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  #26  
Old 01-21-2012, 03:39 PM
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Is your husband going to substance abuse programs in prison? Does he talk about the things he needs to do to stay clean when he gets out? Saying he is getting "closer to the Lord" inside is meaningless, everybody gets a little religion when locked up. It comes with the territory. If he gets out and has no probation or parole officers watching him and he hangs out with the same people he did before he went in then he has ZERO chance of not using again. While almost everyone hates prison when they are inside, just the experience of doing time proves to a person they can DO PRISON TIME. The big fear is removed. There is an awful big difference fearing something you don't know if you can survive and don't want to do, as opposed to just having something out there, prison, you just don't want to do again. There are some huge hungers that build up inside you when you are locked up. He is not going to tell you about the ones that don't involve you. More than anything you should be questioning him about what steps and tools he is developing to insure he doesn't hang out with his old friends and fall into the same drug using ways. Just saying you aren't going to use when you get out doesn't mean jack. Are you positive he's not using in prison? I used drugs the entire time I was in various prisons. Even locked in the hole in Maximum Security prisons I bought and used drugs.
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  #27  
Old 01-21-2012, 04:51 PM
bshiv23 bshiv23 is offline
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Originally Posted by alwaysfree View Post
Is your husband going to substance abuse programs in prison? Does he talk about the things he needs to do to stay clean when he gets out? Saying he is getting "closer to the Lord" inside is meaningless, everybody gets a little religion when locked up. It comes with the territory. If he gets out and has no probation or parole officers watching him and he hangs out with the same people he did before he went in then he has ZERO chance of not using again. While almost everyone hates prison when they are inside, just the experience of doing time proves to a person they can DO PRISON TIME. The big fear is removed. There is an awful big difference fearing something you don't know if you can survive and don't want to do, as opposed to just having something out there, prison, you just don't want to do again. There are some huge hungers that build up inside you when you are locked up. He is not going to tell you about the ones that don't involve you. More than anything you should be questioning him about what steps and tools he is developing to insure he doesn't hang out with his old friends and fall into the same drug using ways. Just saying you aren't going to use when you get out doesn't mean jack. Are you positive he's not using in prison? I used drugs the entire time I was in various prisons. Even locked in the hole in Maximum Security prisons I bought and used drugs.








Actually i 100% believe God will put you in certain situations for you to find him. and going through this yes is getting him closer to the Lord. And we have talked about him not hanging out with that same crowd and moving away which is what we are going to do .. but thats doesnt mean anything you can get drugs anywhere!!!! doesnt matter.. its your final choice to make the right choice or not. I cant imagine wanting to continue to do drugs while you are in prison specially if that is the reason you are in there in the first place!? but i know that happens a lot.
what do you mean hungers?? I am curious
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  #28  
Old 01-21-2012, 07:18 PM
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Starting over in a different town or city without his old buddies around is a great idea. It's what I did, it never would have worked otherwise. I don't know what's exactly in his head as far as hungers. Most guys want to celebrate surviving the ordeal of of being locked up. Hooking up with old friends is a powerful draw. I have no idea what else he wants and what he dreams about. You have 13 months to develop a plan and the acquire the knowledge and tools to make it work when he is released. Good luck to you both.
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  #29  
Old 01-22-2012, 07:28 AM
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This is a good thread with honest questions and replies. I’ve been in and out of prison since 1990 here in Texas and there has never been a time when I got out at the Walls in Huntsville that I ever thought I’d go back to prison. That’s true of all of us or it should be.

Recidivism is not just about someone going back to prison or someone who made the mistake of going back to their old ways. Recidivism is a reflection of someone who left prison with problems that have not been solved or dealt with in such a way that they’ve learned how to live with who they are.

The people who do the best out here are the ones that believe they came back to a better place. Some get out and it’s not as much a matter of saying that the Free World is a better or worse place as much as it is the same place. Some of us have issues to the point that we are disturbed. Before some of us went to prison or maybe while in prison, we have been so far removed from anything decent or humane that we’ve never found our way back to the point of being whole as an adult human being or maybe the truth is we’ve yet to find our way there.

