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Raising Children with Parents in Prison For the Parent left behind with children AND for the Children that have a parent inside. Discussion of unique challenges facing this group!

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  #1  
Old 06-19-2018, 08:38 PM
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Default What can he do when mother of his child doesn't let him have contact?

Hello everyone,
I'm not sure if this belongs here but I couldn't find any threads about this topic.

My fiance has a 13 year old son. He was 17 when he went to prison and his son was 18 months old at the time. He's been writing letters and cards and called him whenever he could afford it. The mother was always monitoring their phone calls, never let him visit his father and threw presents from his family away. She only brings the son over to my fiances mother when it's convenient for her and she only lets him stay a couple of hours so that they are not able to take him to go see his father. The only time they saw each other was 8 years ago when my fiances mother took his son to see him. Since then they barely see him anymore. Last year she decided that he can't call him anymore. She's doing all this because she wants to get back at him for not wanting to be with her anymore. She's not realizing that she's hurting the son the most. Now my fiance says he could take her to court but he doesn't want to take his son through it. And he says he probably doesn't even have a chance because she's always taken care of their son and he can't prove she's doing anything wrong but he's convicted of a crime so he thinks he doesn't have a chance to win a case. Does anyone know more about this? What are his chances? He just wants to be able to talk to his son. He can't be there physically but he can at least be there for his son mentally and support him by listening and giving advice. I just feel like this is not right and I want to know what he can do. He should have the right to be in contact with his son. He hasn't done anything to harm him or the mother.



Thank you! And if this belongs somewhere else please let me know. I'm new to this forum.
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  #2  
Old 06-19-2018, 08:48 PM
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Quick and dirty answer - go to court. Sorry, but that's the only way. Has either of them been to civil court before? To get a child custody agreement set up, to dissolve a marriage? If there's no agreement, no birth certificate with his name on it, no acknowledgement of paternity to the court, then he does need to get that taken care of, with a DNA sample if necessary. He doesn't have to fight for custody, just for visitation and phone calls. Then he'll have the legal right to try to enforce those things.
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Old 06-19-2018, 10:03 PM
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sorry but barring a miracle there is nothing you can do . best thing to do is pray and let god deal with her . the dirt is on her hands not his . if she is acting this way your can just imagine the lies she will come up with in court . "he beat me" , "he a drug user" , my ex said i was going to "kill the kids" . that alone made me have to get supervised visits ,take anger management classes, and i had to pay for the classes . i just gave up , moved on and had 3 more kids . Satan has a nice warm spot for women who do evil things like keep the kids away from the dad .
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Old 06-20-2018, 07:25 AM
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I would encourage your son to continue to write and try to call.
keep notes of all of it, and if she returns the mail, keep it. document document document.


Agree with Nimuay.....you need some formal court ordered paperwork spelling out what their arrangements are.


And i'd agree as well......at 13 this kid is interested in what he wants to do, but if Mom wont let him have any contact with his dad.....it likely can backfire on her.
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Old 06-20-2018, 08:16 AM
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Going to court to set up visitation is WAY different than going to court for custody. The only way he’d get denied visitation and custody is if there’s a history of violence or abuse to the child himself, and even then sometimes supervised visitation is allowed. I think most states have a general visitation schedule in the books. I would just request whatever is outlined in that document.

Another thing... you don’t know that’s why she isn’t letting them visit. She may simply believe that it’s in her child’s best interest to not see a father who has been locked up his entire life. Whether she is correct or not will be up to the judge.
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Old 06-20-2018, 09:13 AM
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Go to court!!!

My spouse and I took my ex to court, who is in jail for a pretty serious crime, thinking he wouldn't get anything and he still got visitation, phone calls, and letters.
Anything can happen, and being in jail does not stop it! Especially since the child is old enough to have a voice.

Yes there is always a chance that he could lose, but honestly I doubt it. Have his family be witnesses as well , about not being able to take him to visit, how they don't get a good decent time with their grandchild, all of that.

He might be fearful of "losing" , BUT why not give it a chance? If he "wins" then he gets that time! The phone calls and hopefully visits! He will be able to look back and say I did everything i could to talk to my son.
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Old 06-20-2018, 10:05 PM
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Default What can he do when mother of his child doesn't let him have contact?

I donít really know what to advise if he doesnít want to go to court. Itís really his only option and I donít think itís a bad one. Unless he has some crazy history of abuse, the courts would probably grant him SOME amount of contact. Itís rarely in a childís best interest not to have any contact with a willing and able parent.

