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  #1  
Old 04-13-2014, 01:11 PM
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Default False domestic violence charge

Back in Sept. of '13, my son called me from the bathroom of his gf's apartment because she was going apeshit crazy outside the door (you could hear her through the phone) kicking the door and throwing things around.

My son called me 5 times within 16 minutes to come get him. I live 35 minutes from him. After the 5th call, I told him to stay in there as I am going to call the cops.

I get on the phone with the cops and tell the dispatcher what was going on and where I am calling from. In the meantime, my son calls again an I tell him to hold on. Im on my way and so are the cops.

I get there and knock on the door and this crazy girl answers the door. I ask her where my son is and she says they took him away because he hit her in her leg and she had a 1/10000th of an inch cut. I told her it was pretty hard for him to hit someone when he is locked in the bathroom while you're outside of it kicking the door. She went nuts and I left.

Since then, this girl keeps filing false charges of theft and anything else her, her mother and new boyfriend can think of.

His Public defender for some odd reason does not want to tell the prosecutor what she has as evidence of clearing my son and they keep bringing him back and they keep throwing him in jail for these false claims.

He sat for 2 months because she came to pick him up in her mothers car because she wanted to see him at xmas time and they got him for violating a restraining order (which I did not know existed ).
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It amazes me how the court and domestic violence office can take a liars story and run with it without any recourse to the 1 who lies in the first place.
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Old 04-13-2014, 02:47 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm sorry for what your son is being put through.

The prosecutor is not his friend, just the opposite. At this point in the process, the prosecutor is the only reason the charges have not been dismissed. Maybe his lawyer expects a better outcome by providing the evidence to the court. Best of luck to both of you.
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Old 04-13-2014, 05:01 PM
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Thanks fb. Hopefully this will end soon. My son is mentally stressed about being put back in for this every time he goes to court.

Im thinking of polygraphing him and then throw it on the judges bench and tell him to let my son go for good. Its that frustrating.
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Old 04-13-2014, 05:08 PM
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Thanks fb. Hopefully this will end soon. My son is mentally stressed about being put back in for this every time he goes to court.

Im thinking of polygraphing him and then throw it on the judges bench and tell him to let my son go for good. Its that frustrating.
polygraphs are not admissible as evidence. You are not entitled to give any evidence to the court let alone talk with the judge. If you want a quick trip to county jail, and an OP against you, go ahead, but you're going to do more harm than good.

His best bet is to work with his attorney, and get a permanent attorney who can thread everything together, and get a OP against her. He can work with a DV center to do that (assuming she's not availing herself of services), or just find his own attorney. He also needs to stay in the company of trusted friends and family so that he's got a good shot of a defense.

As it stands, it's just a series of disjointed cases and they HAVE to take each and every complaint seriously.
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Old 04-13-2014, 05:25 PM
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polygraphs are not admissible as evidence. You are not entitled to give any evidence to the court let alone talk with the judge. If you want a quick trip to county jail, and an OP against you, go ahead, but you're going to do more harm than good.

His best bet is to work with his attorney, and get a permanent attorney who can thread everything together, and get a OP against her. He can work with a DV center to do that (assuming she's not availing herself of services), or just find his own attorney. He also needs to stay in the company of trusted friends and family so that he's got a good shot of a defense.

As it stands, it's just a series of disjointed cases and they HAVE to take each and every complaint seriously.
I know I cant do that. Unfortunately I am in no position to dish out that amount of money for a private lawyer.

She is taking advantage of the domestic services to the max. Thats for sure.

She signed a statement over a month ago saying that the charges were lies and she was told by the court it would be in her best interests to bring a lawyer the next time the case is on date. That right there should be grounds to let this all go IMO.
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Old 04-13-2014, 06:12 PM
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Ummm I doubt they're going to let things go if there are a few cases of charges. The restraining order part....he had to of been served or signed an agreement upon release from when he went to jail for the little cut on het leg.
*Yourself* gave you free legal advise, she's an attorney, I'd listen to her since she usually hits the nail on the head.
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Old 04-13-2014, 06:32 PM
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polygraphs are not admissible as evidence. You are not entitled to give any evidence to the court let alone talk with the judge. If you want a quick trip to county jail, and an OP against you, go ahead, but you're going to do more harm than good.

