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  #26  
Old 07-12-2018, 12:10 PM
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no course not thats why i haven't put any money on his account or anybody else's for that matter my son ALWAYS comes first and thats why im getting mean letters from him every week cause i refuse to do what he has asked me to do.....my SON is ALL i have in this world he means everything to me and i would never hurt my son for a a man or anybody else i want to make that extremely clear to everyone here!!!! i am a very good mother like i said my son is very well taken care of and will never go without anything that why i go without so my son can have....and thats what im suppposed to do as a mother and that;s what i'll always do
Please get some support, dont write to him, dont read his letters and cut off the phone so he cannot call you.
You can do this and you owe it to your son and yourself. One day at a time and you will be free of this man.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:11 PM
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You'll see his true colors when you tell him you can only put money on the phone because it is all you can afford. Then you stick to it. You'll see how much he needs and values you.

My money is on him calling you names, belittling you, and when he doesnt see a change he'll be on to the next person to support him.

Don't play his game. Take your power back now.
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  #28  
Old 07-12-2018, 12:13 PM
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No one here is being harsh with you. We are trying to protect you and open your eyes. It is hard and it hurts, but mere strangers here have more love for you than he does. Sad to say it that way.
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  #29  
Old 07-12-2018, 12:38 PM
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hello i have been in a relationship with my MWI for a year now but we have known each other since 2014 i have never physically met him in person yet because of the distance he's in Florida and im in NC....hes been in prison already 10 years and has until 2039 and honestly i love him alot i fell in love the very first time we spoke on the phone however he was in a relationship when we met so we only stayed friends they broke up shortly after we started talking and the other woman has since moved on and married another man and had another baby so she's very happy and she's not the problem..like i said im completely in love with him and he says he loves me too but im honestly not happy with this relationship anymore hes extremely mean and demanding and he threats all

I stopped reading right here. You wouldn't be expected to stick around for some loser on the outs treating you that way. So there's absolutely no reason why you some tolerate some loser in prison treating you that way. Kick the man to the curb and find someone who is worth you!
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:43 PM
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Um HELL NO!!!! He can be the sweetest person on earthbut demanding you put money on his,account and two other people. Heck no!!! Reevaluate your relationship and cut his funds off completely if he stays then ok.
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Old 07-12-2018, 01:02 PM
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What is it, exactly, the you love about him? Itís not physical affection because you e never been in the same room. It certainly isnít kindness. So what is it about him RIGHT NOW that you love?
I would be contemplating this too - what good things does he bring to the table for you to be so in love with him? I am not trying to bash your feelings for him, but what does he do and say consistently that shows you he loves you, has your back, respects you? Poems & sweet nothings & cards are just empty words if he totally lacks respect for you.

My guess is that that many of us here in this community have seen the dark side of life, generally speaking and have loved ones in prison who have gone through hell from a very early age. None of that is an excuse for treating another person the way this guy is treating you.

