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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #201  
Old 12-11-2017, 05:09 PM
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missingdee missingdee is offline
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We are down to 40 days left now and she got her extension to stay in the dorm until the day before she is released so that was great news and relieved alot of anxiety for her since she wont have to be back in GP.
That is excellent news. 40 days slips by pretty quickly (at least my last 40 days with Dee did....where for a while during the last 6 months time stood still all of a sudden time was passing too quickly and I felt like I was scrambling to get ready for her) and being out of GP will reduce her chances of having problems with any of the girls....and that's important because some girls who know somene's going home will try to take her date.
Admittedly, Dee got in a big fight on her way out the door (about two weeks left)....girl came up on her and threw a punch and Dee smiled and said "I'm maxing out anyway and my boyfriend already knows when and where to pick me up so I'm good, let's go." The staff at the disciplinary hearing for the incident (which they held about 3 days before scheduled release) actually laughed and said "she didn't know there were no more days to take, huh? She's lucky you just put her on the floor and walked away." She said "nope, not very smart, was she?" And they said "well, we're taking 90 days from her and reminding her that she should be extra embarassed since she took nothing from you and got whooped, so hopefully that'll teach her not to mess with someone who's maxed out." They also took 90 days from her and had a chuckle and said "but it's basically ceremonial because we don't have time to take and all this lost time disappears as soon as you walk out the door." Didn't take visits or phone privileges or anything like that (since she was being released on a Saturday she didn't need any more visits, and they didn't want her denied a phone call to make sure that I was coming for sure the night before.) No point in it.

Unless she is also maxed out, her best bet is to just chill out, lay low, and not draw attention to herself. The usual desired behavior, really.

She will be home soon. Excited for you! Keep us posted.

-E
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  #202  
Old 12-19-2017, 09:58 AM
amanmissingwife amanmissingwife is offline
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I am new to this with my lovely wife in prison. I am learning to take care of myself and I been finding out I am not always that good at taking care of me. I was great at taking care of my wife when I could at home. Thank you for making this place to post. ( I feel like I am lost alot of my time, since she has been gone).
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  #203  
Old 12-19-2017, 10:19 AM
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I am new to this with my lovely wife in prison. I am learning to take care of myself and I been finding out I am not always that good at taking care of me. I was great at taking care of my wife when I could at home. Thank you for making this place to post. ( I feel like I am lost alot of my time, since she has been gone).
Welcome to PTO!

Self-care in the absence of our partner is important and sometimes really challenging. The good news is you're here and connecting with others who understand that challenge is good self-care, so you're doing it right!
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  #204  
Old 12-19-2017, 02:07 PM
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Working on the west coast for a few weeks so no visits, but making sure my best friend is getting a lot of cool pictures from my travels and no shortage of mail. Next weekend her kids get to spend pretty much all Saturday with her, playing, eating good food, and just hanging out. It's a one Saturday a month program through the chaplaincy and it has enabled my LO to have the strongest possible bond to her little ones. The other thing that helps is making sure there is always money for her to call and talk to the kids every night before they go to bed.
An all day visit with kids is great! That system understands how important a close relationship with their mom is to kids! It's a shame that all the systems haven't figured it out.
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  #205  
Old 12-19-2017, 02:09 PM
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I am new to this with my lovely wife in prison. I am learning to take care of myself and I been finding out I am not always that good at taking care of me. I was great at taking care of my wife when I could at home. Thank you for making this place to post. ( I feel like I am lost alot of my time, since she has been gone).
There are plenty of us here in the same boat. Lean when you need to. Vent when you want to. Nobody's going to get on your case about anything.
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  #206  
Old 12-20-2017, 09:50 AM
moonhanger moonhanger is offline
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holiday season. emotionally toughest time of the year. not having a good go of things and neither is my LO. I'm trying to be supportive but hell, I need some emotional support too as she's all I have in my life right now. But she's bitter towards me because I'm on the outside and I "have freedoms and choices". That's true, but I chose solitude to be in solidarity. She didn't think it was sweet; more like foolish. She's probably right
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  #207  
Old 12-20-2017, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by amanmissingwife View Post
I am new to this with my lovely wife in prison. I am learning to take care of myself and I been finding out I am not always that good at taking care of me. I was great at taking care of my wife when I could at home. Thank you for making this place to post. ( I feel like I am lost alot of my time, since she has been gone).
It is all an adapting process and it takes time. Frankly, I don't think we ever fully "adapt" to the idea of our loved ones being away, but we make due. Dee being away broke my heart. But someone had to be strong.....and it wasn't going to be her. I could see that from the first time I went to the County Jail to visit her. So...what's the saying? I tightened up my bootstraps and got to work? Something like that?

