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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #101  
Old 10-12-2008, 07:08 PM
armijo88 armijo88 is offline
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My love has been home for eleven months now...we were trucking along..nearly without any problems..All of a sudden, he is in a low place. Feels like he is nothing and that no one can love him because he hasn't "done anything". It was so bad, he pushed me away and I ended up moving back to mom's house like three days ago. We talk every day. I can't imagine my life without him and vise versa..the one thing is..I dont know how much emotion from me is smothering him...I'm trying to work it out..I KNOW i cant just leave him alone! He was alone and repressed for five years!! So my question is..how do you get in when he feels like he doesnt deserve love? I am trying to talk him up and back on track...any suggestions?
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  #102  
Old 10-29-2008, 08:01 PM
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Get on my nerves? Oh, yeah. Big time. Every time he gets in his car and disappears for hours on end. Every time I get a call from a woman I thought was out of the picture. Every time he acts like I'm just here to meet his wants and needs.

Love him bigger than the sky? I must. His sister relies on me. Well, I was thinking of the one he's close to, but the one he almost never talks to also relies on me . . . to deal with the other sister. So . . . I'm there for trips to the doctor, moving a wheelchair when I know I'm pushing myself too far, comforting her, comforting him, being there for the whole fam-damily. I even talk civilly to a crack whore who says, "if he isn't with me, he won't be with anybody."
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  #103  
Old 11-10-2008, 01:38 AM
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My husband was released to a HWH last Thursday. I picked him up and dropped him off.

I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster! I was so excited to go and pick him up and then it turned into sadness.He's home but, not really. So I'll have to post again once he's on Home Confinement, and things will change again.

So today is day 3, and we had a 3 hour visit at the HWH with the kids. He's waiting for his 2nd orientation so that he can go out and look for a job and once he has one he'll be able to 1st get weekend passes to come home & then start the home confinement.

Thanks for this thread!

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  #104  
Old 11-25-2008, 10:05 AM
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I have been reading throuhg all these post and thank you everyone for sharing! I have a homecoming in a few months and i am really nervous about it but it should be great.
It seems like many people say that there guys have to stay in the same room as them and I was wondering what triggers that for them in prison to make them not be comfertable in another room?
Thanks again for all the information.......I will be posting about my homecoming in a few months
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  #105  
Old 12-11-2008, 02:01 PM
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It's better than what I thought it would be, and harder at times.
We're living with my family, and thats been stressful. He's been through 5 jobs, though no fault of his own. He works in the hospitality industry, and 2 jobs went belly up, and another employer just stopped paying him, bouncing checks to other staff.
He's now working again, and he's never stopped looking for work. We're searching for a place to live.
When he first got out, he went to a halfway house, to get an earlier release. He then lived with a room-mate when released. We were states apart. We met for a short 'vacation' then he proposed to me a few months later. We got married, after 8 months wait this past June.
We're still working things out. Family issues with my family, mainly. I think I have alot of 'normal' fears for someone who's making major changes in my life.
But I'm glad we're married, together, and having a life. In many ways, we are very boring, normal people. We go to yoga together, we have dinner together with my mom and her boyfriend and sometimes my sister. We both love and share our cat.
We have had our arguments about money-thats a big thing. But we're working on t hings.
What I love is that he's kind and gentle. He cooks, he cleans. He has bought our cat to the vet. My friends love him.

It's a learning process for both of us.

Fyre
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  #106  
Old 01-03-2009, 08:05 PM
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Most people have a core fear of not being loved, this is especially true for men because their identities are built on being a provider, taking care of things, being the man. The problem here is that his identity is built on the lies he was told and for the truth he wasn't told. Unfortunately you can't fix this for him, you can only be constant in your words of affirmation and encourage him to find out who he really is...a loved boy of Jesus, just as he is.

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Originally Posted by armijo88 View Post
My love has been home for eleven months now...we were trucking along..nearly without any problems..All of a sudden, he is in a low place. Feels like he is nothing and that no one can love him because he hasn't "done anything". It was so bad, he pushed me away and I ended up moving back to mom's house like three days ago. We talk every day. I can't imagine my life without him and vise versa..the one thing is..I dont know how much emotion from me is smothering him...I'm trying to work it out..I KNOW i cant just leave him alone! He was alone and repressed for five years!! So my question is..how do you get in when he feels like he doesnt deserve love? I am trying to talk him up and back on track...any suggestions?
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  #107  
Old 01-15-2009, 03:54 PM
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I love reading through all of the homecoming posts!!!

