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  #1  
Old 12-13-2004, 11:01 AM
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Question Advice for Mom-son going to prison (19 yr. old)

My son will be sentenced on 12/15 to 8 years in med. security prison in NYS. First offense--gun possession. I have absolutely no experience with this system and know no one who has. He will have 60 days with me before he is sent away.

I want to know what the best things I can do for him are--to get him as prepared as possible and to prepare me. Also any advice on the DOCS interview process will help.

He is a very unworldly kid in the sense that he thinks he can "do the time"--but I know better. He is scared--but won't show me. Where would I go for some counselling for him and I. He is always on the verge of depression--should I have him see a doc before he goes away?

Any, any help will be greatly appreciated.

Ann in Buffalo
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Old 12-13-2004, 11:48 AM
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HI ANN...and welcome to PTO. I dont' know much about your state, but i do recommend he see a Doctor and a Dentist before he goes in. These things can't hurt.

look over the NY forum and see if you can find info...

deniseJ
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Old 12-13-2004, 12:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeniseJ
HI ANN...and welcome to PTO. I dont' know much about your state, but i do recommend he see a Doctor and a Dentist before he goes in. These things can't hurt.

look over the NY forum and see if you can find info...

deniseJ
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Old 12-13-2004, 02:12 PM
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Hi Anne and welcome -

I agree with Denise in that you might find more information about processing, etc in the NY forum. Since you have 60 days before your son leaves, if it is possible, I think it would be a very good idea for both of you to see a therapist. Your son may actually be able to express his fears to a therapist when he won't to you. Of course, I'm sure the macho thing comes into play there, but I'm sure that he doesn't want to worry you anymore than necessary too. As for preparing yourself, just know that it is going to be painful. Be sure to let your son know that you are there for him, no matter what and that you love him unconditionally. These thoughts will be very important to him. Spend as much quality time during these 60 days as possible and enjoy your time together.

Pam
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Old 12-13-2004, 07:37 PM
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Welcome to pto. I am sorry for the trouble your son is in. The hardest thing you will ever do is to let your son go, not knowing what to expect. Even if your son goes to a doctor they will probably want to give him meds and that isnt a good ideal. After he goes to prison they probably will not let him continue to take them. This was the case with my son your state might be different. Enjoy your time with your son and encourage him to talk about his fears. I know you want believe me but it does get easier.
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Old 12-13-2004, 07:53 PM
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The day that my husband and I took our son for sentencing was the worst day of our lives. Our daughters went with us and we packed up his apartment and closed out accounts and things like that. He was schelduled for 1:00 P.M. so I thought he might enjoy one last good meal and we took him out to eat. That was a mistake. He lost it all when we got to the courthouse. If I had to do it over again the meal would have been one or two days before or the whole week before. We lived out of state so we made a hurried trip, but I would have come and stayed with him earlier if I could go back and do things again.
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Old 12-13-2004, 07:57 PM
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Just a statement on the meds,they have let my son take his meds.They cut the dosage in half though.And welcome to pto by the way.This site helps so very much,wish i could have found it sooner,but don't think it was around 11 yrs ago,but am happy to be able to confide with others going through what i've been through and still going through.

cooly
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Old 12-13-2004, 08:25 PM
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My son is also 19 and has just been transfered to Greene..also in NY. He was sententenced 1-3 years. the hardest thing is that Greene is 4 hours away. The first time I can visit is on the 19th from 5:00 to 9:00pm. I can't even see him on Christmas. His days are Sunday, so I can see him the day after. My advice is to really enjoy this Christmas and make it memorable for him. If there is anything I can help you with ,please let me know. This is also all new to me.
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Old 12-13-2004, 08:40 PM
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I am sorry- I have no particular advice for you.

I just want to wish you and your son all the best. Make the most of your time, and if you think it's appropriate, see a therapist. It couldn't hurt, right? Also, the suggestion of seeing a dentist is a good one. My partner, Sam, recommends that too. He had okay medical care in prison, but lousy dental care.

My thoughts are with you, and your son. If he needs some penpals.... PM me! I am always up for more friends and penpals!

