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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 06-09-2019, 10:59 AM
Skatinem13 Skatinem13 is offline
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Default How to tell him I have moved on?

Hi everyone. Long story short, I was dating my bf for almost 4 and a half years when he was sent to prison. He was placed in a program which meant he only spent 6 months in. After waiting for him a few months, I realized I wasnít happy and there was just too much hurt to move past. I realized I didnít love him anymore and moved on. I havenít talked to him in almost 5 months because I finally pressed charges and was considered a victim. He has no idea I havenít been waiting for him. He gets out next Thursday and I have no clue how to tell him. I am fully aware that I am not responsible for his actions but I worry that he will turn to drugs again when he finds out I have been dating and that my life is much different from 6 months ago when he went in. Is it better talking to him face to face? How do you tell someone you are finally happy because they arenít in your life anymore?
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Old 06-09-2019, 11:31 AM
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Hi there , am I right in thinking you have pressed charges against him? If not my apologies for reading this wrong. If you are his victim he should not be having contact with you. You can ask for a no contact order if there isnt already one in place. If you have pressed charges you should not be meeting him face to face.
You have every right to move on and find happiness .Keep walking forward and dont look back.
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Old 06-09-2019, 04:58 PM
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If the charges that you pressed was against him. It's probably for the best to leave well alone and move on with your life, without letting him know. Your a victim so you don't owe him no explanation to why you moved on at all. Definitely wouldn't go meeting up with him to have a face to face talk. Sometimes it's best to move on without given notice to why your moving on with your life. All that matters right now that your happy again. It's been 5 months since you last spoke to him. That should give him a hint that you've moved on.
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Old 06-10-2019, 08:35 AM
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Take it from me it's real real hard to come back to a good place as a couple when charges start being press.i would keep it moving and ghost.
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Old 06-11-2019, 11:31 PM
nawlinsrainy nawlinsrainy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatinem13 View Post
Hi everyone. Long story short, I was dating my bf for almost 4 and a half years when he was sent to prison. He was placed in a program which meant he only spent 6 months in. After waiting for him a few months, I realized I wasnít happy and there was just too much hurt to move past. I realized I didnít love him anymore and moved on. I havenít talked to him in almost 5 months because I finally pressed charges and was considered a victim. He has no idea I havenít been waiting for him. He gets out next Thursday and I have no clue how to tell him. I am fully aware that I am not responsible for his actions but I worry that he will turn to drugs again when he finds out I have been dating and that my life is much different from 6 months ago when he went in. Is it better talking to him face to face? How do you tell someone you are finally happy because they arenít in your life anymore?
Donít tell him face to face, I never break up with men in person after myself and other people I know have been assaulted because of it.
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:11 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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In my opinion I would tell him now. If you wait and he comes to your house the situation might not be the best for him to come home to. So in my honest opinion telling him now would save what's about to happen when he gets out.
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Old 06-12-2019, 10:45 AM
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If there is no contact, dont worry about it at all. Just move on with your life. If you have victim services use them to help you move away as you will be scared he may come to your residence. They will move you, you have filed charges on him. Good luck with everything.
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Old 06-17-2019, 01:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatinem13 View Post


Is it better talking to him face to face? How do you tell someone you are finally happy because they aren’t in your life anymore
?

DO NOT WAIT CHICA, tell this man, ahora!(now)

I would just tell him, and keep it movin' to mi better days and nights, happy times without such stress anymore, (and i would tell him over fone)if a restraint order, etc.al., is in place, and or just because i would feel it's only right, again(depending on the circumstances and i have been there, sure was.)
I told him and i did it on phone.(Face-to-Face)would've been too risky, for me, premised on the actual D.V., and i just kept moving on while ignoring his
faux- apologies floodin' in by phone, and the whole "i love u's, and sorry. and,

hola chica... so, your guy (i mean your ex-factor) is out on Thur?

