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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 08-22-2019, 05:20 PM
paintingsa7997 paintingsa7997 is offline
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I'm new here. Finding it hard dealing with my wifes incarceration. It had been 8 days now. I feel abandoned and angry. I want to yell at her but dont want her to fell worse than she already feels.
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Old 08-22-2019, 05:32 PM
Peacefinder Peacefinder is offline
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Do you get visits or phone calls? I would tell her your feelings. You obviously don't have to yell. Holding it in will cause more damage to you.

I just recently wrote my boyfriend a three page letter letting him know my feelings and how I was not coping well. It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. We talked about it and have a better understanding of each other and our feelings.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Hopefully you have people around you to help you through this difficult time.
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:37 PM
Girl22472 Girl22472 is offline
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Originally Posted by paintingsa7997 View Post
I'm new here. Finding it hard dealing with my wifes incarceration. It had been 8 days now. I feel abandoned and angry. I want to yell at her but dont want her to fell worse than she already feels.
I don't know your whole story or how things came to pass. In my husband's case we had time for me to explain to him that yes, I was angry about his crime; yes, I was angry the position I was put in and I absolutely had the right to feel that way. My husband self surrendered 8 days ago also, but we had a lot of time to build up and while it helped, him leaving and being hone has still been extremely tough. He did not have access to phone or email for the first week and I allowed my mind to wander whether it was rational or not.

You have a few choices. As someone suggested write her a letter.... but you don't even have to mail it if you don't want to. It's called writing therapy. On that same level you could start a journal so you can also get it off your chest and she can read later and maybe understand better.

It is important for your relationship that she understands that she has hurt you but also understand that it doesn't mean you are over. How you do that is up to you and how you deal with things.
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:48 PM
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Hi paintingsa7997 Welcome to the Roller Coaster of Emotions Whatever you're feeling, its ok. Anger? Yep. That's normal. Sadness? Yep, that's normal, too. Feeling abandoned? That's also an appropriate response to what you're dealing with right now. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to yell, rather than directing that emotion at her in a fury, direct it to her in a letter. Write it all out - everything you want to tell her, get it all out. When finished, re-read it. Re-read it a few times, read it out loud, yell it from the rooftop. Then tear it up and throw it away. When she calls, you'll (hopefully) be able to speak with her about how you feel without the animosity and anger.

Keep in mind that her emotions are all over the place, too, and that Communication in a prison relationship is 2 x 2 = 2 people, 2 roles each: Speaker and Listener. Both of you can't have the same role at the same time.

This journey doesn't get any easier, but once you get into a routine you will get stronger. And keep busy, it'll help as well.

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Old 08-23-2019, 03:31 AM
studebaker71 studebaker71 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paintingsa7997 View Post
I'm new here. Finding it hard dealing with my wifes incarceration. It had been 8 days now. I feel abandoned and angry. I want to yell at her but dont want her to fell worse than she already feels.
Well here I am. I guess at one point through this the new guy gets enough experience in this to pitch in and give some support. My girl has been down for almost a year now. She was taken from me Oct 17. Lots of months of court dates and battles and were past sentencing and now on to navigating the prison system.

I remember the time when she was in that short amount. It was a shock and terrible times. I am not going to tell you "it gets better". I will tell you though, your not alone. The amount of guys waiting on their girls and supporting each other is very small in relation, but I have met some good people here. Ask anything and I will help how I can. I cant however sugar coat a thing because my situation I psychologically never came to terms so I am a sort of "negative" most the time hahaha
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Old 08-23-2019, 06:26 AM
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Welcome to Prison Talk, The beginning is definitely the hardest time for both of you, so give things enough time to settle.
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Old 08-24-2019, 02:27 PM
WaitingWilkes WaitingWilkes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paintingsa7997 View Post
I'm new here. Finding it hard dealing with my wifes incarceration. It had been 8 days now. I feel abandoned and angry. I want to yell at her but dont want her to fell worse than she already feels.

Welcome! I think you'll find the support you're looking for here. Check your PM's (Private Messages) once in a while. A lot of us communicate privately.
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:40 PM
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Welcome to PTO. I hope that you will find our group supportive and a place where you can make connections with others who are going through the same sorts of things you are, or who have been there in the past.


What you're feeling right now is perfectly normal and in-line with what a lot of us here have experienced. A psychological rift between being angry and wanting to be supportive, especially early in the process, is quite common. We get it. We're here for you.


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Old 08-26-2019, 01:05 PM
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There is no doubt having an incarcerated partner is hard. It requires a lot of patience and acceptance that there are things we just cannot control. Along with patience we need a thick skin.
I know things will get better for you, not easy just better than they are now when you get into a regime of letters and calls.
You have had some good advice about directing your anger. I dont think there is anything wrong in saying your piece to get it off your chest and then move on and get on with supporting each other through your new , hopefully temporary reality.
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