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Loving a Violent Offender Discuss the issues of having a violent offender as part of your life. Please keep in mind that some of us are married to violent offenders. Please remember that these offenders are human, and as such, can change... just like anyone else.

View Poll Results: Are you ever worried he will be violent with you?
always! 14 5.45%
Sometimes 34 13.23%
only when we argue 12 4.67%
never 198 77.04%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 257. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 04-20-2015, 05:26 PM
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Dakini Dakini is offline
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Originally Posted by proteinmuffin33 View Post
He may or may not turn violent towards u...its not within your control. It's a scary realization tho...
One of the reasons that people who have served time for murder have the LOWEST rate of recidivism/reoffending is that murder is almost always highly dependent on the situation. Im not talking about serial killers or hitmen, Im talking about everyday people who, for whatever reason, commit murder.

I won't go into a lengthy defense of my BF because it's not necessary that anyone here believe that Im right. I will just say that I can not imagine a scenario in which he would knowingly harm me in any way.
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  #77  
Old 04-20-2015, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by proteinmuffin33 View Post
He may or may not turn violent towards u...its not within your control. It's a scary realization tho...
How anyone may or may not treat us is not technically within our control. But by using my experience in life and listening to people when they show you who they are I think you can gauge most people fairly accurately.... I have no doubt in my mind, he would never be violent in any way to me!

Also a murder charge is often considered one and done,,,,, they get out and don't reoffend or they die in prison.
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  #78  
Old 04-20-2015, 09:15 PM
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Originally Posted by squeakyswife View Post
Do you ever worrry that he might turn violent with you? My man is in there for murder he has a history of losing his temper. Yet none of his charges are against women or children. My friends and family are worried about this. we met while he was incarcerated so i never knew him on the streets. so my question is should I be worried.
All I can speak to is my own experience. I NEVER thought going in that my ex-husband would be violent with me, but he did. I decline to go into the specific details, but needless to say, the reason he's back in prison is due to his actions towards me. I'm not saying that all violent offenders will always be violent, but I am saying that their past history of violence is one that should be given serious consideration before making the decision to enter into a relationship with them.
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  #79  
Old 04-26-2015, 11:56 AM
OsunMM5 OsunMM5 is offline
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Default Anger Issues

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months and about halfway through, he got picked up on a parole violation and sent away for 4 months. We've actually talked about this very issue and discussed how to diffuse a situation where we are both angry and how we can work together to avoid getting to that point.

I have a temper at times and can be just as hard headed as he can. I've actually done the same thing you have as far as deliberately pushing his buttons. He actually admitted today that I have gotten to him a couple times, which was actually news to me. He's got a very tough, cool demeanor at times and doesn't let his vulnerability show. This gets to me sometimes. (We've talked about this as well. I've told him he doesn't need that wall up with me).

I've only seen him incredibly angry twice and once he was mad at me. I know he wouldn't have done anything, but there was a fire behind his eyes and he was cold, but I was also incredibly angry at him at that time too.

We are working on getting to know each other better and in a more healthy manner now that he's been locked up for 4 months. Even my own therapist, who I started to see after he was locked up, has said that I am doing a wonderful job making the most of this situation.

He should get out any day thankfully. Just waiting on room at the halfway house.

The only thing I can say about the whole thing is having honest and open, non confrontational conversations about tough issues and situations you've experienced is the most important thing you can do for your relationship. We had a very rocky first few months we dated/lived together, but through this experience he's a better person and I am too.

I've truly gotten to love him more and more every day. He's the first person I've ever been able to have these conversations with in this manner and the only person I've ever dated that has listened to the very dark chapters of my life without judgment or making me feel any worse about those chapters than I already do.

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Originally Posted by mom2qtee View Post
I've known my Sweetie for 9 months today. He has never lost his cool with me and I have intentionally said things to see how he would react. Don't judge him for what he use to be. But also be mindful of the fact that anything can happen....and that's with any relationship. Just give it time. Take it slowly. Trust your instinct.

Last edited by OsunMM5; 04-26-2015 at 11:59 AM..
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  #80  
Old 04-30-2015, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squeakyswife View Post
Do you ever worrry that he might turn violent with you? My man is in there for murder he has a history of losing his temper. Yet none of his charges are against women or children. My friends and family are worried about this. we met while he was incarcerated so i never knew him on the streets. so my question is should I be worried.
I don't worry if he will turn violent with me. But it crosses my mind sometime, because of all the years he spent in prison. And you shouldn't be worried. But if you feel you need to be worried. Then maybe it's not best that you remain with him. But you know his background. So it's a possibility that he could turn violent with you. In the meantime pray for him.. And continue to show him that your there for him, and that you love him. And give it a chance if you feel he's worth it. Only you can decide that. Because it's your relationship with him and no one elses. So do what your mind and heart tells you. And blessing to you.

Last edited by Miss Jerrian; 04-30-2015 at 09:13 PM..
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  #81  
Old 11-06-2015, 03:28 PM
MariaFairmaiden MariaFairmaiden is offline
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I put sometimes. He is a violent offender but he has grown up over the past 14 years and shows no hint of repressed violence now. Mostly I worry about it because I am a good worrier! LOL! Really, I do believe it is more my issue than his.
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  #82  
Old 12-01-2017, 09:46 AM
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Nah, even though he's in prison for a violent crime, he was in fact never really a violent person. Now he even became super spiritual and won't even mush a fly anymore, he's the last person on earth to ever hurt me physically.
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  #83  
Old 01-31-2018, 05:26 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
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Be very worried!! You met him while incarcerated, and he is in for MURDER. You can be with person for years and still not know them, and you never know what he's capable of.
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  #84  
Old 05-14-2018, 09:02 PM
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My guy has anger issues, but I’ve never been scared around him and he’s never given me reason to be...my mom is a little nervous but she hasn’t met him yet and I feel when she does she will relax a bit.
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  #85  
Old 09-02-2018, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakini View Post
One of the reasons that people who have served time for murder have the LOWEST rate of recidivism/reoffending is that murder is almost always highly dependent on the situation. Im not talking about serial killers or hitmen, Im talking about everyday people who, for whatever reason, commit murder.
A guy from my old church is spending time for murder. He found his brother abusing their father, and he just flew off the handle. Aimed to shoot to maim but missed.
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  #86  
Old 09-04-2018, 01:27 AM
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No And If For Any Reason My Husband Had Anger Issues He Would Of Dealt With Them Before I Would Of Ever Married Him That Is For Damn Sure ..
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  #87  
Old 09-04-2018, 01:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakini View Post
One of the reasons that people who have served time for murder have the LOWEST rate of recidivism/reoffending is that murder is almost always highly dependent on the situation. Im not talking about serial killers or hitmen, Im talking about everyday people who, for whatever reason, commit murder.

I won't go into a lengthy defense of my BF because it's not necessary that anyone here believe that Im right. I will just say that I can not imagine a scenario in which he would knowingly harm me in any way.
Totally agreeing with that. Also the second part.
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