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  #1  
Old 06-14-2016, 01:08 AM
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Question Need your help: Online discussion on prisons

Hello everyone,

I am looking at the role of social media and virtual communities in relation to prisons. As we know, prison itself is a mass project in the United States: where people are incarcerated disproportionately and discriminatory. The purpose of this thread I have started is to hear from active users – those who use the site on a regular basis – to understand how the website has affected you and your relationship to prison.

In other words, I really hope to understand what the specific purpose and role of virtual communities like this one has on people who have been incarcerated and/or have a relationship to prisons? Why do YOU use this site? How has it helped? Why talk about these important issues online and not somewhere else?

I will respond quickly to comments and look to create discussion. Detail is appreciated and ALL feedback is welcomed!
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Old 06-14-2016, 04:50 AM
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Advisory for PTO Members Regarding Requests from Journalists & Members of the Media, and Students/Researchers:

PTO welcomes journalists and/or members of the media to learn and educate themselves about prisons, prisoners, and their loved ones, as well as students and researchers doing research on these subjects.

We will, occasionally, allow the media or students/researchers to request information and personal stories from our members. However, PTO does not endorse any journalist, member of the media, story/report, media outlet, student/researcher, or educational/research institution.

If you decide to communicate with a media representative or a researcher, then you assume all of the risks involved. PTO is in no way liable for the outcome of the story/report/paper. Communication with members of the media and students/researchers is completely voluntarily and PTO holds no responsibility for the consequences of that communication.

PTO does not screen or authenticate any person(s) claiming to be from the media or from an educational/research institution, nor does PTO authenticate their motivations for obtaining the information.

As always, the disclosure of personal information (either yours or someone that is incarcerated) may have some serious repercussions. PTO has no way of predicting how the media or any researcher will present your story or that of your loved one. Any relationship with the media or any researchers is to be entered into at your own risk.

If you receive an unsolicited email or private message from a person claiming to be from the media or researching information for an educational or research institution, report it to the PTO Administration immediately.
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:57 AM
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I came to this site for information. How to get to visit, write, get phone calls.
I couldnt find the info any place else.
Sure the cdcr has a website, but it only offers just the bare min of info.
This site helped me out so much.
In real life, I knew no one with a loved one in prison. Most here are supportive.So that is why I joined, and continue to participate. I remember where I was in the beginning, and want to help those just starting out trying to navigate the prison system.
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Old 06-14-2016, 07:06 AM
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I came to this site as i was new to writing a prisoner and had no idea what to expect. Ultimately i have formed a relationship with one, although long distance and the people here have been most helpful in helping me navigate around the site and i have learned so much by reading other people's posts whether it be from wanting to marry to just everyday struggles at times with having a loved one incarcerated. Questions that cannot be answered by a webpage for the institution is all here and very very helpful.
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Old 06-14-2016, 08:04 AM
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This site is helpful in sharing information that would be hard to come by otherwise, hotel, travel, weather, road conditions, car pools, what to expect, what is ok and what is not, how to? It's also an emotionally supportive group, somewhere you can share your experiences, questions, comments, concerns with people who will understand you because they too are experiencing the same life!
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Old 06-14-2016, 12:45 PM
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I enjoy the support of knowing that I'm not in this alone..
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Old 06-14-2016, 01:42 PM
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Thanks for sharing. I want to ask, how different does it feel to have a community online and not necessarily one offline?
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Old 06-14-2016, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sass4221 View Post
Advisory for PTO Members Regarding Requests from Journalists & Members of the Media, and Students/Researchers:

PTO welcomes journalists and/or members of the media to learn and educate themselves about prisons, prisoners, and their loved ones, as well as students and researchers doing research on these subjects.

We will, occasionally, allow the media or students/researchers to request information and personal stories from our members. However, PTO does not endorse any journalist, member of the media, story/report, media outlet, student/researcher, or educational/research institution.

If you decide to communicate with a media representative or a researcher, then you assume all of the risks involved. PTO is in no way liable for the outcome of the story/report/paper. Communication with members of the media and students/researchers is completely voluntarily and PTO holds no responsibility for the consequences of that communication.

PTO does not screen or authenticate any person(s) claiming to be from the media or from an educational/research institution, nor does PTO authenticate their motivations for obtaining the information.

As always, the disclosure of personal information (either yours or someone that is incarcerated) may have some serious repercussions. PTO has no way of predicting how the media or any researcher will present your story or that of your loved one. Any relationship with the media or any researchers is to be entered into at your own risk.

