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  #1  
Old 05-05-2019, 10:01 PM
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Default The moment you broke free

How did you feel?
Iíve finally finally come to terms with whatís happened to me, and realized that the man I was with was a very dangerous individual. I still care about them deeply, but itís best to care from afar.

I got a better team of people. Having a new therapist totally did a 180 on how I saw things. And something just clicked.

I broke things off with the guy that hurt me and Iím finally starting to get the old me back.

Just curious on what it was like when that moment also hit for any of you? How long did it take, and do you ever have days where the past still creeps back up but youíre able to push it aside and realize youíre better off?

Day by day I feel like Iím truly getting better. It took a special friend who believed in me and a great therapist. But Iím honestly happy to be back.

Anyways. Just wanted to share some positivity because I know a lot of my previous threads were dark.
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Old 05-06-2019, 05:27 AM
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Ive not been in that situation (dv ) per se.
But I do love someone who is very violent (my oldest son) so yes. I love him, and always will. I dont like him much right now, but its the way it has to be.


Your situation is different. I am very happy to read things are much better and going to get even better. Glad you have decided to take back your life! Congrats!
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Old 05-06-2019, 06:02 AM
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My awakening occurred in a therapists office.

It took about a week after that before I told him he had to move out. Interestingly, he didn't balk at all. Not sure what that says about where he was mentally, and now I don't care what it says about him, because it never should have been about him, it should have been about me and how miserable I was.

For the first 3 months, I was miserable. But slowly, I was starting to see the things that all added up to a dangerous relationship.

For 3 years after he moved out, I still had an ache in my heart. He was supposed to be The One. He promised me the moon and the stars and all the heavens, and I believed him.

I didn't date anyone at all for the first 2 years. I didn't trust myself to make reasonable decisions. I figured it was better to be alone than to put my life at risk. I think losing my trust in myself was the worst thing he did to me - it lasted much longer than the broken and bruised parts of me.

It has been 23 years since he moved out. I still have a very small spot in my heart for him. I wish him well and healthy - I know he is not because I saw him recently and he's either homeless or living out of his car. But I wish him well.

Meanwhile, I met an amazing man who I wouldn't have looked at twice before my trip down dv lane. We've been married 19 years now, together 21 (nearly 22) years. He has snarled at someone 4 times in those years - only once at me (and honestly, I really did deserve it), the other three times at people who were treating me poorly (verbally).

The past sometimes creeps up on me, but now it seems more like a bad dream than like reality. It's been so long. When I saw my abuser, all I could think was "There but for the grace of God go I." If I'd stayed with him, I'd have been living out of a car too.

But the first few years? Yeah, those were tough ones. My therapist got me to start seeing things more clearly, making connections in my mind that I hadn't made before. Best money I ever couldn't afford and spent anyway.
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Old 05-07-2019, 09:48 AM
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Oh my, you have no idea how happy I am to see your post! Don't get me wrong, I know this hasn't been easy for you...but seeing that you have found a good therapist and are breaking free from an abusive relationship: I don't even know you but I am so, so proud of you

Wishing you all the best and thank you for taking the time to update us - sometimes, as weird as it may seem, even strangers stick to our minds in a community like this and at least I personally often wonder/worry about members that haven't posted in a while, or whose situation seemed dark. You sharing your story will surely encourage others who have been in your shoes and give them hope.
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Old 05-08-2019, 07:04 AM
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Well done for looking after yourself in a way many women never do. I hope you have a bright and very happy future. You now have made room for a special person to enter your life. Good luck
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Old 05-18-2019, 09:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarianna View Post
Oh my, you have no idea how happy I am to see your post! Don't get me wrong, I know this hasn't been easy for you...but seeing that you have found a good therapist and are breaking free from an abusive relationship: I don't even know you but I am so, so proud of you

Wishing you all the best and thank you for taking the time to update us - sometimes, as weird as it may seem, even strangers stick to our minds in a community like this and at least I personally often wonder/worry about members that haven't posted in a while, or whose situation seemed dark. You sharing your story will surely encourage others who have been in your shoes and give them hope.
I appreciate the concerns. I am definitely ok. My ex has since been released from jail, and now that heís out, Iím just over it. (Funny how that works out) but honestly something clicked, idk how it happened. But I donít think he truly loved me anymore. In fact I hope I donít offend anyone, but I think another side to his anger was that heís highly attracted to trans women vs cis women.
Which is something I completely support and I would of never judged.
I have friends who are all themselves in their own ways and I love people for that very reason.

However now that Iíve gotten a better support team, Iíve moved on from the sad stage and Iím more into the angry stage because I feel time was wasted. I wouldíve gladly remained friends and supported him choosing another partner. But I think his anger runs deeper than just that. I think overall he still has anger issues so even if he was with a trans woman, he could of done the same thing to her. Which I donít wish upon anyone.

Anyways, Iím just glad to finally be free. Iíve actually met someone new. His ex girlfriend had been in jail. So we were able to vent to one another and just talk about a difficult topic....and one thing led to the next and now weíre a couple.

Iím so happy. He literally thinks the world of me, and Iím def not used to that kind of attention. At first it scared me, because I wanted to know ďwhat the catch wasĒ I didnít think I deserved to be happy.

Did that happen to any of you once you dated after an abusive relationship?

Heís been nothing but patient and understanding of my PTSD. I didnít know love could feel so safe. But Iím glad to be experiencing it.
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Old 05-18-2019, 09:46 PM
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I'm glad your over him and that you've moved on with your life. Glad that you've found your happiness and that's the most important part. To be finally happy and be free/safe without the stress and the pain. Girl you ROCK! I'm happy for you and your new relationship.

It took me very long time (yearssssssssssssss) to even think about dating again after my verbally/emotionally abusive relationship. Even with the help that I did receive to get pass it and over it. I wasn't ready to get into another relationship. I was scared that nobody could ever deal with me long enough to truly want me. I used to think what would make a man be interested in me. It took awhile to truly feel peace from all the questions I would have going on in my own head of mines. Years later after finally meeting a man that could only love me for my struggles and flaws. That's when I was truly able to see I deserve to have happiness with a good man. That could never do me the way I was mistreated and did for so many years by a boy (I wouldn't call him a man). I think when I was feeling the way I was feeling (before meeting my best friend that would later be my forever love.) I had to just realize that I was still a work in progress.

We go through our darkness and no matter how dark it could be for us! It's always light somewhere to guild us through it and help us make it through all of it.
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Old 05-19-2019, 06:12 AM
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Quote:
At first it scared me, because I wanted to know “what the catch was” I didn’t think I deserved to be happy.

Did that happen to any of you once you dated after an abusive relationship?
After the last one who tried to kill me, I met my now-husband. It took 3 years after kicking the last one out, then dating my now-husband for 3 years or so and being married another 4 - 5 years before I quit waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We've been married nearly 20 years. I'm so very glad I took the time to get my head on straight. I would have missed out on so much love had I continued on the path I had been walking.
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