It is unfortunate when things do not go as planned, but it is so amazing and wonderful for those whose homecoming is/was everything we could imagine and more!!!

We all deserve for it to be great when they get home, all of the hoping, wishing, crying, writing, love, waiting, etc...

I am lucky enough to have it good with the homecoming!!!

I wish you all the best with the men that have come home and the ladies whose men are soon to be coming home!!!
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  #108  
Old 01-23-2009, 08:09 PM
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Hello, my strong and beautiful sisters!

THANK YOU for all you have shared...I have read your posts and I've learned so much!!!

My beloved man will be home in 6 months and I am trying to learn everything I can...be prepared as possible...and yet be FLEXIBLE, too.

I especially appreciate what so many of you have said: It may not go "as expected" so relax and go with the flow.

Thank you for leading the way on this next leg of the journey!

xo,

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  #109  
Old 01-23-2009, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Kenny's Babee View Post
Most people have a core fear of not being loved, this is especially true for men because their identities are built on being a provider, taking care of things, being the man. The problem here is that his identity is built on the lies he was told and for the truth he wasn't told. Unfortunately you can't fix this for him, you can only be constant in your words of affirmation and encourage him to find out who he really is...a loved boy of Jesus, just as he is.
what a beautiful post!!!!!
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  #110  
Old 06-16-2009, 01:00 AM
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i want to thank each and everyone for the post i have read, and to say thank you, on all what to expect, i dream of my homecomeing to be a fairytale, but i know i have a lot of work ahead of me as my husband has a dillusion disorder [from drugs] and i know i still have to be strong for him out hear, its going to be hard, coz i cant just hang up on him the way i do now,,i will have to deal with it one on one. im the happy one wanting him home starting a new life again together, but i know god is in controll. and i have to trust in the lord to be there for me on what to say to him and do for him.. he comes home in 2 weeks, but this past week we have done nothing but fight.. i dont know why he is so down right depressed.. and im in tears a s we get off the phone.. sometimes i cant wait and im excited, and other days i want to just cry and am sad all fricken day... but like i said i will put my trust in god for what ever comes my way... i will be reposting when he comes home........ thanks for reading my post god bless!!!!
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  #111  
Old 06-27-2009, 07:19 AM
Ninos_Wife23 Ninos_Wife23 is offline
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I just love this thread, my babe comes home in less then a week and all of you ladies experiences is gonna prepare me for whats to come, thanks everyone
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  #112  
Old 07-02-2009, 01:04 PM
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My x husband Pat came home on Tues. June 30, 2009. He calls me his wife as he didn't sign the divorce papers, but we are divorced. He was gone for 2 yrs. In the beginning we never saw eachother, at the end he went to work release and I saw him every weekend.
I am hurt right now. My husband barely kissed me, barely looked at me. We have 2 dogs one of the dogs gained alot of weight. He kept saying "Sammy what happened to you, you really let yourself go, fat ass, lard ass. He was talking about me, in the most passive aggressive sentences I have ever heard.
I told him how this is making me feel, yes I gained about 20 lbs, but he saw me every weeked. I don't understand. Since he has been home he is wanting to fix things that needed to be fixed. That is fine. We always had a bad style of arguing, and while he was in prison we said that would never happen again. Well, its happening. I feel resentment towards him, unloved, and used, because I went beyond out of my way for this man, who is not my husband. He says he has an infection in his mouth....but its more than that. I have lived alone for 2 yrs, everything was fine. I barely paid my bills but somehow with God's help I did. I don't need this man who does not have a job yet, using my car, running up my electric, water bills etc. For the past 8 yrs since I met him he has caused me nothing but heartache. What man doesn't basically attack their wife after being in prison for 2 yrs??? Am I crazy or what? Any answers would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Sweet Anne
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  #113  
Old 07-03-2009, 04:38 PM
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Hi Sweet Anne,

Honey I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing.

