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  #101  
Old 03-11-2020, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
My guy has been in since fall of 1993... they still had answering machines...
sorry, I giggle because I think it's cute.

I feel like Jr picked up on the tech stuff so rapidly.... it's life experience in general that's been missed and most challenging to process while adapting out here - people have changed so much along with the vast technology we've been consumed by. Crossing paths with new people; from church, at school, at work, on a bus ride, out at a restaurant, etc... the actual interaction with them is like a woodwind of an entire experience, it's all the little things that we have all been so use to that becomes so vast (for Jr).... he really is so blessed to have an ex-lifer support community of friends - they really do help and depend on those who know exactly what they've been through.


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  #102  
Old 03-14-2020, 12:00 PM
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When T gets out, he is going to struggle so hard with all the tech advances from when he went in (2008). I sent him a book all about social media and what it is, how to use it properly, what to say and what not to say, how it affects us as a person, etc. I want him to be as prepared as he can be for when he comes out but I know he's gonna struggle.

I've already got a cell phone for him that I'm not using, it's an older iPhone cuz his ass ain't getting something brand new. He was like I'll be happy with a flip phone though and I was like well even those don't work sometimes so you can have my old phone. And with T-Mobile and unlimited data, he'll be solid on that end. I just know he's gonna be so lost.
Mine is finding out how different communication is. I tried to tell him, but telling him didn't have the same impact as experiencing it. He's been frustrated by folks not answering their phone, the lag in texting, then the data slow down. It was a bit rough. I think the hardest thing for me to talk to him about was how phones are not only a way to call people anymore, they're an extension of us (or can be). They have private thoughts through conversations, photos, the personal info of our friends and families. Most people would give up their purse before they'd turn over their phone. This has been a confusing lesson, as well. He has asked to borrow phones for looking things up and people have been willing but not warm.
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  #103  
Old 03-14-2020, 12:30 PM
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T was like I've never sent a text, but he understands what a text message is. He always asks me to text his mom or sister something. Like I don't ask about their visits anymore but I will ask them something if he asks me to. Recently it was if they'd received the package list he sent. Since he can't make calls (his own stupidity and mess up), he asked me at the end of a letter. So when I got an answer, I wrote back with their response and my own letter.

A former celly of his got ahold of a cell phone, and he was able to see what Google maps was and the street view aspect of it. That blew his mind, he was like I haven't seen my mom's house in 11 years.

I think this is why I also sent that book, so he can begin to understand that social media and cell phones are an extension of someone.
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  #104  
Old 03-14-2020, 12:33 PM
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My guy said to me recently that he does not want a digital footprint. Iíll keep you posted
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  #105  
Old 03-14-2020, 01:26 PM
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My guy said to me recently that he does not want a digital footprint. Iíll keep you posted
Wouldn't that be a nice option? 😂
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  #106  
Old 06-08-2020, 05:04 AM
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Gosh, it's been a while huh? Apologies for not updating earlier.... I always said I would come back & share how things went after my MWI was released.

He got out at the end of February and....we are no longer a couple. I had a trip booked to see him, and then this Corona situation caused my flights to be cancelled three days before I was supposed to fly in. After that, it was all downhill for us, I'm afraid. I struggle with how much to say on a public forum about a very private situation Every story has two sides, but basically we had huge fights about how to behave on social media, how & when to communicate (we live in different countries) via phone. It became just impossible...and to me it also felt that he started neglecting me more with every passing week, it seemed like I was always chasing him with texts & calls....so I made the decision to end it. I love the man and don't really have the need to speak badly about him; I wish him all the best and we're still in touch on occasion as friends...but life goes on.

I always said on here that I took on this relationship because I knew I was strong enough to face whatever the outcome....well, let me tell ya....I wouldn't do this again. I sure as hell have been on my knees, metaphorically, not knowing how I'll get through this. I take full responsibility though - I had my eyes open, I knew the risks. May sound crazy but I also do not have regrets, not really... This story was a part of my journey and all chapters are lessons, no matter what.

Hope you are all doing well and staying safe
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  #107  
Old 06-08-2020, 05:47 AM
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Gosh, it's been a while huh? Apologies for not updating earlier.... I always said I would come back & share how things went after my MWI was released.

