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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 08-29-2005, 04:52 PM
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J.R.H.WIFE J.R.H.WIFE is offline
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Default Need Advice...what do I say to the people who don't understand?

So Today I Was Talking To A Friend Of Mine Who Knows My Situation.i Should Not Talk To Her About Things Cause She Is Not A Positve Person.well Today She Here Is What She Said To Me
Asked Me Why Do I Stay With James.well I Love Him Is What I Said.she Asked Me How Do I Know That He Will Still Want To Be With Me When He Get Out People Changed And So Do Feelings She Said.there Are No Garentees In The Game Of Love.

I Believe He Has Changed And Wants To Be With Me Forever [he Has Gotten Three More Things Tattooed On Him With My Name]and I Belive What He Says.and Trust Him Completly.

What Should I Do When People Ask Or Say These Kind Of Things To Me?it Really Bothers Me And I Get Frustrated To The Point That I Am At A Loss For Words.any Advice?
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Old 08-30-2005, 01:20 AM
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You can tell them that you understand that they care about you but you are a grown woman and you know your man better than they do. Agree with them, there is a chance things wont work out, but that same chance is present in every relationship, not just ones that involve inmates. Tell them that as long as he is your first thought on waking and your last at night, you will stay with him.
If they dont shut up after that, then I'd make my excuses and leave.
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Old 08-30-2005, 01:41 AM
Jillian Jillian is offline
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you need to tell her if her man or loved one ever went to jail she would want someone to support them.. and support her in her love for them..
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Old 08-30-2005, 07:16 AM
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What I have done with my children and others is tell them to please respect that I love him and he fulfills my life. He makes me happy.

And at other times I've said "If I have to explain unconditional love to you, you probably wouldn't understand it anyway." That ususally sets them back a little and I just walk away.

good luck!
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Old 08-30-2005, 07:37 AM
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You stated that you shouldn't talk to this person because she is not a positive person. So, stop talking to her. If all she has are negative things to say to you, then don't talk to her. You only open yourself up to bringing yourself down. I'll bet money that she's not feeling bad about what she says to you. You are the only person feeling bad about it.

You said that you love him and that's why you stay. What else do you need? You don't need someone else to affirm what you already know in your heart.

She says there are no guarantees in love. She's right. But then again there's only one guarantee in life. If we live, we are guaranteed to die.

You love your man and he loves you. Love him and be happy loving him and having him love you. And don't let negative people take away your joy.
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Old 08-30-2005, 09:48 AM
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ppl dont understand because they are NOT in that same situation....so itz normal for them not to care about your point of view on this..and i HATE TO say this but most of the time...they are correct...because in a convict...one is a million....one in a billion is actually someone who will be real with u...so if u have that one...hold it down and ryde or die! if not..then u know where the door is.
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Old 08-30-2005, 10:27 AM
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Nothing.......Let Ignorance lay in her bed!
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Old 08-30-2005, 10:50 AM
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I agree with what has been said if you know that you love him then you have made the only person that needs to understand understood ya dig.
I have the same issues but you what i say is "is you are not congradulating then your hating" and then i dust my shoulders off and keep steepen
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Old 08-30-2005, 11:22 AM
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I personally wouldnt talk to that friend about your personal life anymore.
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Old 08-30-2005, 11:33 AM
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I agree with what everyone saids in this room i am going threw the same situation with one of my best friends she always has something negative to say about my fiancee! So i would have to agree ignore people like that do what makes you happy girl!
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Old 08-30-2005, 12:05 PM
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I always tell people that nothing in life is guaranteed, and that life is a gamble. Who is to say that when youre with a guy on the streets that it is gonna work out forever?? Most people in life have had many failed relationships under their belt!

Dont let her negativity get to you. I think people are always scared or are negative that they dont know about or havent experienced!
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Old 08-30-2005, 12:59 PM
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thank you all for your input iwill try some of the things you suggested.
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Old 08-31-2005, 02:52 AM
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I used to get upset when the ignorant masses asked me these kinds of questions until I just accepted that this is my life. Until you accept fully that you are in love with an inmate and you are not ashamed you will come across as someone who can be questioned. You owe NO ONE an explanation, least of all a true friend! I employ many tactics...... acting as if I don't understand the question, answering questions with questions, and above all; I answer questions with a look on my face that clearly states "You are an idiot." My answers to her questions are as follows:

"Why do I stay with James?" Because I choose to.
"How do I know he will still be with me when he gets out?" I don't. I'm not a fortune teller.
"There are no guarantees in the game of love" There is one guarantee in the game of love and that is that people who look at the sharing of two people's lives and emotions as a "game" will probably wind up not passing "Go" very often.

My answers are flip and rude, I know. People who genuinely care about you and ask these things deserve an honest answer. People who want to bring you down deserve flip and rude. Then they deserve silence. Don't be ashamed of your man. Be proud of what the two of you have built. Above all, know that your relationship is hard enough without listening to Miserable Martha. Spend the time you would have talked to her writing a letter to your man instead.
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Old 08-31-2005, 11:06 AM
Jamiesheart Jamiesheart is offline
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I run into this alot. People who aren't in our situation don't understand what we are going through or what we are feeling. Usually I just tell them that I'm happy and that's all that matters.
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