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  #1  
Old 02-03-2018, 08:23 AM
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Default Would you leave a friend in a bar?

Last night me a friend went out to a bar, we were having a good time but I was the one who drove and wanted to leave. Mainly I wanted to go because I didn't want to keep drinking and I had my limit. Anyway my friend had a fit about me wanting to leave because she was having fun. I ended up leaving her went outside and waited about 1/2 hour called her and she say just leave so I did. I don't generally go out to bars because I don't have many friends who drink, also the closest one is about 30 miles from home. When we went I told her I wasn't staying out long and she knew this, I feel bad leaving her but really she's a grown woman and she was doing shots and getting nasty. I have to be responsible and wasn't going to risk a dui because she wanted to get crazy. I've got no one here I could call if I got arrested, she does. But last night there was no reasoning with her at all. I am never going out to a bar with her again that's for sure.
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Old 02-03-2018, 08:30 AM
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I'd doubt I would.
But it sounds like in this situation........you did the right thing.
totally agree about NOT going out drinking with her again.
Maybe just go to her house.....then you can leave whenever you want and she will be ok.
(I'd not invite her to mine.......she may never leave lol. And who wants a rowdy noisy drunk keeping you awake)
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Old 02-03-2018, 08:47 AM
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I feel bad but not bad enough to risk my getting into trouble, she's fine if she drinks beer. But she was drinking liquor, and doing fireball shots. I had two beers she had about 10 drinks and 5 shots. I was also getting worried at the amounts she was drinking I asked her to slow down and that we really needed to go in a while. I should know better she's 10 years younger then me and is a loose cannon.
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Old 02-03-2018, 09:40 AM
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I don't drink and I don't like to be around drunks but if I were to drive as a designated driver I wouldn't leave them alone.
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Old 02-03-2018, 09:48 AM
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If I’m the designated driver I don’t drink at all. Actually I don’t ever drive if I’ve been drinking, even one. Kinda defeats the purpose. Id make sure I have a set time we are going to leave and that would be discussed beforehand, before any drinking. Hopefully she was able to take an Uber or cab and she wasn’t stranded. I definitely would have stayed but probably wouldn’t offer to go again.
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Old 02-03-2018, 11:56 AM
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I don’t know, I generally trust my friends to be able to get themselves home. We never make a “stay together” pact. If one of us meets a guy or doesn’t feel good or has to go home early, we just let each other know and go. There’s always Uber.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:34 PM
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I don’t know, I generally trust my friends to be able to get themselves home. We never make a “stay together” pact. If one of us meets a guy or doesn’t feel good or has to go home early, we just let each other know and go. There’s always Uber.
Many moons ago, my good friend who was frequently out of the country for her doctoral program was in town for a week. We've got a Three Musketeers friendship and the group met for lunch and drinks mid-afternoon. We were having such a good time we lost track of it. The first to leave was our mutual friend. She had plans. No big deal. But we kept drinking and catching up. Then we met a group of lawyers who started buying us drinks. We both got way too tipsy (this extremely witty and refined friend of mine was doing "Orange is the New Black" impressions, that's how tipsy). Soon she was very late for a meetup she had arranged that evening. I had a car, she did not, but I was in no shape to drive her. So, the lawyers paid for her a cab to be driven to her next engagement. She left me, the lawyers and a huge tab from the day spent socializing.

I'm a grown woman who made the decision to spend too much time and consume too many drinks. She was safe and taken care of with my blessing. The only thing I was irritated over was the ginormous tab.