He got out at the end of February and....we are no longer a couple. I had a trip booked to see him, and then this Corona situation caused my flights to be cancelled three days before I was supposed to fly in. After that, it was all downhill for us, I'm afraid. I struggle with how much to say on a public forum about a very private situation Every story has two sides, but basically we had huge fights about how to behave on social media, how & when to communicate (we live in different countries) via phone. It became just impossible...and to me it also felt that he started neglecting me more with every passing week, it seemed like I was always chasing him with texts & calls....so I made the decision to end it. I love the man and don't really have the need to speak badly about him; I wish him all the best and we're still in touch on occasion as friends...but life goes on.

I always said on here that I took on this relationship because I knew I was strong enough to face whatever the outcome....well, let me tell ya....I wouldn't do this again. I sure as hell have been on my knees, metaphorically, not knowing how I'll get through this. I take full responsibility though - I had my eyes open, I knew the risks. May sound crazy but I also do not have regrets, not really... This story was a part of my journey and all chapters are lessons, no matter what.

Hope you are all doing well and staying safe
Oh crap.... I'm so sorry to read this. I was just thinking about you the other day... I get what you write and I wish it wouldn't be this way for you.
Love does not conquer all and I wonder if it'll be enough when my guy comes home. I expect something similar to be honest and I want to be prepared. I will see him through though, we're getting so close, but I come first.

Come and visit me in Panama when the flipping airport opens again and fry in the sun at the pool
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  #108  
Old 06-10-2020, 03:06 AM
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Sarianna that's so hard to hear! My heart hurts for you. I know you said that you understood the risks but who would have thought a virus would sweep through making it difficult to travel and isolating those from their loved ones. It has been a very unique time. Much love to you during this time.
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  #109  
Old 06-10-2020, 04:08 AM
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Thank you for your kind words

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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Love does not conquer all
...but I come first.
This ^^ Couldn't have said it better myself. It is so, so hard to let go of someone when you love them...but you got to love yourself more & recognise when it is healthier to leave.

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Come and visit me in Panama when the flipping airport opens again and fry in the sun at the pool
Oh, I wish! Still waiting to get my airfare money back... Any traveling probably will have to wait till next year. So happy to hear you've landed in Panama though

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Sarianna that's so hard to hear! My heart hurts for you. I know you said that you understood the risks but who would have thought a virus would sweep through making it difficult to travel and isolating those from their loved ones. It has been a very unique time. Much love to you during this time.
Thanks - it is sad for sure... I might still be in denial but I think if we'd had a chance to spend a few weeks together it may have made a difference. Instead, I feel like we both just unravelled and lost the ability to communicate, to put it mildly
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  #110  
Old 06-10-2020, 01:45 PM
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Sari I am so sad to hear this but so proud of you for recognising when itís time to let go and put yourself first.
This virus has messed up so many things but if things had been good between you this wouldnít have made a difference. I hope you are doing ok I hope life is treating you well. I can imagine it will take a while to fully accept the situation but you can move on and find the happiness you deserve. Much love
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  #111  
Old 07-05-2020, 01:36 AM
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Sari,

Just now reading your update.

Iím so sorry things fell apart. This was a hell of a time for him to be released - the world has gone mad and I cannot imagine trying to assimilate into such chaos, especially when you were so far away and couldnít even visit.

I know you went into this with your eyes open, but your heart was open, too, and it hurts me that you were hurt. Love is a crazy thing.

I hope youíre doing well, and I hope he is too, regardless.
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  #112  
Old 07-13-2020, 10:08 PM
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Checking in!
Well, like most things, Covid has really just upended most everything about his release. He's still under quarantine, three months now. He handles it pretty well. We both get frustrated, probably more me than him. He's usually the Optimist between the two of us and I'm grateful. Left up to me I'd have us both wallowing. Lol I miss him. We're lucky in that we can communicate freely so that puts us one-up on prison time, but in most every other way it's as if he's still incarcerated. We're keeping our fingers crossed that the PO follows his word and begins the interstate compact agreement next month. The releasing and receiving state have 90 days each to respond, so we're really unsure of when he might be able to actually come home. That's been a real burr in my backside.

