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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 12-27-2016, 12:14 PM
littlebeach08 littlebeach08 is offline
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Default Should I fight or move on?

So I'm finally posting here. My son's father of 8 years were together 2 years b4 he went in and now married 1 year. He's done 6 years with 4 to go. He said he has feelings for another woman. Should I fight for what I love or is too late? That's the point I'm at...what would you do?
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Old 12-27-2016, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by littlebeach08 View Post
So I'm finally posting here. My son's father of 8 years were together 2 years b4 he went in and now married 1 year. He's done 6 years with 4 to go. He said he has feelings for another woman. Should I fight for what I love or is too late? That's the point I'm at...what would you do?
Me personally if a man told me he had feelings for another woman I would move on. I would feel betrayed for giving of myself while he was in prison only to have him start to move on emotionally. I would be hurt but I'm not with sharing a man's heart.
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Old 12-27-2016, 12:19 PM
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I think you are the only one that can truly decide that. Personally I couldn't fight for a man that declared feelings for another woman. I would move on and keep my self respect.
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Old 12-27-2016, 12:43 PM
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I agree with the other two posters. Ultimately you are the only one who can decide what to do. Possibly his feelings are more of an infatuation? If he is truly in love with you, I do not see how he could be in love with someone else. Yes, we can love different people in different ways, but when one is IN LOVE, that is a different type of feeling and I don't see how it is possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time. Good luck.
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Old 12-27-2016, 12:50 PM
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Too little information for anyone but you to make that call.

He said he had "feelings" for another woman. I have to ask: why did he tell you this?

He might have told you to piss you off so that you would leave the relationship.

He might have told you to make you jealous, try to shake things up a bit.

It might have been just a jab, a cheap shot intended to hurt.

But it might have been a confession, a plea for help.

Does this other woman have feelings towards him?

It is not unusual for an 'acquaintance' to turn into a 'friendship' and have that turn into something more. It could have been something that he hadn't intended and when he realized that it was something more he confessed and is trying to make things right. If this is the case, then this shouldn't be a deal breaker.

But if he is telling you that he is wanting to end your relationship in favor of the other, well, that's different. Is he worth fighting for? I don't know him, so I can't answer that.


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Old 12-27-2016, 12:59 PM
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i am sorry to hear about your situation. Where has this woman come from? Is she from his past or has he sought her out via pen pal ad etc? Has he told you what he intends to do about these feelings for her , has he cut contact with this woman and he is being honest with you or is he intending to explore feelings with this woman?

If its the first option he has cut contact from her then I would say try and work things out , he has been honest and that is a good start but he must be genuine in ending contact with her. You can then look at what is lacking between you to make him catch feelings elsewhere.

If he is intending to explore his feelings for her and continue to to contact her then my response to him would be if you now have a choice between me and another woman, then pick the other woman because if you loved and respected me then there would never have been another woman in the first place. Then I would leave and if that is your scenario then do the same.

I wish you luck and peace.
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebeach08 View Post
So I'm finally posting here. My son's father of 8 years were together 2 years b4 he went in and now married 1 year. He's done 6 years with 4 to go. He said he has feelings for another woman. Should I fight for what I love or is too late? That's the point I'm at...what would you do?
Inside or outside, long term or short term, if the man you love tells you he has feelings for another woman, you need to end it quickly.

You should be grateful he was honest with you and firm when he writes you in a few months begging you to come back.
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:15 PM
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Where did the other woman come from?
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:24 PM
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She was a pen pal b4 we got back together 4 years ago.
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:27 PM
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That is all very sad and a bit disturbing. How come he's still in contact with her or again?
No matter how and when and whatever, it's a no-go for me. I mean if he developed feelings for someone else. That means basically there was room in his heart... if you can, could you move on away from him?
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:41 PM
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Idk and no comment...
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:48 PM
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It sounds like she has been around for a long time and has crossed the line from penpal to potential relationship. he has allowed this to happen which is very disrespectful of your relationship.