With many of us, it comes down to a failed or successful effort where determination is concerned. On the best of days or on the worst of days you’re either moving farther away from places like the Walls in Huntsville or you’re just fooling yourself when in reality you’ve never really left there.
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  #30  
Old 01-22-2012, 08:47 AM
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This is a good thread with honest questions and replies. I’ve been in and out of prison since 1990 here in Texas and there has never been a time when I got out at the Walls in Huntsville that I ever thought I’d go back to prison. That’s true of all of us or it should be.

Recidivism is not just about someone going back to prison or someone who made the mistake of going back to their old ways. Recidivism is a reflection of someone who left prison with problems that have not been solved or dealt with in such a way that they’ve learned how to live with who they are.

The people who do the best out here are the ones that believe they came back to a better place. Some get out and it’s not as much a matter of saying that the Free World is a better or worse place as much as it is the same place. Some of us have issues to the point that we are disturbed. Before some of us went to prison or maybe while in prison, we have been so far removed from anything decent or humane that we’ve never found our way back to the point of being whole as an adult human being or maybe the truth is we’ve yet to find our way there.

With many of us, it comes down to a failed or successful effort where determination is concerned. On the best of days or on the worst of days you’re either moving farther away from places like the Walls in Huntsville or you’re just fooling yourself when in reality you’ve never really left there.



Wow that just made really think! Very interesting.. thank you for sharing.. so when it gets right down to it its pretty much a mind thing huh? and does it help if you know you are coming home to a family and a new wife who has stuck in there for you through thick and thin? and you said you have been in and out of Prison in Texas was it all Hunstville? Did you ever go to Bartlett? If so how was that prison? Just curious because that is where my husband is at
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  #31  
Old 01-22-2012, 01:14 PM
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Wow that just made really think! Very interesting.. thank you for sharing.. so when it gets right down to it its pretty much a mind thing huh? and does it help if you know you are coming home to a family and a new wife who has stuck in there for you through thick and thin? and you said you have been in and out of Prison in Texas was it all Hunstville? Did you ever go to Bartlett? If so how was that prison? Just curious because that is where my husband is at


I don’t know if it’s as much a mind thing as it is an emotional thing or something that has to do with the heart to carry on the way you need to. Some people are inspired by faith. Some people know they’re fortunate just to be back out here. I think it’s easier to look at someone with a mental disorder and know what they’re up against as opposed to someone who has a personality disorder or an emotional disorder. There’s a difference between being mentally ill and being disturbed.

If you look at life from the stand point of there being a season or a time for everything then, what is to be said for those things that are needed which are not given or granted to person when the season they’re in calls for such? What is to be said when a boy is forced to become a man too soon or a girl is forced to be a woman too soon? Physical abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, coming from a broken home as a child, poverty, racism, and a multitude of others can be the culprits. In the end, no one can really say because there will always be exceptions to the rule. Some people will come from the worst of circumstances where their past is concerned and yet, overcome their difficulties in spite of the odds while others won’t before they go back to prison again or die.

Last night around 2 a.m., I woke up and for some reason a woman I dated back around 1993-94 came to mind and the question popped up in my mind “Why did you let her go? God…she was just what you needed; clean, sober, devout Christian, a hard worker, trustworthy, attractive, good personality and….you just let her go like all the others. Why?” Well, I’ll tell you why and maybe it has something to do in the here and now with what some of you gals are faced with here on PTO and yet you cannot see it. She was too square to suit me and I wasn’t square enough to be drawn to her or to keep my freedom. I’d already been to prison once. I spent 2 ½ years on Eastham for aggravated robbery and you’d of thought that’d be enough, but it wasn’t. I’d go on to spend another 12 years in there. She was a bit too vanilla for my liking and the truth is there are a number of us who get out of prison and we want it all, but none of us can have it all. You can’t sit there and kid yourself about doing dope, being irresponsible, wanting a good woman’s love and keeping your freedom all at the same time. It doesn’t work that way and yet many of us want to approach our freedom and our relationships with gals like you while seeing the world through a set of rose colored glasses that are an illusion.

Time has had its way with me and what I now want of life and what I don’t want. I’m the one who’s vanilla some 17 years later, but I’m not 20 something or 30 something anymore; I’m 50 something and the beast within is not as well fed these days. It’s not likely I’ll ever find a woman who is a combination of Mother Teresa, Wonder Woman & Pamela Anderson wrapped up in one, after all. That being the case, it’s best to get real about what I’m likely to find and what I have to do if I want someone in my life. It doesn’t have to be a lonely life without someone to love, but it can be for me and all of us who get out of prison with the wrong attitude and ridiculous expectations.

No, I’ve never been to Bartlett. Eastham, Neal, Gurney, Michael, Hutchins & Dawson are the places I’ve carried the old ball and chain.
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  #32  
Old 01-25-2012, 09:51 AM
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So i was just sitting here reading all these new posts about going back to prison for the 2 or third or 4th time and i was just curious..

How many of you Ladies husbands or boyfriends have gone to prison once then got out and went back in?

like did you see a change in them when they got out but then did that change go down the drain and they go right back to there old ways..

or did they change and stay that way for the better?

My Husband is in prison for the first time and im just hoping he never gets back into his old ways.
Unfortunately, it took my husband and I each, two times of going down before we changed our ways. Honestly, upon first release for us we wanted to do right but we went down the wrong road from almost day one. Right before our second incarceration we made the decision to straighten up, unfortunately it was too late, we had already committed our crimes that led us back to prison.

The difference on this release was we already knew without a doubt what we wanted to do and we were willing to do anything to make sure we stayed out. I will say that I know of several who have done only one stint and did make it. Honestly, the answer to your questions depends on the individual, some of us are more hard headed than others, so it took us longer.

Hope this helps some.
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  #33  
Old 01-25-2012, 01:42 PM
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Unfortunately, it took my husband and I each, two times of going down before we changed our ways. Honestly, upon first release for us we wanted to do right but we went down the wrong road from almost day one. Right before our second incarceration we made the decision to straighten up, unfortunately it was too late, we had already committed our crimes that led us back to prison.

The difference on this release was we already knew without a doubt what we wanted to do and we were willing to do anything to make sure we stayed out. I will say that I know of several who have done only one stint and did make it. Honestly, the answer to your questions depends on the individual, some of us are more hard headed than others, so it took us longer.

Hope this helps some.





Thank you this did help and i agree it doesn depend on the individual if this is what they are ready for to finally change there life around and if that what they want then they can change within themselves
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Old 01-25-2012, 06:55 PM
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All these posts have really made me think about when my son gets out which isn't till 2014. But I pray that he will want to change as he already knows he can NOT return to our hometown any longer.The old friends he had are either dead or drugged out and self destructive I don't want to return there either. I have moved and plan to move one more time before he does get out as he will be living with me when he gets out so its no hometown for us it will probably be the Clearwater area and he will have to start anew which is fine with me .His two daughters want to live with him when he gets out so that has been his driving force while incarcerated now,I pray it stays that way as he is going onto paper after release for 36 months!
I do agree with most of the posts,my son MUST want to change for change to come about.This is his second time around and I can't do it again!
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  #35  
Old 01-25-2012, 07:00 PM
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All these posts have really made me think about when my son gets out which isn't till 2014. But I pray that he will want to change as he already knows he can NOT return to our hometown any longer.The old friends he had are either dead or drugged out and self destructive I don't want to return there either. I have moved and plan to move one more time before he does get out as he will be living with me when he gets out so its no hometown for us it will probably be the Clearwater area and he will have to start anew which is fine with me .His two daughters want to live with him when he gets out so that has been his driving force while incarcerated now,I pray it stays that way as he is going onto paper after release for 36 months!
I do agree with most of the posts,my son MUST want to change for change to come about.This is his second time around and I can't do it again!



Well i will pray for you and your son! It is a very very stressfull thing to have to deal with.. and im sure the second time around .. its like they dont realize they are hurting everyone around them going right back that way. but I dont think i could handle it with my husband going back into that crap again.. i know you are suppose to work through your problems when your married but this is a little extreme
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Old 10-06-2016, 02:12 PM
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Do you all think they say what sounds good at the time. It just what they think we want to hear

Both..they won't change until it's too late.

Chick im with, or whatever you want to call it, has no intention of cleaning up. She's in her pod out in county having a blast with the girls she's done time with down through the years. They're reading books, listening to music, using drugs, eating commissary, etc..That'll be her life and routine until she gets out in January.

Then "I'm getting tore the f*ck up...!!" and that'll continue until she goes back in for theft again or worse.

Here's the cycle: keep going back to county, end up back in state or federal perhaps, or the morgue.
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