He is out real soon in a few days or so? I would k.i.m.(keep it movin')and just not say anything, at all.
This feasibly can be a quite stressful and dangerous situation for you." I wish you however, the best of luck, i really do. If you NEED to tt him, do it via phone. (Safer)God bless u. Personally? I was not going to "not tell himi, so i did after i thought about it, ya know." I knew what was best for me." I REFUSE to "settle." Nunca. (Never)again."Life is just way too short for it."I chose to be healthy happy, successful and i shall hence, continue to be this way, after realizing i am no longer going to settle."Just do it by phone (if) need be, but NOT face to face." be careful. i just personally told him in ONE phone call, and i was not worried he would find mi new casa @ all.I felt better letting him know
and just smiled as i moved on. again be careful, as i had NO DESIRE to see him/nor even a short face-to-face at all. .I was happy how i did it by phone. safer that way.
adios.
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Last edited by a.rare.love; 06-17-2019 at 01:47 PM..
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatinem13 View Post
I havenít talked to him in almost 5 months because I finally pressed charges and was considered a victim. He has no idea I havenít been waiting for him.

Okay, so let me make sure I'm understanding this right.


He has been away about 6 months.


You pressed charges on him, I'm assuming for Domestic Violence (you don't specify, but this makes the most sense under the circumstances.)


During most if not all of that time, you have not spoken to him.


If he was hurting you physically and you have not spoken to him? You owe him nothing. Zero. Zilch. Don't attempt to make contact. Especially if there's a protective order in place. You state you're happy. Good! Move on with your life. Without him. As long as he steers clear of you, don't worry about it.


If he does come around, there's two possible answers.


1.) If you have a protective order in place (you're considered a "victim" and have pressed charges against him so I assume this is a possibility,) it's simple, tell him you've moved on and you'll call the cops if he doesn't leave immediately or comes around again. If he does anything other than immediately respect that and leave, then call the cops.


2.) If you do not have a protective order in place, and the issue is a Domestic Violence issue, then consider getting one.


Let me repeat: YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. There is no need for you to seek out contact with him. You haven't had contact. You state you're done. You've pressed charges. If that isn't a hint enough to him that you're done, I don't know what is.


Good luck.
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Old 06-24-2019, 09:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skatinem13 View Post
Hi everyone. Long story short, I was dating my bf for almost 4 and a half years when he was sent to prison. He was placed in a program which meant he only spent 6 months in. After waiting for him a few months, I realized I wasnít happy and there was just too much hurt to move past. I realized I didnít love him anymore and moved on. I havenít talked to him in almost 5 months because I finally pressed charges and was considered a victim. He has no idea I havenít been waiting for him. He gets out next Thursday and I have no clue how to tell him. I am fully aware that I am not responsible for his actions but I worry that he will turn to drugs again when he finds out I have been dating and that my life is much different from 6 months ago when he went in. Is it better talking to him face to face? How do you tell someone you are finally happy because they arenít in your life anymore?
If you haven't talked to him on 5 months then he probably figured out you are not there for him anymore. Let me say this, he is responsible for being in there, not you. You don't have to feel bad for what he did to himself and IF he turns back to drugs that is his choice. He isn't the victim and he needs to focus on his life to get back on track. If you are happy then that is great...you have to live a life as well. Just my two cents...
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Old 06-24-2019, 09:08 PM
Ex Con 5 Ex Con 5 is offline
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Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
Okay, so let me make sure I'm understanding this right.


He has been away about 6 months.


You pressed charges on him, I'm assuming for Domestic Violence (you don't specify, but this makes the most sense under the circumstances.)


During most if not all of that time, you have not spoken to him.


If he was hurting you physically and you have not spoken to him? You owe him nothing. Zero. Zilch. Don't attempt to make contact. Especially if there's a protective order in place. You state you're happy. Good! Move on with your life. Without him. As long as he steers clear of you, don't worry about it.


If he does come around, there's two possible answers.


1.) If you have a protective order in place (you're considered a "victim" and have pressed charges against him so I assume this is a possibility,) it's simple, tell him you've moved on and you'll call the cops if he doesn't leave immediately or comes around again. If he does anything other than immediately respect that and leave, then call the cops.


2.) If you do not have a protective order in place, and the issue is a Domestic Violence issue, then consider getting one.


Let me repeat: YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. There is no need for you to seek out contact with him. You haven't had contact. You state you're done. You've pressed charges. If that isn't a hint enough to him that you're done, I don't know what is.


Good luck.
Great response!!!
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