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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #26  
Old 09-20-2017, 06:26 PM
Ohyesboo55 Ohyesboo55 is offline
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Mine is not a happy ending he divorced me and went back to his ex. I believed his lies, and wasted 9 years of my life.
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  #27  
Old 02-03-2020, 04:02 PM
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I am a little late to this party but, we are just a couple of months from being married 6 years and he is just a few months from being off probation. He has been out close to 5 years. The first 2 years were pure bliss but after that has been a complete nightmare that never seems to end. He is so institutionalized that I dont think he can ever get past it. It is his way or no way and if he doesnt get his way, he throws a fit for days about it. He started drinking and goes through bouts of that. He never told me he was an alcoholic, in fact no one ever did until his PO told me when I called her during one of his episodes. I asked him from the very beginning if he drank because if so I would not be interested. I have already been married to an alcoholic and wasnt interested in having drinking in my life at all and I believed him when he told me that he didnt drink and had no plans to drink. We cant go one single day without drama because the world needs to revolve around him and if it doesn't, he lets it be known. He pitches fits and tries to control everything including my grown kids. They pretty much dont come over because of him. There were so many things that he didnt tell me or just flat out lied about because he knew that these were things that were important to me and if I knew, I would have ended it or never let it get started.
He makes promises over and over that he never keeps. His opinion is apparently the only one that matters. He needs constant ego stroking and constant praise just because he works a job. I let him in my world in which I had a paid for house, which we sold and bought another bigger one together because I thought maybe a fresh start in something that was ours instead of just mine would help but it has only made things worse. He sees this as HIS place and anyone in it needs to abide by HIS rules. He has loaded his stuff up and packed his suitcases on numerous occasions but never follows through with actually leaving, which would make it easier on me. He blames me for just about everything that has ever gone wrong in his life. I could literally go on and on.
He is not physical or violent, which is the single and only reason I am still here but he mentally beats me down every chance he gets. It is a miserable existence and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I want to tell each and every MWI to please be careful what you are getting yourself into. Find out everything you can about his life and previous stints in jail or prison because he had spent about 15 years more in prison that I knew about or he told me about until much later. I know how that initial feeling of falling in love is, I felt that here and do not ever think it wont or cant happen to you because I too thought, not him, he is different than the others but he isnt. He is bipolar and has ptsd. You never know what you are going to get from one minute to the next. He may be happy and 10 minutes later he has conjured up something in his mind to start a fight about. I have never seen such behavior in men on the outside in all of my life. I only though my last marriage was miserable but it was a cakewalk compared to this. Again, I would not recommend this to anyone and if I only knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble and heartache. I can't say yet if I can get out of this but if I do, it wont be easy, he will make sure of that.
Not the rainbows and unicorns story that I would have liked to have told, I had many hopes as do most waiting on a love to get out but it sure didnt turn out like I expected, it only gets harder to deal with by the day.
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  #28  
Old 02-03-2020, 06:41 PM
ambermarshall11 ambermarshall11 is offline
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Alot of men have mental problems in prison my boyfriend is one of them what you were telling me reminds me of him they change so much when they get released the monster comes out in them alot of women have no idea what there up against when they are released they will tell you what you want to hear till they come home and you see the demon in them
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  #29  
Old 02-03-2020, 08:20 PM
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Originally Posted by ambermarshall11 View Post
Alot of men have mental problems in prison my boyfriend is one of them what you were telling me reminds me of him they change so much when they get released the monster comes out in them alot of women have no idea what there up against when they are released they will tell you what you want to hear till they come home and you see the demon in them
I would argue that in your case he was the same man in and outside of prison. He was abusive to the level that the separation allowed, and then continued when he was released.
This is an older thread but it's a good reminder.

Last edited by miamac; 02-04-2020 at 10:51 AM..
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  #30  
Old 02-03-2020, 09:56 PM
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It's like with every relationship. When two people first meet they're on their best behavior. Then as the relationship progresses people shed their good persona for their real one.

When i met my husband there was no good behavior or fake personas we were both honest with one another from the start those were the foundations that we have built our friendship and marriage on. I have no doubt that jail time will change my husband i'm not sure to what extent though and ofcourse i too will change as i now have to relearn to live like a single person again and fend for myself.

In jail it's very easy to continue the good behavior and fake persona but only because you are limited to 15 minute calls ,letters and short monthly visits. There's no way your going to know what a person is really like unless you've lived with them.
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  #31  
Old 02-04-2020, 12:26 AM
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There's so many variables to that anyways. If you only write or phone calls or a once a year visit... Who knows? You don't even know them with that time. Not one of the relationships we have is comparable to the other in the slightest. If he treats you like crap inside though, it'll be worse outside.
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  #32  
Old 02-05-2020, 02:26 PM
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I'm MWI to a lifer on parole, he's only been out 61 days ~ wow, feels like a looot longer!
I'd say it's too soon to consider us a success. However, I am more in lust and in love with him today than I have since first meeting him 2 decades ago I can't believe that I'm living the life I'm living... everyday a new layer is pealed, everyday a single word creates new growth, challenge, amazement, joy, admiration, spunk, creativity and new ideas on how to protect each layer we lay before us which helps create our common goals. I am in so much freaking love, it's ridiculous!! Just typing this has all the fibers of my body dancing, lol.

My ex (daughters dad) who I was married to when I met lifer, was very young when he began going into the system. He didn't program well in prison, remained on a max security level and served 12.5 years smoothly; did as he was told, made his money, manipulated whomever at any cost and when he got out he worked very hard, saved money, ate well, and tried being a family man, but we can't alter our DNA and his wasn't wired to be in one place, with one gal, sober, in a routine... he requires extreme thrill and because he didn't program well in prison, or open up to therapy, he didn't learn to deal with the root of his issues; drugs and alcohol help him escape.
I tried to help him, but only ended up losing precious years that I can never take back and redo

I met lifer in 2000, in 20007 he refused my visits, he'd call and we wrote, but he wouldn't let me see him because I had a boyfriend staying with me... at the time I didn't understand why lifer even cared, he knew I wasn't in love with the guy, but lifer had more respect for himself and expected more from me... so I broke up and moved the guy out, began visiting lifer and my journey of real independence began... he taught me how to respect and love myself above all else - whether we make it or not out here, he made it out, and as Cortez did to his fleets, I burned my boat... no going backwards only forward
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  #33  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:26 AM
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To be honest I have friends who have lived with someone for years and still been taken by surprise by what the other is capable of. Some are very good at leading double lives or hiding there version of ugly.
At the end of the day we all take our leap of faith. I have seen my husband at his lowest I am looking forward to seeing him at his best. We haven’t lived together and that will change things for us hopefully for the better but who knows it will be what it will be.
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  #34  
Old 02-12-2020, 03:23 PM
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My fiancé has been home almost 8 months and we're still good. It's almost like he never left. I know that's not too long in the scheme of things, but I do know there's a member whose LO has been home like 10 years or so, and she comes every once in a while to update on her life. She's one of the successful stories. Like nimuay said, there's usually a variety of factors involved in relationship success. I can only speak for myself, and so far so good (knock on wood).
Welp, fast forward and mine has since ended, but not because of prison. Honestly, looking back, I should’ve not even been with him in the first place. However I’m glad I did it because it taught me a lot about myself, and we don’t hate each other at all! While my relationship wasn’t a success story, my life sure is and while that chapter has ended, the book is still continuing!
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  #35  
Old 08-01-2020, 03:42 PM
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Well, we didnt make it. He kept spiraling down and down and down with me trying to stop it the whole way. He finally just embraced his alcoholism and wound up sucker punching my son in the face and he is in county right now on assault charges. He got off probation 6 weeks ago after 6 years and from that minute on, he went full on drunk and doing any kind of pill or drug he could get his hands on. Drinking and driving, raging, intimidating and finally just going full on rage. The one good thing is it finally gave me the chance to get him out. What a fucking waste of 6 years of my life. Never again will I fall for the crap I did when I met him. It is all just an act so they can get what they want but eventually they drop the act and get back to their real selves. He is nothing but a monster and I dont feel like I am out of the woods yet.
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  #36  
Old 08-01-2020, 05:40 PM
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Well, we didnt make it. He kept spiraling down and down and down with me trying to stop it the whole way. He finally just embraced his alcoholism and wound up sucker punching my son in the face and he is in county right now on assault charges. He got off probation 6 weeks ago after 6 years and from that minute on, he went full on drunk and doing any kind of pill or drug he could get his hands on. Drinking and driving, raging, intimidating and finally just going full on rage. The one good thing is it finally gave me the chance to get him out. What a fucking waste of 6 years of my life. Never again will I fall for the crap I did when I met him. It is all just an act so they can get what they want but eventually they drop the act and get back to their real selves. He is nothing but a monster and I dont feel like I am out of the woods yet.
I am so sorry. I hope your son is ok. Hopefully you can get divorced and move on with your life quickly and smoothly.

I honestly believe these men want to change and be a better person. You can't change who you are in most cases unfortunately.

I'm glad you are finally moving on and will have a life you deserve to have.

Best of luck to you and your family.
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