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  #1  
Old 09-15-2009, 03:11 PM
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Default Do you think your man is handling this better than you?

Omg so I got a letter from my man sayin that he's started a workout regimen and he's on a diet. Whenever i get letters he's never down..he's always looking at the positive of things. And i'm amazed....i'm really glad he's handling this time well and getting the most outta it...for real cuz i don't want him in there miserable every single day..i want him to be good and do good ya know!

But me on the other hand...i'm miserable! We have 4 young children and i have been literally feeling like i'm gonna lose my mind...i miss his support (i know he can and still does support me from afar)..i miss his help..i miss him. I stop myself from crying by thinking about our love, how he makes me happy, how this won't last forever, and how i know he's thinking about me all day and smiling. Today i just broke down and cried when i was in the bathroom getting ready, just balled like a baby...sometimes it's so hard and since he got transferred far away from me it seems like it's just been getting harder because the time when he can make calls are different or they shut off the phone and i haven't started getting his letters from the prison yet and now i can't go see him every week anymore. And to top it off my meds stopped working, but i'm going in tomorrow to get on something else. I feel like i'm going crazy tho!!

Any advice for any of you women experiencing an upcoming breakdown??? Or just wanna share the common feeling....
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Old 09-15-2009, 03:20 PM
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Sometimes I think that "A" handles being locked up better than me for sure...and I have even asked him why it is he seems to handle it better. He told me that for him being in prison..."you have to learn how to desensitize yourself from feeling the blues. That of course you will have those moments...but you cant let time do you..you have do your time."
And it made sense to me. So I do have a better understanding as to why he seems so "easy going" about things.
I am sure he is feeling the same way sweetie. It cant be easy being away from you or the kids....but he may not be able to show that completely...and is trying to just get into a routine and do his time so he can be with you again.

Stay strong sweetie...you always have us if you need to vent.
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Old 09-15-2009, 03:34 PM
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I know what your feeling. This isn't the first time he's been in, but it is his last, although this is my first time deling with something like this. When he first left in June of this year I didn't eat or sleep all I did was cry all day long! I was miserable and still am. I start nursing school in May, only if I finish this semester of school; I just want to drop out! I have meltdowns all the time!!! Him on the other hand keeps things with a positive outlook. He claims it's just a little bump in the road before our life of happiness. He's stays so positive, he claims though I give him the strength to be this way, which I don't know how, because I don't even have the strength. We love each other to death and stand by each other's sides no matter what. It's almost over and that's the only positive outlook I have. When I'm feeling down I just think of all the positive times we had and the many more that are coming once he gets out!

Just keep your head up and stay strong. Think of all the positive times you guys had and the many more that are going to be coming. Keep strong for him. Look at your kids when your missing him, you both made them, they are part of him!
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Old 09-15-2009, 03:51 PM
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Yes, he handles it way better than me. I am stressed about everything out here and he just seems to be calm about things that happen in there. He is there emotionally to support me and does his best to understand. He says he doesn't get stressed about prison because it is what it is.
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Old 09-15-2009, 04:16 PM
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Actually, we both handle it pretty good, (since he only has 7 weeks left). I know he knows I can take care of us financially, but he knows that emotionally I'm crushed. All of his letters are always uplifting and reassuring me that he's fine and that he's thinking of us day and night...all day every day! He writes me at least 4 times a week to make sure I don't forget!
I depend on him a lot, as he is my best friend. i ask his advice on everything, so he knows I'm kinda lost without him. He baby's me and holds back on bad news cause he's afraid of hurting me even more. He always tells me that he worries more about us than we do of him! I think we're pretty even actually! hehehehe!
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Old 09-15-2009, 05:29 PM
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I think I am handling the situation better than him, however he isn't that bad either. We both try and point out the positive things in this situation.

