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  #1  
Old 10-04-2010, 10:09 PM
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Hey everyone, it is with a heavy heart I write this. I waited to see how everything would play out before I actually posted, or maybe I needed to really know it happened first before I posted, IDK.

I had to go to my book club meeting so his friend picked mine up to take him to a baby shower. They went to get pampers and other presents. They were traveling on the freeway going to Torrance. They exited off the freeway and saw their friend (the father of the unborn baby) on the side of the street with a broken axel in his girlfriends Lexus. They stopped to wait with him for the tow truck. He has already called his gf and she had gotten a ride to the broken car. Then another girl from the party came with her AAA card to meet the tow truck. Well, there was a little old lady who saw all of this and called the police. The police came and took one look at all of them and asked if anyone was on parole or probation. Well, the four guys were all on parole. They put each one of them in a police car and took them away and then ran all the girls names.

He went to committee today and they originally wanted to give him 8 months but he advocated for himself and they reduced it to 6 months. I was worried he would just stop talking and put his head down (which he does, he's incredibly shy) and he has been in such a depression.

This is not the man I picked up on Sept. 11th ladies. I don't know what else I can say to him. He is depressed and withdrawn. He found a job and now that is gone. He feels he let me down, which he did in a way. One of the girls wanted to talk to him and he just started screaming in the phone I don't want to talk to her, I just want to talk to you over and over until I told him ok and then he just started mumbling over and over I just want to come home, I just want to come home.

I just don't really know how I feel. I know he shouldn't have been with these guys but unfortunately, most people in our neighborhood are either on parole, probation or were. You can't even walk to the corner store without coming into contact with a parolee. He wasn't going to a gang function, he was going to a baby shower. He wasn't dressed like a gang member he was in a lovely Calvin Klien button down and dress jeans. He has never tried to deny or lie to the police. He is there for not even doing any type of crime. He is was trying to go straight.

I don't want him to be discouraged when he gets out. I also would leave him if I really thought this was not his fault. I really am just in amazment right now.
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Old 10-04-2010, 10:21 PM
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I am sorry 2 hear that it sucks! Well all i can say is I will pray 4 u and hope the time goes by fast! Good luck!
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Old 10-04-2010, 10:41 PM
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My prayers are with you all during this difficult time. When u feel overwhelmed say a prayer and put it in His hands. He will never give u more than u can bear. Please stay strong -MrsIzzo-
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Old 10-04-2010, 10:47 PM
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I can honestly say you are a strong woman he has been arrested twice after he got out of jail. The police should not have done that. The old lady probably thought they was stealing the car. You know torrance police are has nt else to do them and los angeles police are a mess always taking somebody to jail smh but anyways you know pto is always here for you. Does he have to go back to state or can he go to like wayside or tt
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Old 10-04-2010, 10:49 PM
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It sounds like he really was trying to do things the right way and unfortunately got caught up in this situation. Should he have really been around others on parole while he was on parole, no. But come on, it was a baby shower. It's not like he was out there committing crimes. I'm sorry you're both going through this, I can only imagine the hurt and disappointment you are feeling. Best of luck to you both.
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:25 PM
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I can honestly say you are a strong woman he has been arrested twice after he got out of jail. The police should not have done that. The old lady probably thought they was stealing the car. You know torrance police are has nt else to do them and los angeles police are a mess always taking somebody to jail smh but anyways you know pto is always here for you. Does he have to go back to state or can he go to like wayside or tt
Girl, I knew of all people you would know exactly what I'm talking about and feeling right now. I screamed at him about what was he thinking about being in Torrance, shit it sure ain't Slauson and Crenshaw! As soon as that woman saw all those black people she called the police. He is at TT right now. We're hoping they will keep him downtown. He wants to go to MCJ so he can have a phone in the cell bc they are on LD all day at TT and he is only let out for 2 hours each day. He wants to stay close to me so he doesn't want to go to Wayside. We're not sure if they will send him back to prison. He stayed in reception last time for 8 or 9 months. He has gone down in his points so he's a level 3 now which is easier to find a bed. IDK Dame, it's tough you know. Yea, he understands what he needs to do and he is willing to do it but he is in the gang file. He's a Harlem and they all know him and they are going off of what he was, not what he wants to be. He's not criming so that's a good thing but I don't want his goals to be knocked down.

And girl, LA or at least my neighborhood is hot right now. This morning they were pulling people out of their cars and searching them this morning. I went all the way around. I have nothing to hide but I refuse to be treated like a criminal just because of the neighborhood I live in.