-Jay
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:31 PM
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Hello from one mom to another!
Welcome to this forum. You will find a lot of parents here to talk with you. Jump to the NY forum for the best local info but visit us here in the parents forum too! This is a great site. I will sound like so many others, but I wish I had found this years ago instead of just last month!
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:47 PM
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Eight years for gun posession??? Whoa. that is kinda steep! Wanted to see what I can add here if anything. First, does NY have a 85% or 65% sentence? Makes the difference how much sooner he will come home. Second, and I am being a bit picky here, do you want to spend those last 60 days seeing doctors, or making something positive about it? Maybe, and I might be reaching here, maybe that is your best therapy. I put myself in his position; do I want to spend my last 60 days going to and from a doctor, or spending time with my mom? Not a hard choice to make if it were me.

But you make a good point in not knowing what to expect. As many people here have already said, I think the NY forums are best because you will get more specific info on what is going on. I did my time in NC, which I will imagine is very different to NY,or any other state. Still, there are similarities I have seen. For example, your son, which is 19, believes he can make it...maybe he can. I will not doubt that, especially if he has that kind of confidence...he will likely need that. A bit of advice I got before I went to prison was to respect each other and be yourself. It worked for me, but that is not to say it will not work for everyone. I am guessing that he may go to a youth camp, since he is 19. If so, you need to be prepared as well. That means knowing the rules, what prisons can do, and what they are not supposed to do. Youth camps often have juveniles that can get out of control, and prisons often do little to help them. I don't want to plant that in your head that this WILL happen, but you have to keep that in mind.

Because you said that he is going away for such a period of time, I think it is vital that he gets to enjoy that time. I imagine there are therapists that would love to take your money, but I think maybe just as effective is the people here at PTO and the time you will spend with him. He has to get that fact in his head that you love him. I cannot tell you how important those last few moments will be when he leaves you. He will carry that with him and in many cases will be the most important thing he owns in his life. It may well make the difference on how he does his time.

Again, as many have said, check out the NY forums, they can be most helpful since he will be doing his time in that state. But understand, you have many, many people here that support you, and I don't think it would be a problem to them to pm them if you really need to talk. Hang in there...
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:57 PM
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I just wanted to say that my heart and prayers are with you. My son went in when he was 18. He is going to be 21 in March. Trust me, it hasn't gotten any easier. I would strongly suggest the therapist idea. Even if your son won't go, it would be good for you. For me, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is harder that watching my son lay on life support not knowing if he would pull through or not. With the events that came afterwards I catch myself wondering if he wouldn't of been better off in the hands of God. You will need the therapy if you can afford it. I couldn't and alway wish that I could. I will keep you and your son in my prayers. That is the best thing that you can do..........pray and keep the faith.
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Old 12-14-2004, 09:38 AM
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annie:

You have come to the right place, as you know by now.

So sorry to hear.

Yike! EIGHT YEARS for simple possession? Is that all? Good heavens, that's steep.

I agree with masonik: go to the New York Forum. But visit us here.

We believe in that part of the bible that says "Judge not lest ye be judged" and "Let those of you without sin cast the first stone."

Please keep us apprized of your situation, good bad, ugly . . . .

abner
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Old 12-17-2004, 12:17 AM
kc8003 kc8003 is offline
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My dear lady I can feel your pain. I will not see my son this year for christmas and I missed him so much at thanksgiving. I was scared for him before he was sent to prison in Missouri. I could only see a little boy that I would hold in my arms and take care of his hurts. My son prepared me by telling me Mom it hurts me more to see you hurt then going to prison. When he got there and the first time I talked with him the frist thing he said to me was mom I am doing just fine. Help me by not worring about me. Now each time I talk to him he sounds better and better. You see I must say prison for my son was rescue for you see meth and over came him and death was waitting him. God will give you the strength to get through this. I pray for you and your dear son. May God bless you. Karen Mothers Against Methamphetamines Of Rolla Mo.

Last edited by kc8003; 12-17-2004 at 12:19 AM..
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