released from Juvenile and had returned to school. They began dating and her parents were not impressed. They forbade her to see him and that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. She saw him anyway and lied about where she was and what she was doing. It all came to a head when her parents caught her with him again.

She decided to run away with the boy because she thought that she loved him and they decided to steal a car from another boy that they both knew from high school. Before calling the boy over to her home, she told her boyfriend not to seriously harm him. After calling the kid over, she went upstairs and waited. When the boy got there, he was confronted by her co-defendant and an altercation ensued. In the struggle, the boy was stabbed, but managed to break away only to die from the wounds he received.

For her part in the crime, she was charged as an accessory to murder and is now serving life without parole. Had her previous boyfriend never moved, had her parents been more vigilant, had she been a bit more mature, would she have gone down this road?

I think that it is pointless to speculate. Events happened the way that they did and there is nothing that can be done to change them. Kelly would be the first one to tell you that she is at fault for what she did. She accepted personal responsibility for her actions long ago because it was she that made the choices.

Kids are impulsive and they don't think about potential consequences. Because of that, three families were destroyed on that day. That's the part that most don't think about. The offender's family pays a price just as surely as the family of the victim. Some mistakes can't be fixed, but you can learn from them and move on and perhaps one day, you will be forgiven for your actions.

If you asked her the same question, I have no doubt that she would tell you the exact same thing.
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Old 01-24-2017, 05:22 PM
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YES! He was a bouncer and used excessive force and put the unruly patron in the hospital. 5 years for thinking he was a super hero
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Old 08-20-2017, 06:18 PM
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Mine was raped repeatedly as a child until he basically shut down from feeling anything because he couldn't deal with his emotions. His crime was done in that traumatic state.
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