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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is He just using you?
Yes, I feel that way! Ughhh! 67 6.99%
No, he would never do that to me! 572 59.65%
Maybe, I would hurt to find that out! 269 28.05%
I wouldn't care because I'm just pasting time anyway! 13 1.36%
Both 3 & 4 38 3.96%
Voters: 959. You may not vote on this poll

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  #151  
Old 06-23-2011, 07:09 PM
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Originally Posted by tee.dot.q View Post
No, I don't believe he is using me.

However, I am using him. Mainly for expensive phone sex.


Lol, You just made my night... Good way of looking at it
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  #152  
Old 06-23-2011, 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Rejoice. . . View Post
Lol! I'll answer. I was with my husband before he went away, not that that matters. No, I don't think he's using me.
This.
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  #153  
Old 06-23-2011, 09:10 PM
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probably thinks he is but who knows. I think a lot of men really think that they love the girl and will get out and everything will be perfect. But when he gets out it doesn't work out and the girl feels used. You never know what will happen when they are out. My daughter's father is feeling all fatherly and lovely dovey now that he is in, and I take his words with a grain of salt. Actions Speak Louder Than Words. When he gets out we will see. If I don't fall for the Fantasy now if it doesn't go as wished later then I wont be hurt.
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  #154  
Old 07-07-2011, 02:47 PM
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i was with john before he went in and he didn't use me before he went in and at times i feel like he is using me for money but thats only because he took care of me when he was on the outside and now i am the only one that is taking care of him on the inside his own mother, and sister and other family members don't send him letters, stamps , or even money i try to when i can
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  #155  
Old 07-07-2011, 03:45 PM
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My story is ( my lifer ) is the one who I lost my v with and we were back and forth throughout highschool. I moved one got into a relationship an 6 months later he got locked up I visited him just for the support a few times but eventually stopped because I wanted to be fair to my bf. It has been three years and my lifer wrote me a few times after u stopped visiting him but I never got back in touch. A year ago I broke up with my bf and I needed time to heal, I went to visit him once just to see how he is and to tell him how bad I felt after the break up but they changed his visitation day so I just figured well god did not want me to see him and express myself. So his trial came up and I went to court I was so happy to see him and I know he was happy to see me. We started keeping in contact and we are friends. I really do not need anything from him I just want to help him if I can and I'm the one who offered. I don't feel used because I am here for him because I care about him and I want to help him although he is still special to me and even though I'm not in love with him I love him as a person. But if course he is trying to get closer but I just don't want to be hurt and get involved in any kind of relationship. I told him in here as his fiend we can joke and talk but nothing else. He does realize his mistakes from the past but I just can't go back to something more than friends. So I am making the decision to be there for him and help as a good friend I am not obligated. I don't need promises or anything I just want him to better himself.
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  #156  
Old 07-07-2011, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by CupCakeLove View Post
I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.
I don't know for sure if I was used or not but there were way too many red flags and I loved unconditionaly so I just ignored them and gave more than I should have just because of the love I had...I caught him in a lie and decided to leave because I couldn't trust anything he said after the situation blew up...now looking back at the whole relationship there are so many reasons for me to believe the whole relationship was a lie and I was more than likely the one sitting in the visit room and all the guys were saying so that is the fool...I really don't know if I ever really want to know the whole truth because losing the love I had was painful enough!
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  #157  
Old 07-07-2011, 07:21 PM
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I know my man. LOL.he dnt ask for anything by i give to him. He and i have God so when he's out i have no worries he only has eyes for me. And vice versa were very blessd
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  #158  
Old 07-07-2011, 08:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by n8sgrl