And the system should look at him as he is NOW, not as he was. Hell, my husband got custody of his daughter from CPS while he was in a halfway house straight out of federal prison with a long criminal history before that (well, technically his ex-wife had custody since a child couldnít be in a halfway house obviously). Itís always worth a shot.
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:32 AM
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An alternative approach. Most states have laws about grandparent's visitation rights. Have your fiance's parents take her to court. From your description it sounds like they could have a good case to exercise their rights. With that their attorney may be able to bootstrap on allowing the child to talk to dad on the phone in their presence and exchange letters through their address.
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Old 06-21-2018, 10:53 AM
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Fiance' girlfriend whatever you have no legal rights stay out of his problems!!!
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Old 06-21-2018, 10:55 AM
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Whoa. Finance/girlfriend is probably the only way the dad can get information and is a way to seek legal help.

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Fiance' girlfriend whatever you have no legal rights stay out of his problems!!!
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:17 PM
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By the date on your countdown this child would be very close if not 18 by he time your old mans out. Why make a 13 year old child start visiting someone he don’t know or have a relationship with in Prison? If I was the bio mom I would keep that in court until my child was 18. I’m not about to make my son go sit in a visiting room to see a man he don’t know. Maybe there are some reasons from their past that child mom doesn’t want child to be contacted? I agree with XOLADY this started way before you stay out of it. You will prob end up with more stress than you want
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Old 06-22-2018, 03:16 PM
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Thanks a lot guys! I will forward everything to him. And @jordan321 exactly! And I will always have his back that's what my job as a partner is. Thanks again and have a beautiful weekend everybody!
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Old 06-22-2018, 03:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jordan321 View Post
Whoa. Finance/girlfriend is probably the only way the dad can get information and is a way to seek legal help.
Hello since when does a court recognize girl friend rights? They don't!! Believe me she is better off letting a family member get involved. I did this battle and won but it took years and a lot of money!!! I fought for three years to get my stepson to be able to visit his father. I was the legal spouse, I had the kid most of the time, so yeah I do know more then a lot of people. Unless fiance/girlfriend has a ton of money and can prove he the father is no danger or actually a help to the kid then he might have a chance. Sorry if dad's been waiting since kid was an infant then he's probably SOL!!!
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:00 PM
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Im not trying to argue , but i also know how this goes. All im saying is she asked for opinions and advice for her fiance. Shes asking advice on what HE can do. No where in there does she say SHES going to do anything.
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Hello since when does a court recognize girl friend rights? They don't!! Believe me she is better off letting a family member get involved. I did this battle and won but it took years and a lot of money!!! I fought for three years to get my stepson to be able to visit his father. I was the legal spouse, I had the kid most of the time, so yeah I do know more then a lot of people. Unless fiance/girlfriend has a ton of money and can prove he the father is no danger or actually a help to the kid then he might have a chance. Sorry if dad's been waiting since kid was an infant then he's probably SOL!!!
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Hello since when does a court recognize girl friend rights? They don't!! Believe me she is better off letting a family member get involved. I did this battle and won but it took years and a lot of money!!! I fought for three years to get my stepson to be able to visit his father. I was the legal spouse, I had the kid most of the time, so yeah I do know more then a lot of people. Unless fiance/girlfriend has a ton of money and can prove he the father is no danger or actually a help to the kid then he might have a chance. Sorry if dad's been waiting since kid was an infant then he's probably SOL!!!

I never said I'm taking her to court myself or going to talk to her or tell her what to do. I'm just collecting information for someone who can't do it himself and doesn't have and never had anyone else help him with anything. So unless you have anything nice or helpful to say I don't understand why you're wasting your precious energy to spread negativity. But you have a beautiful weekend also! Peace&Love&Harmony
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Old 06-22-2018, 06:17 PM
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Quote:
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I never said I'm taking her to court myself or going to talk to her or tell her what to do. I'm just collecting information for someone who can't do it himself and doesn't have and never had anyone else help him with anything. So unless you have anything nice or helpful to say I don't understand why you're wasting your precious energy to spread negativity. But you have a beautiful weekend also! Peace&Love&Harmony
I do hope you will share with him my opinion from earlier in the thread. He should wait until he is out don’t make the child visit if the child doesn’t want to he will be an adult soon until then maybe you can write and get it court ordered that he gets the letters.
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Old 06-22-2018, 07:25 PM
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I do hope you will share with him my opinion from earlier in the thread. He should wait until he is out donít make the child visit if the child doesnít want to he will be an adult soon until then maybe you can write and get it court ordered that he gets the letters.

Yes I definitely will. And his son has been wanting to visit him for years. They used to talk on the phone like once every two weeks. So their relationship has always been a good one as long as they were able to have one. But anyway I'll let him know everything that was said and let him make up his mind. I think he should at least give it a try. But it's up to him.
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