You didn't do anything wrong. You tried to offer her a way out, she chose not to take it.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:46 PM
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I know she made it home but I don't know anything else. I have thought all morning about it and I came to the same conclusion I was the one driving and she should have left when I wanted to go. I found out this morning that she's getting kicked out of her parents house over her drinking, I had no idea when we were going out that they had told her if she drank she'd be out. Anyway I can't be responsible for anyone's addictions but my own. She's a binge drinker so I never really saw this side of her before. I did tell her if she was going to stay I'd pay half for uber, but I don't know what she did.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:54 PM
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If I’m the designated driver I don’t drink at all. Actually I don’t ever drive if I’ve been drinking, even one. Kinda defeats the purpose. Id make sure I have a set time we are going to leave and that would be discussed beforehand, before any drinking. Hopefully she was able to take an Uber or cab and she wasn’t stranded. I definitely would have stayed but probably wouldn’t offer to go again.
Oh it was discussed before we went out I wasn't just in a pissy mood and decided to leave. I had said I wasn't going to be out past 12 midnight I live in a really rural area and after midnight you get stuck your stranded till daylight. Cell service is spotty at best 1/2 the trip. I had three beers in about three hours and I waited 1/2 hour in the car before she would even come out then she told me to leave she was fine. I had tried to get her to leave for almost an hour in the bar. Anyway I am glad she is safe I never would have guessed she would get so out of control.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:01 PM
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Last night me a friend went out to a bar, we were having a good time but I was the one who drove and wanted to leave. Mainly I wanted to go because I didn't want to keep drinking and I had my limit. Anyway my friend had a fit about me wanting to leave because she was having fun. I ended up leaving her went outside and waited about 1/2 hour called her and she say just leave so I did. I don't generally go out to bars because I don't have many friends who drink, also the closest one is about 30 miles from home. When we went I told her I wasn't staying out long and she knew this, I feel bad leaving her but really she's a grown woman and she was doing shots and getting nasty. I have to be responsible and wasn't going to risk a dui because she wanted to get crazy. I've got no one here I could call if I got arrested, she does. But last night there was no reasoning with her at all. I am never going out to a bar with her again that's for sure.
The cops are the least of her worries in that situation. What she SHOULD be scared of, as should any woman with sense, are the "men" who frequent those places. That's where the real danger is for women. Sorry, but it's true.
You also need to watch yourself too, so I get why you left her. I don't really blame you, although had you been a guy on here talking about leaving a drunk woman in that situation, then I'd probably be calling you everything in the book. But in the future, if this happens again, it might do her more good if you did call the cops for being drunk in public. She'd fair alot better having a simple misdemeanor drunk in public charge then having to deal with being raped.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:14 PM
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The cops are the least of her worries in that situation. What she SHOULD be scared of, as should any woman with sense, are the "men" who frequent those places. That's where the real danger is for women. Sorry, but it's true.
You also need to watch yourself too, so I get why you left her. I don't really blame you, although had you been a guy on here talking about leaving a drunk woman in that situation, then I'd probably be calling you everything in the book. But in the future, if this happens again, it might do her more good if you did call the cops for being drunk in public. She'd fair alot better having a simple misdemeanor drunk in public charge then having to deal with being raped.
I know all about the dangers and I totally agree, I'm an x bartender and I could see how out of control she was getting I wished the bar would have stopped serving her. I actually feel safe in that place as I am friends with the owner that's why I choose that bar plus they had a really good Motown band last night I really am not so into the bar scene anymore I'm way to old to handle that and I just got over pneumonia, and am really not up for late nights. This was supposed to just be lets go have a few drinks and not a pre-Mardi Gras party!!!
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:24 PM
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The cops are the least of her worries in that situation. What she SHOULD be scared of, as should any woman with sense, are the "men" who frequent those places. That's where the real danger is for women. Sorry, but it's true..
I don’t think it’s healthy to live in fear that every man you meet in a bar is lying in wait for a chance to rape you. The vast majority of men are perfectly able to function without raping women at every opportunity. Ffs.

A DUI is a far more realistic concern.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:29 PM
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Oh it was discussed before we went out I wasn't just in a pissy mood and decided to leave. I had said I wasn't going to be out past 12 midnight I live in a really rural area and after midnight you get stuck your stranded till daylight. Cell service is spotty at best 1/2 the trip. I had three beers in about three hours and I waited 1/2 hour in the car before she would even come out then she told me to leave she was fine. I had tried to get her to leave for almost an hour in the bar. Anyway I am glad she is safe I never would have guessed she would get so out of control.
You were lucky because you were dangerously close to being over the legal limit.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:42 PM
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You were lucky because you were dangerously close to being over the legal limit.
I was drinking bud light and had eaten before and during. I wasn't near any limits, I also had stopped 1 hour before I went outside if anything I would have gotten frostbite!!! I generally don't go out here because its a long haul to go anywhere. I am very careful about not getting drunk even if I am home or not the driver.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:46 PM
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I don’t think it’s healthy to live in fear that every man you meet in a bar is lying in wait for a chance to rape you. The vast majority of men are perfectly able to function without raping women at every opportunity. Ffs.

A DUI is a far more realistic concern.
I am alone and I live alone so yeah I am always aware of who and what I'm around. I don't think any body is out to rape me but being a woman alone in a bar parking lot is not exactly smart or safe. I'm more worried about getting robbed or worse then being raped.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:57 PM
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I would have left too. You spent ample time trying to get her to leave. I probably would have had a word with the bartender and left cab money + tip with him/her and gone on my merry way quicker than you did.

Her drunken state is not your consequences.
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Old 02-03-2018, 07:03 PM
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I have left and given money for a cab. If I'm not the DD, I bring extra just in case they change their mind to drink. You're adults.

Side note, I'm the queen of the Irish exit. When I have enough I go, but I do not have an agreement with anyone else at those times. You guys made an agreement and she didnt hold to it. Im glad she is safe.
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Old 02-03-2018, 07:45 PM
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I have left and given money for a cab. If I'm not the DD, I bring extra just in case they change their mind to drink. You're adults.

