Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: What is the most important of the following to your relationship?
Faithfullness 12 26.67%
Honesty 37 82.22%
Support 12 26.67%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-08-2014, 03:17 PM
kits3n kits3n is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 4
Thanks: 0
Thanked 6 Times in 1 Post
Default What is the most important element of your relationship?

I have read through afew threads here about faithfulness and I don't really agree with the overwhelming majority of judgmental sanctimonious replies. I have a few points to make in response.

1. Being sexually active while your loved one is inside does not have to ruin your relationship. Lies ruin relationships. Sex is a natural normal compulsion we have, and denying yourself that is fine if that's what works for you- but it's a not a one size fits all solution and you shouldn't judge others by it.

2. Love and sex are not the same thing. Period.

3. Someone who has sex while their partner is incarcerated is not necessarily a cheater. Under normal circumstance they may never dream of being unfaithful, but in extreme situations like many of us are going through there is oft not an easy an answer.

4. Life is just as hard for those who choose to continue in sexual relationships as those who don't. We are not 'weak' by any means. The person we love has still been ripped from our lives, we are still experiencing an intense and unique trauma. How we deal with said trauma is equally unique. The amount strength it takes just to face your situation can be massive.

I could go on, but it would get somewhat redundant. Vote above, feel free to throw stones, I can certainly take it.
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to kits3n For This Useful Post:
bmoreicon (10-25-2017), cornellcutie1 (11-30-2017), Edj8697 (10-22-2017), lilt0123 (06-04-2018), Revenwyn (05-17-2018), sylvia glenn (11-03-2017)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 10-22-2017, 11:42 PM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 3,160
Thanks: 2,926
Thanked 3,332 Times in 1,461 Posts
Default

Communication.
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (10-23-2017), shellh37 (06-14-2018)
  #3  
Old 10-23-2017, 12:54 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is online now
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,075
Thanks: 136
Thanked 2,497 Times in 1,572 Posts
Default

Loyalty

And yes having sex with someone other then you husband/wife is cheating. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this and never will. My husband and I are loyal to each other. We have each others hearts and we know that it means faithfulness truthfulness etc.....i feel sorry for those who don't love their spouse enough not to cheat.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to nygirl17 For This Useful Post:
mark4ever (06-04-2018), Mrs_Tudor (12-01-2017)
  #4  
Old 10-23-2017, 02:41 AM
JustBeingMe67's Avatar
JustBeingMe67 JustBeingMe67 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5,378
Thanks: 866
Thanked 1,856 Times in 891 Posts
Default

To each his or her own but I know for damn sure, sharing my body with someone other than my partner is NOT going to happen. I was raised to be monogamous whether incarceration is in the picture or not.

It almost seems as though you are looking to have stones thrown at you, or you wouldn't even bring it up.
__________________
Be Real, Be You
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to JustBeingMe67 For This Useful Post:
shellh37 (05-22-2018)
  #5  
Old 10-23-2017, 05:48 AM
cljinct's Avatar
cljinct cljinct is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: ct usa
Posts: 616
Thanks: 376
Thanked 664 Times in 315 Posts
Default

I suppose you can look at sex as simply a physical act/need ..however for me it's more than that..its intimacy and that part of my relationship that keeps me connected at a deeper level . That said for me it would dilute that connection if I were to share that intimacy with a random other person and I would feel guilty so it would definitely damage my primary relationship. I would not want my man sleeping with another person ..so I would not choose to potentially hurt him by doing so. I'm not judging those who choose to do so I just feel it's a slippery slope and not one I'm willing to climb.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to cljinct For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (10-23-2017), EccentricManda (10-24-2017)
  #6  
Old 10-23-2017, 09:18 PM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,034
Thanks: 4,655
Thanked 665 Times in 469 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Communication.


Without a doubt. Chica. Again ICAM (i couldn't agree more)

To be tied with loyalty...Many don't live by it. Many fakes.I cannot deal with any 1 en vida(in life)who preach on "communication" loyalty/trust/honor so many men say it all of the time and clearly are not able to maturely and respectfully live by it all."I just couldn't do this or any relationship without LOYALTY/COMMUNICATION first and foremost. No need being in a committed relationship without it... ,I sure wouldn't be.