You will find your place and purpose while she is locked up and learn how to make due. But it will take some time.

Welcome to PTO. I hope you will find the support you are looking for here with us.

-E
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  #208  
Old 12-20-2017, 07:56 PM
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holiday season. emotionally toughest time of the year. not having a good go of things and neither is my LO. I'm trying to be supportive but hell, I need some emotional support too as she's all I have in my life right now. But she's bitter towards me because I'm on the outside and I "have freedoms and choices". That's true, but I chose solitude to be in solidarity. She didn't think it was sweet; more like foolish. She's probably right
First off, Happy Holidays, whichever you celebrate. As I celebrate Christmas, a Merry Christmas as well.

Man, let me tell you, you CAN'T choose absolute solidarity with her by being solitary. That's going to set you up for depression and general unhappiness. You have to find things that keep you occupied. Visit friends. Go to the gym. Start some projects. Go to social events and such that you enjoy. Get out of the house!!! It's not that solitary behavior in and of itself is foolish, but it rarely does good. And it sounds like she WANTS you to get out and have some fun. You got the green light....go see what's going on in the world!

Human connection is ALWAYS an important thing. If I stayed shut-in all the time when Dee was locked up, I wouldn't have made it. And it wouldn't have been good for her upon her return.

Keep your head up and get movin' man! It'll be good for you in the short run and good for her in the long run. After all, if you don't have new experiences, what can you show her about places you found and things you did? What new life experiences will you have to talk about? What restaurants are you going to take her to that she's never been t before?

Get out a little more, it'll do you some good. I promise. Solitude isn't going to get her home any faster.
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  #209  
Old 12-22-2017, 04:03 PM
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Originally Posted by moonhanger View Post
holiday season. emotionally toughest time of the year. not having a good go of things and neither is my LO. I'm trying to be supportive but hell, I need some emotional support too as she's all I have in my life right now. But she's bitter towards me because I'm on the outside and I "have freedoms and choices". That's true, but I chose solitude to be in solidarity. She didn't think it was sweet; more like foolish. She's probably right
They can't help lashing out at us sometimes, especially if they need us like crazy in every way but obviously can't have us. I don't take it personally when my wife expresses anger and/or frustration. She has needs and feelings she can't talk about with her mom or daughter or anyone inside. That leaves me in the line of fire.

Listen to her and comfort your LO when she's angry. That's what she needs.
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  #210  
Old 12-22-2017, 04:13 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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First off, Happy Holidays, whichever you celebrate. As I celebrate Christmas, a Merry Christmas as well.

Man, let me tell you, you CAN'T choose absolute solidarity with her by being solitary. That's going to set you up for depression and general unhappiness. You have to find things that keep you occupied. Visit friends. Go to the gym. Start some projects. Go to social events and such that you enjoy. Get out of the house!!! It's not that solitary behavior in and of itself is foolish, but it rarely does good. And it sounds like she WANTS you to get out and have some fun. You got the green light....go see what's going on in the world!

Human connection is ALWAYS an important thing. If I stayed shut-in all the time when Dee was locked up, I wouldn't have made it. And it wouldn't have been good for her upon her return.

Keep your head up and get movin' man! It'll be good for you in the short run and good for her in the long run. After all, if you don't have new experiences, what can you show her about places you found and things you did? What new life experiences will you have to talk about? What restaurants are you going to take her to that she's never been t before?

Get out a little more, it'll do you some good. I promise. Solitude isn't going to get her home any faster.
You always give good advice. Our LOs don't really have lives inside. They exist more or less like characters in the movie Groundhog Day. Like Tammy says, "Every day is every day". They live vicariously through Free World people important to them. You can't pour anything from an empty glass. We can't ease their thirst for life if we have nothing. Understanding what they need from us and giving them as much of it as we can is good for them as well as us.
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  #211  
Old 12-27-2017, 01:16 PM
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Hope that everyone has had a good holiday season, no matter what you celebrate, whether it be Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus, Kwanzaa, or some other holiday that might or might not be mainstream that I missed.

Any visits over the holidays? Wilkes, how was your family get-together with Tammy?
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  #212  
Old 12-27-2017, 04:10 PM
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Hope that everyone has had a good holiday season, no matter what you celebrate, whether it be Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus, Kwanzaa, or some other holiday that might or might not be mainstream that I missed.

Any visits over the holidays? Wilkes, how was your family get-together with Tammy?
It was good. Her mom, sister and I visited on Christmas. This was her first Christmas without her dad visiting in about 20 years so she was kind of sad at times. Family holidays are always both happy and sad. I think it's that way for everyone. How was your Christmas?
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