His best bet is to work with his attorney, and get a permanent attorney who can thread everything together, and get a OP against her. He can work with a DV center to do that (assuming she's not availing herself of services), or just find his own attorney. He also needs to stay in the company of trusted friends and family so that he's got a good shot of a defense.

As it stands, it's just a series of disjointed cases and they HAVE to take each and every complaint seriously.
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Ummm I doubt they're going to let things go if there are a few cases of charges. The restraining order part....he had to of been served or signed an agreement upon release from when he went to jail for the little cut on het leg.
*Yourself* gave you free legal advise, she's an attorney, I'd listen to her since she usually hits the nail on the head.
Bee, the point I am trying to make is that she signed a statement saying that she lied to police to have him arrested on more than 1 ocassion.

On the restraining order, it was I that didnt know there was 1 on him 3 and a half months later. Thats the biggest thing they are hanging over his head. They said if he takes it to trial, they will put him away for 5 years.
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Old 04-13-2014, 10:29 PM
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I use to spend a lot of time in courts so I am having a hard time understanding the arrest of your son when the woman obviously broke it also picking him up. They should have both been arrested.
I'm having a hard time with a signed confession that she made a false/or a few false reports of abuse and she isn't behind bars because that's where they usually take those making those false reports.
To judge, PTO isn't about that, we are here to try to support those faced with the possibility of either them or their loved one facing time or all ready doing time. I've been a member for a couple years myself and I found the ladies and gentlemen on the "parents with child in prison' forum to be my life line because those parents have a LOT of understanding, compassion, wit, intelligence, and some even know loop holes and laws to help each other.
As a past mother I have a bunch of compassion and sympathy for you because I understand the horror you're feeling right now not knowing what your child is facing. I can tell you from experience in dealing with 'the law' that cutting yourself off from his so called 'victim' is the first thing everyone needs to do. Your son, don't let him speak openly on the 'jail phone' if he is still in there because believe me those calls are recorded just like that recording breaking in every minute and half tells you and that can be used against him in court. He should speak only to his attorney and not spill his case out openly to any of the 'jail house attorneys' that have checked a law book out of the library and, sister, you need to start praying to God for them not to take him for 5 years because (believe me again) there are thousands of innocent people behind bars.
If I said anything to offend you I apologize. I wasn't trying to make any points but only trying to say you were getting free advise from our local attorney (yourself) she doesn't speak about things she doesn't know so I really pay attention to her when she does bother to answer someone.
Best of luck to you and your son ...and please do visit the Parents with Children in Prison forum to because they're parents with the same problems, fears, and ready to lend a hand if you want to talk or need someone just like here in the Domestic Violence forums but here you're mostly talking with 'victims'.
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Old 04-14-2014, 09:35 AM
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bumblebee said what i was going to.
Your son needs to stay away from this woman. Dont see her, dont call her, dont write her. Dont ask her friends about her or anything.
No contact means just that and she has shown she uses it as a weapon whenever she isnt happy about something.
Clearly a toxic relationship.

As for the legal stuff, hopefully things will get dropped. One can hope so anyway.
I do know that if he keeps in contact with her, its only going to get worse.
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Old 04-21-2014, 08:21 AM
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Seen it time and time again. The judicial process must follow proper procedure also.

Yourself said: "As it stands, it's just a series of disjointed cases and they HAVE to take each and every complaint seriously".

So you and your son gather credible evidence to the contrary of each and every disjointed case. Present all solid evidence in your son's favor to the PD, who'll review it and if believed credible will use it to knock each and every case off for no "merit".

Filing a false statement is a crime and if those facts get proven false, then your son is within his rights to pursue a police report and/or after each case gets dismissed, request a criminal charge be placed for making those false statements. (Your son has to prove the statements are without merit, to have a false statement charge) Using a Protective Order to gain an upper hand on the judicial process is also a crime; all inclusive these charges can send the Petitioner in for up to 6yrs in some states.