Good night PTO'ers." hugs blessings for all."
__________________
"Pensando en ti, g-man."
CONSISTENCY..."is key." If a man wants better, he'll show it 24-7 with action,loyalty,maturity,respect to his el reina,(his queen)
Without "action" applied to his words, it's not real."#BeSmart #DON'T SETTLE Life is just too short not to be happy en vida..."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-24-2017, 04:34 PM
EccentricManda EccentricManda is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Michigan
Posts: 78
Thanks: 67
Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts
Default

I picked honesty. The reason being- before this relationship I was married for 16 years by a man who had a secret life. He had some affairs. He ended up taking his life and left me a young widow. Had he been honest we could have worked through issues. Communication is important... very important but it wasnt an option up there. I need communication instead of wondering. I can work through issues if i know what issues exist. But yes honesty.. My incarcerated loved one has already let me know that he will understand if I .... this or that... but I need to be honest and let him know also if i am weak etc. I intend every bit of intention of being faithful and loyal to him.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-25-2017, 11:35 AM
Luv_jai's Avatar
Luv_jai Luv_jai is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 10
Thanks: 5
Thanked 8 Times in 5 Posts
Default

To me The most important thing is communication, then honesty and trust. I also think when you're connected on a deeper level, sex is not a big deal. Do I get the urge sometimes of course I do, but i couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-02-2017, 09:54 AM
S&F1403's Avatar
S&F1403 S&F1403 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: USA, USA
Posts: 266
Thanks: 155
Thanked 155 Times in 90 Posts
Default

I feel like if you truly love someone you wouldn't want to be with someone else. Sure I can see a guy and think "Oh, he's good-looking" but I don't feel any need to go out and be physical with any man. Sex was a huge part of our relationship before he went to prison and I know it will be when he comes home. But to me I took vows before God and vowed to my husband to be faithful and I take those vows very seriously. I believe the most important thing is trust, closely followed by communication. If you are in a committed relationship faithfulness should just be expected or why are you even in a relationship at all.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to S&F1403 For This Useful Post:
Jazzii (11-02-2017), xolady (11-02-2017)
  #10  
Old 11-02-2017, 11:11 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,439
Thanks: 11,178
Thanked 5,505 Times in 2,888 Posts
Default

I think most would think cheating is cheating whether someone is in prison or sleeping right next to you every night!! Sorry I believe honesty and faithfulness and loyalty are all important. I can survive no sex I can't survive a cheating liar!!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
choclgs (11-30-2017), Hurley123 (05-16-2018), Jazzii (11-02-2017)
  #11  
Old 11-02-2017, 11:42 AM
Texasflower08 Texasflower08 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Bryan, Texas
Posts: 1,504
Thanks: 400
Thanked 722 Times in 481 Posts
Default

Faithful is most important because cheating is a deal breaker
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Texasflower08 For This Useful Post:
xolady (11-02-2017)
  #12  
Old 11-02-2017, 07:41 PM
Jazzii Jazzii is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: NY
Posts: 71
Thanks: 42
Thanked 57 Times in 29 Posts
Default

Trust and communication.

My LO and I got into a little spat because I was unaware of a second charge. He didn't see it as a big deal because his release didn't change, wasnt a big charge (bail jumping 3) but I was still mad. We talked and addressed it, and we were both wrong, but has we not been able to be open it would've eaten at me (why isn't he telling me?)

