Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > U.S. REGIONAL FORUMS > CALIFORNIA > California Member Introductions & Bull in Session Lounge
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

California Member Introductions & Bull in Session Lounge Introductions forum for California members and a place to discuss non-prison related topics with other people in the State.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-25-2016, 04:58 PM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default New to EVERYTHING

Hi. I did an intro on the main page, and was kindly guided here. So here goes. I met my friend when I was 13ish (we are both 52 now). We were best friends of opposite sexes. He had many girlfriends as I maintained a friendship with him and his mother. I moved out of the area, and he was already planning to potentially get into trouble. So I asked for a photo to remember him by, which he thought was odd, but accommodated my request. Fast forward 25 or 30 years. I visited his Mom whenever I visited mine (they stayed in the same town), until his mother passed last year. She never told me if he was dead or alive, but I assumed alive or she would have no reason to hide his whereabouts from me. I've recently found out where he is (CA prison with about 12 years to go) through using that same photo to search for him on the internet. I found his photo and info on Facebook! We've been writing since I found out where he is (a friend of a friend of a friend set up his Facebook page). We write often, and we've mentioned marriage as a way to pursue more personal visits (he's not divorced yet, and my divorce decree states I cannot remarry before I'm 60). If I were to marry him in 8 years, would my finances (good credit, etc) be at risk? I haven't even been approved to visit him yet! I mailed my visitation application on Dec 2, 2016. Heard nothing back yet, with regard to visiting. I'm not yet IN LOVE with him, since we haven't seen one another in all of these years. I'm worried about things I haven't thought of yet, plus things I HAVE thought of. I smoke ecigarettes (metal). I'm planning to quit, but I wonder what the rules are for vape smoking visitors. If I leave were to leave them in my car, can they still be considered contraband during a vehicle search? I ask because I also wear bras, and if underwire bras are against visitor regulations, what about my awful habit? I don't want to visit him and risk his "comfort" or jeopardize his status by visiting him to see if we have chemistry to take the relationship further. Any and all advice would be appreciated. My therapist told me to stop writing to him as my writing could be considered a "code"? I'm going to get a new therapist, since my letters are just that - letters about my life - his letters are about his (I'm still finding out what all he did to get in this mess). I don't want to create drama or stress for my life or his. I haven't got any money and neither does he. Should I just write as often as I can and not worry so much? I was able to get him a 4th quarter package, and he called me once. What should I watch out for? Should I avoid pursuing my friendship with him to avoid problems? I'm SO GLAD he's alive. I'd like to see him and give him a hug! Thank you!
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 12-25-2016, 05:16 PM
Mrs. Iimas Mrs. Iimas is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: New York USA
Posts: 1,251
Thanks: 0
Thanked 704 Times in 393 Posts
Default

Wow- welcome and merry Christmas. I think you are worrying about one too many things lol but I'm a worrier so I get it. First, as far as visits go and bras you can find a good support bra without underwire but I'm sure most prisons will have you take off the bra, go through metal detector and let you put the bra back on. You can always call the prison for the rules at that facility. Mail is ok as long as you aren't sending contraband or gang info. As far as marriage goes it seems that is a ways off you aren't even in love. I say go on your first visit and rekindle the friendship. Best of luck to you
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Mrs. Iimas For This Useful Post:
Tabookitty (12-25-2016)
  #3  
Old 12-25-2016, 06:14 PM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Ok. Thank you for reading all that. How about one worry at a time? I have no reason to expect my visitation will be denied, aside from bras, what about my electronic smoking habit? If I haven't quit by the first visit (highly possible), can I esmoke on the drive there? Are there rules about visitor smoking? I can't find it in any of my literature (so far), and I asked, but he didn't say. Is there ANY smoking by visitors allowed? It's vapor, but most institutions handle it the same way - no dice. Can I leave them in my car? I know it's awful of me to ask, but it's what's bothering me NOW. LOL
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-26-2016, 07:32 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 29,659
Thanks: 51,451
Thanked 26,792 Times in 13,648 Posts
Default

Ok, first, you must wear a bra to visit an inmate in CA prisons.
Get a sports bra, or use an old one and take out the underwires.
Second, you cannot smoke or vape in the visit area.
You could leave it in the car if you take it with you.
No smoking in a CA prison. (not even staff are supposed to, but I suspect they may if they are up in the towers)

Third, family visits (also known as conjugal visits ) are only for immediate family or spouses.
Since you both are still married to other people this would be the least thing I'd worry about.

Wait for your visit approval and then set up a visit.
find whichever facility he's in and read the threads about visiting. Most are the same but sometimes certain clothing might be permitted in one facility, but not another.

