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Parents with Children in Prison For the parents of prisoners

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  #1  
Old 06-04-2020, 12:19 AM
IamAMomof4 IamAMomof4 is offline
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Default Shattered and lost

I came home from work to a letter from my son, describing an incident, that shattered me. I'm lost on what to do. He said he wrote a grievance, and yes ok but I know usually nothing comes of it. No matter what he is looked at as just a problem inmate.
I tried to
talk to my husband his dad, and he shut me down not wanting to hear..
From the free world I havent a clue how to handle this on his behalf without making it worse for him on the inside. But if I as his mom dont stand up for him who will? He may be an inmate in their eyes but hes my son. So if anyone knows the steps I should take please let me know. After 6yrs I have learned which issues to address and which to ones to not. Hes no saint by any means he can make the cos work for every penny they earn ... at one facilty they would even come on my visits and tell on him. And some they would come and say hey hes doing good... but he was transferred right before the covid issues locked it down, and I havent been able to see him. So this new one doesnt really know, I visit on a regular..but this incident ... is far to sensitive to just let it slide.
Sorry for rambling... I'm just in a dark place because of this.
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Old 06-04-2020, 03:53 AM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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My advice is not to do anything without your son's approval. The problem is that he is already labeled as a complainer, which often means that complaining even more can make things worse rather than improving them. Be sure to check the Texas forums for messages from other family members who have experienced similar retaliation.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=56
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Old 06-05-2020, 07:41 AM
trauma4us trauma4us is offline
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We are dealing with a similar situation. Our son has been incarcerated at the same facility for over 6 years with 8 months left. In the last year or so he has come under the scrutiny of one particular CO who is making his life miserable, made more so by the quarantine - he's lost his schooling (he was going full time). Our son asked me to call the prison but I really tried to get him to handle it on his own but he then reached out to his Dad and we talked and Dad called and I think in the end it made things worse.

It is so hard - our son is 35, no kid but he can get on your last nerve at times - I know he's no angel but like you, he's my son, my baby and I'll always love him.

I can't advise you - just know all of us Moms in one way or another face the same question. I'm sorry
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Old 06-05-2020, 08:18 AM
GaReform GaReform is offline
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I am also the mother of a 30 something son. He has been home for 2 years now & I worried every day he was incarcerated. There were a couple of times that I did make calls but it was only after he tried everything & asked me to. Plus I am an involved advocate for reform so I have some knowledge of who to call & when to do it. It's extremely difficult to put away the Mom hat & be the advocate who is focused on facts instead of emotion.
If you're in TX I suggest you reach out to an advocacy group for suggestions on how to handle this. They usually have experience & can give you the info you need to get action without making it worse. And we all know in trying to make it better it can go completely bad if we're not careful.
Try contacting the Texas Inmate Family Association. https://tifa.org/ They may be able to connect you with someone who can guide you through what needs to be done. At least you can have someone unbiased hear the problem & make suggestions. Also, they can be a source of support for you & your family. That's priceless!
Good luck & stay strong. He will get through this but it sounds like he needs to remember he's a grown man & the COs aren't his loving mother. That's the hardest lesson many have to learn.
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Old 07-31-2020, 06:27 PM
guardianangel3 guardianangel3 is offline
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im coming in on this a little late...i keep busy with projects so as not to think, but then when there is a problem with my son, i jump back on this site. i too have the same problems but my son is in PA (i am in NC). it is heartbreaking. i worry about his safety, his mental health...his ability to manage this without getting hurt. it's hard to know if and when someone has answered your post, or responded to yours on theirs, but im here and hope we can catch up and compare notes. being alone and helpless is the worst...l
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