Could it be that you are in love with the idea of being in love and terrified of being alone? Could it be that you believe you don't deserve love & respect? I am glad you are planning on speaking to a therapist because once you get to the bottom of why you let someone treat you like this....that's the first step of regaining your self-esteem and power back. You deserve more than this!
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  #32  
Old 07-12-2018, 01:25 PM
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I think Sarianna has hit the nail on the head. You need to take your power back. You are a strong decent woman who is doing the hardest task in the world. You are raising your child alone and doing a fine job.
You can move on from this man and find happiness with a man who will respect and love you.
You need to get rid of this abuser to make room for this new person , the man that YOU deserve.
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  #33  
Old 07-12-2018, 02:32 PM
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Everything you describe sounds like abuse. Love doesn’t threaten to leave if you don’t pay. Correct me if I’m wrong please but I think you posted before about him having a discrepancy about when he is getting out. I see so many red flags here and I know you do too. If I were you I would return to sender his mail and block his institution from my phone. I hope you do seek some support there is a lot out there. I had years of cognitive therapy to get to a place where I was healthy enough to even have a relationship I had allowed myself to be treated badly for decades. How they are in prison is how they are out here. He is probably selfish and abusive out here too
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  #34  
Old 07-12-2018, 02:39 PM
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Everything you describe sounds like abuse. Love doesnít threaten to leave if you donít pay. Correct me if Iím wrong please but I think you posted before about him having a discrepancy about when he is getting out. I see so many red flags here and I know you do too. If I were you I would return to sender his mail and block his institution from my phone. I hope you do seek some support there is a lot out there. I had years of cognitive therapy to get to a place where I was healthy enough to even have a relationship I had allowed myself to be treated badly for decades. How they are in prison is how they are out here. He is probably selfish and abusive out here too
yes i am the one that was asking about when he's getting out but thanks to so many wonderful people on here one person in particular directed me to a site called pacer and i was able to look everything up myself and see everything that his lawyer has filed and everything he received from his lawyer regarding his case and release so that's taking care of but everything else is going to take time im extremely weak for him unfortunately right now so if he writes im going to read them. however im not going to write back and i could not at this moment ever block his calls from calling me in fact im still going to pay for the local number that he uses to call me cheap at least for right now but im not going to send any money or anything like that if im not sending money he wont call or write anyways so im not worried about that
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Old 07-12-2018, 02:53 PM
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yes i am the one that was asking about when he's getting out but thanks to so many wonderful people on here one person in particular directed me to a site called pacer and i was able to look everything up myself and see everything that his lawyer has filed and everything he received from his lawyer regarding his case and release so that's taking care of but everything else is going to take time im extremely weak for him unfortunately right now so if he writes im going to read them. however im not going to write back and i could not at this moment ever block his calls from calling me in fact im still going to pay for the local number that he uses to call me cheap at least for right now but im not going to send any money or anything like that if im not sending money he wont call or write anyways so im not worried about that
I get the being weak I have been there many times. I feel like you are a smart woman and will grow tired of him asking for money all the time and then bashing you because you canít. Good luck if you havenít already get ahold of a book called co-dependent no more it might help you understand the cycle!!
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  #36  
Old 07-12-2018, 04:21 PM
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If not... if this is actually happening, then OP please devote an hour or two to reading the MWI forum. I think it will gain you some insight into just how hard you’ve been rolled. Your life will begin when you cut this scumbag loose. And how dare you send child support money to a man in prison.
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Old 07-12-2018, 04:41 PM
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He is treating you this way because you allow him to. He knows he can walk all over you and you will let him. Stop making excuses for him. Dump him. Take more pride in yourself and what you deserve.
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  #38  
Old 07-12-2018, 05:11 PM
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I’m not going to add a whole lot to this because other people have said it all.

You may want to think about this though....not ONE person has written a post in this thread in support of your MWI or has said anything positive about this situation. The posters are from all walks of life in many different states and even countries. They all aren’t colluding against you. You aren’t going to listen because you made up your mind already before you even posted and you KNOW everything that has been said here is spot on. Yes, you need to leave, yes you need therapy, yes he’s abusive...Yada,yada. Trying to convince you further will be futile.
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  #39  
Old 07-12-2018, 05:37 PM
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You donít love this man.

Iím sorry, but you havenít even met him.

You love his pretty words and the way he makes you feel...when heís being nice.

So much so that youíre willing to overlook all the bad ways he makes you feel and convince yourself that he doesnít mean it. That the good stuff is the real him. The bad stuff isnít.

