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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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Old 02-09-2018, 07:57 PM
preciousjewel preciousjewel is offline
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Default Tips on Assisting your LO to adjust to being out of prison again?

Hey all, my guy has been inside for a long time (7 years) and am just concerned about his reentry and adjusting to the outside again. Any tips or suggestions? What can I do to assist in this process as well?
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Old 02-09-2018, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by preciousjewel View Post
Hey all, my guy has been inside for a long time (7 years) and am just concerned about his reentry and adjusting to the outside again. Any tips or suggestions? What can I do to assist in this process as well?
I'm curious to his age because that can be a factor.

I would read up on post incarceration syndrome. See if you can get leads on work. Do you know wjat he will be allows to have? Can he drive?
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Old 02-09-2018, 08:57 PM
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Thanks for that tip. Not sure yet. He will have 5 years probation. He is 48. Yes, he can drive. He will be able to get his license back when he gets out.


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I'm curious to his age because that can be a factor.

I would read up on post incarceration syndrome. See if you can get leads on work. Do you know wjat he will be allows to have? Can he drive?
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Old 02-09-2018, 09:15 PM
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We have a forum here called "Now that your loved one is home" that has a lot of helpful information. Not only are there stories from others but there are several stickies at the top of the page that are very useful.
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Old 02-09-2018, 09:52 PM
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Oh okay. He is not home yet but wanted to try to begin working on things preparing for his homecoming. I will check out that forum. Thank you so much.

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We have a forum here called "Now that your loved one is home" that has a lot of helpful information. Not only are there stories from others but there are several stickies at the top of the page that are very useful.
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Old 02-10-2018, 04:44 AM
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Technology has changed considerably while he was locked up. The faux reentry preparation offered by many prison systems, including US federal bop, ignores computers/smart phones completely, so unless you need to learn how to write a check (my comment to the instructor was what if I can't spell three) it is pretty much worthless. Even a book like computers/smart phones for dummies would at least acknowledge how the world has changed because of them, but ignoring them is how they have decided to proceed.

The really unlucky ones are also ordered by their POs to avoid any and all computer/cellphone access, and often follow it up with confirmation by polygraph. They also claim that they are there to help their probationers/parolees to successfully return to society, right!
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Old 02-10-2018, 04:08 PM
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We have a forum here called "Now that your loved one is home" that has a lot of helpful information. Not only are there stories from others but there are several stickies at the top of the page that are very useful.

I've actually moved the thread to Now that your loved one is home...

Members who have already had a loved one come Home can share what worked for them / what didn't....give you the perspective of their experiences
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Old 02-10-2018, 04:16 PM
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Thank you.

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Originally Posted by patchouli View Post
I've actually moved the thread to Now that your loved one is home...

Members who have already had a loved one come Home can share what worked for them / what didn't....give you the perspective of their experiences
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:29 PM
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Technology is big. A class at the local community college that's not for credit dealing with tech basics can really help. A class on the iPad alone can be a big help.

Get him on a schedule. Even if he's not working, start helping him get on a schedule. A gym membership, a church membership, taking a class at a local art studio/community college - all of that can help. He's used to structure, helping him to structure his life on the outside is a good thing.

Get him insurance, adpnd then get him in with a primary care physician, a nutritionist, a dentist, a hearing doc (he is 48), and an eye doc (he is 48) is also good. He will be adjusting to a new diet of good food, so expect a lot of discomfort. Also get blood tests for all of the communicable - TB, HepC, HIV, etc, etc, etc. address these things early for peace of mind for the both of you.

Have him go shopping with you for his essentials - from underwear to toothpaste. Make sure he has plenty of socks and season appropriate footwear and outerwear. He needs to be involved in this as it's what he's going to be using on his body. Plus, it gives you the ability to find out what he likes, doesn't like, and what's new to him. And make sure his style updates so that he's not wearing what he wore 7 years ago.

Help him with bus schedules, location of AA/NA meetings and schedule (if relevant), churches/religious institutions that may be relevant to him. Get ahold of schedules for regular meetings, help him figure out how to get there and then get back. This will also help him structure his time. A Jobs Center or Career Counselor will help him update his resume and get it to conform to the requirements necessary today.

At home, help him get an email account (assuming he can have access to computers), keys, wallet, a bank account. When he feels like he has control over his coming and going, and can buy a sandwich whenever he wants, or a burger, he'll start feeling a bit more like he's on the outside and it's real.

Talk with him. The more nervous he is, the more he needs to talk about it. Encourage him to get therapy to help him with the transition since there are things that he won't want to talk about with you.

Glad he went in as an adult - a lot of adult responsibilities are already things he knows about, like taxes. Take a guy who went in at 15-16 and is getting out 20 years later, never having had his own car, never having paid taxes, not having had a full time job, never having a resume - that's much more difficult.

Ask him what his greatest concerns are. The more you create a space where you can both talk, the better things may go.

And remember to play. A ball game, even if it's just the local high school team, bowling, a walk along the river or through the woods - doesn't have to cost much at all, but can help relax the both of you and help him transition.
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  #10  
Old 02-10-2018, 07:28 PM
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Wow! Thank you so much for this. This was very informative and helpful. I appreciate all of this. Thank you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by yourself View Post
Technology is big. A class at the local community college that's not for credit dealing with tech basics can really help. A class on the iPad alone can be a big help.