And I'm confused...WHY is he living with you?????

xo,

WW
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  #114  
Old 09-05-2009, 07:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetanne View Post
My x husband Pat came home on Tues. June 30, 2009. He calls me his wife as he didn't sign the divorce papers, but we are divorced. He was gone for 2 yrs. In the beginning we never saw eachother, at the end he went to work release and I saw him every weekend.
I am hurt right now. My husband barely kissed me, barely looked at me. We have 2 dogs one of the dogs gained alot of weight. He kept saying "Sammy what happened to you, you really let yourself go, fat ass, lard ass. He was talking about me, in the most passive aggressive sentences I have ever heard.
I told him how this is making me feel, yes I gained about 20 lbs, but he saw me every weeked. I don't understand. Since he has been home he is wanting to fix things that needed to be fixed. That is fine. We always had a bad style of arguing, and while he was in prison we said that would never happen again. Well, its happening. I feel resentment towards him, unloved, and used, because I went beyond out of my way for this man, who is not my husband. He says he has an infection in his mouth....but its more than that. I have lived alone for 2 yrs, everything was fine. I barely paid my bills but somehow with God's help I did. I don't need this man who does not have a job yet, using my car, running up my electric, water bills etc. For the past 8 yrs since I met him he has caused me nothing but heartache. What man doesn't basically attack their wife after being in prison for 2 yrs??? Am I crazy or what? Any answers would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Sweet Anne

I dont really know your situation but to me it sounds like this man does not deserve you now anymore then he did when you divorced him. Knowing how hard it is to stand by someone in prison as a wife, it makes me ill to know that he treats you like that after what you have gone thru w him. Im sorry you are hurting but please know that you are better then that and if you made it thru to this point, you are strong enough to make it thru anything, dont be mistreated or let anyone else determine how you feel abt yourself or your life.
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  #115  
Old 09-23-2009, 10:09 PM
FallingDownHill FallingDownHill is offline
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My hubby comes home in december...

Most of you may think im tottally stupid for feeling this way because he will have been gone only 11 months when he gets out but i am tottally scared to death of him coming home... I love him with everything in my and our kids miss him to death but we had such a hard life before he went in and i stayed real busy trying to get him out the first 4 months before trial... then once they gave him his time i spent 3 months calling and pushing for his release date.. but now i have nothing left to focus on exept worring that things will go back to the way they used to be instead of being better.. he gave me so much encouragement for the first part not askign me for to much, making sure i knew he was thankful for everything i was doing for him and the kids and would go on and on about how sorry he was for everything that was going wrong before he went in and we were finally going to have a real wedding and everything i wanted to hear... but lately its been all about send him more money, put more money on the phone,.. i mean he tells me he misses me and cant wait to get home.. but my gut keeps trying to tell me he is going back to the old him i can hear it in his voice.. he says its just because he has a cast on his leg and cant do much for his self and he is eager to get home and just stressing on banking some money back for when he gets out and trying to get a job lined up... but i am so so so scared he will go back to the drugs... he says the same thing most guys that have done time say they will be so glad when they dont have to be told what to do every minute or checked up on.. but what if my natural instints abotu who he was before kick in and i hover and worry to much about where he is going and who he is talking to for no reason and it causes him to go back to bad things...i have had to move back in with my parents since he left.. he has no home to come home to.. my dad hates him so he cant stay here... we are having to start with nothing but alot of bad memories and past events...

How different is it going to be if at all... and if it is will it be a good different or will it be uncomfortable... i have never been along for this long its going to be strange having him here and being able to just hold his hand.. i havent touched him in anyway not a kiss or even the feel of his face or hand... the jail he was act is a small place but they have no such thing as contact with the prisoners of any kind all visits are behind glass...

my main question is how do i not worry or screw this up

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  #116  
Old 09-23-2009, 11:39 PM
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FallingDownHill ~ I think the most important thing is to keep talking/writing during the incarceration, discuss the what ifs and plan, plan, plan then plan some more together PRIOR to his release. This will give you a strong foundation for the homecoming process and beyond. Communication is key to any successful relationship.

