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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 04-27-2019, 06:33 AM
Model2mom Model2mom is offline
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Unhappy Love, using or just adjusting ?

Part of me feels like I already know the answer but Iím trying to be a better person when it comes to working through issues in life and relationships . Iíll try to make this brief but I feel like certain details are needed . Iíve known my now boyfriend for 4 years we started off as ďfriends with benefits ď we would talk about a lot of personal things , and even when not together still check in with each other . I ended it because I wanted more from him and he wasnít ready (he had just came home ) fast forward to Jan of last yr we were supposed to hang out I had been stressed and he was always guaranteed to change my mood not just because of sex but he was always great company . No response and I started to worry only to find out he was incarcerated. I reached out and what I thought was a check in to make sure he was ok turned into so much more . In the beginning we both kept reminding each other of trust issues , started writing each other then the visits started then It got wayyyyyy more consistent than I expected . After 5 months passed he begged me to be his girlfriend which was music to my ears and despite the situation I cared for him enough to wait . Plus my life is kinda busy as a single mom so dating in the real world was kinda hard and this matched my time. I began takin on alll the responsibilities of lawyers and all the stuff that comes simply because no one was doing it and I felt like he needed someone to fight for him . He was consistent caring , he was concerned he called me when I was sick to check on me he called me when I was stressed to talk about things , when we would argue he forced me to open up and talk about things instead of shutting down like I normally do . We planned to live together he built relationships with my kids over the phone . I was completely head over heels in love and happy that I finally got to be with the man I wanted to be with all along . Met his family in the midst of court , managed his social media I was the complete backbone for him . If I needed something he told me to take it off his books to pay for it like the only thing that was missing I felt was him being home.
With all that I worked as hard as I could to get him home which eventually I bonded him out with his friends money , they placed him on a ankle monitor and because my car literally broke down the day of and I live extremely far he made his living address his parents place so they could take him where he needed to go . Since being home I promise I cry every day , Iím happy heís home but this is nothing like i thought . He parties literally every single night with friends that couldnít even answer the phone when he was locked up . He still calls and we talk daily multiple times face time too but itís not the same . Funny thing is if I ignore his calls or donít respond to his messages like he does me sometimes he will blow my phone up a million times but thinks I should take his excuses on why he sometimes doesnít answer . The red flag for me is that I probably see him once a week , he doesnít drive I do now have a new car and although I have my kids he knows them heís been around them . We have this thing that no matter what weíre staying together forever , and if we made it through jail time we can make it through anything but I canít take this . I feel bi polar every other day I find something to argue about and Iím trying not to nag but I donít want him to think his behavior is ok. I know heís cheating I donít know the details but I know he has , Iím trying to hold on maybe itís just a phase because heís still facing 2-8 years once he goes to trial . . I talk to his family and everyone is disappointed in him heís acting the same way with everyone that cares for him . I text him the other day telling him Iím done with him after he randomly blocked me on social media , his response was youíre so quick to give up on me only for us to be together the next day . I feel stupid , I know itís an adjustment I know he loves me but I feel like I deserve better and I hate being stressed out . Be blunt I need to hear everything .
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Old 04-27-2019, 07:17 AM
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MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
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Tell him to get lost and stop supporting him. He's neither honest nor open nor supporting you in any way. Seems like he's keeping you on the "back burner" for the time when he'll be back in prison to "manage" his life (social media, lawyers, you know what I'm talking about).
You've got yourself and kids to take care of, dump his sorry a** and have a really good life
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Old 04-27-2019, 07:35 AM
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Just one question, are you happy in all this madness? You sound stressed and unhappy and that is no place to be in any relationship.

He seems to be having his cake and eating it will keeping you onside with a few calls.
I agree with Mizzy he is keeping you on the back burner so you will be there to holdhim down in his prison term when his so called friends disappear. He will want you then for lawyers , social media and company.
If I was you I would go find a man who wants to be with you and will give you his hert 100%.
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Old 04-27-2019, 08:59 AM
RaeLR RaeLR is offline
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This is a great saying: "You should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep another whole."
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Old 04-27-2019, 09:06 AM
Model2mom Model2mom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maytayah View Post
Just one question, are you happy in all this madness? You sound stressed and unhappy and that is no place to be in any relationship.

He seems to be having his cake and eating it will keeping you onside with a few calls.
I agree with Mizzy he is keeping you on the back burner so you will be there to holdhim down in his prison term when his so called friends disappear. He will want you then for lawyers , social media and company.
If I was you I would go find a man who wants to be with you and will give you his heart 100%.
I’m not happy at all .. I was happier when he was in jail as sad as that seems . I can’t think of one thing he’s done since he’s been home that has made me happy and he’s been home a month now . He keeps saying it’s only been x amount of time .. we’ll be ok . Funny thing is as shitty as he is he’s extremely jealous and insecure .. I’m Determined to have a good weekend I’m supposed to spend the day with him tomorrow .. tomorrow when I see him I’m letting this go maybe he’ll change maybe he won’t but I can’t go another day feeling like this .

Last edited by maytayah; 04-27-2019 at 10:46 AM..
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Old 04-27-2019, 09:40 AM
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Your current relationship sounds like it is one sided to me. If you were happy with things the way they are, that's different, but since he is making your life miserable, why continue? It's your decision though, so do what is best for you and your children.
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Old 04-27-2019, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Model2mom View Post
I’m not happy at all .. I was happier when he was in jail as sad as that seems . I can’t think of one thing he’s done since he’s been home that has made me happy and he’s been home a month now . He keeps saying it’s only been x amount of time .. we’ll be ok . Funny thing is as shitty as he is he’s extremely jealous and insecure .. I’m Determined to have a good weekend I’m supposed to spend the day with him tomorrow .. tomorrow when I see him I’m letting this go maybe he’ll change maybe he won’t but I can’t go another day feeling like this .
Its a strange phenomena that he is jealous and insecure but he thinks its ok to cheat on you. He is concerned that you might cheat but its ok if he does?

He doesnt want to lose the person he can rely when he is on prison and cant rely on anyone else that is all that is.

You are his plan B and fallback girl your his safety net. If you are happy with that fine but clearly you want and deserve more so tell him and mean it when you say , things got to change. Dont spend another day wishing things were different, because if he really love you things would be.
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Old 04-27-2019, 04:23 PM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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Seems like you don’t want to take a dive into dating again because you are a single mom and that’s not always easy. Dating sucks and it’s always easier to try and hope for things to get better with the one you have.
You like when he was in jail better because that was when he needed you. Now that he doesn’t need you, you’re unhappy. All you are for him is a reliable person. Someone who he knows will always be there when he calls and he’s going to abuse that.

If he’s doing this to you now there’s no doubt he will do this to you again when he gets out in 2-8 years.

Have some confidence to walk away from him.

I don’t mean to seem rude, btw.
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