Currently he's binging OITNB (without me!! lol) and participating in groups like NA and ARC (cali based rehab and reform organization) via Zoom. He's taking non-credit college success prep classes even though he's near the end of his degree. Something to do and the info is helpful. His academic experience has been entirely behind bars.

I've rearranged my room three times trying to give us the most space. I gave away six bags of clothes to make space for him in the closet. I've been cranky about the sacrificed space many times. That's not going to stop me, but it's real. I've lived single for over ten years and this is a huge adjustment.

Other than all of that, we just wait. We waited before, we wait now. I told him the other day I was overextending myself a bit in order to get things done before he comes home even though some of it could wait because I am tired of living in-between. Married, but living single. Not a prisoner anymore but he still is. When he gets here, I want to feel like we're living, not waiting anymore. I know, I know...life is always in flux. But for now, I'd like to feel like I'm setting us up for a little more permanency.
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  #113  
Old 07-13-2020, 10:39 PM
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Thank you for your kind words

Love does not conquer all.

This ^^ Couldn't have said it better myself. It is so, so hard to let go of someone when you love them...but you got to love yourself more & recognise when it is healthier to leave.
Not true at all. Your story ended in disappointment. You may have loved him with every inch of your soul, but unfortunately he did not. If he did, us men, move mountains and do whatever it takes.
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  #114  
Old 11-16-2020, 03:52 AM
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Not true at all. Your story ended in disappointment. You may have loved him with every inch of your soul, but unfortunately he did not. If he did, us men, move mountains and do whatever it takes.
Oh yeah, I absolutely agree with you. What I meant when I said it's hard to let go of someone you love, I was talking about myself, not him.

I know now he didn't love me and I feel like such a fool... I haven't been here for a while but I figured I'd stop by and update a little in case anyone's been wondering where I've been Like an idiot I kept in touch with him, and boom, just found on FB recently that he's gotten married to someone he's known for decades back in his home town. I didn't know it at the time but just six days before he got married, he told me on the phone that he misses me and is thinking about me all the time. They were engaged couple of months before the wedding too of course, and he never mentioned seeing someone when we spoke on the phone/facetimed during these months - for all I know, he could've been with her already while still trying to engage me into having phone sex with him.

I take full responsibility of my choices of course, nobody twisted my arm and I knew the risks...but my god, how embarrassed I feel, looking back. Here I was, on this site, proclaiming my love for this person and also telling everyone how I was prepared for "anything", thinking I'm so strong This has got to be the single worst thing I've experienced in my life, and I've gone through a lot of shit before. Five years of my life down the drain, and I've thought of myself as a pretty smart person, ha! I have a lot of work to do with myself in order to find out how I ended up in this place, and why I (apparently) was so starved for love and attention that I chose this path. We always talk here about red flags and I've never considered myself to be someone who is blinded by love, but in all honesty I think I wanted him to be "something" and I closed my eyes from what he really was.

Needless to say I've blocked him now and will never, ever speak with him again. I am not sure if I'll be back on here either, maybe this will change in the future but right now coming here feels embarrassing and painful after all the years I was here with this "relationship". I do want to say thanks to everyone & wish you all the best. Stay safe and hopefully 2021 will see Covid go away!
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  #115  
Old 11-16-2020, 03:21 PM
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Sari so sorry to hear your update. Please dont take his behaviour as a reflection of you. It isnt a reflection of you. You met a man in prison you knew the worst case scenario and yet you chose to offer him friendship and love, without judgement. That takes a special person.

Just because he wasnt who he said he was it doesnt change who you are, a good person who has given this man love and the benefit of the doubt.
Its such a hard journey and I am sorry and also glad yours is over. You can find so much better and you now you have the space in your life to be filled by the real love of your life.

take care friend and do stay in touch.
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  #116  
Old 11-16-2020, 03:39 PM
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I have to say breaking up with my guy after 5 1/2 years was easier than I thought. I take responsibility for my part in all of this, I was enabling him a lot and listening to his "grievances" if there were any at all during this time.
He chose this life for himself and I went from trying to be a supportive friend to a woman in love to "he's perfect". He's not, neither am I.
In the end what counts for me is how much he can be empathic towards me, able to put his own grievances aside for a moment and stick by me no matter what... that's what I did but obviously we had different perspectives on our relationship.
I've had enough of his shit. He put himself in prison, he needs to sit this one out until the State decides it's time for him to go home or give him positive adjustements to his incarceration.
What pissed me off so much was his entitlement. He was a good boy during most of his now 27+ years incarceration so please give me what I deserve kind of attitude.
I believe God has plans for all of us and there's a path that is for us and you cannot force anything.
I was not able to force him to love me because his grievances (for a lack of a better word or words) took over and I was just about obsolete.
I stopped sending money and he quit calling even though he still had plenty money left.
I'm not inclined to deal with this kind of person... as a lover/partner/friend.
It either comes naturally or it doesn't and with him, he was more important than anything or anyone else.
Good riddance!
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  #117  
Old 11-16-2020, 03:57 PM
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A relationship is hard to maintain at the best of times but a prison relationship is even more hard. Despite that wherever you meet and wherever you are you cannot force love. You can't demand loyalty or make someone be the person you want them to be. The best thing we can do is make sure we look after our hearts and protect them from further damage when things go wrong.
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  #118  
Old 11-26-2020, 08:31 AM
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So, I met him in the visit room 2.5 years ago, whilst visiting an acquaintance, and after a hick up back in Sep, where we thought he was going to have to do 6 more months thru no fault of his own, he was finally released on Tue. (it is now the early hours of Fri morning) The shitty thing is that he lives 6 hours drive south of me, (which is fine, I am so beyond ready to jump in my car and go visit him - he just needs to say the word!) but he is from a very large, close-knit family, who I have never been in contact with and who I am now having to play second fiddle to. I hate that so much!!! I have no family at all, and cannot even relate to the concept of actually wanting to spend time with the people you are related to. Sad face. We had a 3.5 hour phonecall the day after he was released, and after 11 months of bloody 6 minute calls, it was absolute bliss! It was SOOO hard not hearing from him yesterday! Do any MWIers have any useful advice for me about how not to be jealous as fuck of his family and how to care less about how long it will be before I get my long-awaited hug? I was never able to visit him, it's just been letters and calls the whole time. I guess I just thought all the waiting would be over as soon as he got out, but I'm still effing waiting and it's so much harder now than it ever was. Sorry for the whiny post. I don't have any 3D friends to vent to....thanks for listening!
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Old 11-26-2020, 08:34 AM
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"Ex-lifer" Man, that term just makes me feel so good!!

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sorry, I giggle because I think it's cute.

I feel like Jr picked up on the tech stuff so rapidly.... it's life experience in general that's been missed and most challenging to process while adapting out here - people have changed so much along with the vast technology we've been consumed by. Crossing paths with new people; from church, at school, at work, on a bus ride, out at a restaurant, etc... the actual interaction with them is like a woodwind of an entire experience, it's all the little things that we have all been so use to that becomes so vast (for Jr).... he really is so blessed to have an ex-lifer support community of friends - they really do help and depend on those who know exactly what they've been through.

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  #120  
Old 11-26-2020, 11:38 PM
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Well, what are the terms of his release? Is he not able to leave the city he’s in? Does his family know about you? If you’re able to drive to him, I’m not sure why he’s not asking you to come see him. Is he reluctant to introduce you to his family? Does he have kids he might be spending time with?
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Old 11-28-2020, 03:31 PM
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Well, what are the terms of his release? Is he not able to leave the city heís in? Does his family know about you? If youíre able to drive to him, Iím not sure why heís not asking you to come see him. Is he reluctant to introduce you to his family? Does he have kids he might be spending time with?

Are you talking to me, Anna? Well, I am going to answer as if you are because I am beyond devastated and I need a fucking distraction. It's Sun morning here now. His only parole conditions are that he must abstain from drinking alcohol (though he is NOT an alcoholic, alcohol consumed by others was a major contributing factor to him spending almost 4 years inside for something he didn't even do! and the fact that the imaginary offence occurred in a bar - he was at a work farewell) and he must be back at his parents house by 12 midnight every night, so yes, he could leave Sydney as long as he is home before he turns into a pumpkin. He told me on Wed that his family knows that he talks to me, but I have never communicated with them. He is untraceable on the internet. I don't know his parents first names, only their last name and the suburb they live in. He himself does not exist online and his sister hid his FB account when he got locked up in 2017. I managed to stalk his sister on LinkedIn (at least, I think it's her) but I can't call her at her work until Monday. He did mention that his parents would be a little freaked out at me staying at their place because of how he was set up by a drunken psycho bitch who accused him of sexually abusing her. Despite all evidence to the contrary, and no evidence whatsoever that this lying psychopath was telling the truth, 12 amatuer, fuckwit jurors found him guilty. It's his first offence, he is now 39 years old and is, honestly, the LAST person that would ever hurt anyone against their wishes. The only kids he might be spending time with are his 2 nieces and nephew, whom he is very close to. When we spoke on Wed, he gave me a WeChat ID, but no such user exists, he also gave me his new mobile number, but it keeps going thru to a voice mail that's not set up yet. He told me he was waiting for his SIM card to arrive in the mail, so that tells me he hasn't received it yet, though he was expecting it on Thursday.

This is all massively triggering my abandonment issues from my childhood and it's all I can do to not jump in my car and drive 7.5 hours south to the temple I know his family visits on the off-chance I might see him there, but that would be a little psycho myself :-( My abandoned and devastated inner child is just not handling this very well at all, even though, I am normally a fairly emotionally mature person. It's just so fucked up! This week was supposed to so so bloody happy, but honestly, I received more calls a week from him in prison!
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Old 11-29-2020, 12:23 AM
tabbycat007 tabbycat007 is offline
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UPDATE: He finally called me this morning and we spoke for an hour. I now have his proper WeChat ID and a working mobile number for him. We've been chatting on and off all day. He told me this morning that he's not ready for a relationship - he needs to get his head together. His family are going to be pretty paranoid about who he gets involved with after that drunken psycho-slut and 12 dumb-as-dogshit jurors stole almost four years of his life for no reason at all! I'm totally fine with what he needs for now, as we have been friends for 18 months anyway, and of course I want to support him. We'll just take it one day at a time. I am feeling a million times better now that I can contact him anytime I want. It was the feeling of being completely and utterly powerless around communicating with him that was doing my head in, but hopefully, things will be ok! I'll keep y'all updated if anyone is interested....

Last edited by tabbycat007; 11-29-2020 at 12:27 AM..
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Old 12-31-2020, 01:39 PM
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It’s been five months since my husband’s release date and four months of him being actually home in our house. COVID couldn’t have come at a worse time. We haven’t been able to do any of the things we talked about because everything’s cancelled, so hard to find jobs....

The first couple of months of just staying at home went good but then he started getting cabin fever. I mean I get it, he was locked up for 12 years just waiting to live again and then when he’s finally released, a global pandemic. He started seeing some of his old friends again, just to get out of the house. Nothing good will come out of that.

Just wish he could find a job to keep himself occupied and have some money of his own. When he was in prison, he used to say that he couldn’t wait to come home and start working so he could be a positive instead of a negative. But here he is, still being forced to live off me.

Being released from prison is always a challenge but when you add a global pandemic to the mix.... We’re just trying to hold it together until life goes back to somewhat normal. Can’t wait for this freaking vaccine.

How’s everyone else holding up?
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Old 12-31-2020, 02:36 PM
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Lord, I can only imagine the extra headaches of having someone released during the pandemic. Itís hard enough for a felon to find a decent job during great economic times. And if heís anything like my husband who places a lot of his self-worth by how much he can contribute....I can see why it would be extra tough.

But youíre right. Old friends spell nothing but trouble. If you always do what youíve always done, youíll always get what you always got. Hopefully he finds something soon!
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Old 01-03-2021, 01:31 AM
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This space is to share stories of homecoming specific to MWI. While there are challenges all relationships face at the end of a prison sentence, MWI have a unique path to take. Please use this thread to share your joys, fears, struggles, successes and helpful advice for transitioning from incarceration to free world living.


Weíre waiting for your homecoming tale now, friend!

With bated breath!
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