As far as the breakdown situation, sweetie, sometimes you just have to go with it. There is nothing wrong with crying. I know often times I feel better after a good cry. Sometimes, we need to "break down" in order to start rebuilding from the ground up. I wish you the best and better days ahead.
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Old 09-15-2009, 05:33 PM
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Def. me! His letters are always soo sad and the only thing that keeps him going is me. He says he looks @ my pictures before bedtime and after he awakes. His spirit is broken right now, but he needs to put everything in God's hands.
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Old 09-15-2009, 05:40 PM
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i definitely know how you feel aebs, i've had those days more than i can count. but when i count my blessings it always looks and begins to feel better for me, and like i said in another thread, when the wait and the stresses of life get overbearing, i take a break and have me time, no matter how long or how much it takes.

my hubby definitely handles this bid better than i do sometimes, but sometimes i handle it better than he does. i think we both have our up and down days, and thank God we've never both been down at the same time, and if we have, it's been few and far between...so one of us is always able to encourage the other.

lately though his down days have been increasing, he's getting antsy to come home and with money being how it is, it's just difficult for us all around with visits and calls, so i don't see him as much as i'd love to, nor speak to him as much as i need to. but overall, i think he has handled this bid way better than i have!
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Old 09-15-2009, 06:30 PM
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My husband would never let on if he was, he will always try his best to be the strong one to me. I know he has days when he misses the family a lot but I'm the one who has periodic 'break downs' and tantrums.
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:38 PM
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I actually think I'm handling it better at the moment. He's getting short-timers syndrome really bad and so it's harder for him not to get frustrated about being there.
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:58 PM
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You are the one with all the stressors.....sure his life isn;t easy but it's a heck of a lot easier than all you are dealing with. Yes I think my man and I are handling it in different ways....he's not happy to be there but he is coping. I am not happy he is there but I am coping. Just let your man know how frustrating life can be for you right now....you need his support even though he can't be there plus you always have your sista's here....
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  #12  
Old 09-16-2009, 10:45 AM
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No I handle it better because Im not there, Im out in the free world self sufficient, sipping on a Carmel Machiato from starbucks, just got paid, paid my bills, getting ready to turn my stove on and make me some Jerk Chicken and Rice. Sorry Im handling things a whole lot better than he is, as he sit on 24hour lockdown for yet another year(its been almost 4 now), getting treated and talked to like crap, depending on me for every dime he gets. Nope sorry he's just existing not handling it. Keep in mind not all men in prison did the crime, mine is in there on his mothers crime and refusing to turn on her. Unless your man is @ Camp Cupcake he isnt havent a grand ole time.

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Old 09-16-2009, 10:58 AM
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The HARDEST thing for me is that he does NOT understand that the cost of life is sooo different out here than it was like years ago when he was free. Everything is high out here,it cost,and money does not grow on trees, he thinks that I'm okay out here with a few hundreds...he has lost his mind sometimes because I know he wants to have everything in there...the best clothes and stuff....I understand that but its harder on me to be the only provider in the relationship, its hard for him to not be but still I think I have it alot harder.
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Old 09-16-2009, 01:19 PM
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Yes, he handles it way better than me.....
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Old 09-16-2009, 02:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cblueiis View Post
You are the one with all the stressors.....sure his life isn;t easy but it's a heck of a lot easier than all you are dealing with. Yes I think my man and I are handling it in different ways....he's not happy to be there but he is coping. I am not happy he is there but I am coping. Just let your man know how frustrating life can be for you right now....you need his support even though he can't be there plus you always have your sista's here....

Thanx girl...yea i tell him 4sure..i'm always honest with him bout how i'm feeling because he deserves to know ya know so he can be there for me. He's always real good about reassuring me too and when i need more i jus ask him for it and he's so understanding. He needs reassurance too sometimes and i'm always there to do it and make him feel better. Yea I told him how i go on here a lot and let out my frustrations and it's awesome support. He got a lil worried at first that i was talkin to guys on here and stuff but when i explained it a lil more he hasn't said much about it since. But thanx! it's nice to know we all have each other on here for support..it's awesome how we can all come together like this
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Old 09-16-2009, 02:46 PM
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The HARDEST thing for me is that he does NOT understand that the cost of life is sooo different out here than it was like years ago when he was free. Everything is high out here,it cost,and money does not grow on trees, he thinks that I'm okay out here with a few hundreds...he has lost his mind sometimes because I know he wants to have everything in there...the best clothes and stuff....I understand that but its harder on me to be the only provider in the relationship, its hard for him to not be but still I think I have it alot harder.
Oh yea i hear ya here 4sure...my man has been talkn about sending him mags and tellin me which ones to send him and it's like damn i know it's jus a mag but i pay the phone and put all the money on his books and i got our 4 kids out here and all kindsa expenses. But i do the most i can for him..i do spoil him without putting myself and our kids in jeopardy ya know..i would never choose to buy him a mag over diapers or some dumb shit like that lol. He wants to have the best clothes tho?? lmao! Does he get much of a choice and for real like who's he gotta impress? that's some funny shit right there!
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Old 09-16-2009, 02:54 PM
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We work as a team so we are handling it together; lifting the other when needed. If we can do that while he's locked up, then it should be easy peasy when he is free.
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Old 09-16-2009, 03:29 PM
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It depends. Overall, I think he handles it better, but once in a great while when he gets himself stressed out, I try to calm him down because I'm dealing with it better than he is.

