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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #1  
Old 06-17-2019, 08:44 PM
Sunshine2019 Sunshine2019 is offline
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Default New: Visitation Question Help Ladies

Ok so I'm new here super excited to be in a support community. Because not everyone supports my decision on being with a man that is locked up.

Any way here's the thing... back when I was like 16 I got on my friends visitation list he got locked up for murder but I never went to vist him. So in 2017 i wrote the superintendent and asked to be removed from the list. So now in the computer it is showing as disaproved at visitors requests. So I should be able to get on my boyfriend's now? Correct...
My boyfriend is saying he will put me down as his sister and get me approved like that but I'm nervous to do so. Cause I'm not sure if they check that type of thing or just be like ok that's ur sister she can come?? Any help is greatly appreciated.
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Old 06-18-2019, 12:51 AM
DailyLimitReach DailyLimitReach is offline
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You should be fine to be added to his list. They usually go by the person and not the facility/state. Also just put you're his girlfriend. No need to start lying to them for no reason.
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Old 06-18-2019, 05:50 AM
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For sure dont lie about your relationship. Just say girlfriend.

Fastest way to get denied visits it to lie your your application. or omit info.
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Old 06-18-2019, 06:22 AM
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I wouldn't lie. It would be weird to walk in and kiss him while they think you're siblings.
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Old 06-18-2019, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by DailyLimitReach View Post
You should be fine to be added to his list. They usually go by the person and not the facility/state. Also just put you're his girlfriend. No need to start lying to them for no reason.
Well I tried to get on my other friends before and his case manager said I'm still on there. But u called abdctgey say I'm not. So we not sure
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Old 06-18-2019, 11:34 AM
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Let's just focus on this for a minute:
My boyfriend is saying he will put me down as his sister and get me approved like that but I'm nervous to do so.
Your boyfriend, incarcerated, is willing to lie on an official form to get a visit. *insert brakes screeching to a halt here* You SHOULD be nervous. Yes, about lying on the form but about the fact that his butt is already in prison and he's still breaking the rules! Welcome to your unstable future, hun.
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Old 06-18-2019, 12:35 PM
jessesgirl1111 jessesgirl1111 is offline
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They don’t care about the relationship, are you kidding. Everyone’s a frickin “fiancé” when they’re with an inmate. they care about you and your background. That’s it.
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Old 06-18-2019, 12:58 PM
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Do. Not. Lie. On. The. Form.

If you get denied, appeal and explain whatever you need to explain.

I don’t even know why this would be an issue.
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Old 06-18-2019, 12:59 PM
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You SHOULD be nervous. Yes, about lying on the form but about the fact that his butt is already in prison and he's still breaking the rules! Welcome to your unstable future, hun.

Yup. This. 100% this.

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Old 06-18-2019, 01:45 PM
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I don't know which facility/system you're dealing with, but in the feds, they most certainly care, especially at higher security levels, and they do verify your relationship. That's been my experience, at any rate. And FYI, they do look people up on social media, fact. Don't lie. You don't know what set of future circumstances will bring out the truth -- things you can't imagine ahead of time. Also, CO's do observe visitation closely, and some do feel inspired to follow up if something's fishy.
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Old 06-18-2019, 02:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac View Post
Let's just focus on this for a minute:
My boyfriend is saying he will put me down as his sister and get me approved like that but I'm nervous to do so.
Your boyfriend, incarcerated, is willing to lie on an official form to get a visit. *insert brakes screeching to a halt here* You SHOULD be nervous. Yes, about lying on the form but about the fact that his butt is already in prison and he's still breaking the rules! Welcome to your unstable future, hun.


Well I hate to be a bubble popper but if u dating someone that's locked up in some shape or form they have broken the rules they might not tell u everything. Weather it be them trading trays or what ever the case may be. So save your judgement answers about my future maybe for ur kids or somebody else unless u got a crystal ball u rubbing. That can see my future! I thought this was a non judgement place but I see not thanks for all those that helped!
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Old 06-18-2019, 03:23 PM
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Well I hate to be a bubble popper but if u dating someone that's locked up in some shape or form they have broken the rules they might not tell u everything. Weather it be them trading trays or what ever the case may be. So save your judgement answers about my future maybe for ur kids or somebody else unless u got a crystal ball u rubbing. That can see my future! I thought this was a non judgement place but I see not thanks for all those that helped!
I'm married to a man doing 37 years. No illusions here.

I can tell you now that it doesn't take a crystal ball to know that a person who didn't pick up the lesson the first time will repeat their mistakes. If you can't see that, it's by choice, not absence of mystical powers.