If you receive an unsolicited email or private message from a person claiming to be from the media or researching information for an educational or research institution, report it to the PTO Administration immediately.
I'm not a journalist, and none of this will be public. Its for the purpose of creating knowledge.
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:19 PM
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I belong to this nationwide board and then I also belong to a state-specific prison board. For myself, my son is incarcerated so I'm not concerned about the relationship issues but rather ways to be supportive for my son.
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Old 06-14-2016, 07:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by californiatalks View Post
Thanks for sharing. I want to ask, how different does it feel to have a community online and not necessarily one offline?
By "offline" do you mean face-to-face support groups? They are few and far between. I believe that's partially due to the stigma associated with having a loved one in prison and perhaps, to some extent, due to time restraints for families struggling with children at home and/or the financial aspect (ie working 2 jobs).

I find PTO while searching for info on "truth in sentencing." Once here, I found out there was a name for my situation (MWI) and that there were others here dealing with loving a sex offender.

The information & support I've found here in the past 9 1/2 years has been amazing. I've also made some pretty fantastic friends
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Old 06-14-2016, 08:36 PM
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Originally Posted by californiatalks View Post
I'm not a journalist, and none of this will be public. Its for the purpose of creating knowledge.
I'm curious where you plan to use the information.

PTO policies about information gathering from members might seem a bit staunch at first. Please understand that due to our circumstances we are questioned often-- by our loved ones, by our friends, by law enforcement, by society, and by ourselves. Information can be a wonderful thing, but it is also asking us to be exposed one more time and to a stranger.

We welcome newcomers and hope to educate and support with everything we have. But it's a door we open with a great amount of vulnerability.
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Old 06-14-2016, 08:48 PM
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Quote:
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I'm curious where you plan to use the information.

We welcome newcomers and hope to educate and support with everything we have. But it's a door we open with a great amount of vulnerability.
Does it have to be used anywhere? I can see how vulnerable it makes people, thanks for letting me know. It really is for my own thought.
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Old 06-15-2016, 06:07 AM
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This site has been THE place I came to learn. I didn't want to learn but out of survival, I had to learn. "Criminals" are kept "out of sight" to help "the public feel safe and secure". True enough, however, often times "Out of sight out of mind" also means "no support" or "support for some people" and "limited" information for everyone including the families. Breaking the law and paying the price doesn't just affect the person who broke the law. It affects others too-- the law breakers family, the victim, the victim's family--the ripple effect is silent but packs a punch.
If, as a family member, you have never been exposed to prisons or jails, you have no idea how it all works, and all the emotions and judgements you experience because of it. You too become isolated and disenfranchised due to the stigma thereby furthering the isolation and shame. As family, you pay the price, in so many silent unspoken ways. This online community preserves our dignity through anonymity but provides the support we all so desperately need. WE are not alone, just "society" ostracizes us too. This site is a "workaround".
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Old 06-15-2016, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by californiatalks View Post
Hello everyone,

I am looking at the role of social media and virtual communities in relation to prisons. As we know, prison itself is a mass project in the United States: where people are incarcerated disproportionately and discriminatory. The purpose of this thread I have started is to hear from active users – those who use the site on a regular basis – to understand how the website has affected you and your relationship to prison.

In other words, I really hope to understand what the specific purpose and role of virtual communities like this one has on people who have been incarcerated and/or have a relationship to prisons? Why do YOU use this site? How has it helped? Why talk about these important issues online and not somewhere else?

I will respond quickly to comments and look to create discussion. Detail is appreciated and ALL feedback is welcomed!

Well, I use this site, sometimes actively and sometimes in sort of a "lurking" role because it's a place where I can receive support and give support.

Part of my experience in "holding down" a woman in prison has been that I have found that there are not really a lot of men out there in my situation, at least not that will come and talk about what's going on. A lot of the guys around here seem to kind of come and go....I guess I'm no exception.

The reality is, so much of what is online is for the wives/girlfriends of prisoners and for the families (children, brothers and sisters, parents, etc.) of inmates. The "prison husband" seems to be a rare bird.

Let me talk about a dynamic I see with a lot of men...there seems to be this helplessness that goes in some cases beyond the women. That's because there isn't, in general (all due respect to the wonderful, wonderful people on this site who have proven to be exceptions to this observation,) a lot of support out there for men. There isn't a "Prison Husbands Club." I don't have any friends who are going through anything remotely like what I'm going through. Most of the guys I've known who have had a girlfriend who's gotten locked up says "see ya!"

So I guess to me, the purpose of being here is to get what advice I can, to share my observations, and to give feedback to others in hopes I can help someone, especially other men, get through things. At the same time, I'll tell anyone...I don't recommend this for anyone. Which is not a knock on anyone who has decided to be with someone in prison at all. It's just that....it takes a certain extra dedication. You give up a lot. It really isn't for everyone, and there's no shame in that, but be honest with yourself and with your partner. If you don't feel right about it, leave. Don't put yourself through pain and don't give your partner false hope.