He got 6 months. The guy whose car broke down got 6 months. One other guy got 11 months. He's going to board. The guy in Wayside hasn't gone to committee yet but he said he wasn't taking a deal and was going to go to board.
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:29 PM
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It sounds like he really was trying to do things the right way and unfortunately got caught up in this situation. Should he have really been around others on parole while he was on parole, no. But come on, it was a baby shower. It's not like he was out there committing crimes. I'm sorry you're both going through this, I can only imagine the hurt and disappointment you are feeling. Best of luck to you both.
Yes firedancer, he shouldn't have been with them. I told him that but what was done is done. That was his thing too though, it was a baby shower. The funny thing though is if he would have never stopped to help his friend then he would be home right now.
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:59 PM
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Girl, I knew of all people you would know exactly what I'm talking about and feeling right now. I screamed at him about what was he thinking about being in Torrance, shit it sure ain't Slauson and Crenshaw! As soon as that woman saw all those black people she called the police. He is at TT right now. We're hoping they will keep him downtown. He wants to go to MCJ so he can have a phone in the cell bc they are on LD all day at TT and he is only let out for 2 hours each day. He wants to stay close to me so he doesn't want to go to Wayside. We're not sure if they will send him back to prison. He stayed in reception last time for 8 or 9 months. He has gone down in his points so he's a level 3 now which is easier to find a bed. IDK Dame, it's tough you know. Yea, he understands what he needs to do and he is willing to do it but he is in the gang file. He's a Harlem and they all know him and they are going off of what he was, not what he wants to be. He's not criming so that's a good thing but I don't want his goals to be knocked down.

And girl, LA or at least my neighborhood is hot right now. This morning they were pulling people out of their cars and searching them this morning. I went all the way around. I have nothing to hide but I refuse to be treated like a criminal just because of the neighborhood I live in.

He got 6 months. The guy whose car broke down got 6 months. One other guy got 11 months. He's going to board. The guy in Wayside hasn't gone to committee yet but he said he wasn't taking a deal and was going to go to board.
O girl slauson and crenshaw smh before my bf got sent to jail I was telling him to stay away from over there especially western smh that's crazy. Yeah they will hold them accountable if they are in a gang that's crazy but on another note he want do the whole six months he will be home soon are u going to visit soon
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Old 10-05-2010, 04:16 AM
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O girl slauson and crenshaw smh before my bf got sent to jail I was telling him to stay away from over there especially western smh that's crazy. Yeah they will hold them accountable if they are in a gang that's crazy but on another note he want do the whole six months he will be home soon are u going to visit soon
Well he can't stay away from this area because this is where we live, around the corner from Crenshaw high school. The first night he got picked up, they had the shooting at the corner of the school. I had to show my address just to get on my street. He had to call to see if he could come home bc his address on his ID doesn't say the house. He was on 38th and Western. That's how he got picked up that time. This time he was in racist Torrance. Now don't get me wrong, I am not and I truly despise people who play the race card but that is what that was. Had they had car problems over here none of them would be in jail.

Are they doing the 80-20 thing for violators too? One of the dudes PO said yes but he talked to some dude in there who was on month 8 out of a 10 month violation.

And yea, I visit. I went today. He's in tower 2 now. They all started off in tower 1 in high power, girl, yes, high power..........you would think they were Bin Ladin or something. Go into my photo's on my page. You will see he is not threatening looking at all. He's by himself now and their all worried about him because he's tripping so tuff. They moved one to high power in mcj, the one in Wayside is supermaxx and the other one is regular in mcj (and lowkey he's the one with the worst record). You know, I've seen my man take alot but he is NOT adjusting well to this one. Lowkey, he's starting to pist me off with all that staring and moping around and wasting my minutes and stuff.....
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Old 10-05-2010, 04:50 AM
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I'm sorry this happened. We're all here for you.
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Old 10-05-2010, 07:51 AM
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I'm so very very sorry this happened.He's been out such a short time.I'm sure you feel very disappointed and angry too with the system.Where we live the parole offices really do try and help ex offenders but i'm well aware this is certainly not the case everywhere.I'm not understanding why they arrested him when he was helping someone who was broke down.I'm sure he is feeling very depressed and like a failure.Please be an encourager right now and build him up with your words.He really needs you right now.If he had gotten out and started breaking the law almost immediately my answer would be totally different but it really does appear he was trying to fly straight.Pm me ANYTIME you need a listening ear.I'm here for you.
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Old 10-05-2010, 09:22 AM
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Well he can't stay away from this area because this is where we live, around the corner from Crenshaw high school. The first night he got picked up, they had the shooting at the corner of the school. I had to show my address just to get on my street. He had to call to see if he could come home bc his address on his ID doesn't say the house. He was on 38th and Western. That's how he got picked up that time. This time he was in racist Torrance. Now don't get me wrong, I am not and I truly despise people who play the race card but that is what that was. Had they had car problems over here none of them would be in jail.