I agree there is much information in some of the other threads; and the parent's thread would be a good place to find more.
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Old 04-26-2014, 10:15 PM
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I am sorry that your son is enduring this situation. My best friend went through a situation similar to this 3 years back. We live in a time where one doesn't have to be guilty and the State normally picks up cases such as these even if they're a bunch of bologna. The only thing I can tell you is pray, send letters on his behalf asking for leniency and hope that the judge sees the support he has and offers a lighter sentence. My friend had to take anger management and was put on probation for 2 years. It was crazy because I was there when the girl said he hit her which it held no truth. They still hauled him off to jail. My only frustration was even after all of that he chose to still deal with her. Best of luck
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Old 05-19-2014, 06:38 PM
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I am sorry that your son is enduring this situation. My best friend went through a situation similar to this 3 years back. We live in a time where one doesn't have to be guilty and the State normally picks up cases such as these even if they're a bunch of bologna. The only thing I can tell you is pray, send letters on his behalf asking for leniency and hope that the judge sees the support he has and offers a lighter sentence. My friend had to take anger management and was put on probation for 2 years. It was crazy because I was there when the girl said he hit her which it held no truth. They still hauled him off to jail. My only frustration was even after all of that he chose to still deal with her. Best of luck
Prayers for you.

She reminds me of my ex. One of the mental things she did once was break into a bathroom where I was hiding from her and push & slap me.

Unfortunately for me, I stayed with her, and one day had my own breakdown and shoved her, hard. She immediately called the cops, I admitted what I did, was arrested, and pled no contest to misdemeanor disorderly conduct - domestic abuse. Now I can never own a gun again and have lost multiple job opportunities.

My probation officer (yes, someone in the system!) told me that this system was created by militant feminists, the prosecutors only care about convictions, and even told me stories of prosecutors charging men when the women had admitted to making up stories! "I don't know how they sleep at night", she said - speaking of the DV prosecutors.
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Old 05-19-2014, 06:57 PM
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I agree , this is just what happen to my son, HER will say called police as I was standing there told a big fat lie and then never showed up to court. All got dimissed, That's all fined and dandy, for her, but it did cause my son to get revoke for 7 yrs because SHE LIED, and here we sit fighting to get him out and lots of money later we might win. They used a 2010 charged to revoke in 2013 it's a big mess. And she yelled police 2013, and is out having a good time, BIT%^ may all the tires go flat on her car,lol All because he wanted to leave because he was tried of being a meal ticket. She can't work, lol
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Old 05-19-2014, 07:36 PM
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I'm going to both agree and disagree with what has been said here.

The current domestic violence justice was not created by militant women to be able to abuse men. It was created because women like me were getting pounded, and we had no recourse. We could get no help from police, counselors, clergy or anyone else. Husbands/boyfriends were free to pound on us to their hearts' content.

It's been only about 20 years that it's been all right to report, to find help.

That said, there's no question that it's a system that is being abused by women on occasion. And the paradigm that women can't abuse others is still stronger than it should be. Balance is a tenuous matter, in law, in walking a tightrope, in writing a law.
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Old 05-19-2014, 09:40 PM
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My probation officer (yes, someone in the system!) told me that this system was created by militant feminists,


I hurried and got on my laptop to reply to this one...
I attended a lot of courts in the 30+ years I worked. I remember when 'abuse' was never looked at accept as a 'family problem' and most of the time the abuser was released after about 24 hours. I also know a few ladies and gentlemen in the Lubbock. Texas that helped establish the help centers and shelters in the area when even the courts didn't want to again acknowledge there were many men, women, children, elders, and people diagnosed with mental conditions being pounded down daily and some not coming out of it alive. These ladies and gentlemen worked relentlessly, with their own cash, with their own houses and apartments to pull these people out to give them safe havens not because they were feminist activist but because they wanted to save people. Some were survivors, some knew others who it was happening to, some knew people that didn't make it out and needless to say some just got tired of turning a blind eye to the abuse and did something about it. It caught on fast nationwide and I am thrilled there are MANY shelters, foundations, professionals, and people with deep pockets donating.
It is a shame that people work the system to benefit themselves to cause chaos in innocent peoples lives and I think it truly sucks because it makes the truly abused feel like victims all over again when they enter the courtroom to be taunted, belittled, have to relive the abuse to leave no doubt that it truly, factually happened to them and they aren't just another vengeful person because the case before them might have been. That shit truly pisses me off.
And you know what? If this girl filed false charges against your son then you need to have her arrested. I would. I'd be at that prosecutors office raising hell everyday until she understood not only did she mess up his life but maybe the lives of people coming in that NEED help. I'd be on it like a fly on a cowpatty. bb
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Old 05-20-2014, 12:03 PM
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I'm going to comment on the whole "militant feminists" thing.