Best of luck,
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  #117  
Old 05-09-2011, 04:25 PM
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Someone please help me, I really need some answers. First of all I never thought I would be writing on here almost a week after my so called boyfriend was released from prison. He was released on Tuesday May3rd, and I have still not seen him. His family is putting such a tight noose on him. When he was incararated he was at the firehouse. His charges were all drug related, not violence. He called me twice on Monday right before going in the cell to be processed out, he was nervous and excited. He will also be going into a rehab soon. This again all to please his family, he always tells me how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. On the 2nd day he was out his dad took him to open up a bank account, and get his licsene and buy him some new clothes. Of course they have not let him use their car or get him a phone. Both of us are without cars right now, I live right by the beach and his mom lives all the way inland in San Diego. I also found out that while he was in prison he found out he had a son, he told me he was soo sorry which I forgave him for. He was out at a party, one night 2 years ago, I think with one of his brothers and got high he told me it was a one night stand, which surprise resulted in a son. In all his letters he would always say how I am his girl, or his loyal girlfriend. Oh the mom of the baby is unfit and she does not have custody the grandma does. The first day he came home, from what he told me the brother threw him a party and the baby was there, which they have just thrown at him, and have been dictating to him ever since he came home. When I spoke to him Thursday night I said some things to him that I am not proud of, saying I guess he doesn;t care if he ever has sex, which is not me. I have been faithful to him for 2 years, but now I am hurt and angry. He also keeps telling me how much he loves me, which I did not say I love you back. He told me if he had a car he would come running over, that he is dying to see me and definitely have sex, which I will not with him now, not right away. Someone please help me understand and give me advice, we were such good friends, and then boyfriend and girlfriend. I know he does not have a phone yet and is staying with his mom right now, but he can still call me. He told me last week his mom knows about me and can't wait to meet me. I had met his dad and his brothers over 2 years ago but never his mom. I beleive in my heart he needs me, and wants to be with me. I never did go to see him when he was in prison, but I always wrote and took his calls, sent him stamps, pictures. This has really torn me up and I am ready to write him a Dear John letter I am trying to understand but i am soo hurt and angry. I can't be there for him, is he does not let me. When I asked him on Wednesday he siad to me I was already doing it, to just be patient. But all week and in his letters he always was saying we would see eachother on the 4th and spend a few days together. Now it is May 9th and we still have not seen eachother. My friends are telling me to call him, I have mom's number, grandpa, his brother's phone number, but I just don't know if I should.
Please help me to understand What should I do?
bluesparrow
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  #118  
Old 05-14-2011, 05:21 PM
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If I were to guess, I'd say that his family is keeping him on a short lease because they are afraid that he will use drugs. Did you guys ever get high together? If you did, that may have something to do with it....if he is living with his family, they may be pressuring him not to see you.
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  #119  
Old 06-10-2011, 05:18 PM
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Hi everyone I'm just writing here because we have 6 months left (which for us is right around the corner since it's been almost 4 years down)...and I have sooo much anxiety about him coming home. It's not that I think he will go back to his old ways because I honestly don't. I think it's because over the past several years without my hubby here I have become VERY independent (I always was but now it's to the extreme) and set in my ways. I'm the one that has been raising our children, working full time, going to college full time and just taking care of the household so I'm worried that it will be difficult for me to "step down" and let him take over with me. I know it sounds odd..I guess it's a hang up I have We have been together for 12 years now (since we were 15) and don't get me wrong he's my life...I love him with every part of my soul and can't wait for him to be home but in the same aspect I think it will be a definite transition for both of us of course.
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  #120  
Old 06-10-2011, 08:54 PM
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Hi everyone I'm just writing here because we have 6 months left (which for us is right around the corner since it's been almost 4 years down)...and I have sooo much anxiety about him coming home. It's not that I think he will go back to his old ways because I honestly don't. I think it's because over the past several years without my hubby here I have become VERY independent (I always was but now it's to the extreme) and set in my ways. I'm the one that has been raising our children, working full time, going to college full time and just taking care of the household so I'm worried that it will be difficult for me to "step down" and let him take over with me. I know it sounds odd..I guess it's a hang up I have We have been together for 12 years now (since we were 15) and don't get me wrong he's my life...I love him with every part of my soul and can't wait for him to be home but in the same aspect I think it will be a definite transition for both of us of course.
I just read your post and I know exactly where you are coming from! My husband was only gone less than one year and he still doesn't have any income coming in. I am the sole bread winner and along with health issues I too had become independent. He had changed some from being incarcerated so add that to my independence it has been very difficult. In fact we are still working on trying to get back to where we were in our relationship. It will be hard, no doubt about it. You will have anxiety after he comes home as well. You recognize that the things that are irritating are small things but they will bother you. Take it one day at a time. Make sure you find some time for yourself. My husband is home 24/7 and I do love him don't get me wrong-but I get no alone time anymore. Before, he would go to work and I could get some time to myself. It will be a transition. I am glad you see it before he comes home. We had a very close relationship and never expected we would struggle for so long to get back to normal!
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:56 AM
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Default Sweetheart Home For 1 Year & Doing Good!