Side note, I'm the queen of the Irish exit. When I have enough I go, but I do not have an agreement with anyone else at those times. You guys made an agreement and she didnt hold to it. Im glad she is safe.
I am also I was extremely worried but also angry as I am not going out to screw my life up over someone who thinks its ok to slam drinks in a bar 30 miles from home. I offered her 1/2 the money for uber I didn't have extra to do this and she basically said go f myself!!! So being my normal self I did find out if she made it home, and she then told me she's out on bail from dope charges and her bonds getting revoked. I am sick over this I just don't understand why anyone would do what she has done. I thank god everyday I stopped my dumb shit years ago.
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Old 02-03-2018, 08:07 PM
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I am also I was extremely worried but also angry as I am not going out to screw my life up over someone who thinks its ok to slam drinks in a bar 30 miles from home. I offered her 1/2 the money for uber I didn't have extra to do this and she basically said go f myself!!! So being my normal self I did find out if she made it home, and she then told me she's out on bail from dope charges and her bonds getting revoked. I am sick over this I just don't understand why anyone would do what she has done. I thank god everyday I stopped my dumb shit years ago.
She has substance abuse issues and going down the worm hole. You have seen it now first hand. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know.

Maybe you will be able to help her down the line bc of past exp. Right now, she has to see she has a problem.
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Old 02-04-2018, 05:25 AM
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She has substance abuse issues and going down the worm hole. You have seen it now first hand. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know.

Maybe you will be able to help her down the line bc of past exp. Right now, she has to see she has a problem.
From personal experience there's no helping anyone with addictions they have to help themselves. She is probably going to prison for a good long time in Mississippi, she has a long history of felony drug charges in Florida, which from what I understand Mississippi is using to make this into career criminal case. I don't know for sure anything just bits and pieces of this as her Mother has told me some but she has been enabling her for her whole life. I can't help her and I really don't want to put myself back in the limelight of the law. She could have went to rehab but choose not to and that shows me she is not willing to stop her stuff, I'm just thanking god she got home and didn't get another arrest.
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Old 02-06-2018, 05:18 AM
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no, I would not
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Old 02-06-2018, 05:33 AM
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I was once in a similar situation, I wasn't driving but I was the oldest in a group (at least 5 years older) and 1 friend in particular was absolutely wasted - to be blunt. We tried and tried to get her to go home but she wasn't having any of it, so at that point I decided to stop drinking because there needed to be at least one sober(ish) person to look after her. Everyone else left because she was getting too leary and annoying, most stating "she's an adult, she should be able to look after herself" or "we've come out to have fun, not babysit." Fair statements, but I couldn't do it - that was a personal choice. When I finally got her to go home I got her to drink some water, stayed up making sure she didn't vomit etc.

The next day, I made a point of having a serious conversation with her about taking responsibility for her own actions and limits. It's not up to us to babysit and she is an adult, if she doesn't know her limits she shouldn't be drinking.

So maybe, given your suggestions of her substance abuse issues, just have a conversation with her voicing your concerns and let her go from there. As an ex-addict, she probably wont like it at the time but if she gets herself together in the future, she'll respect you a lot more for it.

At the end of the day, you did what you thought was right at the time, take solace in the fact that she is ok and you are still on the 'right' side of the law.
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Old 02-07-2018, 05:07 AM
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Update!!!! I have been talking to this friend since this happened and she's actually very sorry for what she did. She takes full responsibility for her actions. She knows she gets really out of control when she drinks liquor. She's a very nice but troubled person who has no friends but me. I just won't go out to a bar with her again!! She knows this she doesn't like it but doesn't blame me either.
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Old 02-07-2018, 07:43 PM
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Sounds like she's more of an acquaintance than a friend... You'd have had a better idea of what to expect had it been otherwise.. But, either way, generally I would leave them there if they refused to leave at the agreed upon time. There are a lot of variables, obviously... Money to get a cab / uber / etc.. Falling down drunk? Guys lining up to take advantage? Very good friend or just an acquaintance out for a drink (or 10)..

Good for you for cutting yourself off and knowing you limit + sticking to it.

I couldn't even count the times when I was young-er that people piled into vehicles and went to clubs or bars, only to have one or two refuse to leave when I and others were ready to go (often at an agreed upon time)... They got warned a time or two.. .. and then they got left. Yes, it was usually males but sometimes females as well. It's not my responsibility to judge someones 'judgement'... Thou, I always considered where we were at how messed up they might be. I'd never leave someone falling down drunk... Besides, they are usually pretty easy to get back to the vehicle.. Drunk & belligerent, not so much..

Fortunately, I never had to regret my decision to leave...
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Old 02-10-2018, 08:52 AM
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I am careful of limiting myself, I am way to old for jail!!! I been there done that and I will never do anything (so help me god) to go back to jail!!! I feel I've come a long way with no help from anyone and I'll be damned if I'm ever going to risk my boring life again for anyone. I really had no idea this woman was this screwed up. I figure hey lets go have a few on a Friday night. I just won't make that mistake again.
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