Also, sex whether incarcerated or not is, imo cheating. Sure its natural, but as an adult have some self control, i feel like if you're really riding there wouldn't even be a question to it... And if there is, there are things you can buy for that
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-03-2017, 10:08 AM
sylvia glenn sylvia glenn is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: alberta canada and cali
Posts: 124
Thanks: 33
Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts
Default

how inlove we are with each other loyalty trust and honor I could never cheat on him it would make me sick nobody could ever give me or compare to my husband honesty respect and communication and at the top
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-10-2017, 03:35 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 168
Thanks: 0
Thanked 137 Times in 72 Posts
Default

Honesty... their has to be trust and communication in any relationship, my ex husband mwi, lied to me all while he was incarcerated knowing his heart belonged to someone else
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-30-2017, 05:16 PM
chosenmemories's Avatar
chosenmemories chosenmemories is offline
Nigohilvi
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arizona/Alaska
Posts: 613
Thanks: 1,018
Thanked 677 Times in 278 Posts
Default

I have to wonder if the OP is still with their fiance given their stance on faithfulness/loyalty. If your partner is cool with an open relationship, I say go right ahead. Sex is not just sex if your partner is in the dark about you having sex with other people. The same goes for emotional cheating. You're either committed to someone or you aren't and if you aren't at least be upfront about what you want in the relationship.

To me Honesty, faithfulness and support all go hand in hand and communication is the key to it all.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to chosenmemories For This Useful Post:
xolady (05-19-2018)
  #16  
Old 12-01-2017, 10:55 PM
Kirin's Avatar
Kirin Kirin is offline
Coopers disciple
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Germany
Posts: 258
Thanks: 10
Thanked 129 Times in 82 Posts
Default

Honesty is most important to him because lies are what made his life miserable. To me, faithfullness is very important too.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-04-2018, 02:29 PM
Revenwyn's Avatar
Revenwyn Revenwyn is offline
Married May 27, 2017!
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California, USA- Husband in Colorado
Posts: 697
Thanks: 570
Thanked 514 Times in 264 Posts
Default

Support and Honesty.

At the risk of being lambasted-

I'm a lifer wife. He does have a decent shot of getting out in the somewhat near future, but his sentence is technically to life. And he has let me know that because of this, should I want a sexual partner (I don't,) or even a secondary relationship (I don't see that happening) he would not hold it against me in any way whatsoever. We started this while I was married to someone else (however, he was terminally ill and I was not getting sex on any sort of regular basis. I would never have left him for M, and just kept my relationship with M as emotional caring and a decision that I would be with him next.) M is my childhood sweetheart, when he went to prison his mother told me he was dead, which is the ONLY reason I even met my late husband.

Now, I am demisexual, so it's not likely that I would find anyone else that I would have a deep connection with. I have literally only loved two men in my entire life, and I married both. I don't really have a sex drive, but I do have a drive for some physical contact like cuddles and hugs.

That said, I do currently have a friend that I get cuddles from sometimes. I'll go over and cuddle with him on his couch and watch a movie. That's it. Or often, it's more like we'll meet up for lunch and he'll hug me before we sit down and before we part, and that satisfies my need for physical contact for some time without actually cuddling.

It's stayed that way for 2 years. M is fine with this because he knows that I love him foremost and that it's just filling a basic human need (my family has never been huggy) and that when we CAN be together, I will get that need fulfilled by him. And neither my cuddle buddy or I want a relationship together.

Faithfulness for us is determined by our honesty and communication. I tell him when I've been with my cuddle buddy and told him that's all that happened (and it's always true- I don't have a deep connection with this guy like I do with M.) And M had a close friend in prison (and later in halfway house- the guy moved to the same one about a month after him) that was fulfilling the same need for basic physical contact (hugs) for him. No sex. Even then he would tell me "hey, I needed hugs and so I came to D and asked him for one."

We're also in separate states so it's not even like we can hold off for two weeks before we see each other again. By the time I see him next, it will have been over 13 MONTHS since we last held each other. So allowing this amount of physical contact with others is absolutely vital.
__________________

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Revenwyn For This Useful Post:
Tinker8ell55 (06-05-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How important is religion to your relationship? FastCarGirl The Spiritual Connection 35 Today 10:12 AM
How Important Is Sex In A Relationship??? psnvyd Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 37 03-01-2007 11:35 AM
Most important relationship issues MoReNoLuVzNoTtY Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 0 05-12-2004 06:07 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:25 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics