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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #1  
Old 08-23-2006, 12:10 AM
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In October 1997, I was on the phone with a friend of mine and then some dude grabbed the phone and said hi, i said hi and he handed the phone back to my friend. then him and some other dude started arguing about who "gets me" because they both were asking for "the hook up". I said tell the one who had the guts to get on the phone to write me. He sounded nice.
He did, we wrote and talked on the phone for a few months and then I got this letter that said "I love you". I had already been feeling that way so i responded QUICKLY. I had already started writing to him every day so it was natural for us to take it to the next level. In July of 1998, I went to see him in person for my birthday. I was so nervous, he had no pictures of himself so I had NO IDEA what he looked like. He had about 50 pictures of me. He was gorgeous. He was everything I could have wanted. He gave me a ring that same day, he had traded someone for it, it was a plain wedding band and it was my B-day present. I visited him every weekend for the next year and then he got transferred to a SHU unit and i didnt see him for about another 6 months. At that time I was going thru some major stuff in life, my mom was in a coma and I needed comfort. I had never strayed from him before that, well not since the day we met face to face ~ I met someone and slacked off in writing to him. He got out of his SHU unit and went back to the prison he had been in which was about a 1/2 hr away. We picked right back up where we left off. For about another year, then again, i met someone. He understood. He knew he couldnt expect me to give up my life for someone i had never even gone on a date with. I had stood by him for so long with nothing in return. I drove in the fog when I couldnt even see the hood of my car just so I could see him. He knew the loneliness was too much and we just had an agreement, I never put anyone before him and he didnt want to know about it. Every guy I met knew I had a boyfriend and that they were nowhere on my totem pole of life! but then we split up again, i told him i needed some space, it was too much for me. I was only 27 and my whole life revolved around packages, phone calls, letters... I was missing out life. My young party years were passing me by...I told him I could only see him if i went out of my way to visit him, i could only talk to him if HE CALLED me and at that I had to pay for it! I needed more than that and if i found that after a few weeks, i missed him, i would be back. He agreed since I always came back to him. We took breaks but stayed in touch constantly, he always told me he loved me and i responded with the same. but i wasnt ready to settle when he still had another 4 years to go and it had been 5 already! We were in the middle of slowly reuniting, Then I met someone, he took me out, came back the next day and then the next day and the day after that and all of a sudden he was living there. and i had to tell my X that it was over for good. I didnt mean for it to happen. Somewhere in my heart I had every intention of getting back together with him and being there to pick him up when he got out.
its been almost 4 years since we split up...and for a long time, I still thought of him everyday. I still have his name tattood on my stomach and my ankle. When i got pregnant, i left his name there even when people asked to see my stomach. I cant cover it. I dont have it in me. I still miss him, i love my man now ( who ironically is locked up now for a violation) and my family i would never give up for the world but me and my X were such good friends. I tell myself our love was a different kind of love, it was on a different level because we never got physical. our love was genuine and from the heart. He really did love me for my mind! HA HA. but seriously, we knew each other inside and out ....... is it dumb to still carry feelings for him this many years later? (Should i mention that as soon as I got pregnant he found out and started dating my X best friend to get back at me for leaving him? i knew it was to get back at me because she was a heavy heavy girl and when i joked once that she liked him, he LITERALLY gagged and ran to a garbage can to throw up.)
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Old 08-23-2006, 10:37 AM
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I really do feel where you are coming from. No, its not dumb to carry those feelings on. There is always that what if in the back of your mind. I too decided to walk away more than once because things got too stressful. I also felt as if life was passing me by. I never could leave for good because of that bond we had. You're right the love is different because the physical isn't there to mess things up. You truly love from the heart inside of sex getting in the way. I never left for more than 3 months at a time and even 3 months was a long time for me but I still couldn't get him out of my mind. No one compared and we had worked so hard to build that relationship. Mine is still locked up and has a about a year to go to be done. I too would feel like you if I was ever strong enough to leave for good. I would always carry those feelings. This man is my best friend. He knows more about me than anyone else in the world. So it is natural to feel the way you do. Maybe once he comes home you can be friends since that is what you started out as anyway. Much luck to you.
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Old 08-23-2006, 12:20 PM
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He got out last year. he lives a few cities away, from what I hear. He told me during our last conversation that it would be our last. He was so hurt and because of my always leaving said that I "would be fighting for my freedom soon cuz i wasnt the settling down type"! but i also know when he started dating my friend she told me she didnt have the heart to tell him I was having a boy because she "didnt want to harden the blow". which made me think he must have still had feelings for me.
His old cellie called me a few months ago and when I told him what happened he said "im sure he WAS pissed"...i cant help but think now that he dated my friend..what if I was just there to pass the time? I know it would be nice to talk to him just once more. tell him im sorry and that i still love the "memory" of what we had. but I cant give up my man and my son, we have a different kind of love. he doesnt know me like my X does but he knows me in a different way. Oh well. I know im not nuts for still loving him
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Old 08-23-2006, 03:24 PM
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Wow, I know some of what you are going through to a certain extent atleast. He probably doesn't want to talk to you if he is hurt. That would be like pouring gas on the fire. Maybe he wants to spare you from feeling torn too.

I understand the need to talk to him again, but no good will come out of it. And i also understand that you feel connected to him. Sometimes it is like that. SOmething deeper. I wish you good luck, but only you can decided and act in the manner you think is good for you.
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Old 08-23-2006, 04:08 PM
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I would never jeapordize what I have now. I love my man and my son and my family is worth more than my X .....i can think of him and remember the good times but eventually i'll just stop remembering and the day will come when he will be out of my memory for good
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Old 08-23-2006, 09:43 PM
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Sorry but I sorta got lost after the second time you met somebody else. Some relationshiips just aren't meant to be. You're happy now that is a great thing.

All the best,
Patty
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Old 08-24-2006, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U
Sorry but I sorta got lost after the second time you met somebody else. Some relationshiips just aren't meant to be. You're happy now that is a great thing.

All the best,
Patty
This actually went on for 5 1/2 yrs (97-2002). I met someone after 2 yrs, then again another 2 yrs later and each time it only lasted about a month and then we got back together right away..then in 2002 i had taken a break just because and ended up meeting my fiance during that time....
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Old 08-29-2006, 11:14 AM
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WOW this is a very touching story thanks for sharing
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