Get him on a schedule. Even if he's not working, start helping him get on a schedule. A gym membership, a church membership, taking a class at a local art studio/community college - all of that can help. He's used to structure, helping him to structure his life on the outside is a good thing.

Get him insurance, adpnd then get him in with a primary care physician, a nutritionist, a dentist, a hearing doc (he is 48), and an eye doc (he is 48) is also good. He will be adjusting to a new diet of good food, so expect a lot of discomfort. Also get blood tests for all of the communicable - TB, HepC, HIV, etc, etc, etc. address these things early for peace of mind for the both of you.

Have him go shopping with you for his essentials - from underwear to toothpaste. Make sure he has plenty of socks and season appropriate footwear and outerwear. He needs to be involved in this as it's what he's going to be using on his body. Plus, it gives you the ability to find out what he likes, doesn't like, and what's new to him. And make sure his style updates so that he's not wearing what he wore 7 years ago.

Help him with bus schedules, location of AA/NA meetings and schedule (if relevant), churches/religious institutions that may be relevant to him. Get ahold of schedules for regular meetings, help him figure out how to get there and then get back. This will also help him structure his time. A Jobs Center or Career Counselor will help him update his resume and get it to conform to the requirements necessary today.

At home, help him get an email account (assuming he can have access to computers), keys, wallet, a bank account. When he feels like he has control over his coming and going, and can buy a sandwich whenever he wants, or a burger, he'll start feeling a bit more like he's on the outside and it's real.

Talk with him. The more nervous he is, the more he needs to talk about it. Encourage him to get therapy to help him with the transition since there are things that he won't want to talk about with you.

Glad he went in as an adult - a lot of adult responsibilities are already things he knows about, like taxes. Take a guy who went in at 15-16 and is getting out 20 years later, never having had his own car, never having paid taxes, not having had a full time job, never having a resume - that's much more difficult.

Ask him what his greatest concerns are. The more you create a space where you can both talk, the better things may go.

And remember to play. A ball game, even if it's just the local high school team, bowling, a walk along the river or through the woods - doesn't have to cost much at all, but can help relax the both of you and help him transition.
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Old 02-13-2018, 12:08 PM
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I had to learn to give him a space. Dont smother him. My lo comes to me when he wants attention. I get plent of attention from him. Sometimes he dont sleep much and stays up watching tv. No big deal. I know where he is. He dont drink or do drugs.
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Old 02-17-2018, 09:57 PM
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Originally Posted by preciousjewel View Post
Hey all, my guy has been inside for a long time (7 years) and am just concerned about his reentry and adjusting to the outside again. Any tips or suggestions? What can I do to assist in this process as well?

hola chica. Mi recent new update(s)threads in NOW that your LOVED ONE is home will expound what happened in mi relationship/engagement/union with mine."I would just say this, be there for him as much as you're able, while he himself demonstrate such willingness to "want to do what is right to stay out and about, and with you, the woman who has been waiting for him,been there for him, making plans with him, his rock."I wish you the best of luck.Let us @ PTO know how it turn out for you ok?Some get out and the more negative dangerous lifestyle still lives deep within some of them, that no amount of real love, real support, respect loyalty et.al., will be enough for the man, for again some of us especially if he has yes, done a long time like mine did, almost 10.5 yrs, since age 18. I did 1/2 of those long years with him,and yours did almost ten (i think you're saying seven or eight)so i pray for the both of you, to make it, as I hope for you, it's different...Keep me posted and pm me anytime.hugs and blessings. adios.
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Without "action" applied to his words, it's not real.#DON'T SETTLE.
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Old 02-18-2018, 05:43 AM
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He will have to check with his prison counselor to find out if he can renew his driver's license before he is released. Some states allow DL renewals without requiring them to go to the DL office, internet or mail. You can check to see if that is possible in your state.

My biggest PITA after release was getting my DL renewed in Washington State because it was expired for more than one year. I even had to take the driving test again, the first time since I was 16, It took repeated trips to the DL office, but I finally succeeded. WA isn't even "true ID" (or whatever the federal law is called) so I'm sure it would have been even harder if it had been.
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Old 02-18-2018, 11:25 AM
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My biggest advice is be patient, some will go shopping right off the bat, some the crowds bother them and will be less reluctant. My LO was focused on getting a job. He became something of a hoarder for a min. which I believe was because he had little for 6 years. He had horrible dreams on and off for years, he still doesn't like large crowds and is very observant of everything going on around him. When he first came home he would be exhausted after work, and was able to sleep unbelievable hours. Of course, not making the best money has been a problem and then classes he had to go to costing more and court fines. He eats the weirdest crap. He keeps everything and i mean everything he see's as important next to him when he sleeps. Still, five years later. It is a progressing thing but hopeful that the "prison" experience will be something that he remembers but no longer lives. There will be marked differences, but with patience and understanding he will be able to put most behind him.

Last edited by istrueblue; 02-18-2018 at 11:48 AM..
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Old 02-18-2018, 11:39 AM
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Thank you so much ladies. You all have been a great help with phenomenal advice. I appreciate everything you all have contributed. The unknown is a bear.
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