Ever hear of "The Rule of Thumb"? Yeah, that phrase may go back to domestic "correction" where women, the chattel owned by men, could (and should regularly) be corrected by their husbands or fathers hitting them with a stick. The Rule of Thumb in that case was generally understood to be that if a man corrected his woman with a stick no wider than his thumb, it was mere correction. Anything wider than his thumb was considered abusive.

Fortunately, women became true citizens in their own right, and got the right to vote almost 100 years ago. Not quite 100 years, but we're coming up on that anniversary. Arguably, the chattel status of women had been eroding for 50 years or so before this, but domestically, we still did not have the right to say no to anything. It's only been in the last 40 years that the courts have acknowledged that a man could rape his wife (i.e. a wife had the right to say, "no" to sex and that, "no" had the same meaning that it has in a dating situation). It's only been in the last 40-50 years that domestic corporeal punishment has become viewed as abusive and that men do not have the right to hit their wives - that means using a rod less than the width of their thumb, spanking them, slapping them, and otherwise using corporeal punishment to "correct" their thoughts and behaviors. Before this, a man pretty much had to kill his spouse before he'd be held accountable in law, and even then, it would be charged as manslaughter if not negotiated down by the old boys club. Remember, women did not have the right to sit on a jury in many states until the '60's and '70's.

Same sex relationships were even worse since same sex relationships were illegal in most states. As a result, reporting domestic violence was just as taboo as admitting your same sex spouse beat you - you risked going to prison just for making a report that wouldn't be used for anything except as evidence against you of your homosexuality - something that could get you sent to prison, and then to a mental hospital. The Rule of Thumb did not apply to correcting your spouse in a homosexual relationship. While this thread isn't about homosexual relationships, I thought it important to throw in as DV happens in all types of relationships, and the reporting of DV hasn't been taken seriously for all that long in any type of relationship.

While militant feminists were burning bras in the 60's and 70's and pushing for the Equal Rights Amendment (anybody remember that? Were the POs complaining about militant feminists even alive during that whole thing?), the voices of DV victims was slowly being heard. LEO was also getting sick of the cycle of DV as it usually only ended when one party killed the other, and they felt impotent to step in and stop the whole thing in those cases where they knew it was happening. Movies like The Burning Bed were showing these sorts of things to a much wider audience and there was a public debate going on about DV.

Yes, militant feminists agreed that women should not be hit or abused, but this was not their focus. Their focus has always been on women being allowed the same status as men - that means the same pay as men for the same work, the ability to work in any field for which they are qualified (including combat positions in the military, and the possible draft of women), and the same treatment and legitimacy as men in all fields. Because of them, we have women lawyers, doctors, CEOs, and Geraldine Ferraro running for Vice President under Jimmy Carter (oh, boy, Jimmy Carter - were any of these POs alive let alone old enough to vote for or against her?). DV was not center stage for militant feminists because it admitted that women were in a weaker position domestically than men, and that men still felt that they could hit their women to correct them. Because of militant feminists, women now make up to 70 cents for every dollar that men make in doing the same job, and there are some (very few) women CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

Anyway, back to DV. It is a fact that the majority of women serving life sentences are there for killing their domestic partners, usually with a long history of abuse, where they were the victims of decades of abuse. In other words, even with the current laws, we're still not that far away from The Burning Bed.

Let's also look at the perspective of LEO in all of this. They would routinely get called out to apartments and houses for DV calls. The cycle of violence and old rules meant that, unless the batterer threw a punch in front of LEO, the victim had to make a report just for an arrest. From there, the victim had to stay firm in her (I'm using "her" because it's usually "her", though the victim can be anybody, any gender, any age) stance to prosecute, and there were no DV shelters or counseling out there (counseling in fact took a while to catch up and admit that it needed to change from accepting discipline and trying to do better to battering being unacceptable and moving out of the relationship was the best chance of improving self esteem and giving the victim a chance to actually live a productive life).

Anyway, a victim under that system, given what we knew of the cycle of violence, rarely kept solid to trial, and an abuser always took it to trial - how many victims with no counseling can get up on the stand in front of their abuser and say, "he knocked my teeth out" or whatever the violence was? Since the batterer could contact the victim and work his magic on his victim, these things rarely happened, and the victim became trapped, even more trapped than they seem to be today.

LEO got very frustrated. DAs got very frustrated. Crimes were being committed, but the victim could not be relied upon to stay stepped forward to get the conviction. Further, they were getting cases where the abuser killed the victim, or worse, where the victim killed the abusers and there were records of broken bones and stitches going back decades. In other words, the doctors and hospitals knew about the abuse, but LEO did not, not until one of the people was dead at the other's hands.

Frustrating, right?

Enter legislation. Enter surviving victims who got out of the cycle wanting to make things better for those who were in the cycle. Enter and understanding of the actual cycle, and research moneys going into understanding the cycle. Yes, militant feminists agreed that women should not be abused by their spouses, but at the same time, the feminist fringe was saying that men weren't necessary for society, and women should be in charge of everything. The Pill gave women power over their reproductive lives, the '60's gave women and men sexual freedom. Stonewall gave homosexuals a legitimate voice, but that's another story. DV was not a primary on the radar of militant feminists.

When asked, LEO wanted the ability to arrest so that they weren't called out to the same house more than once a night when a "fight" was going on, disturbing the neighbors who were calling because it sounded like somebody was getting murdered. Enter mandatory arrests in DV calls. This was a great tool for LEO. DA's then wanted the ability to have a solid prosecution, and not lose it because the abuser was calling the victim and either apologizing or threatening the victim. Enter mandatory Orders of Protection preventing the abuser from contacting the victim. This greatly increased the chances of having a victim available to testify.

But, still, a victim locked in the DV cycle with an abuser awaiting trial needs a bit more than not hearing from her abuser. The victim has been isolated and controlled by the abuser for who knows how long and without her abuser telling her what she's supposed to do, allowed to do, she's floundering. Fortunately, this all started in the '70's, when there was a distinct movement to create community mental health resources. While NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) prevented facilities for the mentally ill, the developmentally disabled and the like from popping up all over the place, a bit of militant feminism and a bit of Republican District Attorney interest, and a little bit of LEO interest helped to create neighborhood domestic violence centers and shelters so that victims had a place to run and LEO had one place that they needed to protect. Counseling changed and victims were encouraged to deal with their shit and become survivors. As a result, there was a definite increase in the number of victims available to testify. Further, the number of unknown victims running instead of staying until they were killed decreased. Also, the number of victims who killed their abuser decreased as they finally had an escape valve.

Successful DV prosecutions were good for re-election in the '70's and '80's (and even today - a number of court watch programs monitor DV cases and report the number of successful prosecutions, pleas, and unsuccessful prosecutions to voters at election time - most of the court watch participants are your neighbors, and not militant feminists who are still trying to break the glass ceiling as their numbers dwindle and their demographics change). Think of it this way - women make up 50% of the vote - you don't want to piss off women by seeming to indicate that women deserve to be abused in domestic situation - and that's all women, not just militant feminists.

Anyway, as a result of successful re-elections, we get other laws passed with the help of DAs and LEO. Laws with names that require mandatory reporting at hospitals and for doctors. We get more robust outreach. We get LEO giving information to victims. We get victim rights advocates. We get laws that allow trained DV lay people to help victims obtain protective orders without risking unauthorized practice of law. We get things to help victims step forward. We get laws that allow DAs to go forward with prosecutions even when victims refuse to testify.

Where are the militant feminists in all of this? I'm not sure. I know some are out there, and some are involved in DV shelters, but most are turned to other things. Most of these laws came about for reasons other than militant feminists shouting for reasons to make men miserable. All of the laws are written so that an abuser is an abuser, whether that person is male or female, young or old, adult or child, and a victim is a victim, whether male or female, young or old, adult or child. In the last 10-15 years, we've added laws that make it a particularly reprehensible crime to abuse the elderly. Militant feminists had nothing to do with that one (though the first generation of militant feminists are in the "elderly" category these days).

OK, history lesson aside; can these laws be abused? Sure. They can be abused by women, men, kids, elderly. It's up to LEO and the DA's office to investigate, and some don't bother to do much - it's a real downer to the prosecution and sheriff's ability to get re-elected if they're wrong and the victim dies because they failed to go forward with an arrest and prosecution. But, do we still need these tough laws? absolutely. Ask any survivor of DV how difficult it was to get out of that relationship even with the current laws and the current supports out there.

Is there abuse of the DV laws (and isn't that DV itself)? absolutely. But, we still need these laws and all the supports available. If you look at the ranks of women serving life in prison, most of them are there for killing a domestic partner or somebody else who took abusive control of their lives. Many had no access or knowledge of DV shelters out there. While the numbers of these people are decreasing, it's still a problem.
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