Like I said though, most of the time, it's him who deals better than I do.
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Old 09-16-2009, 04:38 PM
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Yes!
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Old 09-16-2009, 07:27 PM
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Most definitely he handles the situation better than I do! He has been down for 12 years and I can count the times (literally, on ONE hand) the he has been 'down' etc. HE is always always always the one supporting me and encouraging me.
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Old 09-16-2009, 08:09 PM
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Well my man was down tonight cuz he shoulda started gettin my letters today (5 of them today alone!!!) but cuz i wrote on the dang outside a the envelope they won't let him have em now!! Sooooo he's been there almost a week now and hasn't got a letter yet and the mail is important to him so it was hard..and he was all worried i'm gonna leave him and saying that he thinks sometimes why would i want this? He thinks this cuz the last time he went to prison his ex was with him and left him shortly after he got lockd up for a friend of his and his family never wrote him or went to see him so he did the time alone. I told him NEVER put me in that category (i hate when he compares me to his ex's ahhh makes me SO mad cuz i'm not a dumb spiteful ho like they all were and i'd never hurt him ever) and that i am doing this cuz I LOVE HIM! I reassured him and told him to stop doubting and that when he gets out it will be ME that's pickin him up, ME that's bringin him home to our baby's, and ME that will wait faithfully the whole time and he will SEE! By the end of the phone convo he was feeling all better, i always know how to make my man feel better and i love it how we can bring each other up when we're down.

I try not to take it personal when he brings up how his ex's were (which is very rare)..but i DO tell him to knock it off and that i could never, would never think of being the way those b****** were/are. I understand tho cuz i have been hurt by every man that i've ever been with b4 him so i know how it feels not to trust intentions. I don't ever bring up my ex's to him, but i do occaisonally have doubts cuz of my past..but i don't bring it into our relationship and i told him i won't do that and i expect him to leave the past in the past and he does a good job for the most part. Just sometimes he has a hard time and i understand completely.

Sorry for going on and on...i do that sometimes lol. Jus wanted to share how i brought my baby up tonight and i love how i can make him feel so good and how he makes me feel so good when i'm down too!
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:22 PM
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i dont think my husband handled it better he had to on the outside but on the inside that was a whole different story. he is a repeat offender and he has said this time was the worst time ever in his life. he truly felt alone and came to the conclusion that this really was all his fault (addiction) me i cried sunk deep into depression and drank until i woke up and came back to reality. to be honest i think it equally sucked for both of us.
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:46 PM
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My baby totally takes it better than I do. And pretty much always has. There's a few times I have to talk him up but for the most part it's him lifting me up and encouraging me that everything is gonna be ok. Everytime we leave from visit me whisper's in my ear "That, it's in Gods hands now not to worry. Everything's gonna work out. Have faith and pray. He can move mountains, ya know?!
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:55 PM
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I think there have been times that he was handling this better then me and there are times I handle it better then him but right now we are at a point where we are strong for each other. I have my days where it seems like nothing is going my way and then I talk to him about it. He has his days too. I guess I am just thankful that now we are at a happy medium if that is possible. We keep each other positive. Good luck!
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Old 09-16-2009, 10:07 PM
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He definately handles this better than I do. He's been at it many years, and this is his normal, so to speak. I think I handle it fairly well, although, I have days, and sometimes even weeks, where I wonder how much longer I can do this. But....that passes, and I plug along. He keeps my spirits up.
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