Every home coming story is different! We've had our ups and downs but we are in a great place right now in our relationship. We decided to just start over, letting the past go. My sweetie got out last year June 1, and I found him a nice place to live and within this past year a real nice truck (Both which he pays for). I also found him a good job, he just got a promotion and a raise and I couldn't be more proud of us. It took him a long time to get a job because employers do discriminate but God is just good. I feel like when he blesses my sweetheart he's blessing me also! He'll be starting school in the fall and we still plan to get married and have a family.

I've learned so much from this experience so I'm glad I went through it. I know now what it means to be a true friend, understanding, to have patience and to forgive, basically unconditional love. I'm really grateful to the ladies on this site, they really helped me get through this experience. PTO is a great site and you can get great support and information. I'm grateful to God especially for keeping us together and for correcting our behavior towards one another.

For a while I didn't think we'd make it!

We remain happy and in love! I think you have to keep falling in love with the same person in order to stay in love. Two weeks ago he took me out to eat and he then drove me to the spot exactly where he got arrested. We looked at each other and we both agreed even though it's been a year we still feel the anxiety of the whole prison experience. And I think it will haunt us for year to come. When we use to stare into each others eyes on the visiting floor we thought we'd never get to where we are today. Going out to the movies, eating a nice meal and going for drive together. Even though he was only sentenced to one year in a medium facility prison and the time in New York is nowhere close to being as hard as all the other states (I've seen "Lockup") we still had that fear, of the "What if's?". I am so glad we beat this experience and are still in love and together!

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  #122  
Old 07-08-2011, 09:21 PM
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Thanks for this thread!!!

My man has been home 1 week today. It's been a roller coaster and I hate roller coasters! One minute he's just sitting in the bedroom acting like he doesn't want to come out. The next, he's out the door and gone for hours. The first night, he went to see his kids and didn't come home until the next morning. I was so worried that I didn't sleep. He said there was road blocks and he was too scared to leave and was scared to call me. Now, he does call to check in and tell me he loves me. But I feel so frustrated when he never invites me to go with him. Not to mention, he's visiting people who didn't have the time of day for him these past 4 years. He keeps saying that he'll slow down but I wonder if that's true. I never thought I'd feel so much anxiety about losing him again every time he walks out the door. I know I'm suffocating him but I just feel like one day he won't come back. He told me that he realizes that he can walk out the door and feels like he has to get out.

He's done a lot of things that I've let go though, like cleaning all the overgrowth off the fence. I came home one day and he had cleaned almost the whole house. Even threw away a bunch of stuff. Now I have no clue where anything is. At least our nights together are awesome. Every time we're sleeping and one of us touches the other, we both are awake and talking through the night. I'm exhausted which doesn't help my frazzled nerves.
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Old 07-09-2011, 05:56 AM
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Here we go again. The man went to visit his kids last night. I spoke with him about 10:30pm last night. He said he wouldn't be out much longer. Now it's 8am and he's not home. Didn't call and isn't answering his phone. At times, I feel like I'm being used just for him to get on his feet. We agreed last time that he would never stay out all night again. I'm not sure how much more of this roller coaster I can take. So worried that he got caught driving without a license. Hurt that he broke another promise.
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Old 07-09-2011, 07:37 AM
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He called me right after I posted and was pulled over. The police gave him a break and didn't tow the car or take him to jail. He did get tickets for driving while suspended and illegal tags. I came up there to bring the car paperwork to show it really is his car. They let me take him and the car home. No real explanation for staying out all night other than "I was hanging with a buddy I was locked up with and having a good time. I didn't want to hear you b*tch, so I didn't call." Wow, that's all I get? Seriously?
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Old 07-09-2011, 07:58 AM
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Aww, deonsgirl, i'm sorry you're going through this. I can't tell you what to do but I CAN tell you I wouldn't put up with the disrespect.

You sound like a very intelligent woman. You will know what the right thing for you is when the moment comes.

Praying for strength and courage for you.
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