All in all, I'm glad this community is here. I can't relate to everyone here. And I keep to myself when I see them but there are some posts and opinions where I scratch my head. I don't get them. I have to take a breath in some cases and remind myself that the person posting is here, in essence, for the some reason I am and that they and/or their partner/family member is already probably going through a lot of things in real life dealing with the prison system and the justice system and they are here for my support and understanding, not my judgment. The purpose, in my mind, is that this should be a safe place where we can come and not be afraid to express ourselves, our concerns for our loved ones, or give compassionate advice (even though I'm sure there are times when my well-intended thoughts are not exactly what the person I'm addressing wants to hear....)

Anyway. Good questions.
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Old 06-18-2016, 01:57 AM
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Like all of the other posters I use this site to gain information and insight, to get support from others that understand my situation and to offer support to those who are in a similar situation. There is a large stigma that comes when you have a loved one in prison that many people do not understand. You are judged, criticized, and at times you lose part of yourself and dignity if you try to seek advice from the wrong person.

Living with a LO who is incarcerated is not an easy path. Dealing with their situation, the red tape, and all the rules and restrictions they have can become extremely frustrating. The information provided by the facilities doesn’t really provide you with a lot when it comes to understanding how to deal with the system and the facility or prepare you for the silence and the long lockdowns. I have learned more about lock downs, visits, phone calls, sending packages, sending money, email, and snail mail just by visiting this site, reading older posts, and asking questions.

This site really is a life saver for me; in the past I have spent hours online looking for answers to my questions and without a lot of luck. However coming here and searching the past threads I have easily found those answers and so much more.

For me personally I have friends that have loved ones in prison. We do support each other to a point but we do not want our whole friendship based on us talking about our incarcerated loved ones. I am also a very private person that does not like a lot of people in my business who have the possibility of causing drama and stirring the pot. I like using this site because it allows me to have anonymity, I can interact with people who understand me that can help me but also keep my personal life at a distance and do not have to fear repercussions of confiding in others.
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Old 06-21-2016, 11:59 AM
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Originally I just googled support for families of incarcerated people. I wanted information that's why. Now years later I have knowledge to share. I've been there and done that. I also have had a life that revolved around criminal activity. I have a lot of life experience and if I can help just one person from making mistakes I've made then that is some reason for my life of going through this hell for.
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Old 06-21-2016, 04:12 PM
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:00 PM
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All these responses are incredibly insightful and as I read each one, it touches my heart a little more. I can see with a huge sense of humility, the genuineness and compassion found in this site. Thank for the responses. Although my experience on this site is short -- I have been a user for a month-- in that time I've come to better understand the stigmaof having a loved one in prison. The level of support offered here when it is not in other spaces, I can see, is valuable.
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Old 06-22-2016, 11:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by californiatalks View Post
Thanks for sharing. I want to ask, how different does it feel to have a community online and not necessarily one offline?
To be frank I enjoy the anonymity of it, I'm not trying to advertise my loved one's incarcerated as I am not proud of it or the stigma it brings. Additionally, it's convenient this site is at the touch of my fingertips- and when I need it, often the tears don't just come between business hours, and I can always find some message of support when I need it. Being that it's not a room full of 20 people or so and that this site has a greater reach it provides more diversity, knowledge and depth.
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Old 06-26-2016, 12:57 AM
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To be frank I enjoy the anonymity of it, I'm not trying to advertise my loved one's incarcerated as I am not proud of it or the stigma it brings. Additionally, it's convenient this site is at the touch of my fingertips- and when I need it, often the tears don't just come between business hours, and I can always find some message of support when I need it. Being that it's not a room full of 20 people or so and that this site has a greater reach it provides more diversity, knowledge and depth.
I agree with this, there's certainly an advantage to 24 hour access and to be able to maintain whatever degree of anonymity we might want to take for whatever reason we might want to take it.
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Old 06-26-2016, 04:47 PM
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All of the above are excellent. Definitely started because I found the info I needed for visits and such for prison specific details. It's amazing how hard the prisons themselves make it to get the info we need.
Two things I want to add.
You mentioned the media. The media is very misleading and many of the print stories have missing, misleading, or flat out wrong info. The TV news seems to be aimed at harsh opinions or fear based words leaving the public who doesn't know better with even more judgments.
Also for face to face support, even though I may know other people going thru it or have gone thru it everyone does it different. I don't know how to word it, but it's just different. They accept it as part of their lives but handle it way different than I do. Guys will assume I need a side man, women will tell me all the reasons not to wait and either are very depressed or continue the high life and illegal activities. All those are fine, I'm not telling others how to live. But it doesn't make for a supportive way to get thru this. Locally. I only worry about the stigma with certain customers who have no reason to know my personal life anyways. So they will never know or care. I do my job. Then others are closer to me personally so some know. In my personal life everyone knows. How they deal with it is up to them. I don't care.
So coming on here is just less drama. Way less. It's somewhere I find support and like minded people. And also I've done this too long so if I can help someone it makes us both feel better. Keeps us hopefully moving forward in a more positive and informed direction. Which is what is lacking locally.
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