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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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Old 03-31-2004, 03:15 PM
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Ms.Heather Ms.Heather is offline
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Default My Sweetheart

My friend Mark, who at one time was my boyfriend... is the love of my life. Everytime I look at him, I get the positive feeling of just knowing that everything between us will eventually be ok. For reasons that I do not wish to share, Mark and I broke up. But, we do still talk and visit all the time. We do still have the same bond, and the love is still there.
Mark was arrested back in 1998, when he was 19. When he was arrested, he thought that he would be spending no more than a year in prison. Which was crazy, considering everyone around him knew that he would be LUCKY to get off with any less than a 25 year sentence. In 2001, he cut a deal with the DA... and eventually got senetnced to a 19-20 year term. Ouch. When he was arrested, he knew nothing about life. He lived in a small town, where he was sheltered to the beauty of life. He was a heroin addict, who lived his life through a needle. Smoking, drinking, drug use and fake friendships were all the kid ever knew. Now he's thrown into prison. A whole different world in its own. He has no more smokes, no alcohol, no drugs... he is left alone to face himself for the first time in his life... to top it off, he was in prison. A supermax facility. Having nightmares, and trying to push the pictures of the gruesome act that his friend had commited to end him in prison... but h e can't, and he still... six years after the fact, cannot lose the images in his head. It affects him tremendosly. Being in prison does as well. He has a hard time opening up to people, including me. When something is bothering Mark, and I say to him... "What's wrong" he won't say it. He will of course say nothing, and I am left to figure it out by myself... which believe it or not, I've gotten quite good at doing. I accept that its hard to talk about things... I know not everyone is very good with communication. Once I find out what the problem is... we can usually sit down and talk about it. No problems.
Lately, our topic has been his release. Our dreams, goals, and stories. We make up stories, and fantantasies of all the things that we wanna do.
We speak of him coming home all the time. At first, he never wanted to talk about it... but I slowly started adding it into our conversations. What things would be like, where he wants to live... how he wants his room to be decorated. We joke about me being his sugar momma, and him staying home organzing my CD collection, and feeding our fish. It seems to lift his spirits some days, you can see the light in his eyes, and the exictment and positiveness in his voice. But other days, the opposite happens, it makes his eyes look down, and his voice gets low... he asks me how I can be so sure that once 2018 comes along, I will still be there for him. He still, after all this time... is scared that I will not finish out his sentence with him. Not as his girlfriend... but AS HIS FRIEND!
I tell him all the time... that there aren't many things in my life that I am sure of. I second guess alot, and all that other stuff. But this is one thing that I am positive about... one thing that I can say for certain is that I KNOW I will be there the day he walks through those gates and comes home. I don't care if it is 15 years away... Its been 6, we are 1/4 of the way there... whats another 15? He has a awfully hard time believing this, so the only thing I can come up with to say to him is that only time will tell... I can tell him over and over again, how I will be there... but he needs to see it to believe it.
I don't know how else to convince him other than being there for him, and listening to and consoling his fears. I love him, I love him for everything he is... and everything that he wants to be, and all that he dreams. I wish he could without a doubt know that.
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