I was starting to feel better and more comfortable about my brother's situation after getting to see him (via television) on Friday and from the help through this forum. Then last night I had one nightmare after another about my brother. I woke up feeling like the first day all over again. I started worrying about things I never even thought about before. I thought my heart was starting to mend and my life getting easier to embrace.
Some friends of mine invited my husband and I to a small 'dinner party' last night and I got home feeling refreshed and vented. Could I have let myself get too relaxed? Is this my conscience punishing me for not being home worrying about my brother? I'd blame the alcohol..if there was any .
I don't believe your conscience is punishing you, rather that you probably had more excitement than usual and you weren't totally relaxed at bed time. I think it is great that you were able to get out and have a little enjoyment - no need to stay home and worry all the time, it won't make anything different. Best of Luck to you all.
My Dad died of lung cancer while incarcerated 2 1/2 years ago, and I still have nightmares about him. It usually happens when I've gone for a long period of time without thinking about him at all.
It's like all the trauma and fear and concern that I had for him has hard-wired into my brain, so if I don't worry about him (yes, even though he's not even alive anymore), my brain gives me dreams at night to remind me.
All I can say is "this, too, shall pass." One day you'll not worry about him at all and the next morning you'll get up and feel horribly guilty about having a life. I realized, when my Dad was in hospice and made me promise him while he was dying to "take care of the guys" (4 friends he'd made while in prison), that while I was at home worried sick about him, he was playing cribbage and making friends.
I think your dream was just a way for your brain to try to sort out the worry. About a month ago, I dreamed that my Dad's Mother (who was my favorite grandparent) was furious and screaming at me, demanding to know what I'd don't with my Dad (her favorite child, and she made no excuses for it).
Unfortunately, this new life is now your life, and it comes with new experiences that your brain will have to sort out at some time. Seems like it chose the night of the party to do a little work in that area.
I hope you're doing better now (I realize I'm a bit late to the post).
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