Basics. No blue jeans, no green, no tan, no red.
No metal in your bra.
be careful about metal in other parts of clothes (zippers, buttons, etc) it will set off the metal detectors.

oh, and if you are approved for visits, he will have to tell you. If denied, they will mail you a letter with the reason for denial.
finding out if approved might take a while. I think it was a month for mine to be approved.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
maytayah (12-26-2016), miamac (12-26-2016), Sarianna (12-27-2016), Tabookitty (12-26-2016)
  #5  
Old 12-26-2016, 10:28 AM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Doesn't leave many wardrobe choices. Black, I guess. With a pink shirt or something. Thanks for the esmoking tip. I will keep trying to quit while we wait. Only he is married. I'm divorced, and he is being divorced in there, but I did suggest we slow down talks of marriage in my letter leaving today, thank you for reading my concerns about my esmoking habit.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-26-2016, 11:00 AM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is online now
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 9,089
Thanks: 11,797
Thanked 16,412 Times in 6,108 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabookitty View Post
I did suggest we slow down talks of marriage in my letter leaving today, thank you for reading my concerns about my esmoking habit.

Whoooo! I'm so glad to read this. I know you two have been friends for practically a lifetime, but hun this prison wife life is tough. It's not for the faint of heart. And getting married for Family Visiting privileges is the LAST thing I'd recommend.

As far as getting approved and regular visiting, your questions would best be served in the forum for his specific facility. Every institution in CA is slightly different in the rules they follow. And (as I experienced two weeks ago) are subject to change at a moment's notice. So getting current info from recent visitors is key.

If you click here and scroll down, you'll find the name of his facility. In that forum there will be a thread for Visting Q&A. Give it a glance and feel free to post asking for current visiting info.

Best of luck and welcome to PTO.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
Sarianna (12-27-2016), sidewalker (12-27-2016), Tabookitty (12-26-2016)
  #7  
Old 12-26-2016, 11:17 AM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

What a sweet reply! I did rethink the "getting married" idea for another time. I'm sticking with hoping to visit and you kindly saw through all I wrote and lent a hand for visiting. Thank you. I CAN handle stuff that's not for sissies, but you're right, no sense in rushing when I can't marry ANYONE for 8 years AND I'm not going to marry a felon JUST for fun visits. Thank you for the lifeline. And for reading my post. Thank you so much! I will follow your instructions and hopefully help someone else someday, the way you helped me.
Thank you, Miamac. I sent a good letter after reading this forum last night. I'm sure he'll agree that as long as I'm here for him, and working on MYSELF, I'll be better able to assist him upon his release. Common sense kicked in ��
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tabookitty For This Useful Post:
miamac (12-26-2016), Sarianna (12-27-2016)
  #8  
Old 12-26-2016, 11:19 AM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

PS: what did you learn 2 weeks ago?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-26-2016, 11:25 AM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is online now
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 9,089
Thanks: 11,797
Thanked 16,412 Times in 6,108 Posts
Default

I'm glad you found us. Sounds like you're taking a common sense approach to your relationship and I'm always so thrilled to see that.

Of course no one can tell you the "right" way to do this, but like most things in life there's always something to be learned from folks who have walked that path before you. As someone who loves her husband more than anything on Earth, it can be hard for me to admit how difficult this way of living and loving can be. But it is, and keeping it honest is the only way I know how to make it through. I share that because I'm never trying to scare anyone away from pursuing it, but rather trying to discourage fantasy.

If your guy is a good, grounded man he'll know that a slow roll is perfectly ok. Twelve years is a decent chunk of time. If he's not going anywhere and you're committed to figuring it out together, then you're in a good place for support.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
Tabookitty (12-26-2016)
  #10  
Old 12-26-2016, 01:13 PM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Thanks again for the tips. Not much out there for his place (CHCF) yet. Supposedly a forum was in the works in 2014...time slows down for these things. The globe spins way too fast for others. Such is life.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-26-2016, 01:36 PM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Also, it sounds like your husband is very lucky. I'm sure he knows that. I'll just chill and see what happens next with regard to visitation. I did get some leads on places to stay near the facility to make visiting easier (sort of). Even my friend told me not to plan on staying IN Stockton for a visit. He's very bright. I'm honestly surprised the law caught up with him before death did, and I'm just so grateful for THAT. I wrote an 8 page letter last night after inquiring on here. I think he'll find it refreshing At my age (52), most of the addicted folks have passed away already, so I'm forever grateful that this old friend of mine is alive. I'm pretty sure he agreed to marrying me just because he HAS nobody else left out here. So I assured him I will ALWAYS be here for him without need for rash relationship stuff. He just needs to know love exists for him out here, and I assured him it does. Your honesty, miamac, is very refreshing. This forum is filled with youthful thinking and rumor. I only need facts that I asked, and your reply touched my heart. Your reply was genuine and incredibly kind and HELPFUL. I feel better having written a good letter, no matter the mail delay. I have never known anyone incarcerated before, but I've battled with substance use due to depression and a genetic link (IMO), so I don't have children (I saw no good reason to pass on my flawed DNA), whereas he went the other direction in life, didn't follow the law AND made 3 kids now destined to fill up space in these institutions (or worse), so we are a longggg way from compatible, but he now knows there is love out here (not much else, I'm po'). He knows I'm po' and still is happy that I found out where he is - that was God's work! I will work on MYSELF while he works on HIMSELF in there. Too bad they only pull teeth with cavities, tho. I wouldn't brag about that kind of health care, but we only discovered one another again a few months ago, so I'm sure there is MUCH MORE I don't know and won't know until a visit or 12, or maybe not for twelve years. I did ask for more info on when he has any court dates, when is his expected release SPECIFICALLY, etc. Your kind words really calmed my heart, didn't help being Christmas Day . I'll post more when I actually have valid questions or information that might help others waiting for word on loved ones inside. Thanks!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tabookitty For This Useful Post:
miamac (12-26-2016)
  #12  
Old 12-26-2016, 01:46 PM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Thank you, sidewalker. Knowing HE will hear about my visitor application first will ease my nerves. It's all so slowwww compared to the world out here. But atleast he's alive and safe (somewhat).