Are they doing the 80-20 thing for violators too? One of the dudes PO said yes but he talked to some dude in there who was on month 8 out of a 10 month violation.

And yea, I visit. I went today. He's in tower 2 now. They all started off in tower 1 in high power, girl, yes, high power..........you would think they were Bin Ladin or something. Go into my photo's on my page. You will see he is not threatening looking at all. He's by himself now and their all worried about him because he's tripping so tuff. They moved one to high power in mcj, the one in Wayside is supermaxx and the other one is regular in mcj (and lowkey he's the one with the worst record). You know, I've seen my man take alot but he is NOT adjusting well to this one. Lowkey, he's starting to pist me off with all that staring and moping around and wasting my minutes and stuff.....
Lol sorry girl I didn't mean to laugh but the wasting minutes and him moping was funny but I feel what u saying the police on crenshaw think every guy is a criminal I think he probably feel bad like I just got out prison not even a month and I'm back in. And he might feel like your going to leave him. Has he been to court already?
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Old 10-07-2010, 12:50 AM
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I'm so very very sorry this happened.He's been out such a short time.I'm sure you feel very disappointed and angry too with the system.Where we live the parole offices really do try and help ex offenders but i'm well aware this is certainly not the case everywhere.I'm not understanding why they arrested him when he was helping someone who was broke down.I'm sure he is feeling very depressed and like a failure.Please be an encourager right now and build him up with your words.He really needs you right now.If he had gotten out and started breaking the law almost immediately my answer would be totally different but it really does appear he was trying to fly straight.Pm me ANYTIME you need a listening ear.I'm here for you.
Thank you Beth for the words of encouragement. I am trying to be there for him and actually he seemed in better spirits today (when I spoke with him). He did feel like he disappointed me. In fact, after he told me what happened on his free call at the substation, that was the exact thing he said. I told him I am disappointed but I don't blame him because he didn't commit a crime to put himself there. And yes, he is trying really hard to do right. That is what has him so upset is that he wasn't comitting any crimes and he is trying to turn his life around. He said he's only at a 180 degree, he's not at the 360 he needs to be. I get it. It's hard you know. He's trying but he is so upset. I really just want this to be over. Honestly this hurt more than him catching his initial case. With the case I just cried. With this violation, I am physically affected. I am sick to the stomache, dizzy, and constantly feeling like I want to vomit. IDK Beth, LA is so hard to live. And what really hurts, he never told me until he had that first run in with that "officer" that he didn't want to parole here. He didn't think he could get a chance and how every day is a struggle. I found out he only came back here because he wanted to be with me. Wow, I'm starting to cry as a type this. I think he didn't tell me because I probably would have forced him to go somewhere else where he could have a fresh start. I mean, I love him that much to let him go, you know. I know he won't leave LA after he serves this violation because he won't leave me. He don't even want to go to Wayside because it's 30-45 minutes away and the downtown jail is about 10.

Man, and the other guys are so upset he's in here. That's all they talk about is him and how concerned they are for him. Originally they were all together and then they started seperating all of them. When the last one left, all he talked about is I have to get back to him to keep his spirits up. He had me laughing though on Sunday. He said he wouldn't even talk to him. He said all he talks about is how he wants to go home and he sounds like a loser so he wouldn't even talk to him. He's silly. At least he's tying to find some type of humor.
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Old 10-07-2010, 12:59 AM
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I'm sorry this happened to you, but he really does need to choose who he hangs around better. Being in area where a lot of parolees are around isn't really an excuse. From my understanding (Well in my state anyways) parolees can't even come in contact with each other. Plus, it's not like he just ran into someone and said hi...He was hanging around them...He chose to go and communicate with them...So he made the conscious decision to put himself at risk. It was nice of him to try to help, but he should have looked out for the welfare of himself and you. In some situations you need to be selfish.

As for his reaction afterward and the sudden outburst, sounds like depression to me. He seems withdrawn and moody. He may just need time to sort his feelings out.

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Old 10-07-2010, 01:12 AM
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You are absolutely right keithswifey. I told him that too. I told him if he wanted to attend the baby shower he should have been dropped off at the shower and then whoever was driving could have went back. In actuality he shouldn't have even gone to the baby shower at all being that the father of the unborn baby was on parole too but neither one of us even thought like that in all honesty. I just didn't even think twice about it and neither did he. I mean, we laughed about him even being invited to the baby shower the night before in bed right before we went to sleep. All hindsight now though.
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:19 PM
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Well just posting an update. They took him to prison Wednesday morning. I haven't been able to talk to him. He's in reception now. They sent him and the baby's father to the same prison, the other guy is still in the county at wayside and the other one went to board today and they gave him 12 months.

I haven't heard from him and I'm hoping he's ok. I broke down and wrote him. I just miss him so much. The other girls who's guys went in have been really trying to keep my spirits up and they help for the most part but those momments alone are horrible. Neither one of us wanted to start writing again. I hope I get a letter from him soon. I hope he's ok.
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Old 10-19-2010, 04:45 PM
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I"m so sorry
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Old 10-19-2010, 04:52 PM
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Awwwww he will write u soon girl
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Old 10-19-2010, 04:56 PM
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So sorry to read this.

Chin up. You can do 6 months.
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:13 PM
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Poor guy , this is an exact reason why the justice system is so screwed up!! Here you have a MAN who has been home for a month and some odd days who is getting the pieces of his life back in order , not running the streets, has a legit job, a woman who he KNOWS loves him immensly and in this case is only guilty of having a good heart and trying too help a friend in need! Now idk how much time he has done but he mustve felt like a million bucks walking through those doors comming home too you .. Everything he's ever dreamed about in there was now possible and just as quickly as it has been given too him , it is now being ripped away. Not only has he let himself down , he's let you down when you believed in him in times he's needed that the most. I will keep you guys in my prayers, only thing I can leave you with is too stick around , it isn't like he came home and robbed a bank or was selling drugs .. Poor man was just at the wrong place or the wrong time .. Just let him know he hasn't dissappointed you .. And that your gonna be by his side(if you are that is your choice) because in all honesty he was trying too change his life around! Save the anger and the cold shoulder for when he really does mess up! I hope I helped nd I wish you and your man nothing but the best!
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:49 PM
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on what grounds did he violate, so if if he was changing someones tire and they just happen to be a felon or parolee he could potientially violate. That is crazy, the pb needs to do their damn job and stop hiding behind generic reasons to be a f*&^(ing pest in our lives, so sorry to hear this but 6 months will be a cake walk
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:51 PM
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Thanks you guys.

DaMes, I got the letter today.

CoNpal, I know I can do 6 months but man I don't want to

gig831, thanks for the heartfelt post. He feels so miserable in there. It hurts my heart to read his words because I can almost feel how much he is hurting in there.
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:56 PM
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I am so sorry to hear this, I remember you from the CSATF forum. What has happened to your husband is my biggest fear for mine, he'll be on high control and you're right, some of the neighborhoods are full of parolees, not to mention friends and even family members. I spoke with him about this at our last visit and told him not to be stupid, an innocent run to Target with his cousin can bring everything crashing down around him. We are gonna talk about this topic this weekend again.

Stay strong and you'll be in my prayers, it breaks my heart how crushed he is, be his support hun
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by ms.glove View Post
First of all, I am so sorry that you and your guy are having to deal with this. Secondly, you sharing this post might just save some of us from going through the same thing, because I didn't even know that a person on papers can't be around or communicating with another person on paper! My question is, how do you know if someone is on paper? It's not like they wear their papers around their neck. Are you supposed to check everyone before you speak to them?

This raises so many questions and scenarios because my husband gets out in 6 months. If he were to see some random person on the side of the road with a flat tire, and stopped to help, he wouldn't have any idea if this individual he's helping is on parole. He is just trying to do a random act of kindness. What about family functions? Lord knows that we have extended family who is on parole, does that mean he can't go to the next family reunion? How the heck are you supposed to know? What about AA meetings? I'm sure there will be people on paper there, so he can't go get coffee with them afterward, just in case? I can think of a million scenarios, and now I'm sorta scared and confused!
Unfortunately the guy wasn't a random person. It was the baby's father. He had broken the front axel on his car and was broke down on the side of the road right off of the off ramp of the freeway. He wasn't changing the tire. A tow truck was called and he was waiting with him to give him a ride to the baby shower. And no, your husband can't go to those family reunions. Mine can't even be around his brother. It is in his discharge paperwork. They were crimee's and they are not allowed around eachother. And now we have thought of a million different senarios too. It has boiled down to him being at home, the gym or with me.
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by alwayslovinghim View Post
on what grounds did he violate, so if if he was changing someones tire and they just happen to be a felon or parolee he could potientially violate. That is crazy, the pb needs to do their damn job and stop hiding behind generic reasons to be a f*&^(ing pest in our lives, so sorry to hear this but 6 months will be a cake walk
He ended up getting violated on the lesser charge of being around other parolee's. The higher charge would have been being in the vicinity of other known gang members.
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