This is a very judgemental place. It's also supportive, informative and full of people who have been down the road you're headed. If you don't want to hear what's ahead, shall we also stay silent when you're heartbroken because he lied to you about something else?

Best of luck to you, sis.
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Old 06-18-2019, 04:21 PM
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Your chances to visit will also depend on what you said in your 2017 letter to the commissioner when you wanted to be removed from his visiting list.
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Old 06-18-2019, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine2019 View Post
Well I hate to be a bubble popper but if u dating someone that's locked up in some shape or form they have broken the rules they might not tell u everything. Weather it be them trading trays or what ever the case may be. So save your judgement answers about my future maybe for ur kids or somebody else unless u got a crystal ball u rubbing. That can see my future! I thought this was a non judgement place but I see not thanks for all those that helped!

Sigh.


Where to start with this.


First off, welcome to PTO! Actually, despite your thoughts, there was never a guarantee that you were getting a 100% non-judgmental place. PTO is a great resource and support community. What we are not is a 12 step meeting with rules against crosstalk and criticism. Hopefully CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, but criticism no less.


Second....most of us know what's going on with inmates. Particularly those of us who have earned a title of Administrator or Moderator. We don't have these positions because of that experience and it doesn't necessarily make us more of an authority than other members (our jobs are to moderate policy,) but typically members who achieve this rank either have quite a bit of experience dealing with the prison system and were active, helpful members of the community for some time before getting their rank, or were at some point inmates themselves.


The reason I emphasized one of Mia's points in my previous post is because of the facts from your original post.


1.) You were expressing a concern regarding visitation because you were on a visiting list from when you were 16. For a murder suspect/convict, I might add. Which, by the way, to most people, even the least judgmental, is going to raise the flag of "okay, she has a history of this."

2.) You've expressed concerns about previous visitation denials. Which means that either a.) a long-ago visiting listing for a murder suspect/convict is impeding your ability to visit or b.) you yourself have some sort of criminal record or pending legal action that might limit you from being able to visit. And by the way, that's not a judgment of you, that's just a statement of fact. If you have a criminal background of some sort, that will limit your ability to visit. Disclosing it if you don't have one is your choice, of course, but it certainly limits us on what advice we can give you if you do, and the reason I bring it up is because, well, that's often a reason why people get denied.
3.) If 2 b.) (criminal background) is true, the fact that you are listed as a "sister" is not going to help your cause because, as others here have stated, your actual background is going to be more important in determining your visitation status.


We all have our reasons for why we've chosen to love someone who's locked up, and those of us who've been on the chain with our LOs for a while have seen and heard it all (well, it seems that way, and then we see or hear something that makes us say "and I thought I'd seen/heard it all....") Nobody here is judging you for choosing to be with someone who's locked up. What people are doing in some cases is cautioning you about what is, at best, a yellow-flag caution sign and is often a red flag "warning, there's a problem here" behavior.


As I stated above. DO. NOT. LIE. ON. THE. FORM. Because in the off-hand chance that Mia is right, something that she is a lot more often than not when sniffing out these sorts of things, then this serves not just the purpose of the prison not looking at you suspiciously, but allows you to set a rather healthy boundary with him that says "I'm not gonna lie for you." It's a boundary that a lot of us have had a hard time setting and sticking to at some point or another. The purpose of this community is to welcome members, yes, but it's also to offer support, and support isn't always pretty and gentle. The advice that can be taken from any support group is simple: take what you can use, leave what you can't. I would hope, however, that you don't just leave something behind because it's not what you want to hear at the moment.

Good luck to you.


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Old 06-18-2019, 05:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine2019 View Post
Well I hate to be a bubble popper but if u dating someone that's locked up in some shape or form they have broken the rules they might not tell u everything. Weather it be them trading trays or what ever the case may be. So save your judgement answers about my future maybe for ur kids or somebody else unless u got a crystal ball u rubbing. That can see my future! I thought this was a non judgement place but I see not thanks for all those that helped!

What you're going to get here are "real" answers from "real" people who have been there and done that. Nobody here is trying to hurt you. They are trying to help you. Nobody wants to judge you or yours. They're just pointing out real things.


This place is like a smorgasbord. Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Old 06-18-2019, 05:57 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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Let's gu e this scenario. You lie and it is found out. No more visits. He paroles home. Parole officer sees the record in house and you are not allowed to see each other. It is not worth the long term repercussions for a short term decision.
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