I don't know for sure if I was used or not but there were way too many red flags and I loved unconditionaly so I just ignored them and gave more than I should have just because of the love I had...I caught him in a lie and decided to leave because I couldn't trust anything he said after the situation blew up...now looking back at the whole relationship there are so many reasons for me to believe the whole relationship was a lie and I was more than likely the one sitting in the visit room and all the guys were saying so that is the fool...I really don't know if I ever really want to know the whole truth because losing the love I had was painful enough!
I can imagine how you feel because trust issues are a difficult area that most people worry about. Trust is all around, believing in someones word, believing in that person, giving all you can because you trust that person as much as yourself. Trust issues doesnt necessarily mean a man cheated on you. I know how you migh feel but think of it this way, your love was true you did what you could but in the long run you will benefit from it. God sees good and bad and if you have done good and the sun will shine on you and the people that did bad then god will take care of them as well. I am not sure if you are a religious person but I am not really religious but I do have faith and believe in god. Take some time to heal from this; it might take a while if you are hurt badly but in time you will see that you have become stronger. Just learn from this, heal, give the right person a chance and remember not to give in to much next time. You will be okay believe in yourself and gem though it's hard to find a good guy nowadays don't give up and let the last guy ruin your happiness! Good luck!
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  #159  
Old 07-08-2011, 07:46 AM
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I am new to this prison thing, No, I wasn't with him before he was locked up, but I did know him and grew up with him. We wern't in touch for many years just so happened he found me. He has never asked me for anything, I care for him and want to help, so I don't give anything that I don't want to lose. What has he got to gain anyway, few letters, few dollars, caring person to support him though the hell he got himself into and ALL family and friends disowned him because of trying to survive in this society. I'll be ok if he chooses to go somewhere else when he gets out. I think we need (not use) each other.
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  #160  
Old 07-08-2011, 07:50 AM
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Amen to that!!
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  #161  
Old 07-08-2011, 10:58 AM
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To answer that question..HELL NO this man isn't using me..this is how I know. For one, he doesn't constantly ask me to do anything for him..as a matter of fact...he really doesn't WANT me to do anything for him at all...I do it because I love and care for him. Two...he KNOWS not to cross me! I take no bullshit from ANYBODY and he knows that I could drop him very quickly and be with someone else..but once again I love and care for him so I'm not going to leave him. Three he knows my financial situation..I'm a college student and a mother to two beautiful daughters..he wouldn't dare be so selfish as to constantly ask me for ANYTHING. I'm very outspoken and I will let him know if I feel any sort of way about how he's acting. There are times I can't do things for him..he doesn't get mad he doesn't yell he doesn't complain. He makes due with what he has until the next time I'm able to do something for him. I'm not naive and I can smell BS from a mile away. He KNOWS better and if he does ask me for something it's something he really NEEDS like shirts, underwear..things of that nature. But this man is humble...he is real. When I visit him I see that some of the other inmates in there are dressed better than he is. It saddens me but at the end of the day he has what he needs. When I get some money I will buy him some nice shoes and pants...because I WANT to. But I feel like if he was using me..he'd go ask another female to do for him what I CAN'T and clearly he doesn't do that..he'd rather go WITHOUT than go behind my back and get something from someone else. THIS is why I love and care so much about him.
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  #162  
Old 12-23-2011, 03:04 PM
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When my man was arrested everyone in my life said he would just use me and that I should move on...that I deserve better. But he didn't use me before unless "using me" means getting love from me and spending almost every waking moment together. I did question it A LOT though! At first he would say "I have no right to complain if you don't trust me and you want to leave me. If you don't want to help me, that's ok...I will be fine." It took him a while to contact his family and then locate his older sister. When he finally did she sent him money and he asked me not to put money on his account again because it made him uncomfortable. He always says he will pay me back for what I did put on his account and for the immigration lawyer consultation (which was only $250). I keep telling him not to worry about it, but he KNOWS my family thinks he is using me so it's important to him. Fine. But the real test was after he got a hold of his sister and now she is sending him money...he still uses all his units to email only me, and except for calling his parents and his sister twice per month, all the other phone minutes are spent on me. He tries to surprise me with things when he can and he's always worried about me and what is going on in my life...it's never about him "oh poor me"...I guess I'm lucky in that I used to see how he felt about me in his eyes. He would "drink me in" with his eyes and there was no doubt he loved me before he went in. Now he says the guys there tell him he is a "lucky son-of-a-bitch" to have a woman like me. Sometimes I wonder how could I have ever had my doubts. But the reality is that the truth remains to be seen. He will likely be deported so we have some big challenges and decisions to make.
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  #163  
Old 12-23-2011, 09:40 PM
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No I do not believe I am being used. I love my man and I always stated that anything I do for him is because I care for him and would never want to see him do bad. I am his friend first and his women second. Everything I do is from my heart so I will never feel like I was being used. If he got out tomorrow and it didn't work I would be o.k because I will still receive my blessings for being by his side.
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  #164  
Old 12-23-2011, 11:29 PM
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This hits home for me. I was married for a short while. I got married after Danny (my guy locked up) and I broke up because things got too hard. I got tired of hearing everyone saying he wasn't good for me. So he said move on, and I did. Anyway I got married. I thought this guy was perfect. He was joining the military, he cleaned house, took care of me when I was sick..everything. Except he couldn't seem to keep a job, he wrecked my car on our honeymoon (not on purpose, but it sucked), he eventually ended up getting fired from his job for stealing out of a co-workers bag, has yet to join the military. He even stole my debit card and ran that up negative $600. He stole from my family. He barely worked. Needless to say we got divorced. That was in the "FREE" world.
I'm just glad to be back with my guy. I missed his laugh. He missed me. He reached out to me while I was still married. He was my friend and my shoulder to cry on while all the negative stuff was going on. We haven't been able to be apart since.
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  #165  
Old 12-24-2011, 10:13 AM
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T is a very proud man, and it horrifies him when I put money on his books. The way I look at it is, we are a partnership, when I first got divorced and I was broke he took care of my every need, not it's my turn to take care of him, until he gets home and can take care of us again. I can't imagine being with someone that I knew was simply using me.
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  #166  
Old 12-24-2011, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by MissLexy
T is a very proud man, and it horrifies him when I put money on his books. The way I look at it is, we are a partnership, when I first got divorced and I was broke he took care of my every need, not it's my turn to take care of him, until he gets home and can take care of us again. I can't imagine being with someone that I knew was simply using me.
my papi is a very proud man too.he will not ask for anything from me. We love each other so much. I know he is not useing me I miss him so much.
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  #167  
Old 12-24-2011, 07:47 PM
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My Fiance' from day one has always told me taking care of home is taking care of him. He said him knowing that me and the kids is doing good is enough for him. I do, do things for him when I can but what mate doesn't do for each other. My man is always worrying about my needs, wants and concerns. He is always sending me stuff. He never ask for anything that is outrageous and when he does happen to ask for something like deodorant or something if I say I don't have it, its no big deal. I definitely do not feel used at all. I think his mom thought I was one of them chicks he was going to just use but after he got on her case a couple of times I guess she realize there is a new Queen in town.
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  #168  
Old 12-24-2011, 08:28 PM
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My guy doesn't ask for anything other than love and support--which I freely give! I try to give him $ when I can even though he tells me not to. I think if you know the person's true colors, you will know if they are using you or not. If there is even a doubt in your mind, you may not be with the right person. Trust is a huge part of any successful relationship!
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  #169  
Old 12-25-2011, 02:35 AM
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Not to my knowledge...but if he is que sara sara

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  #170  
Old 12-25-2011, 04:28 AM
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OMG..I just put $50 on his account as a surprise Christmas gift and he got upset and asked if I can take it back. He always says he feels uncomfortable with me putting money on his account and he thinks he has to pay me back some day because "he is a man and it's the right thing to do." Ugh! Men!!! He knows my finances are a mess right now so he doesn't ask for anything. His sister puts money on his account now and other than a few expensive calls home (international) he spend all his phone minutes and email units on me. So I know for sure he isn't using me!
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  #171  
Old 12-25-2011, 07:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeverDull
OMG..I just put $50 on his account as a surprise Christmas gift and he got upset and asked if I can take it back. He always says he feels uncomfortable with me putting money on his account and he thinks he has to pay me back some day because "he is a man and it's the right thing to do." Ugh! Men!!! He knows my finances are a mess right now so he doesn't ask for anything. His sister puts money on his account now and other than a few expensive calls home (international) he spend all his phone minutes and email units on me. So I know for sure he isn't using me!
Sounds like my fiance!! He throws a fit when I send any money because "he is the man and should provide for me, not the other way around". I do pay for our phone time bc he calls collect, but any other money, he gets upset. His mom puts most of the money on his account, but she's 90 and not in the best health. Eventually he'll have to accept me giving him money, since he's got 8 more years to go. He used to have me take his savings and send it to him but that was drained long ago
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  #172  
Old 12-25-2011, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Diamond Tears

Sounds like my fiance!! He throws a fit when I send any money because "he is the man and should provide for me, not the other way around". I do pay for our phone time bc he calls collect, but any other money, he gets upset. His mom puts most of the money on his account, but she's 90 and not in the best health. Eventually he'll have to accept me giving him money, since he's got 8 more years to go. He used to have me take his savings and send it to him but that was drained long ago
Mine tells me not to send any. He says he will get money from working. I sent him a lil money and he got mad. He's like don't send me any you/we need it for the bills.

loves & misses my hubby
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  #173  
Old 12-25-2011, 05:20 PM
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In all honesty, i can say I have been used before by a male. Now, since my actions were done from my heart i know that the Creator will bless me for my kindness. You reap what you sow and his ulterior motives will catch up with him in the long run. So, with that being said, i know what red flags to look for. My baby and I are very much "In Love"!! So as Bill Withers said, "if it feels this good being used...then keep on using me... til' ya use me up" "cause i show am using you to do the things you do"
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  #174  
Old 12-25-2011, 06:16 PM
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My man and I have been together off and on since we were fifteen years old so I know that he is not using me, but he tells me about men who do play girls. He said that they use the girls for anything they can get and they're always talking to more than one. We had separated at one point in the past and he admitted that he was guilty of using two girls during that time. I don't send him any money whatsoever. They only thing I pay for is telephone time. His dad pays for stamps and envelopes. Other than that, he just makes it. He has said he doesn't want a thing from me while he's in. So I guess that's how you can tell. If they constantly hold their hands out for stuff then they're probably using you.
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  #175  
Old 12-25-2011, 06:22 PM
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Mine tells me not to send any. He says he will get money from working. I sent him a lil money and he got mad. He's like don't send me any you/we need it for the bills.

loves & misses my hubby
He even sent me his visitation papperwork. Hell he sends me all of his papperwork. So,I know he's not useing me while in there. Hell we been together before he got in there to. And every day reassures me he's not useing me. He says he'd rather be homeless then useing me. He tells me if he wants me to go some place else when he gets out then he will. Him and I have had one hell of a crazy relationship. Mainly due to people trying to break us up. So,I know there is no way he's useing me.

loves & misses my hubby
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