Youíre going to have to wake up, my dear. Youíre going to have to snap out of it eventually, even though it hurts.
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  #40  
Old 07-12-2018, 05:52 PM
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hello i have been in a relationship with my MWI for a year now but we have known each other since 2014 i have never physically met him in person yet because of the distance he's in Florida and im in NC....hes been in prison already 10 years and has until 2039 and honestly i love him alot i fell in love the very first time we spoke on the phone however he was in a relationship when we met so we only stayed friends they broke up shortly after we started talking and the other woman has since moved on and married another man and had another baby so she's very happy and she's not the problem..like i said im completely in love with him and he says he loves me too but im honestly not happy with this relationship anymore hes extremely mean and demanding and he threats all the time like hes going to find someone else and marry them and im gonna lose him and all this other stuff if i dont do exactly what he wants me to do and thats money all the time..im a single mother with no job and all i have is my son's childsupport that takes care of me and him i live with a good friend right now until i can find employment and just a good example his prison is on lockdown and has been for the last month and a half that makes it easier for me to say NO IN letters cause i dont have to hear his voice that he knows makes me weak and always says YES. however in every letter he has demanded money be put on his account and also two other men in the prison hes at because they help him with things when he needs it and now he has to pay them back and he's demanding the money be put on these two guys accounts before lockdown is over or he wont write me or call me when lockdown is over and i havent done it yet cause im saving to get my son's cell phone bill paid and thats the only money i have and i have told him that over and over in every letter and he always says HE should be my first priority why am i worrried about something as silly as a cell phone bill when i'm putting his life and freedom at danger and i love him so much and i dont want to put his life in danger ever however my son is my first priority hes only 15 so he needs me to be his mom and that is what i want to do but the letters just keep getting worse and worse and i always say like now im not going to write him back which i haven't but i know the next letter will be a sweet one and he's going to write a poem and im gonna fall more in love with him than i am now...i have the money to do what he asks and i just want to put all the money on there and make him happy cause thats what i feel like im supposed to do im kind of the reason his last relationnship broke down so i feel bad just abandoning him after he lost everything for me and our relationship he's not this mean all the time in fact hes very sweet as long as i do everything he asks when he asks me too as far as money goes and thats what i have to do what he says so i can have the sweet man and not this monster i just got a horrible letter from today...thats what made me vent like this im so sorry for venting this way i just seriously had to get it all out before i lost my mind thanks so much for reading i guess i'll go put the money on the accounts now i'll figure out something else for my son's phone bill i guess smh
he has to pay them back and he's demanding the money be put on these two guys accounts before lockdown is over or he wont write me or call me when lockdown is over - This is classic manipulation! Heís so demanding for money but when does he inquire or care about you and your child?

i dont want to put his life in danger ever however my son is my first priority - How in the hell can YOU put his life in danger? This man has done 10!63-4/ already before you came into the picture. He knows how to survive in prison.

Iím going to get straight to the point. Love does not cost.
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  #41  
Old 07-12-2018, 06:44 PM
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Hon, you are in love with the romanticism of the situation - prisoner, declaring love, telling you that he's dependent on your kindness and generosity. There are two problems with the scenario - one, there is no such thing as a romantic situations here, and two, he's not dependent on you at all. He's already told you he can let you go and get someone else, and he will. He doesn't love you at all; you're just the latest in a string of women he's taking for all they're worth. The absolute proof is that your son doesn't count with him.

And he's making you responsible for his 'debts' inside, and he's been in long enough to know absolutely not to get into debt in there. You didn't put him into debt, he did. Either buying drugs or gambling or borrowing. Every new fish learns that lesson within the first month.

Nothing here, not one word, speaks of love. It does speak of using, of extreme narcissism (me, me, me), of total lack of ability (or will) to understand the stressors in your life.

The 'kind' him was just bait to hook you in. If you try to leave, you'll see it briefly again, but then he'll go back to who he really is - the grasping, selfish, nasty man he is for real.

Get the to a therapist!!! NOW!!! And drop this bastard like he's hot. You will never get back any of the emotion or money or caring that you're pouring in. He doesn't have it to give, not really. The man who hurts you, who demands from you, who belittles you - that's the real him, not an accident of birth, not a temporary aberration. His history tells you that he's doing the same to you as was done to him.

You can't change his past, and you can't change the way his brain literally deformed in his early life - nobody else can fix it either, no drug, no therapist. That's a promise. There's lots of literature on it, if you look up narcissistic personality disorder.
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Old 07-12-2018, 06:59 PM
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Hon, you are in love with the romanticism of the situation - prisoner, declaring love, telling you that he's dependent on your kindness and generosity. There are two problems with the scenario - one, there is no such thing as a romantic situations here, and two, he's not dependent on you at all. He's already told you he can let you go and get someone else, and he will. He doesn't love you at all; you're just the latest in a string of women he's taking for all they're worth. The absolute proof is that your son doesn't count with him.

And he's making you responsible for his 'debts' inside, and he's been in long enough to know absolutely not to get into debt in there. You didn't put him into debt, he did. Either buying drugs or gambling or borrowing. Every new fish learns that lesson within the first month.

Nothing here, not one word, speaks of love. It does speak of using, of extreme narcissism (me, me, me), of total lack of ability (or will) to understand the stressors in your life.

The 'kind' him was just bait to hook you in. If you try to leave, you'll see it briefly again, but then he'll go back to who he really is - the grasping, selfish, nasty man he is for real.

Get the to a therapist!!! NOW!!! And drop this bastard like he's hot. You will never get back any of the emotion or money or caring that you're pouring in. He doesn't have it to give, not really. The man who hurts you, who demands from you, who belittles you - that's the real him, not an accident of birth, not a temporary aberration. His history tells you that he's doing the same to you as was done to him.

You can't change his past, and you can't change the way his brain literally deformed in his early life - nobody else can fix it either, no drug, no therapist. That's a promise. There's lots of literature on it, if you look up narcissistic personality disorder.
you know what stuck to me more out of anything you have said you used the word fish he has used that word alot to describe other woman hes using for money etc.....but he always says im not a fish smh...but when u used it...it broke something inside of me i thought it was something he made up but is this something thats commonly used in the prison system for woman being used?
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Old 07-12-2018, 07:18 PM
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No, a fish is a rookie in the prison system, somebody who hasn't learned the ropes yet. It's a derogatory term, and that definition sort of does fit you. You are so desperate for love that you WON'T learn the ropes, won't face the reality. You would never say any of the things to him that he says to you, not at your worst times. He will, at any time, say something meant to hurt. He just doesn't care.

Sorry. That's really not nice of me to say, but you're a fish on the outside of the system, not knowing how prison scams work. And if he's using it as a term for other women, welp, yeah, you're right there with that definition, too.
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Old 07-12-2018, 08:01 PM
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in fact im still going to pay for the local number that he uses to call me cheap at least for right now but im not going to send any money or anything like that if im not sending money he wont call or write anyways so im not worried about that
Hon, you really shouldn't be using your son's child support money even to put money on the phone. That's not what that money is for. Once you've found employment and have your own income stream coming in, you can do whatever you want with your own money. But if your ex-husband gets wind of what you've been doing with his child support payments, you really could be putting custody of your son in jeopardy.

It's just not worth it. This man is NOT worth it. He is USING you, plain and simple. Playing you like a fiddle.
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Old 07-12-2018, 08:30 PM
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Do you think he’s telling the other women he’s using that he’s using them? NO. He’s telling them the same garbage he’s telling you, or no one would be sending him a dime.

He’s smooth talking them so they’ll send him money. When they can’t/won’t send him money, he’s manipulating them until they do, or they leave.

Sound familiar?

You’re just making it a bit easier because you’re apparently okay with him using other women, so he doesn’t have to hide it from you. Less work that way.
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Old 07-12-2018, 08:43 PM
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im not not ok with him using other women but he tells me everything and i talk to everyone hes using so they know me however im known as his "sister" so they dont know but i know what they tell him and i know what he tells them at all times he tells i just like to know everything but im not ok with him using anyone however if they choose to send him money this cycle has to end
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Old 07-12-2018, 08:50 PM
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But you are allowing it. You know he does it, you’re even involved in it by lying to those women along with him. And you’re staying with him despite all of it. That is essentially you being “okay with it.”

The cycle does have to end. He’s not going to break it because he’s benefiting too much and it’s costing him nothing but some pretty words. It won’t break until you end it, my dear. You might not be to that point yet, but just know that there is a better life out there when you’re ready for it.
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Old 07-12-2018, 09:41 PM
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He introduces you to other people as his sister? And you still think this is a romantic relationship?
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Old 07-12-2018, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToFaswife View Post
im not not ok with him using other women but he tells me everything and i talk to everyone hes using so they know me however im known as his "sister" so they dont know but i know what they tell him and i know what he tells them at all times he tells i just like to know everything but im not ok with him using anyone however if they choose to send him money this cycle has to end
You are ok with him hurting and using other people? You are playing along on his game. He has no loyalty to you or them. You are just making excuses for bad behavior. I felt bad for you until I read this. The ends don't justify the means.

Read through when the relationship is over threads and all the women who have been duped. Aside the fact he is doing it to you, you are talking to them and condoning him doing it to others.

Good luck to you but this situation is really screwed up.
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Old 07-12-2018, 09:51 PM
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This just keeps getting better...

1. He jerks you around about his outdate.
2. He berates you when you fail to make him happy.
3. He's lying to other people about who you are.
4. He's using other people for money.
5. He accrues debts (for what? usually it's gambling, drugs or black market items).

I felt sad that you got lied to, but the fact that you choose to stay with someone so comfortable using people and that doesn't bother you enough to leave him or ask him to stop-- that's back on you. Maybe you think all inmates behave this way and he's just "getting by". They don't and he's not. He's a sloppy con artist and he will get found out by every person he leeches from and the only regret he'll have is that he'll have to expend energy finding another source.
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