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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 05-24-2011, 06:54 PM
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Default Confused & Need Advice ASAP before he bails out

I just spoke with Pete. He has been in Hudson Co. Jail in NJ since May 10th. He sounds really aggravated and said that people owe him money (And he wouldn't tell my WHY they owe him money, he just said I didn't want to know) and he has gotten someone (I have no clue who) to go to these people's addresses to get money from these people so that he can bail out this week. He said that if he stays in jail much longer, he will end up catching more charges because ppl are messing with him.

I am so scared that he is going to go right back to using/selling even though he wants to go to a rehab if he bails out. I don't know what to do. He has no home, no where to go. When he bails out, he has to go straight to parole. They said they will TRY to put him in emergency housing until they can get him into a rehab.

I don't want him to be locked up, however, I am scared to death that under these circumstances, he is going to go right back to the "old" Pete. I don't know if I can take more heart break and I definitely can't get all the way up to New Jersey right now. It will be at least a month before I can afford to get up there to him.

Do I stick by him? My heart wants to stick by him but if he is going to fall back into the same crap, how can I subject myself to that? Is there a way to make sure he doesn't go right back to using/selling?

My heart is breaking. ANY advice, past experiences, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-24-2011, 07:02 PM
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They are letting him out on parole without him having a place to stay? Or is he bailing out?

I mean, I think the only thing you can do, if you're going to stay with him, is to go on faith. I went thru this with my man; he was locked up for a year. He's been home almost two months and is still doing well. Is he saying that he's going to stay clean? Do you have any reason to believe that he's using in there? I would be highly suspicious of him owing people money and all that. Sounds shady.
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Old 05-24-2011, 07:10 PM
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He is in jail on a different charge, a charge for violating CSL b/c he relapsed on heroin. The type of parole he is on is something they do in NJ, called CSL which is community supervision for life....just another reason I wish he was in NC b/c he wouldn't have to deal with ANY of that anymore after his parole time was done, in which it is.

He doesn't owe anyone money, they owe him money...which leads me to believe he was selling again...especially when I asked why ppl owe him, he said "Babe, do we REALLY need to get into that now?" So, I left it alone.

I voiced my concerns over the fact that he could very well start using again, and he said that there was no need to worry. He said he relapsed and that he will be okay between the time he bails out and goes to rehab. I don't know what to believe. I want to believe in him. Desperately.

When he makes bail, he has to go straight to parole, they will then TRY to put him in emergency housing until they can find a rehab with will take someone with the previous charges that he has.

I am so lost...and all I want to do is go to NJ and I can't even get there.

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Originally Posted by ohsweetmaryjane View Post
They are letting him out on parole without him having a place to stay? Or is he bailing out?

I mean, I think the only thing you can do, if you're going to stay with him, is to go on faith. I went thru this with my man; he was locked up for a year. He's been home almost two months and is still doing well. Is he saying that he's going to stay clean? Do you have any reason to believe that he's using in there? I would be highly suspicious of him owing people money and all that. Sounds shady.
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Old 05-24-2011, 09:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pete's_Mami View Post
Do I stick by him? My heart wants to stick by him but if he is going to fall back into the same crap, how can I subject myself to that? Is there a way to make sure he doesn't go right back to using/selling?

My heart is breaking. ANY advice, past experiences, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
You can't keep Pete from using or selling if that's what he wants to do.

I'd be very careful if I were you in being around him. If he goes back to his old ways you really don't want to get caught in the cross hairs.

If I were in your shoes, I'd get myself to a support group for friends and families of addicts right away!!
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Old 05-25-2011, 03:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsweetmaryjane View Post
They are letting him out on parole without him having a place to stay?
Yes ma'am it happens everyday and eventually they violate them for it and throw their arse back in. It makes no sense but then when does the judicial system make sense?
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Old 05-27-2011, 06:46 AM
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The NJ State Parole board is one of the most corrupt organizations I have ever seen. You say they will try to place him in "emergency housing". What this means is they will take him straight to Paterson and dump him off in the bed-bug infested Good Shepherd Mission where he can live with and network with other drug users which will do him no good. Optionally, they will dump him off in the URC shelters in Newark and that's just about as bad as the Good Shepherd.

These missions claim to "strive to help" the homeless, but they're nothing more than sleazy rackets masquerading under religion.

I'm very familiar with the CSL laws of New Jersey. I've been fighting them for three years. There are options for him if he wants to move out of state, and the receiving state declines. The law specifically states that NJ cannot keep a CSL defendant here just because another state is unwilling to accept him.
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