What does he intend to do? Once that line has been crossed there is no going back? He has been honest with you so ask him what is he going to do to put things right?

Dont be an option for him make it clear to him he cuts all contact with her or you are gone.
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Old 12-27-2016, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
It sounds like she has been around for a long time and has crossed the line from penpal to potential relationship. he has allowed this to happen which is very disrespectful of your relationship.

What does he intend to do? Once that line has been crossed there is no going back? He has been honest with you so ask him what is he going to do to put things right?

Dont be an option for him make it clear to him he cuts all contact with her or you are gone.
While I agree with the cut all contact ultimatum, I don't know how you would verify that he kept his end of the deal.

He proved untrustworthy in establishing the other relationship, whatever it is. That, to me at least, makes any declarations about the other girl being out of the picture suspect at best.

By the time a guy admits to his wife an ongoing relationship, he has checked out of the marriage.
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:02 PM
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First of all I'm so sorry this happened! It's bad enough when a relationship falls apart but this is painful for so many reasons....
I cant tell you what to do but if it was me, i think i would fight first cuz im stupid like that. Not saying you are! But im being honest about me. I know i wouldnt want to give up all the years ive invested for something that could be some short term for him to find some entertainment while locked up. However, thats the dumb and dumber part of the heart. Logically and realistically you have to see that he already left you. Once he told you, it was over for him cuz why else would he say something this permanent and devastating to you?
When he told you, he gave up any fight and in my opinion, forfeited any effort on your part.
This isnt easy. It hurts. But you know him best.
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:42 PM
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I think if my hubby said he had feelings for someone else I'd let him go I could not be content with the not knowing what being written between them. You can't fight for someone that won't fight for you. I'd wish him well and thank him for being honest with me.
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:45 PM
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I already thanked him. It's just hard because I dedicated my life to him...
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:48 PM
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I already thanked him. It's just hard because I dedicated my life to him...
Has he told you what he intends to do , is he going to cut all contact with her or is he planning on pursuing his feelings. You need to know.
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:51 PM
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Has he told you what he intends to do , is he going to cut all contact with her or is he planning on pursuing his feelings. You need to know.
He just told me he has feelings for her and he wants a divorce.
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:54 PM
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He just told me he has feelings for her and he wants a divorce.
Wow!! I'm so sorry well what are you going to try to fight for? He's told you what he wants. At least you know now and not when he comes home. I hope you have a solid support system around you to help you through this.
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Old 12-27-2016, 03:00 PM
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He just told me he has feelings for her and he wants a divorce.
I am so sorry my love but at least you have your answer. You can take time to heal and move on.There is nothing to fight for here.
It might not seem like it now , but he has been honest and not strung you along until his release and you have the opportunity to find somone special who will give you their heart 100%.
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Old 12-27-2016, 03:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebeach08 View Post
So I'm finally posting here. My son's father of 8 years were together 2 years b4 he went in and now married 1 year. He's done 6 years with 4 to go. He said he has feelings for another woman. Should I fight for what I love or is too late? That's the point I'm at...what would you do?
I saw in a previous post that you said he wants a divorce. I think you have your answer. Don't waste anymore time wondering when he has told you he no longer wants to be committed. Good luck!
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Old 12-27-2016, 05:10 PM
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Nope I don't have anyone. But thanks everyone.
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Old 12-27-2016, 05:29 PM
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Nope....if he has feelings for someone else he's moved on and obviously doesn't care enough about you. IMO he's already betrayed you by moving on. I'm sorry.
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Old 12-27-2016, 07:58 PM
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I already thanked him. It's just hard because I dedicated my life to him...
And there's the big mistake - your life is YOURS, not his. Never, ever give your life away. Be a companion, a lover, but never be a slave.

I know it seems romantic, but it's not, and it's not healthy. It's always best to fully be who you are and find someone who matches that.
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Old 12-27-2016, 08:40 PM
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I know...I'll be ok...I'm going to get on with my life I have a lot of things to look forward to.
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