Quote:
Originally Posted by sidewalker View Post
Ok, first, you must wear a bra to visit an inmate in CA prisons.
Get a sports bra, or use an old one and take out the underwires.
Second, you cannot smoke or vape in the visit area.
You could leave it in the car if you take it with you.
No smoking in a CA prison. (not even staff are supposed to, but I suspect they may if they are up in the towers)

Third, family visits (also known as conjugal visits ) are only for immediate family or spouses.
Since you both are still married to other people this would be the least thing I'd worry about.

Wait for your visit approval and then set up a visit.
find whichever facility he's in and read the threads about visiting. Most are the same but sometimes certain clothing might be permitted in one facility, but not another.

Basics. No blue jeans, no green, no tan, no red.
No metal in your bra.
be careful about metal in other parts of clothes (zippers, buttons, etc) it will set off the metal detectors.

oh, and if you are approved for visits, he will have to tell you. If denied, they will mail you a letter with the reason for denial.
finding out if approved might take a while. I think it was a month for mine to be approved.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tabookitty For This Useful Post:
sidewalker (12-27-2016)
  #13  
Old 12-27-2016, 08:49 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 29,659
Thanks: 51,451
Thanked 26,792 Times in 13,648 Posts
Default

well if you find out new/more info for CHCF, share it!
It is a relatively new facility. It was very hard to figure out the works in there due to that.
Any change in the facility causes things to NOT go smoothly. I know the place my hub was at added a yard and omg. It was awful for the guys getting put in there.
It sort of ticks me off they dont plan this stuff out better before sending them to new yards.

Anyway, Yeah. Black is safe, as is pink.
Oh, forgot camo of any kind is also not allowed.
White can be iffy as well.
If you wear a dress or skirt or shorts? ;gotta be a certain length.(I think its not higher than 2 inches above the knee)
But you can hash that out later once you find out if you are approved.

Mia may have been talking about lockdowns. SO frustrating. Some lockdowns are worse than others. Lockdown can mean anything from no yard, no phones, no visits to some other issue. Even weather sometimes can trigger a lockdown.
So if you get a visit, be sure to find out before you leave if the facility is on lockdown and if visits are allowed.

And yes. Prison time is s-l-0-w. Hurry up and wait.
Lines for everything. So patience is REALLY needed.
Glad we were able to help a bit.
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-27-2016, 09:28 AM
Tabookitty's Avatar
Tabookitty Tabookitty is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 30
Thanks: 71
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Hi Sidewalker, thanks for the feedback! I don't know much until a visit. It's recommended that I get on VPASS now and start picking days and just cancel if not approved.
Also, I got one letter saying they were GOING TO move the GP elsewhere for the safety of the SNY, but now that's been stopped. Mine is GP and pretty frightened.
When I'm done with a visit, I'll get a report to y'all about CHCF firsthand, tho it's subject to change, AS YOU KNOW. But I'll let you know MY take on the place. I heard the visitor vending machines have stale food. That has been verified elsewhere here. That's all I know that I can pretty much count on. LOL

THANK YOU, ladies. What a wonderful bunch I have found here to help! Lucky men in these places - I don't doubt THAT.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-27-2016, 03:09 PM
miamac's Avatar
miamac miamac is online now
Site Moderator Gone Mad

Staff Superstar Winner PTO Site Moderator 

 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: ORnativeAZresCAtied
Posts: 9,089
Thanks: 11,797
Thanked 16,412 Times in 6,108 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabookitty View Post
PS: what did you learn 2 weeks ago?
Sorry, totally missed this post.

The facility I visit went from "no grey t-shirts" (meaning we could wear grey clothing and shirts were fine if they had a print/logo) to "no grey clothing". Just happened to be wearing a grey thermal with a logo on it that day, of course!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to miamac For This Useful Post:
sidewalker (12-28-2016), Tabookitty (12-29-2016)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:00 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics